by Rinyu, Beth
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“Knock, kn—” I stopped myself when I walked into my father’s room at the start of visiting hours the next morning to find my sister sitting in the chair beside him, playing the part of the distraught daughter. I couldn’t even look at her. I was pissed beyond words at her.
“Emme, I thought I told you to question the doctor as to why he’s on that one medication?” She stood up and immediately did what she did best…barked out orders. I closed my eyes and shook my head. I wasn’t going to get into it with her in front of my father.
“I didn’t see him again after you called.”
“Well, did you bother asking the nurse?” She continued to badger.
“No, I didn’t. How are you feeling today, Dad?” I asked, turning my back to her.
“I’m doing great now that my two beautiful daughters are both here.”
“Daddy, I really hate to do this, but I have to run. I’ve got an eleven o’clock Skype call with the corporate office. I’ll try and swing by later,” Bridgette announced.
She was leaving? She hadn’t been here all weekend, showed up for five minutes this morning and now she was out the door again? I stood there, silently trying to pick my jaw up from the floor, as she kissed my dad on the cheek and dashed out of his room.
“I’ll be right back, Dad,” I said, running out the door and chasing after her.
“Bridgette!” I called. She stopped and turned around to face me, her face turned down in a frown and letting out an agitated huff.
“Em, what is it? I really need to get going.” Her tone was sharp and to the point. We had stopped in the perfect spot, a little alcove that afforded us the privacy I needed to get my say in to her.
“You are unbelievable. First you turn your phone off all weekend, so no one can get in touch with you, and now you’re running out the door after spending five minutes with him!”
“I’m sorry. I have a real job with commitments, Emme.”
“You bitch! I had a real job too. Remember? One I gave up so I could help take care of our dying mother.”
“Oh my God, Emme, get over yourself and stop playing the martyr.”
“You are unbelievable.” I shook my head. “You’re nothing but a spoiled, self-centered brat.”
“Oh, whatever! If you want to be pissed off at anyone about the lack of time I’m spending here this morning, be pissed off at Mr. Perfect who you seem to worship so much. He’s the one who scheduled this meeting in the first place.”
My body heated and red flashed in front of my eyes. It took everything inside of me not to haul off and slap her across her smug face. “Yeah, well, Mr. Perfect saved your father’s life!” I shouted.
“What are you talking about?” The self-assurance she was displaying just seconds ago was melting away before my eyes.
“If it weren’t for him administering CPR until the ambulance got there…Dad would be dead! Don’t believe me, ask the doctor. So yes, I do worship him in more ways than you’ll ever know.”
Her face paled as if the reality of it all was finally settling in. Tears filled her eyes, but I wasn’t much in the mood for comforting her. I was much too angry for that. I marched back off to my father’s room without another word to her.
An hour passed and my anger toward Bridgette hadn’t lessened. In fact, it intensified. As if her selfish ways weren’t bad enough, she had to throw Lukas into the mix. My father had dozed off while I tried desperately to beat the next level of the game I was playing on my phone.
“We’re going to be taking him down for some testing in a few,” the nurse informed as she stepped in the room to check his medication. “It may be a while, depending on how backed up they are. So, you may want to go get something to eat and give yourself a little break.”
Suddenly Myra’s words played out in my head. “Your heart will lead you…” My heart would know the right time to tell him, and at that moment, it was screaming loud and clear…do it now!
Chapter 32
Lukas
AS MUCH AS it pained me to say, Bridgette’s smile was rather refreshing upon hearing the news. She had earned it fair and square, and I was certain I had made the right choice.
“Thank you. Thank you so much for having faith in me and my staff to run the U.S. headquarters. I promise we won’t let you down,” she spoke to Mr. Möller through her laptop screen.
“Well, you’ve come highly recommended by Lukas, and we certainly value his opinion.” She looked my way with tear-filled eyes, those tears oddly reflecting more sadness than joy.
“I really do appreciate that,” she whispered to me.
