Trigger

by Carol Jean

  She focuses on Michael’s face and sees his curly hair and his huge grin.

  “I never imagined that you had curly hair, Michael, and that it was a beautiful shade of red.”

  Steven, Michael, Suzanne are in her arms and her tears are flowing down her face, mixing with theirs. “Can you see me, Judy?”

  “Golden hair, sweet, sweet face of an angel I saw on a Christmas card once. You are so beautiful.” I touch her face and Michael’s. They smile at her.”Michael you have dimples. I love dimples.”

  Then I must see Steven. “Steven!”

  She feels him in front of her, but she’s closed her eyes again, to gather Steven’s image in her mind.

  “Afraid to see me, Judy?” Steven laughs. “I got my hair cut and shaved really close for this occasion. I look as good as I’m going to.”

  She laughs and puts her hands on his face and then opens her eyes.

  Steven grins at her with his perfect teeth, dimpled chin and piercing blue eyes. Tanned, muscular with sun bleached hair curling over his forehead, he’s gorgeous and sexy. She reaches for the wayward curl on his forehead. “You’ve got some gray. I love it.”

  Judy pulls him to her lips, closes her eyes and gives herself to their kiss. “You told me that the kiss is God’s greatest gift,” she whispers against his lips. “I will thank God for yours forever. Will you marry me, Steven?”

  “Yes.”

  Chapter 44. Second First Kiss

  She’s in the ugly goggles again, but at least she’s in the car and away from Dr. Snider, who she’s sure he’s having a champagne celebration with his entire department. His enthusiasm and ego was exhausting and annoying.

  “What kind of glasses will you get? If I needed glasses, I’ll probably get some pink and tan tiger stripped ones.” Suzanne mused from the back seat.

  She’s supposed to keep her eyes closed and rest while the car is moving, so her brain won’t freak out trying to assimilate quick movements and changes of light. But she can’t resist focusing on Steven’s face as he drives. Her eyesight is poor. She could barely read the top line of the chart. “It’s a start, Judy. Don’t push it.” Dr. Snider warned. Again.

  But she can see Steven clearly enough. He’s driving and focusing on his task and holding her hand. He squeezes it often. Seeing him with her eyes, he seems more fragile than when she only felt his strong body or heard his firm commanding voice. His stress lines that weren’t there the last time she saw him, were probably put there by her and Simon.

  “You’ve had it hard, haven’t you Steven?”

  He laughs and glances at her looking at him. “You are supposed to have your eyes shut!” He shakes his head the way she remembered. It was his frustrated shake. “Do I look different to you? It’s been nearly five years since you’ve seen me.”

  “Five years?”

  “Five years. You’ll be thirty soon.”

  “So you are thirty-seven?”

  “You remembered.”

  “Of course.”

  “So do I look different?”

  “Some older, but it looks good on you, except for the stress lines. They’re my fault and Simon’s aren’t they?”

  “Close your eyes and lay your head back. The kids and I have a surprise for you and we want you rested. Go on. I can see your eyes open you know.”

  “Even through these glasses?”

  “Those horrible, ugly glasses that even you can’t make beautiful. Simon and I had a lot of funny jokes about those.”

  “You and Simon always enjoyed yourselves at my expense. Didn’t you?”

  Steven grins and then, “Close your eyes!”

  I must have fallen asleep, because I hear the back doors open and shut and I’m alert.

  “We’re here. Stay where you are. Don’t move. Take time to get acclimated. You were sleeping soundly. When you are ready, open your eyes and look at me, Judy.” Steven’s voice floats to her softly with an anxious undertone.

  She’d forgotten that she can see now and she knows she can because Steven’s smiling face is close to hers.

  “You’re not blind any more. Remember?” His lips brush hers. She reaches for his face and lays her hand on his cheek and jaw. “I remember that I always thought you were handsome and sexy.”

  “Am I still?”

  “More. Please let me kiss you, Steven.”

