Diary of a Vampeen

by Christin Lovell

  “Lex. Talk to me. You’re freaking me out. I’ve never seen you like this,” Mel stated anxiously.

  I couldn’t. I was frozen in the middle of the hall with my best friend and supposed to be ex-boyfriend by this point feeling like a building just collapsed on me. I guess I didn’t heed their warnings last night. I’d felt invincible; like a serial killer wouldn’t touch me. Knowing he or she had struck close to home was what shook me. I didn’t want to die, but if I did I would accept it. If someone else died trying to protect me though, especially Kellan or my parents, I would crumble. I couldn’t handle that amount of guilt.

  I looked at my friends before me and realized I had to pull myself together. They couldn’t be involved in this. I wiped the last of my tears trying to gain the courage to tell them something.

  “I… uhm...” Mike pulled me into his arms embracing me and immediately the water works began again. Who knew turning sixteen could be life threatening? I was saved for the moment though. Mid-hug the warning bell rang forcing us to hurry to class in time.

  Mike remained glued to my side all day, warmly wrapping his arms around me randomly. He walked me and Mel to every class. I knew I should have been distancing myself from him, but I was distracted throughout the day. Mel realized whatever was said upset me beyond words, meaning I wouldn’t be able to talk about it anytime soon. She tried to coerce me a few times during first period, but I didn’t budge. After much thought, I decided it was better to say nothing at all, at least for now.

  Conveniently, Kellan was absent all day. Today, as angry as I was with him over last night, or should I say this morning, he still was the only one I could talk to about this. My dad was obviously withdrawn, my mother was torn emotionally and yet trying to stay neutral over the whole thing, and though I loved her to bits, I didn’t really talk to my Aunt Claire. Sadly, Kellan was my only outlet; he was my stability in all of this. I hated to admit it because he was a jerk just hours before to me, but I needed him right now. I wanted to open up, spill my guts entirely and ball my eyes out. I knew if I did this with Kellan, he would put it all into perspective and reassure me to the point where tears would be unnecessary. Alas the jerk was inconveniently m.i.a. the one day I needed him, so I was forced to cope alone.

  Lost in my own world mentally, the day passed quickly. Mike met me outside English the moment the final bell rang. Mel was frustrated with my silence by the day’s end and walked to her bus immediately without a word to me or Mike. Mike remained patient the entire day and pressed for nothing more. This was very unusual for him. He and Mel couldn’t stand silence.

  My mother insisted on picking us up after school. She and Mike made small talk on the ride home. Almost to the house, Mike spoke to me breaking the silence. “Are you sure you’re still up for helping me Lex? I’m sure I could figure it out if you want.”

  I inhaled a deep breathe. “I’m sure.” I smiled as convincingly as possible.

  Once inside, Mike insisted I eat since I’d skipped breakfast and lunch. I grabbed a bag of pretzels and a coke on our way upstairs to pacify him. I dropped my book bag on my bed and slid off my tennis shoes. I turned back around to close the door and almost ran into Mike.

  I glanced past him to see the door was already shut. He took my face into his hands and pulled me towards him. I couldn’t help but look into his eyes, innocent and honest, somewhat mesmerizing but flat compared to Kellan’s. He stared down into my eyes intensely as if he was trying to read me.

  “Listen Lex, you don’t have to tell me what’s going on. But if you do want to talk, I’m here. I know you have Mel, but I want you to know you also have me,” he spoke strongly emphasizing all the right areas to reaffirm his commitment to me emotionally; this just made the guilt resurface. He was completely dedicated to me and I wasn’t to him.

  “I know,” I answered softly still awestruck over the intensity behind his wording. He spoke in a manner that you were forced to pay attention to.

  “Would it be too girly of me to ask for a kiss?” he smiled shyly.

  I giggled, cracking a smile for the first time today. “I promise not to think any less of you.” I closed the gap between us, pressing my lips to his. I hadn’t planned to linger, merely placate him for the moment and return the favor of his support. Instead I released all my inhibitions and angst from today within this kiss.

