Fisher of Men

by Phoebe Alexander

  “Partner?” Leah asked, her eyes wide.

  “Casey Fontaine,” Cap revealed. “She's probably twice as excited as I am. It's about time Ocean City had its own club, that way we don't have to keep hosting stuff at local hotels where we have all these rules and we're tiptoeing around all the vanilla people, trying not to offend them all the time.”

  Leah was still trying to process everything. Slowly the intricate details were being filtered through her mind and she began reconciling them with what had happened during her meeting with Barry earlier in the day. A web of ideas and emotions started to take shape within her cranium. If Casey's Group was no longer using The Pearl for their events and was using Cap's club instead, then there'd be much less risk to me professionally. We'd still be out the revenue from the parties but I'll just have to figure out a way to make it up...

  “So the name,” Cap brought her back to the present. “The Factory. What do you think? We're going to keep the industrial look, all the exposed beams and pipes, just paint all of that dark, like a midnight blue, we're thinking, and the accent colors will be lime green and fuchsia. That's all Casey's idea of course. She's hired a contractor and we're going to meet out here on Monday to go over everything.”

  She'd never seen him so impassioned about anything except perhaps when he spoke of his father or his daughters. Even in the dim lighting, he looked decades younger with his eyes lit up and the color rising to the surface of his cheeks. She was in awe of this side of him she had never before seen. He was usually so laid back and even-tempered, always going with the flow, projecting an easy, southern gentleman type of charm. Now he was borderline hyper, he was so animated. The energy radiated off him and bombarded Leah's exterior, only to bounce back to him with twice the force.

  “You're not saying anything, Leah,” he finally remarked, his enthusiasm levels waning as his eyes swept her face looking for answers to why she wasn't equally enthralled by the new venture.

  “I don't even know what to say. I'm happy for you, Cap, I really am,” she said stiffly. There was a chill in the unheated building and she felt it permeating her wool coat. She shivered then wrapped her arms under her chest and curled her fingers around the opposing elbows.

  “Be happy for US,” he corrected, with emphasis on the pronoun, turning to her and prying her hands away from her folded arms. He gripped them in his own and yanked her so close to him that there was only an inch of space separating their bodies.

  “What do you mean?” she questioned.

  He squeezed her hands tightly into his. “This is for us, Leah. Casey and I want you to run this place. We want you to be the manager.”

  She stepped back, an instant wave of vertigo twisting around her like a tornado. She watched his hands drop to his sides. “You want me to leave The Pearl and work for you?” she clarified.

  He nodded. “Wouldn't it be great? You'd be perfect, absolutely perfect.”

  “Cap...” Her mind was spinning so rapidly that she thought smoke would start puffing out her ears at any moment. “I...I don't know if I can do that.” So many questions and scenarios were jumbling up inside, her brain felt like a clogged drain. She couldn't choke anything out and the furiously flowing thoughts were backing up throughout her entire body, threatening to spring a leak.

  “Why not? Casey adores you. I adore you. We are going to make a fucking killing, there's such a great opportunity here. The closest clubs are in Baltimore and DC, you know. People from Delmarva drive two or three hours to go. There's so many tourists in the summer and they end up meeting at someplace like Seacrets since there's no club here. That's why Casey's Group has taken off like it has; there's a real need for a local place for lifestyle people to congregate.”

  Leah nodded. “I get that, and it does sound like a wonderful opportunity, but what do I tell my parents? What do I tell my friends? I can't exactly say I'm leaving this great job at The Pearl to run a swing club. I mean, really, Cap? Did you even consider that?”

  She watched his excitement fade and frustration take its place. “We'll think of something else to tell them,” he suggested. “Where there's a will there's a way. And we're willing to make you an equal partner so you'll be sharing in all the profits even though you're not investing anything. And that's fine! We both want you to succeed, of course!”

  “What about your fishing business and Casey's real estate job? How are you going to have time to do this too?” she asked.

  “That's why we need you to handle all of the details. You'll need to hire an assistant and some security and a bartender. But we can get started with a pretty small staff, and it will only be on the weekends at least at first. Of course, we need to get all the renovations done first. But I want to open the doors to the public by the winter. When everything is dead in OC, we'll be having this ridiculous grand opening party here at The Factory!”

  “Where is the capital coming from?” she questioned. She felt like she was shooting down every golden star of joy and hope he'd affixed in the sky. But someone has to be realistic, right? Someone has to play devil's advocate, she justified her reaction.

  He scratched his head with disappointment and it seemed as though he was deflating before her very eyes. But he took in a deep breath of patience and explained, “Casey had some money left to her recently by a great aunt who passed away. And I sold my grandparents' farm in Pennsylvania. We have half a million in cash to get this thing off the ground. Plus I have some other assets I can liquidate if need be.”

  Leah struggled to keep her mouth from gaping open at the idea of half a million dollars. I didn't even know his grandparents had a farm in Pennsylvania, she thought, suddenly sad that he gave up a property that may have been in his family for generations.

