Chasing Faith

by Stephanie Perry Moore

  “It’s beautiful,” I said with inward jubilee.

  “You’re beautiful,” Sebastian said, pulling me into his arms.

  He touched my face, then his hands roamed my upper body and I started to burn with desire. He grabbed my butt and moaned while his lips and tongue sent heat to my loins. Then he picked me up and carried me to the bedroom, laying me down gently on the bed. I opened my legs, and he answered my invitation by joining me on the bed. When he climbed on top of me, my bandaged leg complained. But I was willing to endure a little pain to be with this man.

  Suddenly he rolled off of me and sat up. “What am I doing? I can’t do this.” He stood. “Christian, forgive me. I’m going to my room. I will be back in a little while to get you for dinner.”

  “Sebastian,” I cried out as he stomped into the living room and picked up his suitcase. “I’m sorry.” Before I could say anything more, he fled from the room.

  I sat by the fire for thirty minutes, trying to figure out what I’d done to offend him. He’d seemed as passionate about me as I’d been about him. Why the sudden change? Then it clicked with me. This wasn’t God’s way. Though I’d just started following the Lord again, I knew I had a ways to go to get right in my spirit. Falling a little in the area of premarital sex didn’t bother me that much. However, I felt horrible that I was causing Sebastian to compromise his values.

  When Sebastian returned, he asked if I was ready to eat. I said yes, so we went downstairs to the restaurant. As we ate, we discussed what happened upstairs in the room.

  “Christian, I’m sorry if you feel that I rejected you. I want to be with you so bad, but I made a vow to God that the next woman I made love to would be my wife,” Sebastian uttered with compassion.

  I replied by saying, “I owe you an apology. I was only thinking about what I wanted. I guess it’s just hard for me to understand why an attractive, able-bodied man would make such a promise.”

  He stared into my eyes briefly, then lowered his head and said, “I was in a serious relationship with someone a few years ago and I loved her dearly, but she cheated on me.” He looked away and had trouble finishing the story. As I stared at him, I could tell this was hard for him. Wanting him to open up when he was ready, I gently ran circles across the top of his hand.

  After what seemed like an eternity, I said, “Sebastian, I respect you for your stance against premarital sex. We can talk about that whenever you want to. Again, I’m sorry that I’m just not there yet.”

  Smiling, he said, “If you’ll let me, I want to date you in a way that pleases God. Will you let me do that?”

  “I’ll try. But I gotta be honest. Right now I really want more from you.”

  That evening Sebastian took me on a magical ride in a chartered cable car that traveled from the bottom of the ski slope to the top of the mountain. We stood at the window and looked out at the beautiful scenery under the nearly full moon.

  I tried to move closer to him a few times, but he kept eluding my touch. He didn’t seem angry with me, but he was certainly driving a wedge into the romance of the ride.

  Sooner or later, I thought, we’d have to have a long, serious talk. But for the moment, I decided to just enjoy the wonderful ride and watch the skiers as they wound down the snowy slopes, then rode back up to the top on the ski lift.

  Chapter 8

  Cave

  Though the view of the ski slopes from our chartered cable car was beautiful, the distance between Sebastian and me was uncomfortable. Being so close to the mountains was breathtaking. It gave me comfort, knowing that if the Lord could create such wonder, He certainly could control the heart of His own.

  When the cable car reached the top of the mountain, it circled the station and began its descent. Sebastian remained silent. Since my negative attitude was softened by the wonderful wilderness, I decided to try and be cordial.

  Finally I asked, “What are you thinking about?”

  “Nothing,” he replied, staring out the window.

  “Please talk to me,” I begged. “Something’s on your mind. You started at dinner and I told you I’d be here to listen any time. I don’t want a relationship full of strain—open up.”

  “I told you I’m not thinking about anything,” he snapped. “Why can’t you let me be?”

  Stunned by his response, I endured the rest of the ride in complete silence.

