Soul Mate (The Mating Series)

by S. Swan

  “We both do.” Jimmy laughed. Park Min dominated her kids. Cho couldn’t control his mother so he took pleasure in controlling other women. Jimmy, on the other hand, seemed to avoid being close to women, even me.

  I found Cho’s dominance fascinating. It felt almost sensual when he had me pinned against the wall. I could feel the heat of his anger, but it excited me. I understood why women allowed Cho to dominate them. Provoking him gave me an adrenaline rush.

  I sensed Cho’s dark eyes gauging me. His eyes challenged me. “I’ve booked a flight to Chicago for Wednesday. What are your plans Jimmy?” Cho forced himself to ignore me.

  “That’s two days away and I can’t make travel plans until I have this off.” Jimmy raised his pant leg.

  “Trisha Pennington will contact us tomorrow to set up a time to remove everything,” Cho said.

  “I can’t make a decision until I talk to Trisha.” Jimmy watched Cho. “What is your problem Bro?”

  “Hell, I don’t know.” Cho’s face softened. “I just…It’s nothing.”

  “I think you should apologize to Cassie,” Jimmy said.

  “Sorry.” Cho said, half-hearted. I stiffened at his crappy apology.

  “Take it. That’s the best you’ll get.” Jimmy whispered.

  “Not accepted,” I said, curtly. Yes, I taunted the beast. I wouldn’t be taken lightly by Jimmy’s brother. Cho messed with the wrong girl. I tightened my lips and glared.

  “Forget it,” Cho said and stormed out.

  “You’ve really pissed him off,” Jimmy said. “That’s not good.”

  “I don’t care,” I said. “Cho tip toes around you, but then jumps my ass whenever he feels.”

  “I’ll talk to him,” Jimmy said.

  “Don’t. He’ll come around,” I said. “I won’t tolerate being bullied by him or anyone.”

  “I don’t think he got the message.” Jimmy laughed. “He’s pissed.”

  “He’ll get over it,” I said.

  CHAPTER 19

  Cho and I avoided each other the rest of the day. Occasionally, I felt those dark eyes on me. It was like having lasers go through me. Jimmy noticed too and attempted to clear the air between us. “I’m starving. I want to go out,” Jimmy said. “What sounds good?”

  “Your choice,” I said.

  “What do you want Cho?” Jimmy asked.

  Cho peered over his newspaper. “I’m not hungry.”

  “I haven’t been able to go out and have a good time since you got here,” Jimmy said. “I would like to enjoy an evening with the people I love.”

  “When can I come back?” Cho asked.

  “Come back?” Jimmy questioned.

  “From the guilt trip you’re sending me on.” Cho cracked a smile. “Let me change.”

  “Do you want to borrow some clothes?”

  “No.” Cho said, walking to his room. “You’re never dressing me again.”

  “I thought you looked handsome last night,” I said. Cho didn’t reply. As he passed, I saw the trace of a smile. Our power struggle wasn’t over, but the tension had eased.

  Jimmy suggested a fancy restaurant on the north side. We got a quiet corner booth. Jimmy sat in the middle between us. Cho snubbed me. He focused on eating and drinking. Jimmy, not concerned about random alcohol testing, hit the booze hard. Cho ordered a bottle of wine. The brothers enjoyed it together. Both drank past the legal limit. I declined the alcohol. Jimmy nominated me as designated driver. I took his keys.

  “This is good wine,” Jimmy said.

  “Only the best for you,” Cho replied. “We’re celebrating.” I thought about the three hundred dollar bottle of wine Cho bought the night before. I wondered how much he spent on Jimmy.

  The two drank and conversed for several hours, while I felt ignored. Sporadically, Jimmy asked my opinion about something, but for the most part, the brothers enjoyed each other’s company. Sometime during the night they switched to tequila shots. Jimmy offered me a shot. I vehemently declined. Since the puking incident years ago, I hated tequila.

  “Cassie, do you remember the night you drank so much tequila you barfed all over my place?” Jimmy asked.

  “Yes, I remember, all too well,” I said. “I can’t even stand Margarita’s now.”

  “Cho you should have seen her. She was so cute.”

  “I can imagine.” Cho said, dryly. “Puking girls are always cute.” Cho gave his brother a smirk. He shot me a cold stare. Jimmy didn’t notice.

