A Babysitter's Guide to Monster Hunting #3

by Joe Ballarini

  “I’ll live, Kevin,” I said. “You okay?”

  Kevin nodded. He gently brushed the hair from my face. He touched the swath of hair the Baron had chopped off.

  “I needed a haircut anyway,” I said with a shrug.

  I pulled at his black and brown beard.

  “You need one too,” I said.

  Kevin grunted and pointed to his heart and then to my heart. I knew it meant he was happy I was alive and how much he cared for me.

  Victor’s eyebrows crinkled. “What is he saying?”

  “He says thank you, Victor,” I said. “For being so brave.”

  We led the small army to the island’s creaking docks. Cassie and Curtis were waiting for us on the bow of a two-hundred-foot yacht that looked like it belonged to a tech billionaire.

  “Hey, you guysh!” said Cassie, waving at us.

  The nineteen boys and girls rushed to the edge of the deck, waving and screaming happily.

  The Nanny Brigade stared up in amazement.

  “Do wonders never cease?” Mama Vee whispered.

  Cassie bounded down the gangplank. “I can’t believe I freaking misshed the whole thing! Ack! I shaw shome of it from here—that thing wash huge! Curtish is shtill all weird. I didn’t want to leave him alone with theesh rugratsh. I shwear, I do not know what I shee in that boy.”

  “You didn’t die,” said Curtis in a spaced-out voice. “Groovy.”

  “Who even shaysh ‘groovy’? We need to get you off thish island.”

  Elder Pressbury hobbled over and took us in.

  “Berna. Victor. The LeRue siblings. Cassie. Curtis. And Miss Ferguson,” she said through her wrinkled, pursed lips.

  “You lot are the worst babysitters I have ever encountered! You’re rude. You’re naughty. Full of mischief. You don’t follow orders. You’re bad. Rotten to the core. Your actions are unacceptable. You broke every rule and law of this great order, and I hope you’ve learned your lesson!”

  She stomped her fake leg, punctuating her point.

  “However, you did what we were too scared to do ourselves. In fear of change, I suppose. Fear of failure. Perhaps the council has grown a little old and a little too wise. A little too careful. Set in our ways. And it took a bad kid with a good heart to show us that nothing is impossible. Not even saving the world. Kelly Ferguson, you are a hero.”

  I shook my head and looked at Berna, Victor, Liz, Kevin, Cassie, and Curtis.

  “My friends are the real heroes, Elder Pressbury. Not me. Without them we’d be goners. We won because they risked everything and they gave everything.”

  My friends’ eyes glistened with pride. Elder Pressbury nodded in agreement.

  Then she did something I never thought I would see: she smiled.

  “Then perhaps it was we who have learned the lesson,” Pressbury said. “Sometimes it takes a bad kid to do a good thing.”

  40

  I had Orgog perform one final task: scooping the trash monster out of the ocean surrounding the island. The gyre writhed in the titan’s grip like a garbage boa constrictor. Orgog dug up the collapsed mine and dropped the gyre inside. He kicked hills of rubble over the swirling plastic mush and patted tons and tons of rocks over it, as if he were potting flowers in a garden.

  “Thanks for your help, Orgog,” I said. “You can go back to sleep now. For, like, thousands and thousands of years. Forever. How about you have a nice, long eternal sleep, and if you need anything, call us. Okay? We’re friends now. You and me. We have a bond, right? And you promise not to destroy mankind?”

  Orgog’s enormous tail whooshed over my head and gently curled down so I could shake one of his spikes.

  “Good night, big guy,” I said.

  The giant monster waved and sauntered off, leaving a path of destruction behind him.

  I placed the sparkling jewel in a supernatural diaper bag that Elder Pressbury handed me. She locked the zipper and slung the satchel over her shoulder.

  “I’ll take this back to London, thank you very much,” said Elder Pressbury. “Oxford has been requesting ancient monster minerals to study, and this should suffice.”

  Nannies in white hazmat suits swept the island. They found Professor Gonzalo and his goblin assistant trapped in the purple homunculus fungus. They locked the madman inside of a crate and hauled him into the airplane.

