by Laura Pavlov
“I’m happy for him,” I said.
I was glad Ford didn’t end up with his ex-girlfriend, Madison. He’d found her in bed with his best friend right before their father was killed in a car accident. That’s when everything changed.
For everyone.
“My mom offered you a job at the winery? She didn’t mention it to me,” Harrison mumbled.
I studied his features as he looked down at his phone. Damn. He was so handsome. Always had been. Tall and lean with dark hair. Dark scruff peppered his chin now, which was new. It looked sexy as hell and I wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans. I hated how good he looked. How it made me feel to be around him. Our knees were practically touching, and butterflies swarmed my belly. I twisted my engagement ring around my finger and thought of Charlie. Did he give me butterflies? Not really. But he made me feel safe. He loved me. And he was always there for me.
Harrison was not. He had been my entire life, until the one time I needed him most. And I couldn’t forgive that. No. I shifted my knees away from him before I spoke.
“Well, I’m still looking. I have my feelers out.” I shrugged.
“Why are you still looking? You need a temporary job and my mother offered you one. What’s the problem?” Harrison asked, an edge in his tone. He didn’t like being left out of the loop and he sure as hell didn’t like that he had no say over my decision. I’d always gone to him for advice and help when we were together. The man loved to solve problems for others. But he had no say in what I did anymore.
“It’s not up to you to decide what I do,” I hissed.
Mom leaned her head back and closed her eyes and Jack chuckled, before covering his mouth with his hand.
“I wasn’t telling you what to do, I was asking why you wouldn’t jump at this opportunity. You need something and she’s offering it to you. What’s the fucking problem?”
Now it was my turn to laugh. Harrison Montgomery never lost his shit in front of others. But I knew a different side of him, and he was showing it right now. He hadn’t shown it five years ago when he dumped me and had zero emotion about it. He hadn’t shown it when I called him crying in desperate need of his help, and he’d ignored my calls. All three calls, in fact. But right here, right now, he was losing his shit. And I enjoyed it. Maybe too much.
“The fucking problem is that maybe I don’t want to work with you. Has that every crossed your big, stupid brain, genius?” I shouted, and my mother reached for my hand and squeezed, her eyes still closed, as the ridiculous conversation was obviously too much for her.
This wasn’t her first rodeo with me. I had a temper. And the only person that usually brought it out was Harrison Montgomery. Because he was a stubborn, arrogant asshole sometimes, and he needed to be put in his place.
Jack leaned forward and clasped his hands together. “It feels like the good ole days. I wish I had some popcorn right now.”
“Shut up, Jack,” Harrison snarled. “Laney, take the stupid job. I’ll stay out of your way.”
“Take the stupid job, Laney Mae. It’s temporary, and I know it would help Mom out. Plus, I’d get to see you more. That’s a good thing, right?” Jack wriggled his brows and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“I think you should take the stupid job, too, sweetie,” Mom said, her eyes still closed.
Damn me, for losing my temper in front of my mother. Especially right now, with all she was going through. I squeezed her hand. “Sorry, Mom. I shouldn’t be arguing with him when you are about to go in for a treatment. It was very selfish.”
I looked up to see Harrison roll his eyes. “Him? I have a name.”
“It’s fine,” Mom whispered. “Just take the job and put us all out of our misery, dear.”
“Fine. I’ll do it. But you stay in your lane, Montgomery,” I said, raising a brow in challenge.
“I think she’s talking to you, brother. I’m allowed in her lane.” A wide grin spread across Jack’s handsome face.
“Whatever. I have actual work to do. I won’t be bothering you,” Harrison said, and his dark, broody gaze locked with mine.
“We’re here,” the pilot called out as we settled on the ground.
“That was quick.” My mother opened her eyes and looked out the windows.
“Quick, but painful,” Jack said, looking between his brother and me with one brow raised.
We stepped outside, and Harrison turned to speak to me. “Text me when you’re done. I’m flying back with you.”
“So much for staying in your lane.” I smirked.
“Trust me. I heard you loud and clear, Laney. I’ll keep my distance as much as possible. But unfortunately, I need to get back to the winery and I can’t ask the pilot to fly us separately just because you hate me.”
Something in my chest squeezed. He sounded wounded and vulnerable. I felt bad for being difficult when he was doing us a favor. But I had my reasons, and I needed to remember them. It would be all too easy to fall back into old habits.
“Don’t be ridiculous. I don’t hate you. And I appreciate you helping my mom out. I’m sorry if I seem ungrateful. I really am thankful you’re doing this for her. I just think it’s best that we keep our distance for the most part.”
Jack was talking to my mother off to the side and she had a big grin on her face.
“All right. Well, let me know when you’re done and we’ll head back,” Harrison said, studying me like he was trying to figure me out. I knew him too well. He didn’t understand my anger. Maybe mine was the first and last heart he ever broke. “So, Henry will drive you over and pick you up. I just sent you his number. Let him know when you’re ready to leave the hospital.”
“Okay. Thank you.”