This was it. I was leaving tomorrow night, and I still hadn’t discussed it with Emmeline. What the hell was I thinking? But with everything going on in her life right now, it was the last thing I wanted to bring up. As time was dwindling down, I had no other choice. We were meeting for dinner later, and I’d bring it up then. I didn’t expect her to make a choice of me or New York, on the spot, but I wanted...or at least hoped that maybe together we could figure out a way to keep our relationship going with being miles apart.
“You can’t go in there…she’s in a—” Katie’s voice grew louder just as her office door flung open and Emmeline stood on the other side. Bridgette slammed her laptop shut while Mr. Möller was in the middle of speaking and stood up.
“Emmeline, what’s going on?” I got up and took a step toward her, reaching for her hand. “Is everything okay?”
“No.” She shook her head with tears streaming down her face.
Her dad. Shit. He seemed to be doing so well yesterday. “Bridgette, could you excuse us for a minute.”
“No!” Emmeline demanded. “She doesn’t get to be excused from this!”
“Emme, don’t,” Bridgette pleaded.
“What the hell is going on?” I asked as the two of them exchanged wary glances.
Emmeline swallowed hard and took a deep breath. “Lukas, Bridgette is my sister.”
“What?” I let go of Emmeline’s hand and turned my head to Bridgette, who stood there like she was going before a firing squad.
“I saw you in her office the morning after we had our…after I had met you at the bar, and we concocted this plan to get you to pick her office,” Emmeline continued, gasping for air through her sobs.
“Emme…please!” Bridgette begged her to stop, and in a way, I wanted her to too. My insides were being torn to shreds. I thought she was special. I thought she was the one for me. Just a few minutes ago I was thinking about a future with her. Turns out it was all a game to her. How could I have been so stupid? Again.
“I thought it would be a win-win for everyone. I didn’t expect to fall in love with you.”
She was speaking, but her words weren’t registering. It was as if I was staring into the eyes of a stranger, not the person I thought she was. I was no longer transported back to that lavender field when I looked into her eyes. Instead, I was someplace dark and distant. Someplace so foreign to me. How? How could I have let this happen? I could only imagine the laughs that she and Bridgette had behind my back as they secretly plotted together. No, Emmeline definitely wasn’t that girl I thought she was. She was no better than a common prostitute standing on a street corner, and her sister her pimp.
“Lukas, you have to believe me. The way I feel about you isn’t a lie. When I told you I loved you, I meant it. I love you so much. More than I’ve ever loved anyone.” She came to me, trying to hug me, and I pushed her away.
“Stay away from me,” I warned. She took a step back, and I turned my attention to her sister. “Well, Bridgette, maybe I should have added something else to your recommendation.” Bridgette snapped to attention. “You certainly hired a girl who knows how to suck a mean dick.” Bridgette shook her head, tears now spilling from her eyes as well, as she looked at the horror on her sister’s face. “I hope she’s paying you well from that big bonus she got, Emme.” Just hearing me calling her that name seemed to
cause her more pain than all the awful things that had spewed from my mouth prior to it.
“I’m so sorry.” She wept. “I’m so sorry.”
I hated her. More than I hated Hannah. More than I hated my brother. Maybe it was because I had loved her more than I really loved either of them, but how quickly the love could turn to something else, something so dark, something you hoped you’d never feel again. Something that makes you wonder how something that once made you so happy can now make you more miserable than you ever thought humanly possible. I took a deep breath and pulled it together. Emmeline latched on to my arm when I passed by her begging, pleading for forgiveness, looking so pathetic, so much like my brother on that god-awful day, and just like him, I’d never forgive her.
“Please, Lukas. Please just talk to me,” Emmeline cried with desperation.
Bridgette came from behind her desk and pulled her off me. “Emme, let him go,” she whispered gently. “You have to let him go.” She finally relented and I broke free form her grip, ignoring the stares of some of the employees who had gathered outside of Bridgette’s office, eavesdropping on what was going on.
I pounded on the elevator button over and over until it finally opened. With a clear view into Bridgette’s office, I watched Emmeline break down completely in her sister’s arms, feeling nothing at all as the doors closed in front of me.
