Remember When

by A. D. Ryan

  I sat back down in my chair. “Um, yeah. I need to get away for a bit. You know, clear my head.” I paused for a moment and saw the look in her eyes. “That's all right, isn't it? I mean, I know it's short notice, but I think I just need some family time away from home.”

  Sienna's face warmed as the smile stretched across her face. “Don't be silly. You deserve a little break. In fact, I was wondering if you wanted to maybe go and get a drink tonight? Would your parents mind keeping Charlie for an extra hour?”

  Having been so long since the last time anyone hit on me, I wasn’t quite sure if that was what was going on. There was a certain glint in Sienna's eyes, but it could have been nothing more than collegial concern. Regardless of her intentions, I was—no, am—one hundred percent dedicated to my marriage, even if Cassie wasn't always around.

  Still, there was no doubting Sienna's beauty and her ability to charm most men. She was smart, funny, confident…

  Shaking the thoughts from my head, I leaned forward onto my desk. I clasped my hands together in front of me and addressed her. “Sienna—”

  She placed her gentle hand over mine. “One drink, Jack. You look like you could use it.” Her hand was so warm as it laid above mine, and her thumb moved soothingly over my hands.

  My breathing faltered slightly as I looked up into her hazel eyes and swallowed thickly. “I really don't think that's a good idea. Charlie's waiting for me,” I told her hoarsely.

  The shine in her eyes seemed to dim upon my declining her offer, but her warm smile remained. “I understand. Another time, then?”

  I watched her stand and my eyes followed her, betraying me and the vows I made as they stared intently at her sashaying across the room. “Sienna, I don't know that any time is going to be good for me. Things at home are…complicated. I think it's best if we keep things between us professional.”

  She pulled the door open and turned back around, her eyes meeting mine. “It's just drinks, Jack. Nothing more.”

  The door closed with a soft click behind her, and I slumped back into my oversized chair. I let out a large breath and ran my hands through my hair, gripping it tightly for a moment as I tried to figure out exactly what I was thinking. Yes, my marriage wasn't ideal, but I couldn't cheat. Not ever. Cassie was my life.

  Feeling the need for some fresh air, I picked up my briefcase and headed for the door. As I exited my office, I saw Sienna discussing something with Jill, and she shot me that dazzling smile she often did, raising her hand to wave. I simply nodded in response and kept walking toward the main doors.

  Once I was in my car, I started it quickly and peeled out of the parking lot, suddenly in a hurry to get home to my family. I reached my parents' house in record time, and when I walked in, I found them in the kitchen with Charlie perched on the counter near my mom, licking a popsicle.

  “Daddy!” she cried excitedly when I entered the room.

  I kissed her temple and smiled. “Hey, bug. How was your day?”

  With a big smile, she told me everything. “Gramma and me went to Denver today! She had to shop for work stuff and then she took me for lunch! We even drove by Mama's building!”

  “You did?” I asked, looking up at my mom briefly.

  Charlie nodded quickly. “Uh huh. I renembered that she worked in the city and I asked if we could see where.”

  “I see,” I said. “Well, I'm glad you had a fun day. That's wonderful.”

  Mom let out a short breath and smiled. “How was your day, Jack?”

  I pulled out a stool and took a seat. “It was busy, which was good. Keeps me out of my own head. I'd hate to have to psychoanalyze exactly what goes on in there,” I chided. When my mother didn't laugh with me, I quickly changed the subject. “I actually had a pretty great idea before I left for the night.”

  She lifted her gaze to meet mine, and my father turned from the stove to look at me as well. “You did?” he inquired.

  “I thought maybe we could all go back out to the beach house for the last two weeks of summer,” I suggested. “I thought it would be fun to start doing the family summer trips again.”

  My dad moved to my mother’s side, and they locked eyes for a moment before looking back to me. “Really?” he asked before a smile spread across his face. “Son, I think that's a wonderful idea.”

  “I figured it was time to try and get back to old traditions.” Upon hearing this, my mom’s eyes glistened, and she came around the island to hug me tightly. “Relax, Mom. It's really not a big deal.”

