Rage

by Elizabeth Reyes

  She heard him clear his throat, and she thought she heard him sniff. “I’ve been so scared,” he said, and as suspected, there was no hiding the emotion in his voice. “I’ve never been much of a praying man, Addison, and I’ve prayed nonstop for her.”

  “Thank you,” Addison whispered. “I’ve had a few angry words with God myself, along with some desperate ones. I’ll have to apologize to him too, I guess.”

  “There’s no need to apologize to anyone, baby. You’ve gone through so much; it’s understandable that you’d be so upset you’d want to lash out at the world. God knows I know all about needing to let it out. I’m just so glad she’s awake now. I have a travel day this week. I’ll use it to go see her—”

  “AJ,” she said before he could go on. “It’s okay if you wanna come by and see her. She’d probably be happy to see you, but you and I . . .”

  She couldn’t even bring herself to say it. Already she was crying into her hand and holding the phone away from her so he wouldn’t hear it.

  When she brought it back to her ear, she caught the tail end of what he was saying “. . . just talk to me, Addison.”

  “I can’t do this anymore. Clair needs me to focus on her and only her. This might not have happened if—”

  “It was all me, Addison,” he said firmly. “I knew there was a risk. I just didn’t realize how big a risk—”

  “And that’s exactly what I’m talking about,” she said, lifting her chin and trying to regain her composure because she needed to get through this without backing down. Already she was so tempted to just forget what she’d previously sworn she’d do if Clair made it through this. “I shouldn’t be exposing Clair or counting on others to understand how delicate she really is. I did because I got caught up in us.”

  “But I know now. Believe me. I’ll never take a risk with her again. This incident will stay with me for the rest of my life. I promise I’ll take every precaution with her just like you do. I’ll do anything. Whatever you say, baby. Because I love you both, but please don’t—”

  “If that’s the truth,” she said, her stupid voice giving out on her, so she tried again. “If that’s the truth, then you’ll respect my wishes when it comes to this. Please.”

  “Anything but that, Addison. Please don’t shut me out. Give me one more chance to prove to you I can do this.”

  “It’s not about you, AJ. This is about me. I don’t trust myself anymore. I can’t believe I let this happen.”

  “But you didn’t! Your dad even said it was an honest mistake—my mistake—and I swear to you it’ll never happen again.”

  Her mother stepped out of Clair’s room and motioned to her that Clair was awake again. Immediately, she was annoyed with herself. Even this kept her from being there when Clair woke. “Clair’s awake again. You can come see her if you want. We can still be friends but nothing else,” she said with even more determination. “I gotta go.”

  Chapter 24

  AJ

  At least, Addison hadn’t cut him off completely. She was back to answering his calls and returning his texts. Though, she was obviously trying to keep to the topic of Clair. AJ decided as long as she didn’t cut him off he’d go along with this “friends” thing, at least until Clair fully recovered. Thankfully, Clair was improving every day. Addison had informed him she was even speaking now, a word here and there. She tired easily, but the doctors kept assuring Addison these were all good signs.

  For someone who’d hardly ever cried in his life, AJ had been a fucking mess from day one. The thought of losing Clair was an unbearable one. So now the idea of losing them both was unacceptable. After what happened, he knew now without a doubt he couldn’t live without either one of his girls. He’d get Addison to agree one way or another, but he knew he needed to give her time. His only consolation now was that it appeared Clair was going to make a full recovery and Addison didn’t blame him for this, even though AJ would forever feel responsible.

  Now that he wasn’t spending so much time with Addison or even on the phone with her, he’d dedicated his extra time to arming himself with information about food allergies. He felt like a complete idiot for not having done so sooner. It was beyond frightening to learn just how deadly allergies could be and how many people died or had severe reactions like Clair’s.

  Never again.

  He was jumping right on board with the overprotectiveness. The way he worried about his own siblings was proof that he’d have no issues being as overprotective about Clair’s allergies and anything else when it came to her and Addison.

