A Babysitter's Guide to Monster Hunting #3

by Joe Ballarini

  We helped the kids cross a narrow bridge over the smelly, primordial black ooze.

  “Single file, boys and girls,” I said. They listened.

  Gargoyles shrieked across the dusky sky, swooping over the prison. The bridge wobbled and shook as dozens of goblins bounded from the jail behind us. Victor ushered the last kid in line to safety. He looked down at the giant, gas-filled bubbles burping from the tar pit that were spreading disgusting vapors into the air. Victor stood his ground. The gargoyles’ wings pulled back, and their talons extended into dive formation.

  “Everyone, stand back,” Victor said.

  He removed a bottle rocket from his pocket and lit the fuse. In a trail of sparks, the tiny rocket flew into a gas bubble and burst into flames. Fire ripped across the tar pit’s surface. The shock wave sent us flying backward as the whole thing detonated in one big, fiery eruption that consumed the gargoyles and the goblins like marshmallows in a campfire.

  We stared, stunned at the wall of churning black smoke. Then we all looked at Victor.

  He smiled, shrugged. “I did my science project on methane gas vapors,” Victor said. “Highly flammable.”

  “Now that’s what I call babysitting,” Liz said.

  I high-fived Victor.

  “Can we go home now, please?” said a little girl.

  I looked at their nineteen faces. “Right,” I said, tightening the straps on my backpack. “All of us.”

  35

  I drew our exit strategy in the black dirt near the quarry.

  “Boom. Boom. Boom,” Curtis said quietly.

  “Berna, Cassie, Victor, Curtis, you take the kids to the docks. Load them on the fastest-looking ship you can find. Liz and I will go to the mine, get Kevin and the others, and then meet up with you. If we’re not at the docks in one hour, you take off.”

  “Ba-boom. Ba-boom. Ba-boom,” Curtis said weirdly.

  Everyone ignored him.

  “No way we’re leaving without you,” said Berna.

  “The Nanny Brigade’s on their way. If we miss you, we’ll link up with them,” I said.

  Curtis rhythmically beat his chest. “Ba-da-boom! Ba-da-boom!”

  “Curtish, what ish your deal?” Cassie asked.

  “Orgog is close,” Curtis said dreamily.

  “What are you shaying?” asked Cassie.

  “Orgog the Annihilator?” Berna said.

  Curtis put his hand to the ground. He rocked back and forth.

  “He is rising,” Curtis said ominously.

  “What’s an Orgog?” Victor asked.

  “The ultimate monster weapon,” I said. “He can level a town with his tail. Destroy a city with his breath.”

  “His scales are impervious to any bullet or bomb you can hurl at him,” said Berna.

  “And his hunger for human flesh knows no end,” Curtis whispered.

  Liz and I exchanged looks. “We better get moving,” I said.

  Berna grabbed my hand. I put my other hand on top of hers. Liz stacked her hands on ours. The others joined in. I looked around the circle at my friends. Our eyes were bright. Our hearts were full. Except for Curtis. He was on another planet.

  “What are we?”

  “Babysitters!”

  “What you guys are is crazy,” said one of the little girls.

  The other kids giggled.

  With a stern look, Berna faced the nineteen kids with the snap of a drill sergeant. “Atten-hut! Listen up, children. My name is Bernadette Vincent, and for the next few hours of your lives, I am your babysitter. From this point forward you do what I say, when I say. There will be no sass. There will be no back talk or pee breaks or goofy faces. Bad behavior will not be tolerated. No hair pulling, no snot-rockets, no fart jokes. If I hear one whine or whimper, you will be left behind. If you want to go home to your mommies and your daddies, you will be good, obedient boys and girls on your best behavior or the monsters will get you. Are we clear?”

  The nineteen kids gulped. “Yes, Miss Vincent,” they said, trembling.

  Berna glanced at me and winked.

  “That’s more like it. Now, march!” she said.

  Berna, Cassie, Victor, and Curtis led the nineteen kids north. Before disappearing, Victor looked back at me and blew me a kiss. My heart swung on a trapeze and did an aerial flip. I caught his flying kiss and tucked it into my pocket for safekeeping.