Jack walked toward me and picked me up off the ground again. “Glad you’re back, Laney Mae. I missed you.”
A lump formed in the back of my throat and I tried to swallow and push it away.
“Jesus. Put her down already,” Harrison hissed, his voice laced with anger. Jack set me down, and I didn’t miss the way his brother’s jaw clenched nor that his hands were fisted at his side. I couldn’t help but chuckle.
“Good luck, Lyla.” Jack hugged my mom before gripping Harrison’s shoulder. “Let’s go, brother.”
I stepped into the car with Mom and we headed to the hospital.
“Well, that was interesting,” Mom said.
“Yeah. Not sure the hour and a half drive wouldn’t have been easier.”
“Don’t be silly. We’re saving hours of time this way. It’s very generous of him to do this and you’re being really tough on him, Laney. What is this about? I know he broke your heart, sweetie, but it’s been years and you’re marrying Charlie. You’ve known Harrison your entire life, you need to forgive him.”
I leaned back against the seat and let out a long breath. “This is not about a broken heart, Mom. It’s so much more than that.”
“Well, what, then? You’ve barely come home since you and Harrison broke up. You know, he told me he tried to call you many times and you never responded.”
“What? When did he tell you that?” I huffed.
“A few years ago. I ran into him at the grocery store. He was very upset about it. I honestly think he thought you two would find your way back to one another. He just wanted you to go back to school while he grieved his father. And if you remember, I wanted the same thing,” she said as we pulled to a stop in front of the hospital.
“It’s complicated. And that’s not the whole story. I called him when I first got back to school. I was heartbroken and I needed him. I really needed him, Mom. And he just wasn’t there for me. Sure, months later he reached out, but the wound was too deep. You can’t just cut people out of your life and then think you can have them back when you feel like it.”
Mom squeezed my hand. “Honey, he was grieving his father.”
“I know. And I spent that whole summer after his father’s death trying to be there for him. I loved him so much, Mom. He dumped me, if you remember. But this is all water under the bridge. I promise I’ll try to be nicer to him. I don’t want to talk about the past anymore. I want to focus on you. That’s why I’m here. I didn’t come home to patch my friendship up with Harrison. So, let’s get our heads in the game and get ready for day two of chemo. Okay?”
“Yes. Thanks for being here, sweetheart.”
“There’s nowhere else I want to be.” I reached for her hand and helped her out of the car.
We checked in and settled in the same chemotherapy suite as we were in yesterday. The nurse came in and started a PICC line in a vein just above the elbow in Mom’s arm so she could get started. I wrapped her favorite blanket around her and put on a movie, and she dozed off.
My phone vibrated with an incoming text.
Charlie ~ How are you doing? You at the hospital now?
Me ~ Yes. She’s a trouper. Almost finished. How are you?
Charlie ~ Good. Work is crazy, per usual. I miss you and our Taco Tuesdays.
Me ~ Me too. Go get tacos with Jared and Nat.
Charlie ~ Not any fun without you. And they always eat all the chips. Love you. Call me when you get home.
I laughed. Charlie and I did Taco Tuesday with my best friend, Natalie, and her boyfriend, Jared, every week.
Me ~ I will. Love you.
When we finished up Mom’s treatment, she was tired from the anti-nausea medication and leaned on my shoulder during the car ride back to the helicopter. It was the first time I was genuinely thankful for Harrison providing the transportation. Mom hadn’t been this out of it yesterday and getting her home sooner would be helpful.
I sent a text to Harrison when we left the hospital to let him know we were on our way. He was waiting for us when we arrived.
Harrison opened the car door. “How’s she doing?”
“A little more tired today, but otherwise okay.”
He helped me get her out of the car and into the helicopter. A lump settled in my throat as she leaned against me and dozed once we were buckled. This was going to be tough. Watching her suffer. Watching her fight for her life. I was embarrassed that I’d behaved like a child this morning. None of that seemed important now.
“I’m sorry about earlier,” I whispered, once we were up in the air.
“You don’t need to be sorry, Laney. I get it. You don’t want to be around me. You’ve moved on with your life just like I asked you to do. I’m happy you’re happy. I really am. That’s the one good thing that came out of all of this.” His dark gaze drilled into mine as he waited for a response.
“Thank you.”
“Yep.” He turned his head and looked out the window.
“Are you happy?” I kept my tone low. I couldn’t help it. I needed to know.
He ran a hand over the back of his neck and shook his head. “I honestly don’t know.”
“I’m guessing that means you’re not. Why is that? A guy who has everything?” I asked, suddenly wanting to know everything about him.
He chuckled, but it wasn’t genuine. It was laced with sarcasm. “I’m far from a guy who has everything. Maybe I was that guy once. Not anymore.”
“But that’s by design, right? I mean, you can have whatever you want. For whatever reason, you just changed what you wanted.”
What? What in the hell was I even saying? Why was I going there? Why did everything have to feel so familiar with him?
“I didn’t change my mind about what I wanted, Laney. Never. I just did what I thought was right,” he said, looking up to meet my gaze. And what I saw crushed me.
