Chasing Faith

by Stephanie Perry Moore

  The doctor told me I had sustained a concussion, third-degree burns on my shin, and a severely swollen ankle. He said I’d have to stay in the hospital for a few more days.

  I cringed. I’d always hated hospitals. When I was about eight years old, my grandfather had entered a hospital with a headache, and he passed away the next day. No one could explain to me what had happened.

  At least I was not in a regular hospital room. This place was more like a hotel suite, with pictures on the pink walls, a dresser with a mirror, a leather couch, and even a large-screen television. I felt special, pampered, and cared for.

  The door to my room opened and Reverend Stokes waltzed in. “Mind if I bother you for a minute?”

  “No,” I said, pulling my hospital robe tighter as I sat up a bit.

  He turned to my detail leader, Agent Moss, and said, “I’d like to have a moment alone with Agent Ware, please.”

  “Sure, sir,” Agent Moss said as he nodded his head at me. “I’ll be right outside the door.”

  Reverend Stokes walked in and pulled the door almost shut. “I sure can see why my son is so into you,” he said, speaking more casually than I’d ever heard him.

  “I haven’t talked to your son.”

  Reverend Stokes patted my hand that was free of the IV. “It’s okay. I’ve talked with him and he admits he has feelings for you. You’re an amazing woman and a phenomenal agent. I owe you my life.”

  I felt my cheeks blush. “I was just doing my job, sir.”

  “I’ve talked to Agent Moss and he and I agree that it is not against any federal policy if you still want to see my son.”

  I didn’t know how to respond to that. I was grateful, but I didn’t want special favors. I guess it was like when I saved Troy by shooting the guy who was going to shoot him. When you save someone’s life, they feel so indebted, they grant you anything. I guess this was Reverend Stokes’s way of saying thanks.

  He sat in the leather chair beside my bed. “Ms. Ware, God has shown me that He has put certain people in my life for specific reasons. Your actions showed me what a selfish person I’ve been lately. I don’t have the right to tell Sebastian he can’t see you or that you’re not good enough for him. In spite of the mean things I said to you, you saved my life. I was wrong to judge you, and I’d like to apologize.”

  I was so overwhelmed, all I could do was smile. “Have you talked to Sebastian about this?”

  “Oh, you can’t wait to get together with him now that I gave you my blessing, can you?” Reverend Stokes laughed. “We’re going to have to work on his mom, though. I don’t think she’ll be very easy to convince.”

  “Your son and I are just friends, sir,” I assured him.

  “That’s not what it looked like the other night.” He grinned.

  “Sebastian was just doing something nice for my birthday,” I explained. “And besides, at the time, I really wanted to talk to him about God.”

  “Really?” he said, his eager expression reminding me that Stokes was not just a presidential candidate; he was a pastor as well.

  “Reverend Stokes, my behavior hasn’t always been very godly. I mean, I believed in God, but I started wondering if He truly loved me. So much has happened in my life that made me doubt His love for me. But when we were climbing those steps to the roof the other day, and I heard you praying, I realized I need to get straight with the Lord.”

  “God spared your life,” he said in the gentle voice of a loving pastor. “Do you believe He loves you now?”

  “Yeah, I do,” I told him. “I really feel God in my soul.”

  His face beamed. “May I pray with you?”

  “Of course,” I said with a chuckle.

  It was a long prayer, and very meaningful. I was glad he’d stopped by to see me. Not only was I relieved to see that my protectee was safe and well, but also it was a blessing to have him acting as my pastor, too.

  I awoke the next day to the smell of fresh roses. Even without opening my eyes, I knew my man had come to start my day off right.

  “I’m glad you’re okay,” I heard his deep baritone voice whispering in my ear. “My world could not have gone on without you.”

  “Ms. Ware,” a tight tenor voice interrupted, “I need to take a look at that burn.”

  My eyes flew open. Sebastian wasn’t there at all. Instead, a male nurse was moving a bouquet of roses off my nightstand so he could set the portable thermometer machine down before taking my temperature.