  “Let me go, you bunch of losers!” a familiar throaty voice shouted.

  More nannies in hazmat suits carried Meatball and the other trolls onto the airplane.

  “We found them hiding in the Baron’s castle, trying to get onto the Wi-Fi,” said a babysitter in a hazmat suit.

  “Hashtag worse rescue mission ever. Kelly Ferguson is a total Mary Sue dot com. Babysitters are evil. Don’t forget to like and share. And click here to subscribe,” said Meatball.

  The babysitters looked truly disturbed by the insulting human beach ball.

  Elder Pressbury gently patted Meatball’s head. “Come along, young man.”

  On our way home we all watched from the deck of the sleek yacht as Orgog waded into the ocean. The nineteen human boys and girls and all the monster kids waved good-bye to the ancient gigundo.

  I peered across the ship’s bow, blanket pulled over my shoulders. Berna sat beside me, and I held out a wing of blanket for her. She curled under it.

  “Your math skills saved my life, Bern,” I said.

  “Do me a favor and tell that to my mom,” Berna said.

  “I’m sorry we fought,” I said. “That was my least favorite part of the whole mission. Aside from the part when I was lowered into a pit of snakes.”

  “It’s okay. Friends can disagree and still be friends,” she said.

  “Best friends?” I asked.

  “The best,” she said.

  I beamed. Victor sat next to us.

  “There he is!” Berna said. “Victor, I have to tell you, at first I didn’t know if you were for real. But you’re a good babysitter. I’m nominating you to take your Heck Weekend exams.”

  Victor’s dimple appeared. Berna high-fived him.

  “Think your uncle will be happy if you bring this yacht back to him instead of his fishing boat?” I said, elbowing him.

  Victor beamed. “Uncle Jorge will be confused but well pleased.”

  I put my head on his shoulder.

  “I’m glad we’re friends,” I said to Victor.

  I cringed. I meant to spout poetry, and instead, I friend-zoned him. I meant it, though. At first he was my crush, but now he had become a real person who kicked butt.

  “Me too,” Victor said.

  I reached out and held his hand. Liz and Kevin sat next to Berna. Cassie and Curtis joined us too. Together, we watched Orgog sink into the ocean. Bubbles broke the ocean’s surface, but then it was still and quiet. The giant was asleep.

  Curtis blinked. “Whoa. I had the strangest dream.”

  Cassie looked into his eyes. “Curtish? Ish that you?”

  Curtis rubbed his forehead. “Dude. That was one strange trip.”

  We exhaled with relief. Cassie pinched Curtis’s cheek. “Don’t do that again.”

  The DC-3 buzzed overhead. The Nanny Brigade had patched up the wing and were following the yacht, keeping watch on the ship full of precious cargo.

  The ocean was smooth and calm in the twilight. There would be major fallout to come from my parents. Serious consequences. But for now, I let the sea spray blow across my face and wash the soot and mud and filth of Sunshine Island from my cheeks.

  “If this is what Valentine’s Day is like every year, then count me in,” Liz said.

  Victor let out a big sigh.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked him.

  “If all we are is friends, does that mean you won’t go to the dance with me?”

  I shot straight up.

  “Finally!” I shouted at the top of my lungs.

  “Is that yes?” Victor asked.

  I was about to scream an earsplitting �
�Yes!” when I stopped.

  “Sorry, Victor. I already said I’d go with Berna,” I said.

  “Don’t be silly, Ferguson,” Berna said. “Go with your boy.”

  “I made you a promise, and I’m going to keep it,” I said.

  Berna rolled her eyes. “Victor, you can come with us, too,” she said.

  “A triple date? With you and Kelly?” Victor said excitedly. “Excellent!”

  Everyone laughed except for Kevin.

  41

  The Nanny Brigade returned the nineteen kids to their parents. There were tearful reunions. Every family was stunned when their nasty girl or bad boy rushed into their arms and promised to be good from that moment forward. They would do their chores. They would mow the lawn. They’d take out the trash.

  Their parents didn’t care about chores. They were just happy to have their children back.

