‘What?’
‘Everywhere is boarded up. There’s barbed wire fence all around it. Whoever that is has come from the mine itself.’
‘Don’t be stupid, Michael, they couldn’t come from the mine.’
‘Exactly.’
‘So what are you saying?’
‘I’m saying, loads of people died down there, didn’t they?’
‘Nonsense.’ Chloe shivered involuntarily at what Michael was saying. The torch spun towards them. Chloe knew there was no way anyone could see them. But the light hovered in their direction for longer than either of them liked. Eventually, it snapped down and the figure moved towards the entrance again. Then, quite suddenly, the light went out and the figure was gone.
‘Fuck, that was weird,’ Chloe whispered.
‘Yeah, really weird,’ Michael echoed as he slowly backed towards the hatch and inside the hut once more. Chloe followed and the group waited for her to say something. But she couldn’t find the words.
Baz impatiently had to ask, ‘So, is Michael tripping out?’
‘No,’ she whispered, feeling sick.
‘No? There was someone there?’
‘Yes.’
‘Who?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘I think it’s haunted,’ said Michael.
‘Michael, shut up, you’re high. Who was it, Chloe?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘You’re not agreeing with Mike, are you?’ asked Georgia unblinking.
Chloe hesitated; she didn’t know what else to say.
Chapter 18
23rd November 2019
Afternoon
Despite being at least twenty years younger than most of the small search party, I was by far the most unfit. My breathing was laboured, my legs felt like lead and the boots I had owned for only six weeks were now completely ruined. Mud covered all of us from the knees down, and the air in the woods had thickened to a hanging rain that seeped through the seams of my coat, through my jumper, and onto my skin. We had combed the area Holly laid out for over three hours, our breath suspended above our heads like small clouds, and had found nothing. No signs of Jamie, no sign of anything. We had only walked about half a mile away from the social club, but with the woodland being so dense, we could have been anywhere. It would have been disorientating if the mine hadn’t loomed over us, acting as a compass, watching our every move.
We walked in silence, listening to our surroundings, hoping for him to call out, or appear. But it had been eerily quiet. Too quiet, as if the woods were holding their breath, watching us, watching me. It was just like that summer. With the weak sun barely breaking through, it was eerily dark. Long shadows and shrouded spaces surrounded us on either side, making me feel claustrophobic. As I had fallen to the back of the group, I felt vulnerable; despite not wanting to, I kept looking over my shoulder to make sure no one was there. My imagination kept playing tricks on me, and on a few occasions, I was convinced I could see a silhouette of a man just behind the tree line.
Thankfully, before my haunted thoughts could take hold, Holly announced we were stopping for a break. We didn’t pause for long, maybe five minutes, but it was much needed. Then we set off again, quietly moving though bush and bog in search of something.
I allowed myself to think about when Jamie and I were young; the way he used to make me smile. I thought about the day I left, without saying goodbye or offering an explanation or apology. I had to wonder whether Jamie’s current problems were because of me, or what happened to us all in the summer of 1998. Jamie was really good to me when we were young, he had done more for me than anyone should. I owed it to him to help. I suppose that’s why I came back – though I’m not sure I would have done for the others.
We returned to the social club, having spotted nothing unusual. As I quietly sipped my tea with three sugars, in a vain attempt to relieve my hangover, I watched as Holly embraced her fellow search party members one by one. She thanked them, told them not to give up hope. I watched her, mesmerised by the woman she had become. That quiet, insecure girl I’d once known had changed: she was now a leader, a fearless one at that. I wondered, when we were kids, was I kind enough to her? As the last of her helpers left, she turned and smiled towards me.
‘How are you feeling?’ she asked.
‘I’m OK, it was harder out there than I thought it would be.’
‘Yeah, it’s impossible to keep searching, hoping you don’t find anything, wishing you would. Plays heavily on the emotions.’ She plonked herself beside me and took her tea from the table. ‘He’ll turn up, he just forgot to write a note this time. Anyway, tell me about you. What’s new? How’s life been?’
‘Oh, you know, ups and downs, like anyone’s, I guess.’
‘Yeah, I guess,’ she replied, and I could tell there was a hint of something else in her voice. ‘How long are you staying for?’ she continued, brighter.
‘A few days maybe? I don’t feel like I should be here.’
‘Nonsense, of course you should be here, it’s your home.’
‘It doesn’t feel like my home, it hasn’t for a very long time. It’s weird being back with Dad…’ I trailed off.
‘How is he?’
‘Yeah, you know, he’s the same old Dad. He’s OK.’
She smiled, knowing how hard things were with him after my mum left.
‘Thank you for agreeing to come out today, it really helps.’
‘I don’t feel like I’m helping much.’
‘You’ve given up time from your life in London to be here. Trust me, it helps.’
I smiled, not wanting to tell her I came back from London because my life was a complete mess and I was fucking up things left, right and centre. I was only back because I had nowhere else to be. Instead, I promised Holly I would go out again.
‘Really?’