  He watched her wrap her head around the staggering sum as she started to make mental calculations. But she was still frowning. “This is a lot to take in, Cap, especially after the day I've had. I just don't know how it will all work out. I have a lot of questions, you know? I don't like to jump into things without knowing where I'm going to land.”

  He intertwined his hands with hers again. “I understand that, Sugar, I do. I am not asking you to decide tonight. Let's talk to Casey and you can come and meet with the contractor with us and we'll get all your questions answered, I promise.”

  She turned and began to walk toward the front of the building, suddenly needing to fill her lungs with something other than the stale air that had been trapped inside those walls for years. She made her way through the lobby, her steps illuminated by the faint lights overhead. She nearly stumbled over a thick gray mat that was curled up against the threshold as she pushed her way out into the open air.

  The night winds swirled around her but the cool crispness was welcome as she inflated her lungs, breathing in and out, in and out. She heard him locking the doors as she stepped further into the stubbly yard. The sky was pierced with tiny white stars, glittering through the clear and cloudless heavens. She recognized the constellation Orion, his belt gleaming with its trio of brilliant orbs. She felt Cap move in behind her, pressing his body against her back and bottom, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her toward him so they were sealed together. He rested his chin on her shoulder. “Leah, we can make this happen, I know we can.”

  She whipped around to face him. “I don't know what we're doing here,” she admitted, realizing that all of her trepidation stemmed from that over-arching dilemma.

  “What do you mean? I just told you about the club I want to build.”

  “I mean us, Cap. I don't know what you and I are doing. Together.” I've only known him for three months, she thought, yet we sleep together every night and in some ways it feels like we are together, a couple. She considered those elusive, magical words that had not yet been uttered. Three magical words all in a line like those three stars in Orion's belt. Instead, the constellation hanging over us is a giant question mark. And the answer seems as far away as the stars.

  “Leah, I
want this for us. For our future. I want us to be together...to be partners in every sense of the word,” he said, his voice deep and husky as the words spilled out of his mouth with no hesitation.

  “I don't know if you're ready for that so I've been trying to take it slow. You're so much younger than I am and you have your whole life stretched out in front of you. I don't know if you can see yourself heading toward the future with an old man like me, one with skeletons in the closet and so much goddamn experience I could write a fucking book.

  “You know, after I got divorced, I was positive I wanted to be alone, you know, the single stud, notching my bedpost with all the lovely women that came to the beach to play. I didn't know women like you were out there. You're so smart and independent, and you have no clue how fucking sexy you are. The first time I saw you that night at The Pearl I wanted you. Yeah I wanted to put the notch in my bedpost, but then after that, there was so much I saw in you, so much substance, so much potential...I wanted more. I needed more. But I didn't want to scare you with that; I didn't want to chase you away.”

  “Well, I'm still here, aren't I?” His speech made her eyes well up with tears, stinging and soothing all at once. These were words she didn't know he was capable of saying. She felt it from him, that their lives were growing into each other, but she didn't expect him to say it, to admit it. And still that elusive word hung in the air unsaid.

  “I always feel like you're one step from running away. Like I've pushed you too far, too fast, and all I want to do is hold you and promise you that no matter what happens, I'll make it right,” he vowed. “But I'm afraid you won't let me.”

  “I'm just scared, Cap, scared of trusting you, scared of trusting myself. I'm scared of all these thoughts and feelings that contradict everything I've always believed. I get so scared sometimes I think I have to escape. Even tonight when I was walking the dogs, I was planning my exit strategy, but you always pull me back in. You make me want to stay.”

  “Do you love me?” he asked and for the second time of the day, the pivotal question was posed point-blank, no beating around the bushes, no euphemisms or skirting the issue.

  She didn't answer at first, still as confused as when Aimee asked the question earlier over the phone. She'd searched her heart all afternoon and evening and she kept coming back to the fact that she did, but she shouldn't. Like Aimee had said, it was a matter of the heart, not the mind. My heart says yes and my mind says no, I can't, she surmised. Not that that is much of an answer. It's more of a contradiction.

  “I do, Leah,” he confessed, feeling emboldened. He took a deep breath as if he'd been holding that inside way too long, then drew her body close to his so that the vapors formed from his breath as it struck the chill fell against her cheeks. “I've fallen in love with you. Leah. I didn't want to, I didn't think I needed to... But I did...and...”

  “And what?” she asked when his voice trailed off into the dark winter night. Her heart was pounding at the utterance of that word, the word she kept trying on and taking off again like an outfit in a dressing room she liked but was too afraid to buy. She felt like he could probably hear her heart thundering against her ribcage.

  “And I hope you feel it too,” he answered, more vulnerable than she'd ever heard him sound as his pitch raised and formed it into a question at the end.

  She felt like the stars were swirling above her head in crazy elliptical orbits, but maybe it was just the dizziness she'd felt inside the building returning for an encore. Her thoughts were falling like bombs around her at the rate of a million hits per minute, but she felt a clear, ringing voice rise up from somewhere deep inside her to answer, someplace she had locked up years ago. She felt it pass over her vocal chords and through her lips like strands of silk being woven together, tumbling out into the cold night air in a misty vapor that wrapped around Cap's ears, and then his heart.