  The fifty monster mutants were a little more difficult. They were all totally cool; it was the rest of the world we were afraid about. Under the cover of night, they were taken to a refuge in upstate New York, some secret place in the Adirondacks called the Orion Center, where the kids could roam and play and be free while the babysitters gently broke the news to their parents around the world and researched ways to reverse their transformations.

  My parents met us at the docks when we arrived. They ran to me.

  “Don’t you ever do that again!” my mother screamed, holding me tight.

  “Sorry, Mom. Sorry, Dad,” I said.

  I felt comfort in their arms. Safe. I could sleep for a thousand years like my homeboy Orgog.

  Mama Vee told them everything we had done. How we bravely rescued fifty mutants, nineteen lost children, and saved the world.

  “Sweet angel,” said Elder Pressbury, taking my mother’s shaking hands. “Your child is very special.”

  “I know that,” my mother said.

  Pressbury’s voice fell to a deep hush. “There are dark forces in this world, my dear. Some so evil, I cannot begin to describe them to you without unsettling your heart. But your daughter has a gift that the world needs at this very moment.”

  I cocked my head. Was this the same lady who had publically destroyed me three days ago?

  The three Elders reached out. Each of them stacked their hands upon my mother’s hand.

  “You have done a wonderful job with her,” said Pressbury.

  My mom’s anger immediately switched targets.

  “Just a second, ladies,” my mom said. “The last time I saw you, you were ripping my kid to shreds. Now you want to sing her praises? You’re not getting off that easy.”

  I smiled as my dad stood by my mother’s side. The Elders looked shocked. They’d apologized for not believing in me, but my mom wasn’t having it.

  “I want to talk colleges for Kelly right now,” she insisted. “I want to see paperwork, not just promises. We’re talking full ride here.”

  The Elders stuttered and agreed with my Big Bad Mom.

  I still ended up grounded for three months. But I made an agreement with my parents: I could go to the Valentine’s Day dance for one hour. It was a tough negotiation, what with me running away and risking my life, but my mother and father agreed that I deserved to go to the dance in exchange for stopping Orgog the Annihilator and Baron von Eisenvult. If you ever want to get out of severe parental punishment: save the world. It works wonders.

  “One hour,” my mom said to me in the car. “We will be parked right here, and if you make a break for it, we will chase you down.”

  “Thank you for letting me do this,” I said, adjusting the shoulders of my poufy pink dress. “Is this okay? I have to be color coordinated with Berna and Victor.”

  “You look beautiful,” my mother said. “How’s the arm?”

  I smiled and held up my cast. We had bedazzled it with rhinestones to match my dress.

  “Feeling superdorky right about now. I feel like I overdid it with the hair spray.”

  “You look like a little lady,” my mother said. Her voice was getting emotional. “I don’t know how you do what you do, Kelly.”

  “I couldn’t do it without your help. Love you, Mom. Love you, Dad. But the clock’s ticking,” I said.

  “You keep a foot between you and Victor. I’m serious. Measure it or I will!” my dad said.

  I scrambled out of the car and approached our middle school gymnasium. I had dreamed about moments like this. Watched them in a bazillion romantic movies. And now, I, Kelly Ferguson, was going to my first dance.

  Nerves ballooned inside me as I stood in line to buy my ticket. Berna was waiting for me by the door, holding a red ticket and a small bouquet of flowers. I smiled and handed her a teddy bear clutching a little heart that said “I wuv you” when it was squeezed.

  Victor joined us both. He had on a thin tie and a burgundy suit on.

  “Your man looks fly,” Berna whispered.

  I bit my lip as he approached.

  “You look like a dream,” he said to me.

  My cheeks flushed with fire.

  He bowed like royalty to me and to Berna. “And so do you, Berna.”

  Berna smiled.

  “But we must hurry! My parents went loco. I’m grounded for life. They have let me come to the dance for an hour, and that only was after Mama Vee and the Elders informed them of our brave deeds.”

  “Me too,” I said.

  “For real? My mom was psyched! Let’s not waste any more time!” Berna said.

  We linked arms and walked into the sound of a heartbreaking, awesome pop song. The kind that memories are made of. A disco ball spun from the ceiling. Streamers and a few heart posters hung on the walls. DJ Mega Sauce was playing all the hits.

