Hani and Ishu's Guide to Fake Dating

by Adiba Jaigirdar

  “I don’t think you’ve exactly been fair to Ishu here,” Amma says finally. “Do you?”

  “I don’t know …” I trail off. “I mean … Aisling and Dee are my friends.”

  “And Ishu isn’t?” she asks.

  “Ishu is … I mean … I’ve known Aisling and Dee for a lot longer. They’ve been with me through so much.” Aisling and I have been best friends since primary school. We met Dee in our first year of secondary school. We’ve been doing everything together for years. We have always supported each other … haven’t we?

  “That doesn’t mean you should be unfair to Ishu.” Amma sighs. “Do you believe Ishu would really cheat on her biology test?”

  “Ishu is the most hardworking person I know,” I say. “And the smartest. She could probably regurgitate our entire biology book if I asked her. But … why would Aisling lie?”

  “I think you’ll have to talk to her about that,” Amma says. The thought of confronting Aisling sets my stomach rolling. When I say that to Amma she fixes me with a glare. “If you and Aisling are really friends, you should be able to talk to her about this. Friends can talk about things. They can figure things out. Get past things. Do you want a friend in your life who you can never disagree with? A friend who you can’t grow with?”

  “I guess not.” I sigh. The thing is I don’t even know anymore what kind of friends Aisling and I are. And—if I’m being honest—I’m afraid of finding out.

  Ishu is not at school the next morning. It’s probably for the best because people are already talking about how she cheated on her biology test. They’re wondering what else is true or false about her—if they couldn’t even rely on her being the top of our classes. I know I should defend her—as far as everyone at school knows, Ishu and I are still together—but I can’t bear the thought of going up to people I barely know just to defend Ishu. Especially when I don’t even know what the truth is. Especially when it’ll get back to Aisling.

  “Hey, are you okay?” Aisling asks when she comes around to my locker. She even leans in and gives me a hug, like she feels sorry for me and everything I’m going through. “Did you and Ishita talk?”

  “Yeah,” I stuff the last of my books into my locker and close the door. It makes a satisfactory click. “Ishita said she didn’t cheat off you.”

  “Obviously she would say that.” Aisling leans against the locker next to me and looks at me with pity in her eyes. “But … well, the truth is the truth.”

  “It is …” I say. “I wish … I wish you’d tell me the truth, Aisling.” I say it softly, but the change in Aisling’s face is immediate. Her soft and piteous expression hardens, like I’ve made an accusation. She stands up straight and shoots me a small glare.

  “I am telling you the truth, Maira. I wouldn’t lie to you. I’ve been trying to look out for you this whole time.”

  I rub my elbows and look down at the speckled grey floor, wishing that it would swallow me up. I don’t know how to have this conversation. I don’t want to have this conversation. “It’s just …” I start. “Ishita wouldn’t—”

  “You’ve been with Ishita for, like, a couple of weeks. We’ve been best friends our whole lives, Maira. Come on, don’t do this. Sisters before misters, right?” Her hand presses onto my shoulder. When I look up and meet her gaze she’s smiling sympathetically. “Don’t worry. Dee and I will find you someone way better than Ishita. Even a girl if you really swing that way.”

  I step back from her grip, keeping my eyes steadily on her. “What do you mean … if I really swing that way?”

  “I mean …” Aisling rolls her eyes. “Come on, you know what I mean. I figured you’re still making up your mind. Whatever you want, is what I mean.”

  I shake my head. “Aisling … you know that I’m bisexual. That’s not swinging one way or another way,” I say. “I don’t know why you’ve been so weird about it.”

  Aisling sighs and folds her arms over her chest. “I don’t know why you’re being so weird about it. It doesn’t have to be such a big deal. You’re going to end up with one or the other at the end of the day, so.”

  “That doesn’t mean my sexuality changes. Is that why you’ve been calling Ishu and me lesbians, because you think two girls being together have to be lesbians?”

  Aisling rolls her eyes again. “Why is this even a thing? Everyone knows that you’re going to be with a guy at the end of the day, and this whole bisexuality thing is your way of seeming interesting or whatever. Like you’re so Muslim you won’t even drink a drop of alcohol and you want us to think you’re for real gay?”

