Trigger

by Carol Jean

  “No?” He presses his lips against hers with his mouth slightly open. He briefly sucks on her upper lip and then her lower lip and then pulls both gently with his teeth. “This is a mighty nice kiss.”

  His hand is under her tank top. Skin-to-skin she’s panting and watching his bright, laughing blue eyes teases her. Spreading out his large hand on the back of her head, Steven brings her lips up to his that open on impact and makes hers do the same.

  Moving his lips against hers, harder and then harder and then she feels his tongue search for hers. His moan vibrates in her mouth when he finds it, caressing side to side and pressing his lips harder until her mouth opens wider. He’s consuming her mouth. Her tongue eager to feel his moves toward his and they dance together in rhythm to their breaths and making her moans crash into his.

  Strong and agile, she barely feels his movement as he changes position, laying her down and resting his body on top of hers. She feels his weight as he presses his mouth down onto and into hers. His heat, the weight and length of his body sends quivers from her toes to her mouth and her back arches upward into him. “Steven.” She hears her whispered plea.

  He continues his sensual attack on her mouth, as his now bare chest presses against her naked breasts. Steven’s hands grip her hair, moving her head against his mouth as he wants. And now his hardness is on her. She’s never been touched there before and a twinge of anxiety flirts in her mind and then his legs spread hers and his hard man is pressing against her there!

  Never before has she felt anything there, but it’s like turning the key to BB, Steven pushes against her and she fires up. Her hands grip his pant-clad butt pushing him harder against her wanting more. Graceful, sure and relentless, Steven is everywhere and doing wonderful, feel-good things to her.”More Steven.”

  His mouth is devouring her. His hands are in her hair forcing her lips tight against his. His chest presses down on her breasts, and his hardness rubbing, pressing, moving his hips against her. She explodes from her center where he’s the hardest and it radiates outward until she feels only Steven and waves of pleasure. “Steven! Oh my God! More!

  She’s rocking against him to get more and he gives her all she wants. He’s wrapped his arms around her, holding tight and kissing her the hardest, then softer and softer as the wave crests and wanes and he doesn’t stop until she’s completely calm.

  Steven rolls over effortlessly pulling her on top of him with her head resting on his shoulder. “Now that’s an extraordinary kiss.” He laughs and she can’t resist his playfulness and enthusiastic analysis.

  She rises to look this man in the face. “You’re very beautiful Steven, inside and out. I’ve never felt that before.”

  “What haven’t you felt before?” Steven gently runs his finger from her cheek to her jaw with the cutest, sweetest smile she’s ever seen him wear.

  “That.”

  He laughs. “It’s called an orgasm Judy.” He runs his hands up and down her body from her shoulders to her butt. “You’ve never played with yourself?”

  “No.” The crease between his eyes appears.

  “Never? Most children start playing with themselves by the age of two. Did you like it?” He seems wary.

  “I think my reaction was clear. Yes, I loved what you did to me and I love you. I’ve never felt anything like it. I want to do it again. We’re not done are we? Please don’t stop. I want more of you Steven. I want to see you without your pants on. I want to take all your clothes off and mine too and be naked together and know you all over.”

  She feels panic that he’ll stop here. “Please Steven, please don’t stop when I need you so much and please don’t make me beg.”

  “My lovely, I’m not prepared.”

  “How do you need to prepare. I’ll help you. I want you some more.”

  “Judy I don’t have any condoms.”

  “You need condoms to make love? How do they help you?”

  “Your lack of knowledge about sex is startling. How can you possibly be thirty years old and know next to nothing. Didn’t you have sex education in school, or talk to your girl friends or listen to other people talk or see a TV commercial, a magazine ad or a comedy show or a movie?” He chuckles but the crease between his eyes is very deep with disapproval.

  “I’ve seen the boxes of condoms in Mr. Chung’s store, but I didn’t know what they were for. It doesn’t say on the box. I never had a girl friend, or friend, or a TV, or seen a comedy show or a movie. I survived Steven and none of that was important. Staying alive was. I never had sex education, I got my GED online. I went to college and got my degree online. I worked to build Stalwarts and most business meetings don’t have a monthly speaker on sex!”