Harrison Montgomery appeared broken.
There was a time in my life when I would have done anything I could to fix him. Put him back together. Because loving him was a part of me. He’d been the center of my universe for most of my life. But not anymore. I didn’t know this man sitting beside me, did I?
“Maybe you just need to decide what makes you happy.”
“Is that what you did?” he asked.
My heart raced and I bit down hard on the inside of my cheek. We were having this conversation without really having it—because we weren’t acknowledging anything. Not really. Harrison and I had always been able to communicate with just a simple look. A smile. A nod. A raised brow. But I didn’t know what he was asking me anymore. And bringing up the past meant dredging up things I didn’t want to remember. Memories I’d buried a long time ago.
“I guess so. I mean, sometimes you just need to survive, right? I found a way to do that, and you should do the same.”
My words were harsh, but truthful. What I’d once had with him, what I’d thought was my future—it didn’t exist anymore. So, I’d found a different future. Was it the fairy tale? Not really. Did it need to be? No. I realized that fairy tales were sort of like the magic of first loves. They didn’t last. The real world was a bit more jaded. Darker. I learned to accept that and move forward.
“Yeah, I know. Can I ask you something?”
I shifted a bit as Mom adjusted herself against me. “Yes.”
“Do you ever think about the past, Laney? About how things would have been if my father hadn’t been in that accident?”
I sucked in a long, slow breath and fought back the tears that threatened to escape. I’d shed my last tear over this boy years ago when he broke my heart. I wasn’t looking back. I was looking forward.
“No. Not anymore,” I said. The words had more of a bite than I meant them to, but they needed to be said. Looking back would take me to a place I didn’t want to go.
He nodded and his gaze locked with mine. “Okay.”
“I’m getting married in a few months, Harrison. There’s no sense dwelling on the past.”
“Yeah. I get that. I’m happy for you. I really am. I just wish we didn’t have this.” He motioned with his hand between us. “I don’t even know what this is. But I wish we could get past it. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. I miss that.”
I swiped at the single tear that ran down my cheek and cursed myself internally for letting my emotions show this way.
“We grew up together, I think it’s normal to miss that. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss our friendship. But I don’t know how to be friends with you, Harrison. Not anymore.”
He shrugged. “How about we just start with you not hating me? We can be cordial, right?”
“I did throw sand in your face the first time we met, so I don’t know if cordial is really our thing,” I said with a laugh, and a wide grin spread across his handsome face.
God, he was beautiful.
“Yeah. I remember being temporarily blind for a few minutes after the assault. And I do recall that I was actually helping you.”
I covered my face with my hands and shook my head. “I thought you were the enemy. Mustard Face Mason started a war with me that day. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
“I always thought I was in the right place at the right time. That was the day we met. And why do you insist on calling him that?” He smiled, and my belly did little flips. Harrison took me back to a place that I remembered fondly. Before everything changed.
Before everyone changed.
Including me.
“If you choose to eat a sandwich smothered in mustard and literally never wipe your face once—be prepared to carry the title Mustard Face Mason for life.”
Harrison barked out a full-bodied, soulful laugh. It was a sound that reminded me of my childhood. Of sunshine a
nd running through the fields at his vineyard. Of toilet papering Bobby Jones’ house after he scored the winning touchdown at the state meet. Of late night make-out sessions with this boy. Of moving across the country to attend college together. Harrison Montgomery held all the memories of my past. Of both happy times and sad times. I always thought he was my forever.
But things weren’t always as they seemed.
Chapter Four
Harrison
“Are you hiding back here because you know Laney is working today?” my mother asked as she strolled in my office.
I rolled my eyes. “No. I’m just busy.”
But yes, I was giving Laney the space she’d asked for. I knew she needed this job and I didn’t want to get in the way of that. I’d avoided joining them on the helicopter the past few days when they went to the city for her mother’s treatments because our conversation the last time we spoke brought up all sorts of memories, and I didn’t want to dwell on them. We were history. She was getting married and I needed to respect that.
“All right. Well, I asked her to bring you all the invoices for the events this month once she gets everything organized. How about dinner tonight?”
“Sure.” I glanced up to meet her gaze.
“Okay, I’ll see you later. Love you.”
“Love you,” I called out.
I submerged myself in work and tried to block out the fact that Laney was working just a few feet away. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed her until she came back home. Okay, that was bullshit. I’d missed Laney every single day since the day she left for school. The day everything changed. I’d tried to move past it, and I wondered if I ever really would. Sure, I’d slept with several women since we ended things. But no one ever meant anything to me. She was all I ever saw, no matter how hard I tried to move forward. I was embarrassed to admit that to myself. Ashamed even. That I’d used other women to fill a physical need, but I’d had no real feelings for any of them. I’d been in two relationships over the years, but they never went anywhere. I’d been labeled emotionally unavailable by several women. There couldn’t be truer words spoken. I wondered if this was my punishment for what I’d done. The decision I’d made when I was drowning in grief and not thinking straight.