  “Wow.” I shake my head. I’m not even sure how to respond to her, or how to set her right about Muslims and gay people. I had thought that she and Dee were finally coming around, what with them actually spending time with me and Ishu, and actually seeming to get along with Ishu. It seems like the whole thing has been off-track from the beginning. Maybe Aisling and Dee were never going to come around, no matter what I said to them.

  “I should go to class.” I swing my bag over my shoulder. Aisling just looks at me with that frown on her lips. For a moment, I think she’s going to say something more, try to defend her position more. But as I turn and head away from her, she doesn’t say another word.

  chapter thirty-seven

  ishu

  NIK AND I DON’T TALK DURING MOST OF THE DRIVE. With each turn, I get more and more nervous. The road we’re driving down feels disturbingly familiar.

  “What exactly are we doing?” I ask.

  “Fixing things,” Nik says, staring straight ahead. “Don’t worry, you’ll feel a lot better after this.”

  By the time we’re taking the last turn, my stomach is in shambles and I’m pretty sure I’m going to throw up.

  “Nik … I didn’t come to school today for a reason!” I exclaim. “Why are we here?”

  “Trust me, okay?” Nik reaches forward and takes my hand into hers. She gives my fingers a reassuring squeeze. “I would not bring you here if I didn’t know exactly what I was doing. Come on.”

  It’s two o’clock, so lunchtime has thankfully already passed. The hallways are deserted as Nik and I enter, Nik with her head held high and me all but cowering behind her.

  “Hi … we have an appointment with the principal,” Nik says, tapping on the secretary’s glass separation.

  “Oh …” Anna looks up from her phone. Her face transforms from confused to happy as soon as she recognizes Nik. “Nikhita!” she says. “So good to see you!”

  “Oh … same.” Nik puts on her best polite smile. “Principal Gallagher?”

  “Right … you can go ahead. She’s in her office.”

  “Perfect, thanks.”

  “Nik …” I say as I trail behind her. She has a laser-focused gaze as she marches toward Principal Gallagher’s door. “I just don’t know if—”

  I don’t get to finish my sentence, because the next moment, Nik has opened up the door to the principal’s office. Ms. Gallagher is on the phone, in deep conversation. She glances up at our arrival, her face darkening when she spots the two of us.

  “I’ll call you back. I have a meeting,” she mumbles into the phone while waving the two of us in. I take a seat, the same one that I was sitting on yesterday when my life got turned upside down. Nik stands, her arms crossed and her feet tapping loudly against the floor.

  “Nikhita!” Ms. Gallagher says as soon as she’s hung up the phone. “It’s so great to see you again! How is UCL?”

  Nik rolls her eyes. “Ms. Gallagher, I’m here about my sister. It seems she’s been unfairly accused of cheating. By you.”

  “Not … not by me,” Ms. Gallagher recoils in feigned shock. Like she wasn’t the one who ambushed me in her office with Ammu and Abbu to tell me about Aisling’s accusation.

  “By a student, whatever.” Nik waves her hand like it doesn’t matter either way. “It’s a false accusation. I know that Ishita hasn’t cheated. You know that Ishita hasn’t cheated.
Prolonging this process with your ridiculous investigation while disallowing her to run for Head Girl is deeply unfair.”

  “An investigation is just how the process works when a student has been accused of cheating.” Ms. Gallagher’s voice is full of sympathy, but there is none on her face. I suspect there’s even a little glee dancing behind her eyes. Like she’s beaten me and my sister down. After all, we have both been top of the class for our entire careers in this school. “There’s really nothing I can do about it. I’m sorry that you’ve come all the way here to—”

  “Can I see the tests?” Nik doesn’t even seem to be listening to her words. “Both of them?”

  “I’m not sure if—”

  “You showed my parents,” I cut in. “Nik is a guardian.”

  Ms. Gallagher heaves a sigh before walking to her desk and rifling around one of the drawers. Finally, she takes both of the tests and places them on the table. Nik is quick to swoop down and look through them, her tongue clicking as she flicks through the pages.

  “And can we call the student in question to the office?” She asks, glancing up at Ms. Gallagher once more.

  “She would really prefer to remain anonymous,” Ms. Gallagher says.