  When the cable car reached the ground-level station, the operator said with a grin, “You two lovebirds want to go back up?”

  “No,” I said firmly as I limped out, my leg in great pain after standing for so long.

  When we reached Sebastian’s car, he opened the passenger-side door like it was an obligation. So I kept walking right past his car.

  “What are you doing?” he asked with a frustrated sigh.

  I glanced back. “I think I’ll just walk back to the bed-and-breakfast, thanks.” I kept going.

  “I can’t leave you out here like this,” he hollered after me. “Stop acting so childish.”

  “Childish?” I repeated, whipping around so quickly I nearly slipped on the icy asphalt.

  “You probably don’t even know how to get back.”

  I stared at him, unwilling to admit that he was right.

  “I owe you an explanation,” he said, still standing by the open car door. “Can you please get in so I can talk to you?”

  I took a deep breath, then obliged.

  After closing my door, he got in the driver’s side. “I’m not mad at you, Christian,” he said after taking a deep breath. “I’m mad at myself because I didn’t tell you everything.” He stared at the steering wheel. “Chris, the only reason I found out that my ex cheated on me was because she told me that she tested positive for HIV. She also told me that she had been with my brother and that I should tell him that he needed to get tested also. While I was waiting for the results of my test, I promised God that if my test came back negative, I would rededicate myself to Him and would not sleep with another woman until she was my wife. He honored my prayer and I want to keep my word.”

  I couldn’t say anything. I was stunned. Sebastian was a man of God and I was making him falter.

  He continued, “Now do you see why I couldn’t sleep with you, why I couldn’t break my word to God? I just don’t know if my willpower is as strong as it used to be before you entered my life. I’m supposed to be helping you find the right way to God, and here I am messing up both of us. I think I need to reevaluate my feelings for you. If that’s tough for you to hear, I’m sorry. I’m just trying to be honest.”

  “I came here to recuperate,” I said, trying to remember that I was strong, “and I can do that without you.” I asked him to drop me off in front of the bed-and-breakfast. He started the car without another word and we drove in silence.

  When I returned to my room, I called room service and ordered a hamburger, french fries, and a slice of cheesecake. Then I changed into my flannel nightgown and started flipping through the channels on the television, finding nothing but reruns of stupid sitcoms.

  I looked at the phone several times, hoping Sebastian would call. But I knew we were at a fork in the road, and I’d been too promiscuous in my life to just turn off all the heat. The way Sebastian had responded when God granted him his health was not my style, even though God had blessed me with not being pregnant. I should be taking the same stand, but I couldn’t commit to that right now. Could our relationship survive?

  When I rolled over and looked at the clock the next day, it was six…P.M.! I had slept all day. Though my leg felt better, my heart was breaking. All I could do was pray.

  Okay, Lord, how am I supposed to turn off the feelings I have for Sebastian? I want to go further with him, but I know that’s wrong. Please change my heart. Take away my desire to do all the wrong things.

  I crawled out of the bed, took a shower, and put on some casual clothes. When I ventured out into the living room, I noticed three pieces of folded pink paper by the d
oor. Intrigued, I picked them up.

  The first one said,

  9:02 a.m. I came by to get you for breakfast and knocked on the door, but you didn’t answer. Later, Sebastian.

  A smile curled my lips as I stared at his signature.

  I unfolded the second note.

  12:35 P.M. Was hoping we could do lunch, but I guess you’re still tired. Going skiing with a friend. See you.

  I pressed the note to my heart, then quickly unfolded the third one.

  It’s 5:00. Hope you’re okay. There’s a package for you at the front desk.

  I called the front desk and they verified that they did have a package for me. I asked to have it brought up. Within moments the bellhop was knocking at my door. After tipping him extravagantly, I surveyed the beautifully decorated gift box. It had a Saks Fifth Avenue logo.

  I opened the box. It contained a beautiful, black, sleeveless dress in my size, a pair of black pumps with a sexy open toe, and a satin purse. I also found a small jewelry box containing a pearl necklace and matching earrings. I was too stunned to do anything but sit down and stare.