  “No, really.” Jimmy said, slurring. “I had to hold her hair and then she got on this crying jag. It was hilarious.” He looked at me. “What were you crying about?”

  “I was crying over my dog Jack who died when I was five,” I said. “It wasn’t funny.”

  “I guess you had to be there,” Cho said with a bored expression.

  “I want another,” Jimmy said.

  “No Brother, I think you’ve had enough,” Cho said. “…and I’m not holding your hair.” Cho grabbed a handful of hair. “You should cut this shit off.”

  “I love his hair,” I said. “He better not cut it.” Cho rolled his eyes. Asshole!

  “I’m like Samson; my power is in my hair,” Jimmy said.

  “I think we should get him home.” I told Cho.

  “I hope you’re strong enough to hold him up,” Cho said. “I can’t help. I can barely walk.”

  “I’m not ready to go yet.” Jimmy complained. I didn’t force the issue. He needed the night out. Cho stopped drinking. We continued to sit and watch Jimmy drink.

  By eleven o’clock Jimmy barely formed words. He was wasted. I lifted him out of the chair, with little help from Cho. Jimmy staggered towards the car with me and Cho holding him upright. “Love you,” Jimmy said, kissing my head. “Love you too Cho.” Jimmy leaned to kiss his brother, but Cho pulled away. I almost dropped Jimmy.

  Drunk, Jimmy became affectionate. He was the guy who hugged and kissed everyone at parties. I always thought it was cute, but not now. I needed to get him to the car. The last thing Jimmy needed was a public intoxication charge. “I know Jimmy.” I said, moving him along. “We both love you too.”

  “But you’re mad at each other.” Jimmy sulked. “Cho hug Cassie and tell her that you that you love her.” Cho refused. I was glad. I couldn’t hold Jimmy up by myself. Still miffed over our argument, I didn’t want Cho near me.

  “I love you and your pain in the ass girlfriend.” Cho said, reluctantly. “She drives me nuts.”

  “Thanks,” I said.

  “You’re the biggest brat I’ve ever met,” Cho said. “If you were my girlfriend, I’d keep you in line…or I’d…”

  “…or what?” I asked, stiffening.

  “I’d make you obey.” Cho said in a low rumble.

  “You’re so traditional Brother,” Jimmy said. “That’s why you can’t keep a woman. This is not Korea. Women are equals in America.”

  “Bullshit,” Cho said. “American women expect to be catered to.”

  “Whatever,” I said. Cho vied for a reaction from me. He didn’t believe the crap he spewed, at least I hoped not. “Park Min is so submissive,” I said.

  “Before my father took ill, he was in charge. Mom catered to him. That’s how it should be,” Cho said.

  “What about respect?” I asked. Holding Jimmy up wore me out. I slowed my pace. “Mutual respect is more important.”

  “I do mean respect and trust,” Cho said. “You have to trust that your man will do what is in your best interest and not question it.”

  “I respect and trust Jimmy.” I stuck my tongue out at Cho.

  “No you don’t.” Cho narrowed his eyes at me. “You’re constantly questioning him and me. You don’t trust either of us; if you truly trusted Jimmy, you wouldn’t always question his decisions. You wouldn’t fly off the handle like you do.”

  “I fly off the handle because I get tired of getting only half the information,” I said. “Getting the full story is like pulling teeth
with both of you. You give information on a need to know basis.”

  “That’s because we know what’s best.” Cho barked. “You say I have trust issues, but you’re the one with the trust issues. You can’t give up the fucking control and trust that someone else is looking out for you.”

  “You’re making my head hurt.” Jimmy whined.

  “We agree to disagree,” I said. “Right?” I gave Cho a warning glare.

  “Sure,” Cho said.

  “I love you guys,” Jimmy said.

  Cho tightened his grip on Jimmy. “You already said that.”

  We practically forced Jimmy into the car. He began to sing, more like cats wailing. I drove while Jimmy sang Bon Jovi songs loud and off key. “I’m a Cowboy…” He sang. “…On a steel horse…”

  “He loves Bon Jovi,” Cho said.

  “Yeah, I know.” I said, flatly. I didn’t want to talk.

  “When he starts singing Bon Jovi you know he’s smashed.”