  She’s close to crying but determined not too. “I’m sorry I haven’t had a bunch of guys. I spent most of my effort keeping my Dad and my brothers from me. It wasn’t going to happen to me, Steven. I don’t know how to do it, but I do know how to avoid it.”

  Steven clears his throat, pulls her down against his chest and holds her tight. “A condom is a plastic sleeve that goes over the man’s penis. It prevents pregnancy and transmittal of sexual diseases. The condom holds the man’s ejaculation and prevents it from entering the woman. It also prevents any disease the woman may have to be transmitted to the man.”

  “Okay that makes sense. So because you don’t have any condoms, we can’t make love, even if we want to?”

  “Yes. I’m clean and I know you are clean, but I don’t want to get you pregnant Judy.”

  “You don’t want me to get pregnant now or not ever.”

  “We haven’t talked about it Judy.”

  “Steven we have decided to marry each other. Let’s talk about it. You have a daughter and you are a good Dad. Do you want to have children with me or is one child all you want? I know you still love you wife, you said you would always love her, is that why you don’t want me pregnant?”

  “Let me ask you Judy. Do you want to have children? Do you want to go through pregnancy and have a baby?”

  “I’ve never thought about it. I work to be strong and grow Stalwarts that’s all I do. But to be honest I would really like to have your child inside me. I’d love to watch your baby grown and I know I would love it very much.

  “Mrs. Matherson used to come in the Mr. Chung’s store and she was always pregnant. She’d pat and rub her big belly like she was so happy she had a baby there and say that this one is going to be really special and she can’t wait to meet him.

  “I always thought she was amazing. I’d like to be a mother like her. Imagine a son like Michael or a daughter like Suzanne, wouldn’t that be wonderful to grown our own?”

  Steven laughs and the crease of disapproval between his eyes is gone. “I would like to have a child with you Judy. But not yet, you and I need to get to know each other as lovers and husband and wife first.”

  “Well, I want to get to know you. I have an ache in my belly that won’t go away. I want to touch you and feel like you made me feel again. I’d like to make you feel good too. I’m trying but you don’t any condoms!”

  Steven laughs but his crease between his eyes is back.

  “Remember the bad headache I had and how my eyes hurt when we got back from getting BB? It’s gone Steven. You’re magic for me. I was upset at first and embarrassed some, but I liked how you teased me. I had fun with you Steven and you made me feel so good. I liked all your kisses.”

  “Is it really gone?”

  “The headache? Yes. All gone.” She smiles at him so he will believe her.

  But now he’s up and pacing back and forth at the foot of her bed. He’s gorgeous. Naked from the waist up, his tan dress pants hang straight and flat and fit his butt. She can see the muscles flex as he paces. She’s never seen his feet before, they are very beautiful. She wants to touch him again. She groans.

  “What’s wrong?” His face is anxious.

  “I want you. You are so beautiful. I love those black shorts you
wear sometimes. When you walk I can see every muscle in them and your butt is so perfect, I always have a hard time focusing.”

  Steven laughs. “So you’ve been drooling over my body all these years?”

  “Not like Mrs. Wyman or those two girls that use the stationary tracks so they can watch you instead of working out, but yes, I know every inch of you I can see. I want to see more.”

  Steven stops pacing and stares at her sitting Indian fashion on the bed, wearing only old boxing shorts, she uses for pajamas.

  “I’ve wanted you forever, Judy.”

  “So the lack of a condom is your only issue?”

  Steven laughs and snorts through his nose. “Yes.”

  “I have an idea, but you’ll have to help me. I really can’t see very well, except up close.” She crawls off the bed and stands close to him. Until today, she’s never seen his bare chest and her hands tingle to touch him like she did when she studied his face the first time they kissed. But Steven scares easy when she gets too brave or forward with him. She must be patient and let him lead. “I want to touch you so much.”