  “Her name is right here on the test.” Nik holds it up, folding the sticky note up, so we can all see “Aisling Mahoney” scribbled onto the top.

  Ms. Gallagher heaves a sigh. “Is this really necessary, Nikhita? I understand that Ishita is your sister—”

  “Ms. Gallagher.” Nik’s smile is forced, like it’s really paining her. “I’m just trying to save you time here. Please.”

  Ms. Gallagher presses the intercom on her desk. “Can Aisling Mahoney please come to the principal’s office? Can Aisling Mahony please come to the principal’s office?” The announcement echoes for a moment before Principal Gallagher turns back to Nik.

  “You know, Aisling really is a fantastic student. Liked by all her peers and her teachers. I can’t see a single reason why she would cheat on her test. Nor why she would accuse Ishita of cheating if she hadn’t. Really, she sounded quite distressed when she came to me about the situation. Said Ishita was a friend, and she really didn’t want to make things difficult.”

  Nik gives Ms. Gallagher a tight smile. “I guess we’ll see.”

  There’s a knock on the door, and then it swings open. Aisling steps in gingerly, looking from me, to Nik, to Ms. Gallagher. Her eyes are wide with concern.

  “Um, you asked for me, Principal Gallagher?”

  “Please, take a seat.” Ms. Gallagher offers her a genuinely kind smile.

  Aisling sits down right beside me and shoots me a curious glance. “Hey, Ishita. I thought you weren’t in school today?”

  I look away, up at my sister, and purse my lips.

  “Aisling … can you tell me what a scramble competition is?” Nik asks.

  My heart thumps. I remember that question from the test. Aisling glances at Ms. Gallagher, instead of Nik.

  “Principal Gallagher, what is this?” she asks.

  Principal Gallagher, for once, doesn’t help her out much. She shakes her head and says, “Aisling, please answer the question.”

  Aisling glances at me now, like she thinks I’m about to give her the answer. Finally, she holds Nik’s gaze and parts her lips.

  “Umm… . scramble competition. When people scramble and compete with each other?”

  Nik’s lips twitch and I can tell she’s trying to hold in a triumphant smile. She swiftly turns to me with a raised eyebrow. “Scramble competition?”

  “Scramble competition is when organisms are all struggling for a scarce resource.”

  “And what’s a saprophyte?” Nik jumps to the next question, her gaze on Aisling once more.

  Aisling doesn’t even try this time. She stares down at the carpeted office floor and shakes her head. “I don’t know.”

  “A saprophyte is an organism that feeds on dead matter,” I offer.

  Nik looks back at Principal Gallagher. “They both answered these questions correctly,” she says. “But Aisling doesn’t seem to know any of the answers.” Handing the test papers back to Ms. Gallagher, she says, “I rest my case.”

  Shaking her head, Ms. Gallagher mumbles, “I’m very disappointed.” Though she doesn’t look particularly disappointed as she sighs and shuffles to the other side of the table.

  Beside me, Aisling is blinking back tears, though she doesn’t struggle for long before her loud sniffles fill up the room. She wipes at her tears, bending down like she’s trying to hide the very obvious fact that she’s crying.

  “I’m s-s-sorry.”

  Ms. Gallagher leans forward, passing Aisling the box of tissues on her desk. She even gives her a pat on her hand, like Aisling is a misbehaving pet and not a manipulative bitch.

  “Aisling, I think you can go,” she says.

  Aisling looks up at Ms. Gallagher with wide eyes, wiping away more tears with the back of her hand. She doesn’t waste any time. Mumbling a soft, “T-thank you,” she darts out the door.

  “So I’m assuming there will be an investigation into her conduct?” Nik asks. “I mean, not only was she cheating but she was also harassing Ishita with this false accusation?”

  “I don’t think that’ll be necessary,” Principal Gallagher says grimly. “I think we’ve traumatized the poor girl enough. Ishita didn’t cheat on the test, Aisling did. I will accept that and we will move on. Ishita can continue on in the election for Head Girl; she has our endorsement. Thank you for clearing everything up for everyone, Nikhita.”

  “So, Ishita had to be scrutinized, embarrassed in front of our parents … and Aisling gets off scot-free? With no consequences?”