  “I know that too.” I was short with Cho. I didn’t get him.

  “I’m a dick,” Cho said.

  I kept my eyes forward. “Yep.”

  Cho laughed. “I don’t know when to keep my mouth shut.” He tried to light a cigarette. Cho was too drunk to smoke. I won’t put you out when you catch yourself of fire. “You drive me freaking crazy.” Cho said, lighting the cigarette.

  “Drop it.” I said, quickly. “I don’t want to get into this now.”

  “Seriously, one minute I’m glad Jimmy has you, and the next I want to smack you.” Cho took a long drag on his cigarette. “I don’t get you.” The feeling is mutual.

  “There’s nothing for you to get,” I said. “I’m your brother’s girlfriend…that’s all.” I wanted Cho to shut up.

  “Then I don’t get myself,” Cho said.

  “I do,” I said. “You want what you can’t have, you want control, and to be the alpha male. You would’ve made a great caveman.”

  “You think you know me, don’t you?” Cho asked.

  “I have your number,” I said.

  “I don’t think you do.”

  “Then enlighten me. What makes Cho Kim tick?”

  “You wouldn’t understand,” Cho said. “I mean what I said. I want a woman who will put her complete trust in me. Someone who trusts I won’t hurt her, and knows that I make decisions in her best interest.”

  “You want your cake and eat it too,” I said.

  “I guess I do. Is that too much to ask?”

  “It is for me,” I said. I expected to be involved in making decisions. Cho influenced Jimmy in a bad way. We communicated better without him around.

  Jimmy snored in the backseat when I parked the car. Cho threw Jimmy over his shoulder and carried him up to the condo. Cho’s strength surprised me. “Come on Little Brother.” He said, tenderly. No matter what Cho thought of me, he loved his brother.

  We took Jimmy to the bedroom. Cho dropped him on the bed. Together we undressed Jimmy. I ran my hand over Jimmy’s bare chest. He is quite the specimen of man. I brushed the hair out of his face and kissed him. “I love you.” I whispered. Jimmy spread himself across the bed. I decided to sleep in the guest room. I didn’t want Jimmy climbing over me to get to the bathroom if he needed to get sick.

  I needed a bottle of water before I went to bed. Cho sat smoking in the living room. “You know he’s going to Chicago with or without you,” he said, as I passed. I stopped and turned. “I don’t want to fight with you. I’m merely telling you.”

  “Why are you telling me?” I asked, growing tired of Cho and his opinions.

  “Kiddo, this is not my decision,” Cho said. “You can be mad at me if it helps, but this is Jimmy’s decision.”

  “You think you know everything, don’t you?” I asked.

  “I do.” Cho said, blowing a puff of smoke. “It may not be right away, but he’ll leave.”

  I put my hand on my hip. “Did you suddenly become psychic?” I asked.

  “No, but I know Jimmy. I could read between the lines last night when you were in bed,” Cho said. “He knows he’s screwed here. He doubts everything right now, even you.”

  “Why would Jimmy doubt me?” I asked.

  “Why do you doubt him?”

  “I don’t,” I said.

  Cho refused to look at me. “Are you sure?” he asked. I didn’t doubt Jimmy. Did I?

  Cho stared at the wall. “Have you ever considered that you’re better off without Jimmy?”

  “No.”

  “You should.” He continued staring at something on the wall, not making eye contact with me.

  “Are you buying into the soul mate thing?”

  “Jimmy does. He’ll find an excuse to end it,” Cho said. “Jimmy knows who he is.”

  “Did he tell you that?”

  “No, but I can tell he knows. He wants to go home to avoid the inevitable breakup.” Did Jimmy really know?

  “He can go home,” I said, angrily. “I’m not stopping him. I won’t break up with him. I’ll always wait for him.”

  “That’s the problem,” Cho said. “You’ll always be there waiting for him to get it together, but he can’t.”

  “I don’t get you,” I said. “One minute you say I saved Jimmy. Then, the next you say I should submit to him, and now you’re saying that I shouldn’t submit to him.” Talk about mixed messages.

  “You shouldn’t be his lap dog,” he said. “It’s not fair to you.”

  “I’m not his lap dog.”