  “Looks like it’s just you and me again, newb,” Liz said.

  We fist-bumped and headed toward the chimney stacks.

  The path soon ended in a quarry of black boulders where an enormous hole the size of a football field had been carved into the ground. Liz and I hid behind towering piles of rocks and watched a horned, hairy mutant kid with shackles on its ankles trudge out of the mine to dump a bucket of rubble.

  Liz and I crawled to the edge of the shadowy mine. My eyes strained to see down into the dark. On steep ridges spiraling into a deep abyss, fifty mutated, beasty-looking kids who could have been Kevin’s monster cousins—chains around their legs, fur dirty with black soot—smashed pickaxes into the walls. Giant buckets of rocks were being hoisted up on ropes. Goblin guards wearing mining helmets with headlamps on them whipped the monsters when they slowed down. The monster kids said nothing. They didn’t fight back. They worked mechanically without question. Their spirits had been broken long ago.

  My hands balled into angry fists. “Not cool,” I said. “Those kids over there outnumber the goblins three to one. If we free Kevin and the others, they can help us stop the Baron from getting the Jewel of Orgog. Sound good, Liz? Liz? Liz, where are you?”

  Behind me, the sound of punches and kicks was followed by two goblins skidding across the gravel. Liz took their keys and their mining helmets. She tossed me one and smudged soot on her face. In the dark mine, with the steam and dust swirling around us and a blinding headlamp beaming into our enemy’s eyes, I hoped it would be hard for them to tell us apart from the other goblins.

  “I’m going to need a serious facial after all this,” I said, smudging soot on my face.

  We rode the clanking elevator down into the mine shaft, watching levels of miserable monster kids drift past.

  “I can’t tell which one’s Kevin,” Liz whispered.

  “Then we’ll have to free them all,” I said, gripping my sword.

  Farther down, the air thickened with heat and a putrid, acidic smell. It was like shoving a Sharpie up your nostrils. I wiped the sweat from my brow.

  “You nervous, Red?” Liz asked.

  “Me? Ha. Not at all,” I said. “You?”

  “Terrified.”

  I almost smiled.

  “Thanks for being here,” she said quietly.

  I leaned my head down and gently clunked my mining helmet against hers.

  “We got this,” I said.

  “That’s what I dig about you, Ferguson. You got faith.”

  A howl echoed nearby. Liz and I perked up. We knew that howl well.

  “Kevin,” we said.

  I stopped the elevator. Our helmet lights were dim in the choking haze as we carefully followed a narrow ridge. We passed monster kids breaking rocks. They cowered and bowed their heads obediently as we walked by. Our disguises worked.

  At the end of the line, a goblin was berating a frightened beast and snapping the chain around its neck. The mutant kid had twisted horns and a familiar growl.

  Kevin!

  Liz tapped the goblin on the shoulder. He turned and got a face full of knuckles.

  Blinded by our headlamps, Kevin fearfully put up his paws.

  “Kev, it’s us,” Liz whispered.

  Kevin blinked, then roared with joy. I shushed him. The last thing we needed was to draw attention to ourselves. His giant arms scooped me and Liz into a huge, warm hug.

  “Good to see you, too,” I said.

  I have to admit, after all I had been through, that hug felt great. Then Kevin licked the side of my face, leaving a big wet streak of monster spit.
Moment ruined.

  “Toldja he likes you,” Liz said, unlocking his shackles.

  Kevin playfully shoved Liz and grumbled.

  “Can we please focus?” I said. “Where’s the Baron?”

  Kevin gnashed his tusks and pointed down at the heavy fog that covered the very bottom of the pit. I could sense an ancient, evil pulse beating beneath the mist. This was the source of the island’s weird energy. If we were going down there, we would need backup. Monster backup.

  Kevin kept watch as Liz and I quietly went down the line, unlocking ten monster kids from their chains. They looked at their open cuffs, unsure what to do with their new freedom.

  “We’re babysitters,” I whispered. “We’re here to rescue you. But we need your help first. I know these monsters have made you think you’re weak and small and no-good bad kids. But you’re not. You’re stronger and bigger and more powerful than them. You don’t have to be scared of the goblins. But you do have to stand up for yourselves and your friends and your families and take your chance right now. Because you might not ever get one like this again. So join us. Fight back.”