  “There will be consequences,” Principal Gallagher says unconvincingly. “Detention—”

  “Detention.” Nik scoffs. I’m already getting up from my chair. At least my name is cleared, whatever happens—or doesn’t happen—to Aisling.

  “We should go, Nik,” I mumble.

  “Ishu—”

  “Please?”

  Nik heaves a sigh of her own, settling Ms. Gallagher with one last glare, before the two of us slip outside.

  chapter thirty-eight

  ishu

  “YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME YOU WERE GOING TO DO that, you know.” I tell Nik back in the car. I don’t exactly feel relief from the truth finally coming out, but at least some of the overbearing pressure weighing on me seems to have lifted. I feel lighter.

  Nik smirks at me from the driver’s seat. “The fun is in the surprise.”

  “Not when my school career is at stake …” I say. “Where are we going?”

  Nik is turning onto the wrong road, not the one that will lead us home.

  “We should celebrate the fact that we’ve bested that fucked-up school, and—whatever that girl’s name is,” Nik says. “Lunch, on me.”

  “Aisling.” The feel of her name against my tongue fills me with a kind of dread. “I can’t believe the school won’t even do anything to her …”

  “Let’s not think about that,” Nik says. She pulls the car into park in front of Mao’s. “Thai food?”

  Later on, as Nik forks pad thai into her mouth, her gaze rests on me—curiosity flickering in her eyes.

  “What?” I ask, when she’s been staring wordlessly for long enough to make me feel uncomfortable.

  “Tell me what happened with Hani.”

  “I don’t want to talk about that.” I shove a forkful of noodles into my mouth to avoid talking. Nik just pokes me on my side.

  “I flew all the way over here—”

  “’Oo can’ juz’ use tha’ ‘scuze.”

  Nik rolls her eyes. “I’m not going to stop bothering you until you tell me everything. Doesn’t matter if you’re eating. I’m your sister—I can help you deal with all of this.” She raises an eyebrow almost threateningly. I swallow down my noodles and heave a sigh.

  “It’s complicated.”

  “Would
it even be romance if it wasn’t?”

  I play with the noodles with my fork for a moment, before launching into it. “The thing is … Aisling is kind of Hani’s best friend.”

  Whatever Nik was expecting, I guess it wasn’t that, because she almost falls off her chair with the shock of it. The knife and fork she was using drops to the ground with a clatter. The other customers at the restaurant look over at us with glares. Nik shoots them polite smiles and bends down to pick up the cutlery, before setting it down on the table and staring me down.

  “Hani doesn’t seem like the type of person to be friends with her. I mean … I don’t know …”

  I shrug. “I don’t know why they’re friends, really. Just that they’ve been for as long as I remember. Well … Hani was on her side, obviously.”

  “Hani thought you cheated on the test?” Nik’s voice goes up as she says it.

  “Well … not exactly.”

  “So …”

  “She … I don’t know. She kept saying she was confused. She didn’t know who to believe.”

  “And then you two broke up?”

  Instead of answering, I put another forkful of noodles into my mouth and begin to chew. At least that’s keeping the lump from my throat, and keeping the tears at bay.

  “So … you broke up with her, huh?” Nik goes back to her pad thai. “You know, Ishu—I know you’re a lot of things … abrasive, closed-off, cold, a little mean-spirited sometimes, jealous, definitely, and for sure—”

  “Nik!”

  “Sorry.” Nik smiles. “I just never thought you were a fool. Cleverness is something you’ve always had going for you.”

  “What are you talking about?” I ask.

  “Well … you just gave Aisling everything. You gave up the girl you care about and want to be with instead of fighting for her, or even explaining your side of the story to her. You sent her right to Aisling. Why would she believe you when you gave up on her so easily?” Nik isn’t looking at me. She’s just taking small bites of noodles as she speaks.

  “We were never even together to begin with, Nik. The whole thing … it was all a lie. I thought at least she could be a friend, but … she’s not even that. She was never going to believe me,” I say. “I bet Aisling has already spun some lies to make Hani believe that she isn’t actually at fault. That it’s all me, actually. She’s … she’s different when she’s with her white friends. She tries to change herself to be more like them, to fit in or whatever. I don’t even know if I want to be with someone like that.”