  She’s not sure, but she thinks Steven blushes. She’s sure she heard him groan. Leaning toward him, looking at his perfect lips with the heart in the middle, she slowly traces his lips with her finger. She feels him tremble.

  Just like the first time she kissed him, it’s a spark she feels on the first tiny touch of lip-to-lip but it doesn’t hurt. It makes her want more, to feel all of his lips on her. She presses her lips to his but its not enough something’s missing.

  “Please help me, Steven, I don’t know how. I want more but I don’t know what to do.”

  Her lips vibrate against his as she pleads and Steven tilts his head, puts his large hand on the back of her head, lifts her chin with the other and presses his lips against hers. She hears her groan and he presses harder and now she’s desperate for more to be closer to feel more of this heady feeling of flying into the sun and joy of discovery.

  “It’s like the first time. My first and only kiss was with you Steven. Can I have more than one this time around?”

  Steven grabs her and lays his head on her shoulder. “As many and as often as you want Judy.” His voice is throaty and rough.

  A knock on the window, surprises them. “We’re waiting!” Suzanne’s excited voice yells the window. “You two can make out later!”

  “Ma’am, no peeking. Just a few more steps,” Michael is holding her hand, while Steven has her around the waist. She hears people and quite a few people. What?

  “Okay, ma’am, you can open your eyes right now.” Michael squeezes her hand.

  Bright light even with the dark goggles hurts. A flash of silver, it hurts and then it doesn’t. BB is within reach and she reaches for him, nearly stumbling away from Steven to touch him.

  “BB you’re alive! You’re alive. You’re alive,” and she lays her head on his hood and feels him smooth and shiny and perfect. She holds him and cries. “BB I love you. I’ve missed you so much.”

  “Gals are so in tune with their cars.” She hears laughter, lots of it, and looks up to the voice. Stan Renick is grinning at her. “It took us awhile but BB is perfect. He’s not all original, but he’s perfect.” He’s holding keys out for her to take. “Come on take them, that Jaguar belongs only to you.”

  Her hands shake as she reaches for them. “Us?”

  “Yes, the racetrack mechanics and the U.S. Army 3rd Infantry Division, Mechanical Maintenance Team.” Whoops and hollers and whistles erupt and go on forever. Someone, she thinks it is Steven picks her up and sits her on BB’s hood. There must be about fifty or sixty people around BB.

  “BB has been at track since the accident. They gave him his own garage and the guys used their off hours and military leave to work on him. Go on start him up, Miss Mason.”

  She shakes her head and looks around for Steven. When her eyes find him he’s wearing a beautiful blurry smile.

  “Come on Miss Mason, everyone has waited years for this.” She sees a man opening BB’s driver’s door.

  “Jarrod?”

  “Yes ma’am. Come on Judy we’re all waiting.”

  She holds out her arms and he lifts her down and now she feels the familiar excitement. “I’m going to get into BB?”

  “Yes Miss Mason. Got the keys?”

  She holds the keys above her head and shakes. The crowd gets loud again.

  The smell is different, but she can remember BB’s manly, new car scent. She goes with the memory. The seat is different and she spends some time adjusting it and putting on her seat belt, as Jarrod gets in the seat next to her.

  Silence, she closes her eyes and feels BB around her. “Come on BB, let’s go kick some ass
!”

  Just like always, he fires up at her touch. She hears her yell, as she revs his engine. It’s smooth and perfect and fills the empty space in her heart that even Steven hasn’t been able to fill. She releases the clutch and he moves forward.

  “Easy, Miss Mason, there’s not much room and there’s a bunch of people around. Don’t run over anyone. Are you still blind?”

  “Mostly,” she yells. “Don’t worry, Jarrod, BB always takes care of me.” She and BB drive slowly around and through the crowd, with her arm out the window. It’s touched by everyone she passes. She thinks she made a full circle and then stops, turning BB’s off engine and then lays her head on his steering wheel. “Well done, BB, you’re the best of both of us.”

  Her door opens, and Steven reaches in and pulls her out and into his arms.