  “You are,” he said. “You don’t deserve that.” My head spun. Cho didn’t make any sense. I sunk to the floor. What did Cho want me to do?

  “You’re drunk and not making sense,” I said.

  “I’m making sense. Jimmy will repeatedly hurt you, and you’re going to keep forgiving him. I hate it,” Cho said.

  “That’s what you do when you love someone. You forgive them.”

  “Say you did find your soul mate…” Cho said. “Say you find the person who made you complete, you would drop him to stay with Jimmy, in a miserable relationship. You’re so blinded by him that you’d give up happiness for misery.”

  “That’s not true,” I said. “I’m not miserable. I love Jimmy and no one else could treat me any better.”

  “How do you know?” Cho asked “Have you even given anyone else a chance since you met Jimmy?”

  “Until recently, I didn’t know any other men besides Jimmy.”

  “There are others in your life, but you only notice Jimmy.”

  “Why are you saying this?” Did he want me to give Ben a chance?

  “Unfortunately, I like you…I like you a lot. You seem like a nice kid. You don’t fit in the fucked up Kim family.” Cho sighed. “You remind me a lot of Stephanie. I forced her to fit in, and it ended terribly.”

  I paced. “Just because your relationship didn’t work, doesn’t mean ours won’t.”

  “You know what I’m saying is true.”

  “Jimmy has problems, but I can make it work.” I pleaded. I couldn’t live without Jimmy in my life. Two weeks without him almost killed me.

  “You can’t change a man. That’s the biggest mistake most women make.”

  “I don’t need relationship advice from you.” I hissed.

  Cho gave a sad smile towards the wall. Look at me! “I’m the last person to give advice, but I don’t want you to be surprised. The best thing you could do is let Jimmy go home. If he loves you as much as he says, he’ll come back.”

  “Are you questioning Jimmy’s love?”

  “I have no doubt he loves you. That’s why he’ll leave. He thinks it’s better for you, but then he’ll come back because he loves you. You two are addicted to each other.”

  The conversation angered me. If Cho tried to make me doubt Jimmy, it worked. I didn’t want to, but I doubted everything. I wanted to trust Jimmy. I wanted do whatever I had to do in order to keep us together. I began to shake with frustration. It made me mad that I c
ouldn’t control my emotions. I didn’t want Cho to see me react. I wanted to prove him that I was stronger than he estimated.

  “I know I’m upsetting you.” Cho said, not looking at me. “You don’t have to hold back. Cry and let it out.”

  “I won’t give you the satisfaction.” I sneered. Cho wanted me to cry.

  “It doesn’t give me satisfaction. I hate it, but I’m tired of sugar coating the situation.” Cho lit another cigarette. “Want one? It will calm your nerves.” I took it. “Kiddo, it doesn’t give me pleasure to hurt you…piss you off? Yes…I like that, but not intentionally hurt you.”

  “You like to piss me off?”

  “Of course I do.” Cho laughed. “You should see your face when you’re pissed. I love getting a pissed reaction out of you. You’re fiery. I want to control that fire.”

  “Sounds kinky,” I said.

  “It’s not sexual…I promise,” Cho said.

  “Are you sure?”

  “I don’t find you attractive.”

  “You don’t find me attractive?” I questioned.

  “Not like that. You’re gorgeous, but not my type,” Cho said. “You’re not mature enough for me. I like women, not little girls.”

  “I’m not a little girl!”

  Cho put up a hand. “You’re a little girl to me,” he said. “Don’t take it as an insult.”

  “You flirt a lot.”

  “I like getting reactions out of people. I love to see Jimmy’s reaction when I flirt with you. I don’t mean anything by it, but he doesn’t get that.”

  “You’re a jerk, you know that right?”

  “I never claimed to be a nice guy.”

  “I think you enjoy being a dick.”

  “I do.” Cho smiled. “I can’t help it. Jimmy has always been the golden boy, so I had to invent myself as the asshole.” Cho shrugged. “I’m good at it. I’m terrible at being nice.”

  “Would an asshole take care of his brother, like you do?”

  “I didn’t say I didn’t love Jimmy. I love everything about him, and I care about you too. I like to get a reaction from those I care about.”

  “I think there’s more to you, and, like your brother, you try to keep people from knowing you. Only you do it by being shitty.”