  Even what he was doing now was another reminder that he’d have no qualms about going above and beyond to make sure everything with his loved ones was okay. Nathan had since informed everyone that things between him and Kelli were over again. That was before AJ had even had a chance to talk to Isaiah about the odd behavior between him and Kelli.

  But AJ had still wanted to ask Isaiah about it. He confirmed what AJ and Emi had suspected that, yes, Isaiah had met Kelli before Nathan ever started dating her. Yes, they’d had a “moment,” but Isaiah assured AJ that it was long before she started dating Nathan and she meant nothing to him. Of course, it’d been beyond annoying to know the bitch was clearly trying to play both brothers. Not only had she not broken things off with Nathan the minute she found out whose brother he was, but she was doing sneaky shit like going off with Isaiah at the restaurant in Los Angeles. The fact that Isaiah had lied to Emi about what they’d been discussing the night of the awards hadn’t sat well with AJ either.

  Isaiah’s trying to make their moment sound as insignificant as he first had didn’t hold up for long either. After Isaiah admitted her leaving in tears that day in Los Angeles had nothing to do with her mother being in an accident and everything to do with his refusal to give her the time of day now that she was seeing Nathan, he had no choice but to admit the truth. AJ played back the conversation in his head, feeling just as annoyed as he did then.

  “Why would she leave in tears if all you two ever had was a moment?”

  Isaiah had breathed in a bit exasperated. “It was supposed to be a one-night thing. We didn’t even exchange last names. But it ended up being an entire weekend in a hotel room. By the time the weekend was over, I thought we were onto something, but then she never returned my calls or texts.”

  “So what’s the bitch crying about now?”

  Infuriatingly, Isaiah had actually come to her defense. “Slow down,” he’d said, sounding uncharacteristically annoyed with AJ. “She’s not a bitch.” Before AJ had been able to pounce back at that, Isaiah had held up a hand. “She’s got issues you wouldn’t understand, but regardless, you know I’d never hook up with any girl either of my brothers had ever been with. So relax; nothing’s happening between her and me. The day after I realized Nathan was seeing her when he brought her to Manny’s, she finally text me. She started to give me some bullshit about how busy she’d been and how she didn’t realize she had feelings for me until she saw me there, but I shot her down immediately, told her there was no way anything between her and me would ever happen again now that she’d dated my brother, and hung up. But she kept calling and texting. She claims she would’ve broken up with Nathan as soon as she found out, but only continued to see him because I wasn’t taking her calls and she really wanted to explain herself. I’ve listened to some of what she’s explained. Still doesn’t change the fact that I wouldn’t do that to Nate. She also claims she never slept with him.”

  That snapped AJ out of his ready-to-cuss mood. He’d actually scoffed. Nathan date someone he wasn’t banging? It was absolutely laughable. Ironically, it seemed it was what AJ might be doing for a while now too.

  Isaiah had gone on to explain that Kelli claimed she thought it was why Nathan was so infatuated with her. The fact that she wasn’t giving him any sex was a challenge. It was like he was determined to nail her yet. Despite her having broken things off with Nathan, he was still inviting her to go out with him
.

  Nathan had walked in on AJ and Isaiah’s conversation but didn’t catch any of it, only stared at them both and laughed, asking why they both looked so weird. Isaiah had changed the subject entirely and turned it into something about his broken leg and his meds. With Nathan being done with Kelli, the whole subject should be a moot one now. But AJ knew better. He wasn’t buying that Nathan was done trying to get in this girl’s pants. Moreover, from his reaction to AJ’s comments about her and the fact that he’d brought her around the family, it appeared he was feeling more for her than just something physical. The guy wasn’t going to give up on her so easily, and Isaiah knew better than anyone if Nathan brought her around AJ again, he was not going to keep his mouth shut. She was using Nathan to get to Isaiah, and AJ wasn’t having it.

  “If you don’t tell him, I will.” AJ had warned before he left home for his next road trip.