  But no one was dancing.

  Kids from grades six through eight stood around the dance floor like zombies. Willow Brook Middle School was not a party.

  I dragged my friends to the dance floor. The three of us jumped and bopped like lunatics while everyone watched from the sidelines. Cassie pulled Curtis to the dance floor, and we all jumped around. We did the chicken, the Floss, the Beyoncé flip, the Dougie, the Carlton and, of course, the Monster Mash. We even turned a few babysitter fight moves into dance moves: the Nanny Bounce, the Sitter Swag, and the Babysitter Bop.

  Deanna and the Princess Pack snorted at us. I didn’t care. It felt good to be stupid and free with my friends. A few months ago I would have been too shy and too quiet to do this in public, but after riding the shoulder of an ancient monster the size of a mountain, the middle school dance was no big deal. It was just a gymnasium that smelled like sweat socks and cupcakes. I wanted to celebrate with my friends. Who cared about their comments, good or bad? Seeing our courage, the rest of the school joined in and danced around us.

  A slow song came on.

  And now, for the moment we’ve all been waiting for.

  Victor and I slow danced with our arms extended, leaving a little space between us. The music swirled, and everything was perfect.

  “You’re the real deal, Victor,” I said.

  We didn’t talk for the rest of the song. The space closed between us, and I leaned my head on his shoulder.

  An upbeat song started, and even though I didn’t want to let go, it was getting weird with me hanging on to his neck while everyone else was jumping around. We decided to take a break. He escaped to the bathroom, and I got some cherry punch with Berna, Cassie, and Curtis.

  “We need Victor in the order, stat,” Curtis said. “He’s a true American hero.”

  Cassie nodded. “He shaved our shkin.”

  “He’s going to hate Heck Weekend,” I said with a smile.

  “Please tell me that boy goes to our school,” Berna said. She was gazing over her cup at a tall, muscular kid with long, shaggy brown hair in his eyes who was wearing a T-shirt and jeans. He looked vaguely familiar.

  “He’s cute,” I whispered. “Go say hi.”

  “He’s so Gosling,” Berna sighed.
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  “Looks like he’s in high school,” Curtis said.

  “He’sh not even dresshed up. What’sh he doing here?”

  “Looks lost,” I said.

  Berna’s eyes widened. “He’s coming over here!”

  “Be cool!” I said.

  We all swung around and turned our backs to him.

  “Hey, guys,” said buff, shaggy guy.

  Berna and I exchanged glances. Is the guy with the huge biceps really talking to us?

  “Do we know you?” I said nervously.

  The stranger tucked his long, messy hair behind his ear and gave me a small, nervous smile.

  My heart stopped. “Kevin?” I whispered.

  The tall stranger nodded.

  “No freaking way,” Curtis said.

  “How?” Berna asked.

  Kevin shook his head in disbelief. “Professor Gonzalo squawked. The babysitters kept him in their custody, and Pressbury broke him down. He told them everything. My tail’s almost gone, and most of my fur’s fallen off.”

  He lifted his T-shirt, showing us patches of fur on his back.

  “That means Hudson and all those kids are okay?” I asked.

  “All thanks to you,” he said. His gaze never left my face.

  My eyes flooded as I imagined Hudson and all the monster kids being delivered safely back to their families. The lost kids of Sunshine Island were finally going home. Hope and joy welled up inside of me, and I couldn’t stop the happy tears from spilling down my cheeks.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry,” Kevin said.

  I smiled. “It’s okay. I’m so happy you’re here.”

  I threw my arms around him and held him close. Liz popped up from under the bleachers. She was wearing a leather jacket, a shredded skirt, and pink combat boots. She stood at her brother’s side.

  “Yo, guys. Figured security would be tight here so Kevin and I snuck in. I see you’ve re-met. Crazy, huh? Even though I thought he was cool the way he was,” Liz said, messing up Kevin’s hair.

  “I wanted to do it,” Kevin said, rubbing the back of his neck.

  “Why?” I asked. “You were awesome. Trouble. But awesome.”

  “I did it so I could do this,” he said quietly.