  Seconds later, I heard a knock on the door. Tossing the box aside, I raced to answer, ready to give Sebastian a huge hug. But my caller was the young bellhop. He held out a card. “I’m sorry. I forgot to give you this. It was with the package.”

  “Lord, what is this man up to?” I mumbled after thanking the deliverer and closing the door.

  I opened the card with trembling fingers.

  My dearest Christian,

  I’m sorry for the misunderstanding. I don’t want to lose you. I just want to honor God. I think we can workthis out. Let me show you the way God wants us to be together.

  I hope you feel okay. I’ve been concerned about you. There is a big charity ball tonight at the civic center in town. If you decide not to come, I will understand.

  Hope I’ll see you tonight.

  Love,

  Sebastian

  I held the card close to my heart and closed my eyes, envisioning his face. I couldn’t let this man get away. I had to make another effort to let him know how I felt before I ended up with nothing.

  I entered the ballroom, feeling absolutely elegant in my brand-new ensemble. As I started searching for Sebastian, my cell phone rang.

  “Hey, girl. How are you doing?” I could hear excitement in Eden’s voice. We had spoken briefly after I received the gifts from Sebastian.

  “I’m good,” I said. “How about you?”

  “You won’t believe this,” she said, “but Dion and I are at a fancy ball. I wish you were here.”

  “Tell me about the place,” I said, amazed at the coincidence.

  “A bunch of round tables are covered with red linen tablecloths and white napkins. Each table has an African violet centerpiece. There’s a live band, and the lights are dim and romantic.”

  My amazement grew. Her description matched my surroundings perfectly. “Is there a winding staircase? And ice sculptures?”

  “Yeah,” she said. “How do you know?”

  I glanced around the room and spotted my girlfriend not ten feet away, surrounded by her friends from the wedding party, all looking in the opposite direction. “Turn around,” I said.

  Eden turned, and within moments saw me waving at her. We hung up our phones and rushed toward each other. “Oh, girl,” she said, giving me a hug, “you look gorgeous.” She glanced back at her friends, who had followed her. “Hey, everybody, look! Christian is here.”

  Dion said hi to me. Max Cross, my ex-boyfriend, gave me a long, appreciative once-over. Chyna shot me an insincere half smile.

  Everyone huddled around me, asking how my leg felt and telling me how fabulous I looked. Then we made our way to an empty table and filled it up. Max maneuvered into the seat to my right, while Eden sat on my left.

  “Anybody know who the guest speaker is supposed to be?” Chyna asked the group. “I’m not staying if the speech gets boring.” She fanned her linen napkin over her lap. “Then again, if it’s somebody cute, maybe I’ll just go after him when he’s through talking.”

  Just then, Sebastian stepped onto the podium from behind a heavy curtain.

  “Ooh,” Chyna squealed. “He is fine!”

  “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,” he said. “I am Sebastian Stokes.”

  “Is that—?” Eden asked me.

  I grinned, then turned to give Sebastian my full attention.

  “I am running for lieutenant governor of the state of Georgia. When I first announced my candidacy, most people thought it was a joke. I admit I didn’t take it as seriously as I should have. But as I traveled across the beautiful state of Georgia, I realized it is filled with suffering people who need politicians to make a difference for them. I now believe this is my God-given calling.”

  While the audience applauded, Max tapped me on the shoulder and handed me a white cocktail napkin. On it he had scrawled

  You look beautiful. I hope you save a dance for me tonight.

  I gave him a smirk, crumpled the napkin, and threw it onto the table beside my plate, then turned my attention back to Sebastian.

  “People come up to me all the time,” my man was saying, “and tell me their opinions on various issues. When I ask what they are willing to do to correct the problem, they usually don’t have an answer. Most folks seem to want someone else to fix their problems, but aren’t willing to get involved personally. Some think they can’t do anything because they don’t have the right training or education. But my dad always told me, ‘Success comes to the person who believes in himself and in God.’”