  I must have been dreaming. I closed my eyes and exhaled deeply.

  That afternoon, I called my mother. I didn’t mean to wait so long before I called her, but the medication I was on made me sleep a lot. Whenever I woke up it was because someone woke me up. My mom had received a call from my FBI supervisor, but had yet to talk to me personally. She had been going crazy worrying about me, but I assured her that I was fine. But she just kept crying and saying that she’d been a nervous wreck.

  “You need to quit,” she said. “You are not Superwoman. Just come on home and let me take care of you.”

  I rolled my eyes, glad she couldn’t see my face over the phone. “Ma, I know I’m not really a Secret Service agent, but I’ve got to figure out who’s after Reverend Stokes.”

  “But you’re injured,” she squealed. “Let the Secret Service people do that. You need to take some time off to get healed.”

  I hated that my mother still talked to me like I was a child. But the truth was, she was right. “I’ll have to do that anyway,” I said. “The Agency is making me take a week off.”

  “Good,” she proclaimed. “Shall I fly down there to look after you, or are you coming here? I can pick you up from the airport any time.”

  “Thanks for your concern, Ma, but I don’t even know when I’ll be released from the hospital yet.”

  “Then I’ll come visit you.”

  “Ma, no, you don’t need to do that. You can’t afford to miss work. Besides, the hospital staff is taking excellent care of me. There’s nothing to worry about. I’m going to be fine.”

  She hesitated. “You sound different, Christian. What’s going on with you?”

  “Nothing, Ma. Really.” I wanted to tell my mother about my renewed relationship with God, but I wasn’t ready to listen to her screaming “Praise the Lord!” and shouting “Hallelujah!” for hours on end. So I decided to change the subject. “How’s Crystal?”

  For a long moment, my mother just sighed. I knew her heart was hurting over my younger sister. I hadn’t spent as much time with Crystal lately as I wished I could. She was fifteen, but looked more like twenty-eight. Her life focused on boys and money, and she’d been hanging around with the wrong crowd.

  “She says she’s not getting into any trouble,” Mom reported, “but some of those boys she’s been seeing scare me. I’m trying to switch shifts so I can be home when she gets in from school.”

  “Crystal has too much freedom,” I said, before I realized that would just make my mom more nervous.

  “Oh, Chris, what am I gonna do with that girl?” Mom asked, her voice trembling.

  “Don’t worry, Ma,” I said quickly. “I’ll have a talk with her as soon as I can.”

  Hearing the concern in my mother’s voice made me miss her dreadfully.

  Shortly after I hung up, Agent Moss came in. He asked me how I was doing and questioned me on my recollection of the events that had taken place the night of the bombing. I told him all the details I remembered, and my responses were recorded on a small tape recorder.

  After he had finished his official interview and pressed the Stop button, he said, “We’re all really proud of the way you handled yourself in that situation.”

  “Thank you, sir,” I said. “When can I get back to my duties?”

  He grinned and shook his head. “Don’t worry. Stokes is being heavily guarded.”

  “He was attacked on my watch, sir,” I said. “I just want to make sure he’s safe until the culprit is captured.
”

  “But you’re wounded,” he said. “Until you’re cleared by a physician, you’ll have to stay on medical leave.”

  I groaned, but knew I had no choice.

  After my supervisor left, I was going to try to take a nap, but the phone rang. Hoping it was Sebastian, I answered it quickly.

  “Your picture is all over the paper,” my girlfriend Eden gushed. “I’m so proud of you.”

  “Just doing my job,” I said.

  “Are you kidding?” she squealed. “Dion says you could become famous for this. Have you had many reporters wanting to interview you yet?”

  I chuckled. “They’d have to get clearance from the Secret Service, and those guys never approve that kind of thing. I’m telling you, girl, it’s just part of the job.”

  “Well, if you refuse the media, they won’t be very happy. They might even print something negative about you just to retaliate.”

  “That’s ridiculous,” I said. “Besides, who cares about the media?”