  With everything that’d happened with Clair, the situation with Kelli had been the furthest thing from AJ’s mind, and he only now remembered because he’d gotten a text from Isaiah about some other random subject. He’d been exiting his plane in Chicago where Clair was still in the hospital. So he took the time now in the backseat of the Town Car driving him to the hospital to call his brother.

  “Did you tell him?” he asked as soon as Isaiah answered.

  “Not yet.”

  “I swear to God, Isaiah, if he brings her around again—”

  “He’s not.”

  “You don’t know that. Twice already—”

  “She cut him off completely, AJ,” Isaiah said with just as much fervor as AJ, “sent him a good-bye text then changed her number, and moved out of her apartment without even telling him. When he went to say good-bye to her at the salon she supposedly owned and ran, they told him she was just an employee there who’d quit and moved out of state. She’s gone, man, and he was pretty broken up about it, let me tell you. He’s not like you, AJ. He holds his shit in real tight, but he got piss drunk right here in our patio and spilled his guts. The guy was hurting. I couldn’t do it.”

  “Why the fuck is he so hung up on her?”

  Isaiah was quiet for a moment as if maybe he understood why. It only irritated AJ further. AJ didn’t care what Isaiah said. Kelli was a lying sneaky bitch as far as he was concerned. “Alright, don’t tell him if you think it’s only gonna make him feel worse, but you better hope he never brings her around again, because I will tell that conniving little bitch exactly what I think of her.”

  Isaiah knew better than to try and defend a girl that had one of AJ’s sibling’s hurting. He hadn’t said much, aside from asking AJ how he was doing, and they were off the phone soon enough. AJ’s heart was once again full of emotion as he reached the hospital. The moment he saw Addison, he knew it. She was out of her mind if she thought anything was going to change between them. The second she was close enough he pulled her into a crushing hug, and she began to cry. “She’s still okay, right?” he asked, fearing the worst.

  “Yes, she’s still good.”

  He pulled away to look at her. “Then why are you crying, baby?”

  She shook her head, glancing down and away from him, but he lifted her chin, forcing her teary eyes to gaze into his. “Hey,” he asked, searching those beautiful eyes. “What’s the matter?”

  Her brows pinched as she took a deep breath. “I just miss you so much already, but I can’t—”

  “Shh,” he said softly, a mixture of hope and anxiousness washing over him.

  All he needed to know was she missed him so much already she was in tears, despite the good news that Clair was doing better. He’d hold on to that, only he didn’t need to hear the additional “buts.” They’d get through this and be together—all three of them—in the end. For now, he’d just have to be patient and not push.

  AJ kissed her forehead and hugged her even tighter. “I missed you too. Both of you. She’ll be out of here soon and back where she loves being: watching the team play. You’ll see. Don’t worry or think about anything else.”

  For now.

  She nodded then took another deep breath before pulling away. “Clair should be up soon. My parents will be here with Snickers soon too. He’s been staying at the doggy day care overnight but then is here all day.”

  “Good. I’ve been looking forward to seeing Clair’s sweet eyes again.”

  They quietly stepped into her room. To AJ’s relief, she didn’t appear so helpless anymore, and she wasn’t all tubed up anymore either. She slept peacefully but was beginning to stir just as they entered. AJ and Addison walked over and stood on either side of her bed. Without her glasses, she resembled Addison even more.

  “Clair Bear,” Addison whispered, “ready to wake up, sleepy head?” Clair’s eyelids fluttered until she opened them slowly and glanced around. “Look who came to see you.”

  AJ stared at her, feeling emotional all over again. “Hey, buddy,” he said, trying to hold it together.

  Addison grabbed Clair’s glasses off the movable tray next to the bed and put them on her. It was an absolute relief because, before she’d put them on, Clair’s eyes were completely vacant—so not like the full-of-life eyes of the Clair he knew and loved. It’d scared the hell out of him, especially because of the warnings that she might have suffered brain damage. She still wasn’t out of the woods, but with the glasses on, she focused more on AJ; then the weak smile came and her eyes brightened. AJ had to wipe away the damn tear that escaped his eyes but smiled back.