  He continued on for another fifteen minutes. At the end of his speech, he received a standing ovation.

  After the applause stopped, and people turned their attention to the meal that was about to be served, I saw Sebastian scanning the crowd from a corner of the room. I hoped he was looking for me. I also hoped that when he found me, it would be a moment for both of us to remember.

  But before he could spot me, a swarm of women noticed him and started buzzing around him like bees wanting honey. I considered wading through the crowd, but then I heard Eden and Dion arguing behind me.

  “Why won’t you dance with me?” she was whining.

  “I don’t want to stick around here,” Dion argued. “Let’s go back to the hotel. I want you.”

  “But I’m enjoying the ball,” Eden said.

  “Fine,” he said. “You can enjoy it without me.” Dion stormed off toward the exit. I grabbed Eden’s hand to let her know I was there for her, but she jerked away and ran after her husband.

  “Oh, my gosh,” I heard Chyna squeal. “He’s smiling at me. He likes what he sees. Sebastian Stokes is mine.”

  I smiled at the conceited, deluded girl. My smile broadened when I saw Chyna’s excitement turn to embarrassment as Sebastian walked straight past her and toward me.

  He grabbed my hands and pulled them away from my sides so he could gaze at my outfit. “Do you want to dance?” he asked.

  “Why are you looking at her that way?” Chyna said, sidling up to us. “You were smiling at me.”

  “She’s my date for the evening,” Sebastian said as he led me to the dance floor.

  “I enjoyed your speech,” I told him as we danced to a romantic ballad.

  “Thank you. I just hope some of it sticks in people’s heads.”

  “I watched the audience as they listened to your speech. They were mesmerized. I know you’ll make a great lieutenant governor and they know it, too. I believe in you, Sebastian!”

  “Too bad you don’t live in Georgia,” he said. “At least I’d be sure to get one vote.”

  I smiled at his wit. But now that he really wanted the job, I wanted to help him win. He cared about the people, not the position.

  “I wanted you to meet my best friend,” I said, “but I think she may have left.” As the song ended, I noticed a group of people waiting to talk to Sebastian. “Why don’t you mingle
while I see if I can find her.”

  “I don’t want to let you go,” he said, clinging to me as the next song began.

  “I don’t, either,” I said, “but I have to share you with your adoring fans.”

  Sebastian reluctantly released me and started mingling. I asked around for Eden, but no one in the wedding party knew where she was. I called her cell phone, but she didn’t answer. I hoped she was okay.

  When the ball ended and Sebastian and I were riding back to the B&B in his limo, I told him I’d been approached by several women who said I was blessed to have Sebastian Stokes as my man.

  He laughed and admitted that numerous men had told him he had excellent taste in women after seeing us on the dance floor.

  He took my hand and looked deep into my eyes. “You look even better in that dress than I imagined you would. You’re beautiful, smart, independent, and, best of all, God-fearing. Everything I could want in a woman.”

  “Are you saying I’m your woman?” I asked, then held my breath for his response.

  “I want you to be,” he whispered.

  I knew at that moment that I loved him. And I was determined to do whatever I could to make him love me back.

  The ringing of my cell phone interrupted us.

  “Hello?” I said, irritated at the poor timing.

  “Oh, Chris, I’m so glad I reached you,” a frantic Eden cried through the receiver. “He’s gone. Dion packed his stuff and left me.”

  “What?”

  “He hit me, too.”

  “Where are you?” I asked her.

  She told me the name of her hotel, and I asked Sebastian if we could go there. He gave the limo driver instructions. “We’ll be there in ten minutes,” I assured Eden. I stayed on the phone with her the whole way, trying to calm her down. Sebastian held me and listened. Just having him there was a great comfort.

  When we knocked on her hotel room door, it flew open and my friend fell into my arms, sobbing. Her left eye was swollen and her right arm was bruised.