  I finally pulled away from my stress-reliever feeling surprisingly much better. Though my mother’s words hadn’t been erased mentally, I was distracted by my present company rather than the complications that could arise over the next few days. Mike slid off his shoes and pulled me on the bed with him.

  “Don’t forget we have an assignment to complete,” I reminded him verbally though physically I inched into his arms. I’d already messed up. I was supposed to be distancing myself from him, not drawing closer.

  “Consider this part of the research,” he said.

  “How do you figure?”

  “I’m exploring love to accurately portray it from Romeo’s perspective.”

  “I’ll allow that lie to pass but only because I’m comfortable.”

  Pulling me in tighter, Mike asked intently. “Lex. Please be honest with me. Are you in any danger?”

  I froze. He hit the nail on the head. I was possibly in danger, but could I tell him? Putting off any overanalyzation of the situation, I decided to tell him as much of the truth as possible. Perhaps I needed to tell someone in order to really sort through it.

  “A sort-of related person to me was killed last night. Murdered. Whoever killed her is unhappy with my family. My mom believes whoever this crazed person is may come after me next.”

  I braced myself, unsure of what his response will be. Anger? Outrage? No. I was almost angry with him. He broke into laughter. I was stunned.

  “Are you seriously laughing?!” I demanded pulling away from him to see his face.

  “Calm down Lex. It’s just. Well…why would anyone want to kill you? You have a better chance of being hit by a bus.”

  “Ugh,” I groaned. “You don’t understand.” I sat up completely on the bed and began fidgeting with my hands again. I was wrong to believe this could ever work between me and Mike without being able to tell him my secret double life; he would always brush off the danger surrounding me.

  He copied my movement and observing my distaste to his reaction added, “Babe. If you really feel like your life is in danger, then I’m going to be here every minute I can to protect you.”

  This time it was my turn to laugh. I initially flashed to Mike pursuing Kellan in physical combat. “No offense, but how do you plan to fend off a killer?”

  “Easily. I’m a master in Krav Maga. Been practicing it since I was five,” he answered.

  “What is that?”

  “It’s basically like karate for the Israeli army. It’s street fighting but war-style,” he explained.

  “Why didn’t you tell me this last weekend?”

  “I didn’t feel the need to. Also it kind of scared off a girl or two before. They were afraid I’d use it on them but I’m not that kind of guy,” he insisted.

  “Oh, well, I consider that a good thing,” I smiled. “It’s always good to know how to defend yourself and your loved ones.” I felt the gut-wrenching truth clenching my insides. Mike didn’t stand a chance, and neither did our relationship.

  “Good,” he stated pulling me back into his arms. “I really won’t let anything happen to you babe.”

  “I know,” was all I could muster up. I knew now that Mike could protect me against the worst of human attackers, but he still stood no chance of winning against a vamp. I didn’t know if he would even do that though once I broke his heart.

  “So Romeo’s point of view in the theatric form,” he prompted trying to distract me. It worked.

  “What do you have so far?”

  “Oh yea, about that. It’s not very good.”

  “I kind of guessed that when you begged for my help.” He grab
bed his book bag and I retrieved my English binder to coordinate with him.

  “Do you want me to read what I have?” he asked.

  “Sure.”

  “It’s kind of about you,” he added shyly.

  “Really? I’m intrigued.” Mike was frighteningly dedicated to me at times. This lied wearily on my surface. My world was upside down; it rolled in the course of a week. My entire life was consumed with new concerns right now and as good as his intentions were, his words added to this stress line preparing to fracture me.

  He pulled the lined paper filled with words from his binder and began to read.

  “What a twisted world love lies within, for I am forced to love in anguish. Wars, family feuds distract all rational and bar my desires from existence. I must silently watch my heart walk by or speak softly with her through a window in the dead of night. It’s as if my heart is caged, it’s demanded to remain tame despite the tease or lingering passion outside.