  Quickly she grabs his hand and starts to pull. “Becky has a boy friend and she made a comment not too long ago, that she bought condoms because he always forgot them. I guess she has the same problem we do. Anyway, if we look in her room maybe we could find some. I’m sure she won’t get mad, especially since I’m going to ask her to be my maid of honor.”

  Steven looks like that is the last thing in the world he wants to do.

  “Please, help me look.”

  He’s riveted and she’s sure she’ll have to get a bull dozer to move him. She never had any control when it came to Steven or Simon. Nothing has changed. She gives up. “I’m sorry, Steven, I guess you wouldn’t want to use someone else’s condoms. That wasn’t a good idea, I’m sorry.”

  She finds her tank top and slides it on. “Maybe you could help me find us something to eat, instead?” She tries to smile, kisses him gently on the cheek, turns and walks out mortified. Her stomach is churning and her headache is back as she stands in front of the open refrigerator. The light hurts her eyes and she wishes she could crawl in and shut the door, cool down, sit in the dark and cry the shame and embarrassment away.

  Blind is easier. You can’t see your mistakes glaring back at you on someone’s face.

  Warm, strong arms wrap around her. Steven is fully dressed.

  Reaching for hope that she didn’t run him off and he isn’t leaving, “You’ll have to help me. I can’t tell what anything is.”

  He doesn’t say anything.

  “You’re going to leave.” She shuts the door. “That’s okay, I wasn’t really hungry anyway.” Unbidden and undesired silent tears pour out of her eyes and down her cheeks. Just like the first time with Steven, she’s gone too far and scared him away. He’ll tell her to go to work and forget about making love with him because he isn’t going to do it.

  “Check on the kids will you and make sure they’re all right.”

  Chapter 46. Sad Simon’s

  She pulls away and heads for the bedroom. She’s grabbed around the waist. “I’m not going anywhere Judy, but you and I are going somewhere. You’ll need shoes. Come on.”

  We’re laughing and fooling around at the condom display. Steven reads each box. “This one is strawberry flavor.” He snorts and we break out in laughter harder than we did over the one that was ribbed. Super lubricated gave Steven the best opportunity for jokes. He finally holds up a box. “This is my choice Trojan Sensitivity BareSkin. There are ten per box.” He picks up three boxes. She flushes with realization and excitement. Steven notices and kisses her long and hard in front of the condom display.

  “This is a great car Judy. What does BB mean?”

  “Big Boy.” It sets off and other laughing event. It’s the first time in her life that she’s ever laughed so hard she had tears in her eyes.

  “Where are we going?”

  “Food. I know the perfect place. I thought we’d get takeout and eat at home.”

  The sun is nearly gone and she’s glad Steven thought of her glasses. The waning light makes everything look weird and fuzzy. But when he pulls into a parking lot, there’s something familiar. She confirms her memory, when they walk in the door hand-in-hand and Steven calls out for Richard.

  “Steven. God, it’s good to see you.” Chef Richard comes around the counter and they hug briefly slapping each other on the back. She tries to hide under her sunglasses hoping he won’t remember her.

  “So who’s the beautiful lady with the ugly sunglasses, Steven?”

  “Richard, I would like you to meet . . .”

  “Judy! I can’t believe it’s you. The Judy-Judy-Judy is a hit. Julie and I are selling more Judy’s than any other sandwich.” He grabs Judy in a hug and hollers for Julie to come out and say hello to her and Steven. She can feel Steven look at her.

  “You have a sandwich named after you made by Richard? That’s a serious honor, Judy.” She can’t tell if he’s happy about it or upset, but even with the sunglasses she can see the crease between his eyes.

  Julie hugs Steven and kisses him and does the same to Judy. “We’re going to enter the Judy in this year’s festival. We’re going to win. It would be perfect if you were there when we win!”

  “Are you going to order or did you stop by for a visit?”

  “Well, for sure, I’m going to have a Judy.” Steven hesitates. I nod. “Make it two.”

  “I promise I won’t charge you as much as I did Simon. I charged him three hundred dollars for a Judy.” Richard laughs. It startles her because it sounds like Simon’s.