  She let go of me before cradling my face in her hands. “You may not think so, but I always enjoyed our family summers in California. So to hear that you’re ready to start going again after everything that’s happened…it makes me beyond happy.” She wiped the few tears of happiness that had fallen from her eyes. “Oh! I'll have to call Frank and Gayle and see if they would like to join us. You're staying for dinner tonight, right? I won't take no for an answer.”

  The look of resolve on her face was hard to say no to, and I knew the chances of Cassie being home in time for dinner were slim since she never was. So, I smiled and nodded happily. “Of course we'll stay.”

  “Wonderful,” she cheered as she took her place behind the counter again. “I think your father and I have everything under control out here. Why don't you take Charlie and go find something to do?” she suggested.

  Charlie looked at me excitedly before her grandmother lifted her off the counter, whispering something in her ear. Whatever my mother had said caused Charlie to bob her head up and down exuberantly. “Daddy, can we go to the park? Gramma says we have an hour before dinner!”

  “We sure can. Come on, let's go get your coat and shoes on.” I took Charlie by her free hand and led her to the entry, where we put our shoes on and headed out the door.

  We made our way down the sidewalk toward the park; Charlie was mostly silent as we walked. As soon as we reached the playground, though, she took off for the jungle gym. I stayed close as she climbed the ladder and went down the slide, repeating this cycle a few times before heading for the swings.

  “Daddy, will you push me?” she asked as she jumped onto one of the available swings. I complied and began pushing her gently. She giggled and squealed in delight as she swung higher and higher. It was always a joy to hear her having fun and to watch her be so free…something that reminded me so much of how her mother used to be.

  We laughed and ran around the park for a while, just playing and losing track of the time. It wasn't until I noticed the light in the sky change that I looked down at my watch and then to Charlie, who seemed to read my face. “We have to go now, huh?” she pouted.

  I knelt down to her level and looked her in the eyes. “We do. But, I guarantee you Grandma has something yummy waiting for us back at the house.” I smiled and gave her a wink. “Come on, I'll give you a piggy-back ride.”

  Charlie's face brightened, and she rushed around to hop on my back. I stood and adjusted her slightly as she wrapped her arms around my neck and rested her chin on my shoulder.

  We walked in silence for a bit before Charlie spoke softly. “I miss Mama.”

  “Aw, baby. Mama misses you, too,” I told her. “And she tells you so whenever she kisses you goodnight.”

  Charlie lifted her head from my shoulder quickly. “She does?”

  We had reached the end of the driveway by that point, so I got down on one knee and Charlie slid off my back. I took her by the hand and pulled her around in front of me. “Every night,” I said. “Now come on, I can smell Grandma's roast and my stomach is rumbling.”

  Holding my hand tightly, Charlie tugged on my arm in an effort to help me to my feet before pulling me toward the front door. As soon as we passed through the threshold, the aroma of the roast propelled us in the direction of the dining room, where my mother was just placing the last few table settings down.

  “Oh good, you're just in time!” she exclaimed.

  Charlie and I took our places at
the table, and I dished up her dinner. Once Charlie had her plate in front of her, I started filling my own as I tried to make conversation. “So, what do you guys have planned for the weekend?”

  “Oh! Actually I wanted to see if Charlie wanted to sleep over this weekend,” my mom suggested. “You're father's busy at the hospital, and I was going to see if Charlie wanted to keep me company in this big lonely house.”

  Charlie's eyes went wide, and she turned her big, blue-eyed stare to me. “Oh, yes I do! Daddy, please may I stay with Gramma and Grampa?”

  It had been awhile since she had stayed with them overnight, and it was difficult to look into her puppy-dog eyes and tell her “no.” Plus, maybe it would give Cassie and me some much-needed time alone to talk through everything.

  I smiled down at Charlie. “Of course you can sleep over. I'll pick you up Monday after I'm done work, if that's all right with Grandma.”