  “Her voice, her words spoken aloud detest all she is confined to. She lures me in with rivaling rebellion, and captures me with a secret smile.

  “Oh! What a torturous realm love lies within! It dangles my desires in front of me but presses murder upon me shall I show weakness. My life is torn amongst deadly romance or a dull approved existence.

  “Shall I be forced to reveal my choice aloud, I will forever accept to love my true. I’d rather die happily knowing her embrace. I’d rather love and lose than to pine through a life of mediocrity forever regretting my choice to let go. To know love is to live in prosperity, to not, is to ward off death at every corner.

  “Juliet, my fair Juliet, is the air I breathe, the pitter of my heart. She’s the only one to touch my soul, to attach strings to my heart. I shall not abandon all I know for one kiss, but I shall die a silent poison to defend the love I hold for my dearest enemy, Juliet.”

  I sat speechless. These words poured from the mouth of a skateboarding goofball with an overbearing personality? I’d never heard such beautiful lyrics strung with strife yet intertwined with reality.

  “I told you it was bad,” he blushed taking in my silence, mistaking my awe for disapproval.

  “Actually, it’s the most beautiful monologue anyone has ever written.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, really. It’s perfect the way it is. You need no help from me,” I stated in a daze, lost in his features in the dimming sky outside my window. Mike was going to make some girl very happy one day; unfortunately, that girl wouldn’t be me.

  “Umm. Are you sure?” he pressed.

  “Positive. But one question. How was that about me?”

  “Well. You’re probably going to be weirded out but I care about you a lot Lex. I can’t explain it or control it. I’ve tried not to like you, but it’s like we have this connection, like destiny, that I can’t shake,” he answered seemingly embarrassed with every cautioned word of explanation. “And I’m to the point where I would rather embrace it and die than deny it and try to carry on.”

  Here I was hearing him say the words every girl dreamed of being told, and yet irrationally I was saddened by it all. Perhaps because I knew his words were wasted on me. Perhaps because I knew I couldn’t indulge in them even for a minute. Mike complicated things for me. Every time I planned to pull away, he did something sweet like this and lured me back in.

  “Lex. Can you please say something, anything? I’m dying here. You’re too quiet.” He stood shifting back and forth before me.

  I didn’t know what to say, but wanted to alleviate his anxiety. I stood up and gently leaned in and kissed his cheek. I allowed my hands to cradle his face as I studied him for a brief second. “You really are wonderful,” I smiled sadly.

  I saw the confusion on his face but pulled away before I was forced to deal with it.

  I caught a glimpse outside via the corner of my eyes but was alarmed when I saw pure darkness beyond the glass. “What time is it?”

  Mike looked at his Nautica watch that his dad gave him for Christmas last year. “Umm. It’s 5:15,” he replied.

  “Wow. It’s dark extra early tonight.” I sighed inwards knowing I’d successfully changed the subject. I just hoped it would last.

  “Yea, I actually prefer the dark though. I’m definitely a night owl.”

  “Nice. So what do you want to do?”

  “Doesn’t matter,” he shrugged returning to sit on the bed.

  “How about a movie?” I got comfortable on the other side needing a little space.

  “Sounds good.”

  I sat up and grabbed the remote to turn on my TV. I flicked it on and passed it off to Mike. “Find something good.”

  “No pressure,” he laughed.

  I stood up walking towards the first window and closed the blinds and curtains. I shifted to the next with a shock. Staring at me were two bright green eyes in the darkness. Caught off guard I screamed and jumped back. I turned around to Mike alarmed on my bed and my mother inside the door, unable to hide her speed in a moment of panic.

  “What is it Lex?” Mike asked anxiously.

  I looked at my mother and replied, “It seems I have a creature friend outside my window.”

  My mother understood that it was Kellan. She simply stated, “I’ll have your father get rid of it,” and left my room.

  I closed my blinds and curtains quickly and returned to Mike on my bed to enjoy the last of my full human night. Despite the impending break-up, I relished in Mike’s company. After all, he was still my friend.

