The Mammoth Book of Weird News (Mammoth Books)

by Geoff Tibballs

  ANGRY HUSBAND ATE EX-WIFE’S PASSPORT AFTER ROW

  Ivan Volokov, from Nizhny Novgorod, Russia, was arrested after he allegedly tore up ex-wife Anna’s passport during a row and then ate all the pieces. A police spokesman said: “They had just got divorced but the couple remained living in the same flat. He wanted to destroy the passport as it was the woman’s only official document which proved she had the right to stay living in the house.”

  MAN WITH TWO PENISES LOSES WIFE

  A German man who persuaded doctors to give him a second penis lost his wife when he showed her the result. Michael Gruber lost his original penis in a motorbike accident but doctors built him a second one using a mixture of skin, bone and other tissue from his body. The replacement worked so well that he was even able to father a child with his wife Elena in 2004. However in his quest for perfection, Herr Gruber asked doctors to build him a better organ. This they did, but just in case the new transplant was not a success they temporarily left the old one in place, leaving him with two penises. When Gruber showed his wife his unique double penis, she packed her bags and walked out. From his hospital bed he sighed: “I’ve got two penises but no wife, but I am hoping that when I get rid of one of the penises I will get her back.”

  “URINATING SLEEPWALKER STABBED BY GIRLFRIEND”

  A girlfriend allegedly stabbed her sleepwalking boyfriend after he urinated in the wardrobe of their home in Kansas City. Police officers said she woke at 1.30 a.m. to find her boyfriend, who had arrived home drunk several hours earlier, urinating in the closet. When he ignored her repeated attempts to wake him up, she reportedly stabbed him in the shoulder because she was afraid he might hit her in his somnolent state.

  SUSPICIOUS GIRLFRIEND MAKES KISS OF DEATH

  A woman killed her boyfriend in 2007 with a single kiss after she suspected that he might be seeing someone else. Xia Xinfeng and Mao Ansheng, from Maolou, China, had sworn an oath that if either were unfaithful, they would have to die. So when Xia saw him chatting with another woman, she immediately set about fulfilling her side of the bargain. Next day before they met, she filled a plastic pellet with rat poison, hid it under her tongue, and while they were kissing passionately, she eased it into his mouth. Failing to notice, Mao swallowed the pellet and died shortly afterwards.

  OCTOGENIARIANS DIVORCE OVER AFFAIR

  A German woman of 83 divorced her 81-year-old husband in 2005 after 60 years of marriage because he was caught having sex with his mistress at work. Georg Meister met his lover, who is 30 years his junior, while doing voluntary work at an animal breeding centre. Their affair was exposed when they forgot to pull the curtains while having a “quickie” in one of the centre’s offices.

  ACCOUNTANT SUES AFTER BEING STOOD UP ON DATE

  Stood up on a date in 1978 by waitress Alyn Chesselet, accountant Tom Horsley, from San Jose, California, decided to seek financial reimbursement for his wasted 100-mile journey. He filed a lawsuit against her on the grounds that she had “broken an oral contract to have dinner and see the musical The Wiz”. He told the court that he intended to claim payment for the two-hour round trip at an accountant’s minimum rate of $6 an hour plus mileage – a total of $27. When the court got in touch with Miss Chesselet, she said that Mr Horsley was “nuts”.

  BRIDE TAKES EXCEPTION TO HUSBAND’S HYGIENE

  A Chinese bride burned her new husband to death in 2008 after he climbed into bed without first washing his feet. In the wake of a heavy drinking session, she set fire to the sheet in which he was sleeping.

  100-YEAR-OLD ARRESTED FOR ATTACKING GIRLFRIEND

  Police in Florida arrested a 100-year-old man in 2001 for allegedly attacking his girlfriend, whom he accused of paying too much attention to other men. Officers said Hermenergildo Rojas poured petrol on Janet Ali, 38, at a trailer park, but the case was dropped when Ali disappeared. Rojas had spent three days in jail when he was a comparatively youthful 98 following an incident in which he threatened a female bus driver with a fake sub-machine gun.