  Just then an orderly arrived with my lunch tray. I tilted the phone away to thank her, then tore into my banana pudding cup.

  “Chris, how are you really doing?” Eden asked. “I mean, weren’t you scared?”

  I put down my spoon. “Yeah, I was. I mean, I almost died in that blast. But when I thought I was dead, I recommitted my life to Christ.”

  “No way,” she squealed. “Are you serious?”

  “Yes,” I said. “I feel like a completely new person, like a load has been lifted off my heart.”

  “Oh, Christian, I’m so excited for you,” she said.

  “Yeah—me, too.”

  “Don’t you feel like there’s Someone by your side now, watching over you? That’s how it is for me. I feel protected and safe with Jesus Christ by my side.”

  “I don’t know all there is to know about Jesus, and I really want to learn. But I can already feel His strength in me.”

  “Praise God!” she said. “I’ve been praying for you to get closer to the Lord.”

  “Okay,” I said, finishing my pudding and starting on my Jell-O, “enough about me. How are you and your husband doing? And give me the real answer.”

  “All right, real answer.” She hesitated for a moment. “Every time I turn around he wants to have sex. To be honest, I’m tired of it already. It was romantic at first, but not anymore.”

  “Dang, I didn’t know there was such a thing as too much sex,” I teased.

  “You know, I shouldn’t be talking about my problems while you’re in the hospital.”

  “Hey, I asked. I want you to talk to me. Takes my mind off of everything that’s going on with me, you know?”

  “Well, I’d rather talk about what’s going on with you,” she said lightly, obviously not wanting to talk about her marriage anymore. “Have you met any cute guys lately?”

  I laughed. “Actually, I have.”

  “You’re kidding! Who?”

  “Sebastian Stokes.”

  “Reverend Stokes’s middle son?” she screamed.

  “That’s him.”

  “Oh, my gosh! I saw a picture of him in the paper once. He looked like a nerd—totally not your type.”

  “He’s got a new style now. He’s running for lieutenant governor of Georgia.”

  “So he’s a politician? Sounds pretty nerdy to me.”

  “He doesn’t expect to win. He’s just running to beef up his dad’s campaign.”

  “So does he like you?”

  “He’s definitely interested. And I can’t get him out of my mind. Eden, this man is everything I’ve ever dreamed of. He has brains, personality, patience, and looks!”

  “Sounds perfect.”

  “I don’t know if our relationship can really go anywhere, though. His mother wants a high-society girl for him.”

  “Forget her. Just be yourself. You’ll win her over.”

  “You don’t know this woman.” I chuckled. “She’s like the wicked witch of the West.”

  “If you want him, pray about it. If it’s God’s will, it’ll work out.”

  “You should take your own advice, girl.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Maybe you and Dion can work out your sexual differences if you pray about it.”

  “Maybe,” she said softly. “I sure wish you were going to Denver with us.”

  “Me, too,” I said longingly.

  Every winter, young black people from all over the United States got together on the slopes of Colorado for a big snow party. Not only was it great fun, but there were also plenty of opportunities to network. I personally knew several people who had gotten great jobs because of the contacts they made at the ski conference.

  “Hey,” Eden said, “maybe this would be a good way for you to recuperate. You wouldn’t have to ski, of course. Just hang out at the lodge and talk to folks. Lots of people from the wedding party are going.”

  “I’m not sure,” I said, although it certainly sounded tempting. “I promised my mom I’d go home and check up on my sister.”

  “At least think about it,” she said.

  I promised her I would.

  We talked and laughed for another forty minutes. Just hearing her voice relaxed me. Eden was a true friend and I was glad I had her in my life.

  After I hung up the phone, I decided to take her advice. First, I thanked God for my friendship with Eden. Then I asked Him what He had in store for me. I wanted my desire to match His will.

  I couldn’t stop thinking about Sebastian Stokes. Were my thoughts about him coming from God? Was He trying to tell me something about Sebastian? Or was I just getting excited because he was such a fine man? I wanted to hear from God. So I decided to just start talking to Him.