  “I do feel it. I want to trust you, and I want to let my heart feel what it wants to feel, Cap. But I need your help. I need you to promise you'll always be honest with me, no matter what. That's the only thing I'll ever ask of you. Complete and total honesty. I've been lied to before and I just can't...I can't have it happen again. I'm still wounded even though years have passed now.”

  She wrapped her arms around his waist, locking eyes with him and searching for a promise. “If I can trust you, I can love you. It's as simple as that.”

  “You have my word,” he promised, pressing his lips against her forehead. “As well as my heart.”

  She looked up at the sky and her gaze followed a line of stars pointing to the southeast where moonlit-crested waves were crashing upon the shores of Assateague's simple, natural beach. She thought about the relation of The Factory to Ocean City and the island, almost directly in between the two. The metaphor seemed too delicious to ignore. She glanced at Cap, then down to her feet as they pressed into the sandy soil.

  Maybe there is a middle ground after all, she thought. Maybe I'm standing on it.

  SEVENTEEN

  How can a young person stay pure? By obeying your word. I have tried hard to find you— don’t let me wander from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you. -Psalm 119:9-11 (NLT)

  The plans were coming together for The Factory. Casey's mantra was “If we build it, they will come.” Only she didn't mean “come” in the literal sense. Leah had been involved in every decision from what color of tile to put in the bathrooms to writing the code of conduct each member would sign upon joining. The earth spun quickly through the next two months. Spring touched down onto Delmarva tentatively, like a butterfly wandering among the flowers, one day flying close and bringing warm golden sun and the next flitting away and sending cold gray skies.

  Cap was beginning to prepare for “The Season,” as he and most of the locals called it. The shop was inventoried and cleaned, seasonal help was hired, and his equipment and boat had been scrubbed down and readied for action. “You know you won't be seeing me as much once business picks up, right?” he warned Leah one night in April when an early heat wave had caused them to throw the blankets off and the windows open. She laid with her back against his bare chest, her legs curled toward him and his arm wrapped around her waist. They slept like that most nights; she loved feeling the steady rhythm of his breathing falling against her hairline, lightly tickling her ear.

  “I know, honey, and don't forget my work will be picking up too,” she reminded him, closing her eyes to signal readiness for sleep to claim her.

  “Okay, but I don't think you realize how busy it will be. I'm gone from sun up till 8 or 9 at night some days. Especially days I do three charters. I barely drop off one crew and pick up the next.”

  “I get it, Cap, I'm prepared. Thanks,” she replied curtly. Why does he choose to discuss this stuff when I'm trying to sleep? she wondered, trying to avoid becoming agitated.

  “When are you going to resign from your job?” he then proceeded to question, clearly not receiving the hint that she was ready to nod off.

  She pushed the air out of her lungs and filled them again before answering, aiming for a more congenial tone. “Not until the end of the summer. Things are back to normal now, and Barry was pleased with the way Casey's last event went. He really needs me this summer. Besides, you said the club's doors won't open till January anyway. I figure I have at least till September or October to break the news to him.”

  “I'd really like to have you out of there by August,” Cap said. “Because that's when we're going to need to start hiring and training and I'm still going to be full up on charters till a few weeks after Labor Day.”

  “I don't know, okay? We'll just have to see how things go. I don't want to leave Barry in a tight spot. He's done a lot of stuff for me and I don't want to burn any bridges. And besides, I haven't exactly figured out what I'm going to tell my family yet anyway.”

  “Speaking of which...” Cap slid his torso out from under her head, sat up in the bed and l
eaned his back against the headboard. He pulled the sheet down so that he exposed Leah's shoulders, which prompted her to roll over and sit up next to him.

  “What?” she asked, trying very hard not to sound annoyed but not exactly succeeding.

  “When are you going to tell your parents about me?” he asked.

  Oh my gosh, where is this coming from? Leah wondered. And why isn't this man tired? Oh yes, because he didn't work ten hours and then take two dogs that had been cooped up all day for an hour walk down the beach. And then he didn't spend two hours going over the list of questions that Casey sent. No, he was sitting at the bar at the inlet downing beer with his old fishing buddies. Not that I'm bitter. Not at all.

  “The plan is to tell them next weekend when I'm home for the bridal shower,” she explained as nicely as she could muster. Ever since she met Cap's daughters Emma and Ashton the month before to celebrate Emma's birthday, he had been asking more about her family.

  “Don't you think you should tell them before I just show up at your brother's wedding with you?” he laughed.

  She bristled. She hadn't quite made up her mind that she would take Cap with her to her brother's wedding in June. She thought he was going to be too busy with charters and that he wouldn't want to lose out on any business. But he was confident that the club was going to do so well the following winter that he could afford to take some time off here and there during the summer, when the bulk of his income was earned.