  My mother beamed from her spot across from me. “That would be perfect.” Taking a bite of her dinner, she looked at me as though she had remembered something. As soon as she swallowed the bite, she spoke. “And before I forget, I called the Taylors and they would love to join us at the beach house this summer.”

  “Oh my goodness!” Charlie shrieked, bouncing wildly in her seat. “Gramma and Grampa Taylor are gonna come, too?”

  My dad laughed and leaned forward. “And that's not all. Because it's so close to a certain little girl's fifth birthday, we're going to have a special family birthday party there,” he announced, to which she replied with more exuberant shrieking and bouncing.

  As we continued eating our dinner, we talked about the upcoming trip. My parents were extremely happy that we'd be participating in another family vacation. However, I knew convincing Cassie to take time off would likely be difficult, but I was hopeful—especially since it was likely our only shot at saving our fast-imploding marriage.

  It was eight o'clock by the time I was ready to head for home. Once my shoes were on, I knelt down and pulled Charlie forward. “You be good for Grandma and Grandpa this weekend. I'll call you tomorrow to say goodnight.” I gave her a quick kiss before standing back up. “Call if there are any problems,” I instructed my parents.

  Mom laughed, placing her hands on Charlie's shoulders, causing her to squirm at the ticklish gesture. “I'm sure Miss Charlie will be on her best behavior. I foresee no problems.”

  After saying our goodnights, I hopped in my car and drove home. When I walked through the door, I removed my shoes and propped my briefcase up against the bench in the entry before making my way toward the kitchen. I poured myself a glass of wine and turned for the living room to watch some television. The sight before me caused me to stop dead in my tracks; Cassie was on the couch with a smile on her face.

  “Well, well, well,” she said, cocking an eyebrow. “Look who's late tonight.”

  Chapter 5 | Going Back

  Cassie laughed softly and winked at me as I stood there in complete shock. I couldn't believe that she was home before me. “Y…you're home,” I blurted out, gaping at her in surprise.

  She nodded happily, but her smiling face quickly transformed into a look of perplexity as she sat forward on the couch and looked behind me. “Where's Charlie?” she asked.

  “Oh,” I started. “My mom wanted to keep her this weekend. I figured that would be okay…I guess I should have checked with you first. I'm sorry.” I shook my head in disbelief. How could I have completely overlooked Cassie's opinion on where our child stayed this weekend? That wasn’t like me or conducive to my partnership with my wife.

  “No, it's fine. She always has fun over there. Plus, this way we can spend some one-on-one time with each other.” She sank back into the plush sofa and tilted her head to the side, silently inviting me to join her. Her posture was more relaxed than I’d seen her in a long time. Would this be the weekend we took the first steps to reconciling all that was wrong with our marriage?

  Smiling at the possibility, I crossed the room and sat down next to her. She bent her legs, tucking her feet underneath her, and turned toward me. “So, how was your day?”

  With a low sigh, I dropped my head to the back of the couch. “It was good,” I replied. “Busy, for the most part.” I paused and looked at her apologetically. “I'm so sorry. Had I known you'd be home early, I wouldn't have stayed out so late.”

  Cassie shook her head and placed her hand on my cheek. “You have no need to apologize…least of all to me. I'm just glad you're here now,” she whispered softly, placing a tender kiss upon my lips before prodding me for more information. “So, tell me more about your day.”

  “You don't want to hear about my day,” I assured her as she ran her fingers through my hair and then down the length of my neck, causing a slight shiver to pass through me.

  “Try me,” she said, her soft voice permeating every fiber of my being.

  My body tingled as her fingers traced lazy designs over my neck. “Well, after delving into the minds of about seven people, I sat around at my desk for an hour looking at old pictures,” I began, lifting my head and turning to face her.

  “Sounds productive,” she teased, her finger tracing the collar of my dress shirt.

  I chuckled. “Oh, it was.” I took a sip of my wine before continuing. “As I was looking at the pictures, I came across one from the summer before Charlie turned three. You remember…when we were at the beach house?”