  “Lord,” I whispered in the quiet room, “it feels kind of weird talking to You after all this time. I hope You can hear me.” Wanting to do this right, I hobbled out of bed and slipped to my knees. “I’ve lived my life so wrong. I need help. I need to get back on Your path.” My right leg started pounding, but I ignored the pain.

  Before I could finish my prayer, I heard the door open. My heart raced as I turned my head, hoping to see Sebastian. But instead my partner, Agent Hold, was poking his head in.

  “You okay?” he asked, stepping into the room with a nice assortment of fresh-cut flowers.

  “I’m fine,” I said, accepting his help getting off my knees.

  As he set the flowers on the nightstand, I crawled back into bed, my leg throbbing.

  He pulled a chair next to the bed and sat in it backwards. “Want me to call the nurse?” he asked.

  I tried to smooth the grimace off my face. “Thanks, but no. I’m okay.”

  “I can’t believe this happened,” Agent Hold said. “I sure want to catch the guy who planted that bomb. I thought I’d lost you when I saw you leap from that building with all those flames engulfing you.”

  His concern touched my heart so deeply I couldn’t speak.

  “I never would have guessed that you were so tough,” he said with a smile. “You’re my hero.”

  We started laughing so hard my leg began to hurt again.

  Then the door opened and Sebastian Stokes appeared, wearing a tailored business suit. My heart skipped a beat.

  “Guess I’ll be going,” Ryan said, standing.

  “You don’t have to—” I started.

  “I’ll be back,” he assured me. Then he grinned and walked out the door.

  “You look beautiful,” Sebastian said as he approached my bed.

  He stroked my hair and gave me a sweet kiss on the forehead. My body stiffened with excitement.

  He sat on the edge of the bed. “Forgive me for not getting here sooner,” he said, his voice filled with regret. “My schedule is insane, but I made adjustments as quickly as I could so I could get here and spend time with you.”

  “You’re here now,” I said. “That’s all that really matters.”

  When the plane took
off, I couldn’t believe I was sitting beside Sebastian Stokes, heading toward the ski convention in Vail. When I had told him about it in the hospital, he had immediately decided it would be good therapy for me and convinced my doctor to release me early. Since he went to the trouble of rearranging his schedule for me, I called my mom and told her I’d come to see her right after the ski weekend.

  “What are you thinking about?” Sebastian asked as he saw me staring out the window.

  “You,” I said, then kissed him on the lips. We were still kissing when the flight attendant came by, asking if we wanted a drink. I pretended not to hear her offer. I had everything I needed right beside me.

  When we arrived at the Snowy Mountain Bed and Breakfast, it was packed with affluent black folks. As we stood in the long registration line, I heard three ladies behind us making suggestive comments about Sebastian and giggling like schoolgirls. I wasn’t a bit jealous. It actually made me feel good, knowing all the ladies wanted my man.

  But he wasn’t really my man. Not yet.

  One of the ladies came up and whispered in his ear, “Please tell me you’re here alone.”

  “Sorry,” he said, grabbing my waist.

  The girl shrank back to her friends with a disappointed pout.

  When our turn came to register, the desk clerk asked how many rooms we would need.

  “Two, please,” Sebastian said, and I heard the girls behind me start whispering again.

  Sebastian carried our bags to the elevator. By the time it arrived, the girls from behind us in line joined us.

  “You’ll have to excuse us for looking at your man,” the lighter-skinned one said as the shiny doors slid open.

  “We just want to know how you snagged him,” the darker one said, pressing the button for her floor.

  I smiled. “He’s just a blessing from God.”

  The girls looked at each other in shock. “Then I need to start praying!” the first girl said, and we all laughed.

  Sebastian turned around, looked at us, and I could see that he was blushing.

  When the elevator reached our floor, Sebastian led me to my room, brought in the luggage, and handed me my key. The room was actually quite cozy, as it contained a sitting area next to the fireplace, a queen-sized canopy bed, and a quaint bathroom.