  Bending over a bit, he lifted her little hand and kissed it, unwilling to look up at her for a few moments. He didn’t want her to see him like that, but it was impossible to hold it in. He stared at her hand longer than he thought he’d have too, but the damn tears wouldn’t stop.

  “I hear . . .” he started to say without looking up but had to stop when his voice betrayed him and gave out. AJ swallowed hard, clearing his throat before going on. “I hear you’re getting better every day.”

  Wiping the tears away with his free hand, he finally looked up and met her eyes. Instantly, her brows pinched in an almost angry expression, and she shook her head, squeezing his hand. “There’s no crying in baseball.”

  Addison gasped, a laugh bringing her hands to her mouth. AJ didn’t know whether to laugh or cry even more, so he did a weird combo of both. “Clair!” was all he could say.

  “Talk to me, baby,” Addison said, lifting her other hand and kissing it too. “How do you feel?

  Clair nodded at her mom then glanced back at AJ. “Groggy, otherwise good,” she said softly. “But I don’t like seeing you guys crying.”

  Addison wiped her own tears and laughed softly. “We’ve just been so worried.”

  “And now we’re so happy,” AJ added, still sniffling but thankfully way more composed.

  “I’m calling the doctor,” Addison said, pushing the button on Clair’s bedside. “Don’t talk too much, Clair. As much as hearing you say full sentences is music to my ears, I’m not sure you should be exerting yourself.

  Despite Clair nodding in apparent agreement to Addison’s request, she turned to AJ. “The only thing I remember is you carrying me out of the theater. My next memory after that is waking up here.”

  AJ clenched his teeth but was glad she didn’t remember the horrific event. For him, it’d be something he’d never forget. “You stopped breathing, and the paramedics had to rush you to the hospital.” He felt his smile go flat as the memory replayed in his head. “They got you breathing, but you fell into a coma for a couple of days.”

  “I couldn’t get my voice to work when I first woke up,” she said, touching her neck. “But it was the weirdest thing. I wasn’t worried at all. It’s like I knew just like moving my hands and understanding little by little why I was here—why I was sick—that I’d be able to talk soon too, and then I saw you crying.” Her expression went sullen suddenly. “Mom told me she’s pretty sure it was the ice cream. I hope you’re not blaming yourself, AJ.” Be
fore AJ could respond to that, Clair turned to Addison suddenly. “It wasn’t his fault, Mom. I told him I’d be okay.”

  “I know, honey.” Addison smoothed Clair’s hair. “It’s nobody’s fault. We just have to be more careful moving forward. We’re never taking chances like the one you did with the ice cream again.”

  A knock sounded on the door; then the nurse entered. She spoke cheerfully to Clair as she took her vitals then assured Addison she didn’t think there was any danger of Clair overexerting herself. “The doctor’s on his way. You can ask him to be sure when he gets here.”

  A few minutes later Addison’s parents arrived with Snickers, delighted to hear Clair talking. When they placed Snickers on her bed, he went crazy, whining and yelping at the sound of Clair’s voice as she coddled him affectionately. Once again, there wasn’t a dry eye in the room.

  The doctor arrived soon afterward. He, too, was very pleased with Clair’s improvement. After he’d examined her and said everything looked great, Clair looked up at him with a hopeful smile. “Can I go home now?”

  “We’ll have to run a few more tests just to be sure all the numbers are where they’re supposed to be,” Dr. Hiraki said as Clair’s smile faded. “I’d like to keep you here at least one more night for further observation, but you’ll certainly be going home a lot sooner than we anticipated you would.”

  “She’s a numbers girl,” Coach Lara said with a proud smile then turned to Clair. “Those numbers will be spot on, Clair Bear. You’ll be out of here in no time.”

  The doctor was in there for a little while longer, assuring Addison that, as long as Clair was up to it, she could speak as long and as freely as she wanted to. Once he’d covered Addison on everything they’d be testing Clair for, the doctor made his exit.