  One by one their slumped shoulders pulled back and their spines stiffened. They stood tall.

  A whip cracked and they instantly cowered.

  A goblin marched over to them and demanded they keep digging. Kevin stepped forward, towering over the scrawny creep. The goblin raised his whip. Kevin’s paw snatched the goblin’s wrist, and he lifted him off his feet. The guard shrieked for help, but Kevin smashed him into the rock wall with a powerful squish.

  Kevin let out a victorious howl, slamming his fists into his chest.

  Everything fell silent. Pickaxes stopped. Shackled monsters looked up.

  The ten monster kids joined Kevin and roared at the top of their lungs. Their voices shook the mine.

  Liz and I stood in wonder as every chained beast wailed and cried in return.

  Goblins raced at us with clubs and daggers. The monster kids bravely picked up huge rocks and hurtled them into the guards, knocking them down like bowling pins.

  “I had a much quieter plan of escape in mind,” I said. “But this will do.”

  I sliced a rope hoisting a big bucket of rubble, and it cascaded down on a pack of goblins climbing up our ledge.

  Kevin grabbed the keys and scrambled up the wall to free the others. Chains broke. Cuffs fell. The revolution had begun.

  Monster kids swarmed the mine, clobbering their goblin captors into mush.

  Get to the Baron. Stop him from getting that jewel.

  Liz and I climbed down a ladder into the murky fog. Kevin and three of his beastie buddies flanked us as we walked down a winding tunnel at the very bottom of the mine. One of the monster kids nudged me and smiled.

  “Hudson?” I asked.

  Monster Hudson nodded, happy to be recognized. He wanted to help. Though I was getting claustrophobic, it was good to have giant monster bodyguards watching our backs.

  Liz held up her fist, and we stopped. An ethereal green light flickered around the rocky bend.

  I could hear the Baron speaking excitedly. “Dig! Faster! It’s almost free!”

  “On three,” Liz said, raising a pickax. “One.”

  Kevin and the monster kids extended their claws.

  “Two.”

  I gripped my sword with both hands.

  “Three!”

  We bounded around the corner, expecting to be met by a small army of monsters. But it was Baron von Eisenvult and a single goblin with their backs to us. An emerald glow danced from the rocks they were facing.

  “Baron von Eisenvult! By the Order of the Rhode Island Babysitters, I hereby demand you surrender,” I said.

  He didn’t turn around. He didn’t even reach for his sword.

  “You’re surrounded. Put your hands up and come with us,” I said.

  “Hey! We’re talking to you, dog face!” Liz said. “Step away from the jewel and turn around, paws in the air.”

  The Baron put his hands up, and he slowly turned around. In his right paw, he held a glowing jade. Tendrils of eerie light swirled around it.

  “Drop it!” I shouted.

  “Orgog the Annihilator, Monster of Monsters, awaken from your slumber!” the Baron shouted with a deep and disturbing voice. “I summon your wrath.”

  A low rumble shook the cave. Pebbles rained down. I stumbled against the wall as the ground cracked open and wind shrieked from the dark depths.

  “Rise, Orgog,” the Wolf said into the widening chasm. “Under my command, rise!”

  The earth crumbled beneath my feet. Kevin caught me and pulled me away from the the gigantic, gurgling gorge. Rocks continued to smash down around us. One more second down here and we’d be buried forever. We ran for our lives while the ground split.

  Frantically climbing the spiral ledge, I dared a look back and saw something surging from below. At first I thought it was a massive pool of blue sludge, but as it broke through the ground, I saw it was the top of a gigantic monster’s head.

  36

  As the mine collapsed around us, Liz jumped on her brother’s back. Kevin threw me onto Hudson’s shoulders. I clung to the monster kid’s horns while he scaled the falling walls. All around us, the fifty monster kids hooted and scrambled out of the tumbling mine.

  A blue-skinned behemoth slowly rose through the crashing rocks. He had a crown of scraggily horns the size of trees jutting from his head. His red eyes were as big as cars, and his mouth was a mass of twisting tentacles that looked like a giant squid was stuck to his face.