Chapter 33
Emme
ALMOST TWENTY-FOUR HOURS later, and I was feeling worse instead of better. I had called my father and checked in, putting on my best strong front for him and letting him know I’d be by later to visit. Bridgette had spent the night with me. Together we did the cliched things one is supposed to do after getting dumped, like polishing off a gallon of chocolate chip mint ice cream and watching some ridiculous romantic comedy movies on Netflix.
Then when it came time to fall asleep and my mind wandered back to that horrible scene in Bridgette’s office. Bridgette lay down beside me and pulled me into a hug, until my thoughts settled long enough to get a few hours of rest. It was so much like when we were younger, and I’d crawl into her bed after having a bad dream. She’d yell at me at first for waking her, but then she’d allow me to move closer and throw her arms around me, basking me in comfort until I’d fall back asleep. After all was said and done, Bridgette was there to help me pick up the pieces or at least try to begin to locate them.
I had my big sister back, the one who was caring, loving, and fiercely protective of me. The same one who was here with me after my breakup with David, after she swore she wouldn’t be this time. But in return I lost something else, something that took up a bigger part of my heart than I could’ve ever imagined. After blaming Bridgette for so long for making me go along with the charade, I had finally come to the realization that I was an equal participant. I could’ve told him at any time before it got too out of hand, and I chose not to.
All the time I spent bracing for that day, but prepping my heart for the beating it was going to take, did nothing to soften the blow. The look in his eyes when I told him. The anger in his voice. That man standing in Bridgette’s office wasn’t the same Lukas I had come to know and love. I wasn’t sure why I had expected him to react differently. His own mother told me he was unforgiving, so why did I think he’d be any different with me?
Bridgette had coffee with me when we woke up and then left to go home and get ready for work. She had slipped and told me Lukas was leaving to go back to Germany later in the evening, and I was climbing the walls, knowing he was only a cab ride away. Knowing I still had one last chance to make things right before he was gone for good. After promising Bridgette I wouldn’t call or text him, I did something else. Something so stupid, something so desperate…but I was desperate, I’d admit that.
The knock on his hotel room door was about as weak as I was feeling at that moment. So light, I began to wonder if he’d even heard it. It finally occurred to me that this was a bad idea, but I couldn’t help but think that maybe if he had time to calm down a little, maybe he would at least hear me out. When the door opened and he appeared on the other side, staring at me as if I was a stranger as he stood there shirtless, I knew he was far from over it. Too late to run, I stood there staring back at him, searching for some warmth in those beautiful hazel eyes, but there was none to be found. He shook his head and let out a disgusted breath.
“I’m sorry…I just—”
“I have nothing to say to you.” He turned and walked away. He didn’t shut the door in my face. He just walked away, which told me that maybe he did have something he wanted to say. So, instead of just leaving, I took a step inside, closing the door behind me, watching him as he threw stuff into his suitcase as if I wasn’t even standing there.
“Lukas, I know you’ll never be able to forgive me, but I need you to know that everything between us, everything I felt toward you, was real.”
He continued with his packing, unaffected by my words.
“Lukas, please! Will you please just look at me,” I shouted.
“I can’t look at you! I don’t want to look at you ever again! I want to pretend you never existed!”
His words cut through me in the worst way imaginable. “You don’t mean that. I know you don’t.”
His eyes had shifted ever so slightly from the anger that filled them when I first got there to pain. The sadness in them tugged at my heart, and all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around him and make it go away. So, I did, and he pushed me away.
“You just don’t get it!” he shouted. “What did you come here for, Emmeline, huh?” He took a step closer, his eyes morphing back to that same vacantness as before.
“Just to—”
“Just to what?” He raised an eyebrow, dropping his head and engulfing my mouth with his. It was as if I was kissing a stranger. The familiar gentleness of his lips on mine was replaced with hardness. It was rushed and lacking all feeling, causing me to struggle for air, but I didn’t back away. Instead, I kissed him back with the same ferocity.