  WIFE DIVORCES HUSBAND FOR DEFECATING IN POTS

  A Nigerian woman demanded a divorce from her husband over his habit of defecating in the family cooking pots after he had been drinking. Oluwakele Ogundele said in 2009 that she no longer loved husband Oluwafemi, partly because he failed to provide for the family and also because she had to keep washing up after he relieved himself on her plates and pots.

  LONELY ROMEO GETS MYSTERY DATE WITH MOTHER

  When a 22-year-old Los Angeles man advertised in a magazine as a lonely Romeo looking for a girl to accompany him on vacation to South America, the first reply he received was from his widowed mother.

  MAN FAKES HIS OWN KIDNAPPING TO TEST WIFE’S LOVE

  A Colombian man faked his own kidnapping to see whether or not his wife still loved him. Jorge Giovanni Bravo Morales left his home in Medellin following a fight with his wife but a week later letters began arriving to say that he had been kidnapped. The letters demanded a $100,000 ransom but when police investigated they found that Mr Morales was the one sending the letters. He admitted: “I wanted to know if she still cared for me. I’ve always loved her but things were bad and I wanted her to notice me. I beg for her forgiveness.”

  DIVORCEE PESTERS EMERGENCY SERVICES FOR A DATE

  Desperate divorcee Angela Stahl phoned the German emergency services more than 100 times in the hope of finding a new husband. She plagued the emergency line with endless calls claiming she couldn’t afford dating agencies. Eventually two police officers visited her Berlin home and confiscated the battery from her cell phone. A police spokesman said: “Having no boyfriend is not an emergency.”

  LOVERS MISS EACH OTHER AFTER 11,000-MILE FLIGHT

  Having taken a year off to travel round Australia, bricklayer Ian Johnstone realized he was missing girlfriend Amy Dolby so much that he flew all the way back to Britain to propose to her. The problem was, she did the same thing at the same time in the opposite direction. As a result they missed each other – even when they unwittingly shared a Singapore airport lounge while waiting for their respective connecting flights. So when Miss Dolby arrived at Johnstone’s Sydney apartment, his stunned flatmate went white and asked what on earth she was doing there. Meanwhile 11,000 miles away in West Yorkshire, Johnstone, armed with engagement ring, champagne and flowers, thought Amy was winding him up when she phoned from Australia. Miss Dolby said: “The awful truth dawned when I found that Ian’s rucksack and most of his clothes were missing. It was as though someone was playing a cruel joke. I sat on the end of his bed and cried my eyes out. I think our problem is that we are both quite impulsive people. We are always trying to surprise each other.”

  WOMAN BLAMES BREAK-UP ON VIAGRA

  A woman sued her partner of ten years for $2.8 million in palimony in 1998 after claiming that Viagra wrecked their relationship. Roberta Burke, of Garden City, New York State, claimed that an hour after he took the impotence drug, 70-year-old retired construction executive Francis Bernardo had intercourse with her for the first time in years. However, two days later she said he walked out on her with the parting words: “It’s time to be a stud again.”

  SPURNED LOVER RIPS OFF EX-BOYFRIEND’S TESTICLE

  A Liverpool woman was jailed for two and a half years in 2005 for ripping off one of her former boyfriend’s testicles with her bare hands after he had rejected her advances at a party. Amanda Monti pulled off Geoffrey Jones’s left testicle and tried to swallow it, but she choked and spat it out into her hand. A friend then handed it back to Mr Jones, saying: “That’s yours.” Doctors were unable to reattach the organ. Mr Jones described how Monti had grabbed his genitals and “pulled hard. This caused my underpants to come off and I found I was completely naked and in excruciating pain.” In a letter to the court, Monti apologized for her actions, adding: “I am in no way a violent person.”

  “MAN THREW CAT AT WIFE DURING ROW”

  Police said a man from Palmyra, New York State, threw his pet cat at his w
ife during an argument in 2009. The cat, which wasn’t declawed, struck his wife on the back, but neither she nor the animal was hurt in the incident. Officers said the husband also punched a hole in the wall of their trailer-park home.