  Chapter 13

  We settled on Dracula: Dead and Loving It with Leslie Neilson. Mike knew I liked Dracula and admitting my love of the comedic side of his story portrayals in the past, I didn’t try to insist otherwise.

  He handed me my bag of pretzels still sitting next to my now warm coke on my nightstand and demanded, “Eat. Don’t think I forgot about your anorexic tendencies.”

  “Do I look anorexic?”

  “You do seem five pounds smaller since this morning,” he smirked.

  I couldn’t tell if he was trying to flatter me or if he was implying something so I just glared at him. But when he continued smiling brilliantly at me, I softened saying, “I think I can afford the five pound loss,” with no harshly implied undertones.

  “Lex, you’re perfect just the way you are. Please don’t become one of those carb obsessed, calorie-counting cheerleaders. I like a girl with curves. I like to think of it as excess sexiness.”

  My heart melted. Never in my life had anyone, my parents included, said something so close to eluding unconditional love. I allowed myself to scoot closer to him and retrieved a pretzel from the bag happily biting into it. Mike copied my move and we watched the movie on demand for the next hour and a half munching pretzels.

  Stuffed of my carbed-up dinner, I handed the bag completely over to Mike and laid back on my side. He copied my move. After a few minutes I looked up to see him staring at the ceiling, but could tell his mind was further away.

  “What are you thinking about?” I prompted politely, not wanting to disturb his thought process entirely.

  “Umm… Well, just life I guess.”

  “You guess? You mean to tell me you don’t know what’s on your mind?”

  “You’re on my mind,” he threw out casually.

  “Hopefully in good forms.”

  “Duh!” he said mocking Mel perfectly in his rendition, “I mean get with it Lex!”

  I couldn’t help but break into laughter. He even escalated his voice into a higher octave. “That is so Mel! You did her perfectly!” I exclaimed between chuckles.

  Mike turned on his side; we were face to face, as he noted, “I love your laugh.”

  “Umm… Thanks.”

  “I love you Lex,” he said, running his hand over the apple of my cheek.

  I just gazed at him for what seemed like hours but was only about two minutes.

  “Uh, I don’t know what to say,” I finally replied. He really
was innocent and more than I deserved in devotion thus far.

  I couldn’t help but retract to my lingering transformation set for tomorrow night though. So much would be different a few days from now; I would be very different. I didn’t want to hurt him, but, other issues aside, I knew I couldn’t be a successful girlfriend to him after tomorrow. Why did this have to happen now? Why couldn’t he approach me last year when I didn’t know about my impending doom?

  Ok…you need to get a hold of yourself Lexi! What if-s and why didn’t-s don’t change what is.

  I pulled away the second I heard honking outside. I was saved from having to console him in any way for my less than desired response.

  “That must be my mom,” he said getting off the bed. “Thanks for the help.”

  “You really didn’t need me, but I enjoyed my time with you,” I smiled as I followed him down the stairs.

  “I always enjoy spending time with my girl,” he said as we reached the front door.

  “Night Mike,” I said giving him a quick hug.

  “Night Lex,” he said kissing my forehead before walking out the door.

  “Lexi,” my mother called startling me with her presence the moment I closed the front door.

  “What’s up Mom?”

  “You need to be careful. You will not be the same person after Friday,” she warned. “It’s wrong of you to knowingly break a heart.”

  “I know. I’m trying not to,” I replied.

  “You can’t possibly plan on anything after Friday,” she reminded me.

  “Don’t worry Mom. I know what I need to do.” She nodded, accepting my plans. “Which reminds me, what do you think of my excuse being a surprise birthday vacation?”

  She stood silent for a solid sixty seconds before agreeing. “I think that is your best option. Your father and I have taken the entire week off starting tomorrow afternoon. I also spoke with your guidance counselor and advised of your absence effective tomorrow.”

  “Wait, I’m going to school tomorrow, right?” I questioned her wording.

  “No. I know you mentally need to prepare, regardless of what you are ready to argue.”