I wanted this to happen. I wanted to be with him again, in whatever screwed-up way I could. As his tongue carelessly swept my mouth, he undid his pants while my hands moved up his bare back. Pushing me down on the bed, he lifted my skirt and pulled down my panties just enough to allow himself access. My palms braced the mattress as he pushed himself into me in the same manner as his kiss, emotionless and rushed. Gone was that man who made love to me, slowly and gently, making sure he had satisfied my every need. Now we were having what I had intended all along…just sex. Raw, emotionless sex.
When he finished, he stood up and zipped up his pants as if it were nothing. I sat up and watched him. I was so angry. Angry at myself for coming here and angry at him for being such a heartless asshole. He reached into his wallet and threw a hundred-dollar bill on the bed beside me. “Here, just in case Bridgette didn’t pay you enough for your services.”
Tears rushed to my eyes and all my emotions began to morph into one. I stood up and glared into his smug face, unable to control the palm of my hand meeting his cheek. “You bastard!” I shouted. “I hate you! I hate you so much!”
“Good,” he said calmly, turning back to his suitcase and continuing with his packing, totally unaffected by it all.
I took a deep breath, gathering up what little pride I had left, and walked out the door. I didn’t really hate him. I loved him. I knew that for sure. Had he done that to make it easier for me to walk away or was he really that cold and callous? I knew I’d never know the answer to that question, so to make things a little bearable, I was going with the former.
Chapter 34
Lukas
THE LAST THING I wanted to do was step in that office after the show that was put on the day before, but I had no choice. I had to sign off on some paperwork before heading to the airport. So, I transformed back into that hard-ass, emotionless man I was the first day I arrived, instead of the one I had foolishly morphed into over the past few months. The one who got
to know the people who worked here, listening to them talk about their kids or their partners. The one who had gone out for drinks a few times with some of the guys. The one who allowed the two older women in HR to dote on me like I was a child, bringing me home-cooked meals every now and then.
“Hey, Lukas.” Katie smiled at me sympathetically as I stepped off the elevator.
“Do you have that paperwork ready?” I asked sharply and to the point.
“Yeah, everything is in the conference room.”
I nodded.
“Lukas,” she shouted as I began to walk away. “Thank you for allowing me to be able to continue to raise my two boys on my own…and for everything. I’m gonna miss you.”
Imagine that, someone actually sounded sincere in this place, but my guard was up, and I still wasn’t trusting anyone ever again. I nodded and made my way to the conference room. I sat down and tried my hardest to concentrate on reading the paperwork I was signing off on when Emmeline popped into my mind. Why the hell did she show up at my hotel earlier? Why couldn’t she have just left it well enough alone?
I lifted my head when I heard the door to the conference room close and looked up at Bridgette standing in front of me. “Everything is in order. Your bonus should be in your next pay.” I scribbled my name and threw the pen on the table.
“I don’t want it. I don’t want any of it if it means my sister is going to be miserable.”
“Sorry, don’t know what to tell you. I can’t help you there.” I stood up, unwilling to hear her plea. She stood in front of the door, blocking me from my escape.
“Lukas, she didn’t want to do this, but she…” She shook her head and choked back her emotion. “My sister has a heart of gold. She’ll do anything for those she loves. My father was…is in some financial trouble with his business and Emme like always feels the need to make it better, even when she hasn’t been asked to. I dangled this bonus in front of her like a carrot. It was a means to an end to put my father’s worries to rest, and she seized the opportunity, never once thinking about the repercussions to herself. Then I saw it, maybe even before she did. I saw her falling for you so deeply.” She tilted her head and stared up at the ceiling before meeting my gaze. “The way she’d become fiercely protective of you whenever I’d criticize you for something. The smile that would stretch across her face when she’d mention your name, and I knew it, you had become one of the few people in her circle, the ones she would do anything for at any cost to herself. She loves you, Lukas, she loves you so much. If you need to be angry, be angry at me. Fire me, do whatever you need to do, just please don’t be angry at Emme.”