  DIVORCEE MAY LOSE HOUSE OVER UNPAID 50 CENTS

  A Bulgarian divorcee faced the threat of having his house repossessed because he had forgotten to pay 50 cents to his ex-wife. Vasil Yordanov had been ordered to pay the sum as part of a divorce settlement 15 years earlier but it had slipped his mind. “I got a letter from the courts and at first thought someone was playing a joke on me,” he said. “Then when I checked I found out they were being completely serious. It must have cost the courts and my ex-wife’s legal team 20 times as much just to send me a letter to remind me. I am perfectly happy to pay up or if they would like I can offer them goods in exchange. I have had a look around for something in my house of similar value, and I thought maybe a toilet roll would be about right.”

  LUCKLESS LOVER SUES OVER LACK OF “LYNX EFFECT”

  A luckless Indian lover sued Lynx after he failed to land a single girlfriend during seven years of using their products. Vaibhav Bedi, 26, sought $40,000 from parent company Unilever for the “depression and psychological damage” caused by the lack of any Lynx effect from its body washes, shampoos, anti-perspirants and hair gels. Marketed in India as Axe, Lynx is famous for its commercials showing scantily clad women throwing themselves at men, but Bedi protested: “The company cheated me because it says women will be attracted to you if you use Axe. I used it for seven years but no girl came to me.”

  BUSINESSMAN PAYS WIFE NOT TO NAG HIM

  A Romanian businessman struck a deal to pay his wife $575 a month provided she didn’t nag him when he came home from work. Nicolae Popa explained that running his food distribution company left him so exhausted at the end of the day that he just wanted to go to bed without being nagged. His wife Maria said she was happy with the arrangement but would ask for double money if they ever started a family.

  WAITRESS TO MARRY BOY WHO TRIED TO THROW HER OFF BALCONY

  In a touching display of forgiveness, a Hong Kong waitress announced her intention to marry the drug-addict boyfriend who tried to throw her off an 18th-floor balcony and then stamped on her hands as she clung to the railing. Eighteen-year-old Au Wing-sze was saved by a downstairs neighbour who grabbed her legs and pulled her to safety. Despite boyfriend Tang Kwok-wai subsequently being convicted for attempted murder, Au insisted they were still “very much in love” and would marry on his release from jail. His lawyer confirmed: “If anything, the incident has only strengthened their relationship.”

  WOMAN’S DATE LOOKED FAMILIAR

  There was a simple reason why Barbara Lewis rejected the man offered to her by a dating agency in Slough, Berkshire, in 2002: he was the husband she had divorced in 1986.

  WIFE SEEKS DIVORCE FROM SLIM HUSBAND

  Maria Alexandru divorced her husband because he never got fat, no matter how much he ate. She complained to a divorce court in Focsani, Romania, that Toader Alexandru made her jealous because he said she only had to look at food to put on weight. “He’s down at the refrigerator every night,” she moaned, “and I’m sure he does it to provoke me.”

  DOCTOR DEMANDS CASH OR KIDNEY IN DIVORCE BATTLE

  A New York doctor announced in 2009 that he was demanding from his estranged wife either the return of the kidney he had donated to her while they were still together or, failing that, $1.5 million as compensation. Dr Richard Batista had given his kidney to wife Dawnell in 2001 when she suffered renal failure. “My first priority was to save her life,” he said. “The second bonus was to turn our marriage around.” However, only the first part of the deal worked and she went on to file for divorce in 2005. He claimed he was suing for the kidney because she was now denying him access to their three children and had thrown him out of their luxury mansion.

  1,480 ROSES FAIL TO WIN BACK SWEETHEART

  An Italian Romeo named Roberto came up with the ultimate romantic gesture to persuade his fiancée Alessandra to reconsider her decision to break off their engagement: he sent her 1,480 roses – one for each day they were engaged. At a cost of $6,000, a florist delivered the roses to the restaurant near Verona where Alessandra was dining with her family. Then on cue Roberto arrived on horseback to deliver the last flower in person and make an impassioned plea to the woman he hoped to marry. Alessandra said, “Thanks but no thanks” and went back to her meal.