  “You always did take advantage of your older brother, Richard. But why three hundred?”

  Simon’s brother? She starts to pant as a tunnel closes in on her.

  “This nice lady came in, ordered a Diet Coke and said to make her whatever I wanted. So I invented the Judy. Simon was having a party and he had a huge take out, sat down at her table and started his pick-up routine. He liked the looks of her order and ordered one. I charged him three hundred dollars for harassing my new customer who inspired my greatest sandwich creation.”

  “I was at that party. I guess Simon didn’t share the Judy with the rest of us.”

  “We saw you on the news a little while ago, Judy. All those guys fixing up your car after the crash, it was a good thing they did. You looked great. Julie and I were shocked when we saw the video of the accident. We’re really glad you’re okay. I see you’re letting Steven drive your car. Be careful, Steven was notorious for drag racing on public streets. I was just a kid, but he and Simon burned a lot of rubber.”

  She’s trembling and having trouble breathing. The tunnel is so small she can hardly see the light at then. Chef Richard is Simon’s brother. Bread baker Julie is Simon’s sister-in-law. She never expected to run into anyone in Simon’s family. Chef Richard’s father is Mr. Perry! She’s starting to shake really bad now, she wants to stop.

  She hears Steven’s chair scrape loudly on the floor and then his arms are wrapped around her.

  “This was thoughtless for me to bring you here. I’m sorry Judy. Let’s go. I’ll tell Richard we’ve changed our minds. Okay?”

  “I didn’t know Chef Richard was Simon’s brother. I was hungry that Sunday and BB pulled in here. I’d suggested McDonald’s but BB always does what he wants. I’d never been here before. I was eating my sandwich, looked up and there was Simon sitting across from me. I don’t think I said anything to him. I put some money on the table and left as soon as I could. Do they know about me?”

  “What about you Judy?”

  “That I killed his brother.”

  Steven gasps and grabs her into a tight hug. “Oh my God, Judy, you didn’t kill Simon. You’ve got to know that and to understand that you had nothing to do with it.”

  “No Steven, I had everything to do with it. You’re the one not seeing it clearly. If . . . “

  “Judy, Simo
n caused his own problem. I tried to talk sense to him, but he wouldn’t listen. I feel like it’s my fault, too, for not getting there in time. We aren’t responsible. If he had talked to you, you would have told him the truth and the reality of what he was doing. You would have stopped him. If he had listened to me, I would have stopped him. But he didn’t trust you or me enough to allow us to save his life. That’s not our fault. It just isn’t.”

  “It’s real hard to believe that Steven.”

  “I know. It’s that way for me too. We’ve got to get passed it, we have our whole lives ahead of us and you said you would marry me. I really want that Judy and I want you and me to be together for the rest our lives.

  She and Steven look up and Richard is staring at them. “You’re her. You’re the one my father calls, that piece of white trash that killed Simon. It was your family who killed Simon. I didn’t make the connection with you and I really don’t get it. You looked at Simon like he was the devil, ran out of here and pealed away in your Jaguar. Simon was upset when you left. He said he was going to make you love him, if it was the last thing he did. It was the last thing he did, wasn’t it?”

  Judy gasps. Steven is up and in his face.

  “Hey, I don’t blame Judy.”

  Richard sits down. “Simon talked to me about getting his girl friend’s family off her back. I told him he was nuts. He called me that day and wanted me to go with him. I told him no that I wasn’t going to help him make a fool of himself or get himself killed. He laughed at me. He actually laughed. It was the last time I ever heard his voice.”

  Richard starts to cry and Julie runs out and throws her arms around him. “Richard thinks Simon’s death is his fault Steven. He’s having a really hard time.”

  “Let’s talk,” Steven says, sits down and takes my hand.

  An hour later, Steven drives away having shared all three stories and the final outcome was hugs and kisses all around. She feels like she’s in shock, wanting to believe Steven’s rationality. Her head does, but her heart has a hole in it that is larger than it was.