  “Did you see, Steven? Did you see me drive BB?” Her heart feels like crying, but she’s too happy to cry, so she’s jumping up and down and he has to let her go. “Did you see, Steven?”

  “Yes.” His voice is happy. He sits her back on BB’s hood and everyone comes to shake her hand and tell their stories about fixing BB and her red dress poster when they were in Afghanistan. They are good stories. This has got to be the best time she’s ever had.

  Everyone wants to take their picture with her. She takes off her dark goggles and smiles and kisses each cheek, and hugs and laughs until she begins to feel the ever-present aches and tireds begin to peak. She looks around for Steven and he’s there just like always.

  “Come on, I’ll drive. Let’s take BB home and get out of the way.” He buckles her in and brushes his lips across hers. “Stan has a keg and barbeque party planned for all the guys. I’m sure it will be no place for a lady.” As much as she appreciates what they did for BB and her, she’s exhausted.

  Steven takes off slowly and she waves and waves and waves. There’s no way she’ll ever be able to thank them for what they’ve done. Ever!

  “I was thinking watching you and BB. If you were serious about marrying me, a cross-country driving trip – beach to beach – would be an amazing honeymoon.”

  You mean it?”

  “Sure. What do you think?”

  “I love it and I love you and I love BB! What could be better than my two favorite men all to myself? Wait. What do you mean, if I was serious? You think I was caught up in the moment and being impulsive? Steven, sometimes I think you don’t know me at all. Do you think I asked you to marry me, only because Simon is dead and you’re my backup?”

  Oh my God. She looks at Steven’s face. Yes that is what he believes.

  “I love Simon and he’ll always be in my heart. After the accident, I really didn’t believe I would live and I accepted dying without fear or regrets. Simon knew that, I’m sure you two talked about it.”

  Steven shakes his head no.

  “Simon was my first hero. He was happy and felt good about himself taking care of me and I cherished him more each day. His lively, playful gestures, thoughtfulness and determination that I should know what fun was, kept me hanging onto the thin thread of life I had left. I wanted to believe he loved me. I wanted to believe that I could love him back. You showed me that I could love and then you rejected me. I wanted and needed to love and be loved back before I died or I would never be at peace.

  “Simon selflessly gave himself to me. Had Simon lived and I survived, we would have never married, but we would have become loving friends for the rest of our lives. I wanted him in my life and he wanted me in his. I needed him and he needed me and we both needed you, Steven.”

  Her head is starting to throb, but she’s got to say what’s been stabbing her in the heart and it’ll never heal until she lets it go.

  “Those words you said to me that day about my bringing light back into your life. I believed them, Steven. I believed them with all my heart and then you were gone and my light and belief that I could love and be loved back went with it.

  “You were Simon’s best friend and he was yours. He loved you, Steven and he knew you loved me. He told you he loved me and you walked away and didn’t even fight him for me. You failed his test. So he saved me.”

  She wipes the tears off Steven’s cheek. “BB, have you ever known anyone more stupid than Simon and Steven?” BB purrs.

  “Simon made my belly ache once. He was exhausted and laid his head on my stomach and I played with his hair. It felt good to touch him and out of no where I trembled. I asked him what just happened and he said he . . . turned me on. We laughed and were happy with the moment because it was the first time I felt alive again and then it was over.”

  Judy smiles at the memory and kisses Steven on the cheek. “Simon was gorgeous and fire that flashed and took my breath away when I looked at him. But the first time I ever felt desire and abandon love for a man, was that day with you. I clearly remember begging you to make love to me. You pushed me out the door and sent me off to work.

  “Years have gone by since that day, but Steven, you are the only man I’ve ever kissed, Steven. You are the only man I’ve ever wanted and will ever want. Are you ever going to make love to me Steven? My plan is to get you to marry me and then you’ll legally have to make love to me.”

  Steven is clenching the BB’s steering wheel. She didn’t realize they’ve stopped, looks around and surprised they’re in the parking garage of her building.

  “Oh my God, where are the children? Steven, did we forget the children?”