  Cassie's entire body stiffened and she pulled her hand back quickly, almost as though she'd been bitten. Instantly, I knew what she was remembering. “Seems like a lifetime ago,” she breathed as her eyes drifted to her hands, which were now fidgeting in her lap. I could sense her anxiety creeping up based on her behavior.

  I set my wine on the coffee table and placed my hands over hers to still them. “Remember how much fun we had? Charlie loved the water so much,” I said with a smile, hoping to keep her from thinking of the tragic weeks that followed the trip.

  A smile graced her face, and her eyes sparkled as she answered. “She really did, didn't she?”

  “And I know you enjoyed our time there.” I could tell by the softening of her rigid posture that I was breaking her down slowly. “Please, just try to remember all the good times we had there and not about the tragedy after we returned before you make up your mind…”

  “Daddy, peas we go back to the wadder?” Charlie asked in the broken English that was common in toddlers.

  I smiled as I scooped her up into my arms. “Charlie, it's too dark out now. The sun has gone to sleep, so that means it's time for you to go to bed, too,” I explained in a way I hoped she would understand.

  As if on cue, Charlie yawned. Chuckling, I let her down to go say goodnight to her grandparents and her aunt and uncle.

  “Goodnight, pumpkin,” Frank cooed when Charlie went to him last. He hugged her to him tightly, and she giggled. “You have a good sleep, okay? We'll see you in the morning.”

  I picked her back up and carried her down the hall toward her room. On our way, I stopped in the doorway of the room Cassie and I shared and found her lying on the bed with her back to me as she stared out the over-sized window at the gentle waves.

  She never returned to the dinner table after we spoke in the kitchen. Instead, she asked me to tell our families she was feeling a little under the weather and needed to go lie down. I offered to go with her, but she told me she just needed some time to herself. When I returned to the table, both Gayle and my mother gave me knowing glances; I really should have known they would figure it out.

  Unsure what state of mind I would find her in, I took a moment before I addressed her. “Sweetheart?” She twisted herself to face me. “I'm taking Charlie to bed now. Would you like to come and read a story with us?”

  A small smile played at the corners of her mouth, and my concern for her lessened slightly. She stood from the bed and walked over to us. When Charlie reached out for her, Cassie took her from me and carried her the rest of the
way to her room.

  After tucking Charlie into bed, we lay down on either side of her, and I listened raptly as Cassie read “Goodnight Moon.” The words flowed melodically from her mouth, and by the time she had finished the book, Charlie was already asleep. I looked up at Cassie as she watched Charlie's sleeping face wistfully. I knew she was upset by our situation, but I couldn't help the overwhelming feeling of happiness that coursed through me. My cheeks actually hurt from the smile that was constantly plastered on my face.

  She raised her hand and began to stroke Charlie's golden curls away from her little face, smiling poignantly before looking up at me. I could feel the right corner of my mouth turn up in a half-smirk before I stood from the bed. “Come on. We should let her sleep,” I whispered.

  When she moved to my side, she twisted her fingers through mine and led me from the room. I pulled Charlie's door closed behind us and then turned to Cassie. “So, we're doing this?” I asked her quietly, barely able to contain my elation.

  Cassie's brows knit together and she shrugged. “Well, what else can we do?”

  “Cass—”

  She held up a hand to silence me. “I just…I need time, Jack. I'm absolutely petrified of what's to come. But, I know this is what you want. And, in time, I'm sure I'll be fine.”

  The look on her face was one of immense fear, and I felt the undeniable need to comfort her. I pulled Cassie into my arms and pressed my lips to hers tenderly. Her resistance was unwavering as I embraced her, but I was confident she needed time, like she said. She had a lot to work through emotionally, and I was going to help her as best I could. I pulled Cassie's rigid body closer to mine and wrapped my arms around her waist as she ended our kiss. I rested my forehead to hers as she looked up at me through her thick lashes nervously and bit her bottom lip.

  “So, I guess we should go and tell everyone?” she suggested quietly.

  “Remember how happy they were?” I asked with a reserved smile.