  Orgog the Annihilator had arrived.

  He hasn’t even finished standing to his full height yet.

  Baron von Eisenvult was proudly perched on the titan’s shoulder, clinging to a set of spiky fins. The Wolf thrust out the jewel, commanding the giant to step forward. With a deep bass groan, the monster’s legs plowed up through the ground. Chunks of earth cascaded from between the monster’s school bus–sized claws.

  Boom.

  Orgog’s every step shook the island. He was so tall, I could hardly see his head. He was like a walking skyscraper.

  “Behold the power of Orgog!” shouted the Baron.

  Orgog opened his squid face. His scream sounded like a thousand honking geese. The monster kids shuddered. Through the smoke, I saw the tip of the biggest, wartiest, ugliest tail I have ever seen thunder down toward us.

  We scattered as the hundred-ton tail smashed down. The shock wave rolled through the earth, knocking us to the ground. I panted for breath, and as we wobbled to our feet, a shadow fell over us.

  “Foot, foot, foot!” shouted Liz, pointing to the sky.

  Orgog’s foot blocked out the sun. We ran, and it crashed right behind us. This time I was ready for the tremor. It was like surfing on land.

  “Good news is, Orgog’s big and slow. We’re small and fast,” I said.

  “Hurray for us,” Liz said. “But what happens when—Foot, foot, foot, foot!”

  We sprinted from Orgog’s other lumbering foot before it splintered the ground.

  “As I was saying,” Liz said. “What happens when that thing gets to the mainland?”

  “It could destroy all of Rhode Island just by sitting on it,” I said.

  “Tail!” Liz shouted.

  “Do you mind?” I said. “We’re trying to have a conversation down here!”

  An arrow shot through the air and thunked into Orgog’s ankle. A teddy bear bomb exploded between his toes. None of these things bothered the giant. If anything, they only tickled his feet.

  Berna and Victor emerged from the woods.

  “Looked like you could use some help,” Berna said, reloading the crossbow.

  Victor stared up in awe. “Dios mío.”

  “Where are the kids?” I asked.

  “With Cassie and Curtis on a ship I found. It’s a nice ship. It will make up for the one we lost,” Victor said. “They’re waiting for us.”

  “Foot!” Liz
sighed.

  A stampede of fifty monster kids followed us.

  “We can’t keep running. We have to take this thing down,” Liz said.

  Kevin growled bravely and grabbed hold of the creature’s lumbering tail. The mob of monster kids followed his lead. Orgog stumbled, then swatted his tail and shook off Kevin and the mutants, sending them flying like a bad case of fleas.

  “Nice try, bro,” Liz said.

  “Anybody got a nuclear missile in their pocket?” Victor said.

  “The only way to stop Orgog is to get the jewel,” I said. “Control the jewel, control the monster.”

  “But how do we get up there?” Berna asked.

  Kevin grunted.

  “Exactly. It would be like scaling a moving mountain that’s trying to kill us,” I said.

  “We need a helicopter,” Victor said.

  “You got a helicopter, Ace?” Liz asked.

  “I was just brainstorming,” Victor said.

  “We need a catapult,” I said.

  “Or a slingshot,” Victor said.

  “Where are we going to find a slingshot that big?” Berna asked.

  My eyes narrowed with a horrible, terrible idea.

  “The park,” I said.

  37

  “We’ll never get there in time,” Berna said.

  I whistled. “Yo, Hudson!”

  Monster Hudson charged forward. I scrambled onto his furry shoulders and held on to his horns. Liz swung onto Kevin’s back. Two monster kids bent down and helped Berna and Victor hop onto them.

  “To the park!” I shouted.

  Liz hooted like a cowboy as Kevin reared back and roared. The mutants shot off, galloping on all fours with powerful speed. Bobbling up and down, Berna and Victor clung to their monster rides. We thundered across the island. The ground streaked past. Wind rushed through my hair.

  Leaving a wake of monumental devastation, Orgog and the Baron followed slowly after us. I was counting on the Baron’s desire for revenge to lure him into our trap.

  We swept into the empty amusement park grounds and stopped before the looming Skyscreamer. I thanked Hudson and scrambled to the ride controls.