  Steven clears his throat but his voice is still throaty, deep and low. “Michael and Suzanne wanted to stay at my place tonight. You know, Xbox, surround sound, DVD, DVR and a big screen TV.”

  “Are you going home to take care of them?”

  “No.”

  Chapter 45. Leaning too far from the Cliff

  Now that she’s home and the quiet surrounds her, she’s emotionally and physically exhausted but so fired up she’s queasy. Steven is helps her get in bed and she’s lying back against his chest with her eyes closed and sipping his wonderful, sweet citrus concoction and hoping her raging headache would stop for just a little while.

  “It was just too much for you. I knew it, but today is when they could all get here. I shouldn’t have given in.”

  “No, it was wonderful that I could mostly see them and BB. The timing was perfect BB is well and has come back to me, old friends and new friends feel good about what they did, and I feel privileged beyond measure that they thought enough of me, to make that effort. A headache is a small price to pay. Almost nothing else in my life could make me happier than I am now.”

  Steven’s fingers lightly stroke her arm, intending to sooth and relax her, but she’s not relaxed, not even a little bit. She trembles with his touch.

  “Are you cold?” Steven whispers in her ear and goose bumps pop up on her arms. Shaking her head no, she feels the wetness on the back of her head that’s lying against his chest. A well tuned body like Steven’s burns hot.

  “What did you mean when you said; almost nothing else in your life could make you feel happier?” His nose and cheek caresses hers.

  “You, Steven, only having you could make me happier.”

  Steven lays her back and into a cradle of his arms. They’re face-to-face his lips tease her, almost touching but not touching. Her lips reach for his and he pulls back. “Oh, you have me, Judy, so how do you want me to make you happier?”

  He wants an engraved invitation? For a second she feels like punching him in the face, but his face is the face she loves. “Touch me Steven.”

  His lips hover. “Where?” He grins; his warm breathe on her face.

  She’s never lacked courage, and doesn’t even think about it as she takes his hand and puts it on her breast. She feels instant heat from his hand through her tank top that is so worn it’s isn’t even there.

  “Here.” She let’s go but he doesn’t move his hand. It just lays there all hot and totally covering her breast. She feels his palm and his fingers like fire.

>   “And?” He’s maddening. She grunts.

  “Squeeze me . . . feel me. Do I feel good?” She’s panting now from frustration rising to near anger and embarrassment. She feels her cheeks heat to deep red.

  He squeezes, her belly jumps and her thighs press together. He gently plays with her nipple that must have doubled in length. “Do you feel good? I don’t know you feel Judy. I hope you feel good with my hand fondling your beautiful breast.” His lips and nose are so close to touching hers that every word he slowly speaks sends puffs of warm, heady fragrant breath on her face. He’s now hovering over her eyes, forehead, cheeks and her lips swell in need for his.

  “Now if you had asked, how do I feel, I would be able to answer you properly.” His hand moves to her other breast and he begins to fondle and tease her until she stops panting because she can’t breathe at all.

  His nose barely strokes hers, while his large hand caresses each breast and he rolls each nipple between his forefinger and thumb. She gasps and croaks, “How do you feel Steven?”

  “Hummm. Good.” He laughs and it’s filled with fun and playful teasing.

  “Steven, please kiss me.”

  “Kiss you? Where Judy?”

  He’s so calm it’s maddening. “Lips.” Judy moves toward Steven and he pulls back.

  “How?”

  “How? Like a kiss!” Her eyes bore into his and she’s sure he can see her frustration bordering on anger.

  “Oh Judy, there are all kinds of kisses, which kind do you want?”

  “The one that has your lips on mine!”

  He chuckles and pecks quickly. “Like how?”

  She groans.

  Then he brushes his lips from corner to corner. “Maybe you want this kiss. It’s nice.”

  She sighs and and groans louder hoping it sends the message that, yes, but more please. His hand is now playing with her breasts harder, faster across each breast, stroking her nipples with his fingernails. The thin material magnifies his touch and it’s almost the only thing she can think about.