  MAN SEPARATES FROM WIFE AND FINGER

  Following an acrimonious divorce in 2006, a Viennese man cut off his ring finger and presented the severed digit, still holding his wedding band, to his ex-wife. Afterwards he claimed he had no regrets, insisting that “it was an act of breaking free”. He added that he did not miss his finger, could work well without it and did not plan on getting married again anyway.

  MARRIED COUPLE JAILED FOR GETTING BACK TOGETHER

  A Spanish married couple who had separated in 2008 were jailed the following year for breaching a distancing order and reuniting. When their marriage went through a rocky phase, a court imposed an order forbidding the husband and wife to come within 500 metres of each other, but they were arrested more than 12 months later after Civil Guard officers discovered them together in their home town of Motril. Although they maintained they were with each other by mutual agreement having patched things up, the court found them guilty of breaking the order and sentenced the husband to six months in jail and the wife to four months.

  MAN ACCUSED OF ASSAULTING EX-GIRLFRIEND WITH TURTLE

  After the breakup of his relationship with Carol Cieslak in 1994, Dennis Amber, from Coraopolis, Pennsylvania, allegedly went over to her house with a snapper turtle and chased her with the reptile in an attempt to get it to bite her. He was charged with assault but she later dropped the charges because of the excessive media interest in the story.

  JILTED WIFE SELLS LOVE RIVAL’S “HUGE” KNICKERS

  A jilted Australian wife exacted revenge on her cheating husband in 2008 by selling on eBay his mistress’s “huge” knickers and a “small-sized” condom wrapper that she said she had found in their bed. The wife – named only as Anna from Queensland – said of the black lace panties: “They are so huge I thought they may make someone a nice shawl or, even better, something for Halloween.”

  HUSBAND ENDS MARRIAGE ON FACEBOOK

  A Lancashire wife only discovered that her six-year marriage was over after her husband posted a message on the social networking website Facebook. The message simply read: “Neil Brady has ended his marriage to Emma Brady.” Mrs Brady said she first knew she was being divorced when she was telephoned by worried friends who had read the update.

  MAN MISTAKES SEX LINE FOR MARRIAGE AGENCY

  A man who mistook a sex line for a marriage bureau complained to his local phone company after running up a bill for $15,322. Kire Iliovski, from Prilep, Macedonia, spent over 135 hours on the phone to a woman he thought could be his future wife, and claimed he did not realize he was connected to a sex line until he saw the bill. “I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw the bill,” he said. “I thought I was calling an agency for possible marriage connections. We were getting on so well, too.”

  ANGRY WIFE EATS EX-HUSBAND’S GOLDFISH

  A row over jewellery between a Texas woman and her former common-law husband ended with her frying their pet goldfish and eating some of them. Acting on a complaint that the woman had stolen the fish, police officers visited her home to find four fried goldfish on a plate. She said she had already eaten the other three. The seven fish had been bought together by the couple during happier times.

  POLICE CALLED OUT TO RESOLVE COLD FEET ROW

  A woman telephoned the police in 2009 after her boyfriend refused to warm up her cold feet – and moments later the boyfriend phoned them to complain that she was too demanding. When the officer arrived at the apartment in Ningbo, China, the boyfriend told him: “Have you ever seen such a girl
friend? She put her cold legs on my belly, giving me stomach cramp. I asked her to take them away and she said she would only put them there for a short while. I agreed, but after ten minutes she still had them there, saying it was very comfortable.” The officer eventually persuaded the boyfriend that it was a man’s job to warm his girlfriend’s feet but told the woman not to leave her feet there for too long. The young couple then thanked the officer for coming out to solve the dispute.

  LOVING TATTOO PROVES PREMATURE

  Alan Jenkins, from Port Talbot, South Wales, decided to express his love for his family by getting tattooed portraits of his wife and two daughters covering his entire back. He spent 20 hours under the needle at a cost of $1,600 but then Lisa, his wife of 15 years, ran off with a 25-year-old Latvian fitness instructor. Although her face follows him wherever he goes, Jenkins remained positive, saying: “I’ve still got plenty of room on my chest if I get hooked up again.”