‘Of course. Will it be today?’
‘I think it’ll be later this afternoon.’
‘Have I got time to nip back and change? I promise to try wear something slightly more appropriate.’
‘Yeah, we’ll go out in a few hours.’ I got up, dredged my cup of tea, then put it on the dusty bar counter. Behind me I heard the door open but didn’t think much of it. When I turned, I saw Holly walking towards it, opening her arms and wrapping them around someone, hugging them close. Quietly, I made my way to the door, hoping I could slip past and not interrupt. I couldn’t see who it was, but assumed it was someone very close to Jamie. As I drew level, Holly let go and the woman lifted her gaze, locking onto mine. Before I could say anything, the woman slapped me so hard across the face I stumbled backward.
‘How dare you come here!’ she screamed, rage and pain pushing their way through her words. ‘How dare you come back!’
I opened my mouth to defend myself but choked on my words. I could taste blood where I had bitten down on the inside of my cheek. The woman advanced towards me and I prepared for her to hit me again. Thankfully, Holly came to my rescue, stepping between us. ‘Julie, calm down.’
Julie burst into tears and stormed towards the door. Flinging it open she turned back, and if looks could kill, I was sure I would have died on the spot.
‘This is your fault, all of it. I wish you hadn’t got your claws into my son. You’re cursed.’ She turned and left, and I stood shocked, trying to process what just happened.
‘Are you OK?’ Holly asked, and all I could do was nod. ‘I’ll go to her; you go back to your dad’s. I’ll message you later?’
Again, all I could do was nod.
Holly turned on her heel and chased after Jamie’s mum, leaving me in the social club on my own, unable to work out what the fuck just happened. I put my fingers inside my mouth, the inside of my cheek sore to the touch, and I could feel a slight tear in the skin. Retracting my fingers, there was a little blood on them, not enough to justify the amount of pain I was in. Did I deserve what just happened?
That summer had been hard on us all,
but would Jamie have managed better if I had stayed? I didn’t want to think about the answer. Clearing away the final few mugs from the table, I looked at the map where Holly and her party had searched. She was methodical, clear in her direction. The shaded areas followed searches. A few areas were still to be covered: one was around the hut, and the other around the place where Jamie and I had our first kiss.
As I left to walk back to Dad’s house, I was torn: I wanted nothing more than to leave and never return. I also felt Jamie’s mum was right: it was my fault that he was missing, that he had struggled with life because of me. And I owed it to him to stay, even if it was just for one more search. I just hoped of the two places left, the hut wouldn’t be the last place I would ever see.
Chapter 19
23rd November 2019
Afternoon
I retrieved the hire car from outside of The Miners’ Arms and drove it back to Dad’s house. The adrenaline was still coursing through my body from where Jamie’s mum had slapped me, making my legs shake. By the time I got back to Dad’s, the inside of my mouth had numbed a little, but the ache in the back of my head from last night’s booze had intensified. I was cold, wet and miserable. All I wanted to do was have a shower, get into something comfy and flake in front of the telly. Instead, I would change into my other pair of jeans – ready to go out again and search the woods – and I would have to deal with the awkwardness of spending time with Dad. I told myself it was just for one more night. This time tomorrow, I would be on my way back to London.
As I stepped out of the car, I could hear an alarm sounding from his house. Running towards the door I tried the handle, but it was locked. I started banging, calling for Dad. After a few attempts I heard him coughing, and the door opened. He stepped outside, smoke bellowing out into the street.
‘Dad, are you OK?’
‘Yes. What’s happening?’
‘There’s a fire.’
Looking into the hallway I could see the kitchen door open, smoke billowing from within. Taking a deep breath, I ran into the house and saw dark smoke seeping through the small gap where the old metal door didn’t sit flush against the rest of the oven. I turned it off at the wall and unlatched the windows and back door to let the smoke escape, before tentatively opening the oven. Inside was something black, so badly burnt I couldn’t tell what it was. Using two tea towels I picked it up and took it outside, before setting the hose on it, just in case it decided to re-ignite. The cold water made the charred food crumble like a bath bomb. Satisfied that the pan had cooled, I moved it from the grass to Dad’s patio table. A scorch mark remained on the lawn, but apart from that and the residual smoke, there didn’t seem to be any damage. Within a few minutes the kitchen had cleared enough for me to be able to breathe, although I knew that the smell would linger all day. Standing by the back door I coughed a little, the last of the smoke tickling the back of my throat as Dad joined me in the kitchen.
‘Dad, you left something in the oven.’
‘What?’
‘You put something in the oven and forgot about it.’
‘I…’ he started, unable to finish, and I saw the same look on his face I noticed this morning when I caught him in the garden.
‘Dad, where were you?’
‘I was asleep, I think.’
‘Did you not hear the smoke alarm? Did you not smell it burning? What were you even cooking?’
‘I – I don’t know.’
‘What do you mean, you don’t know?’ I asked, fearing what he would next say.
‘I don’t know,’ he repeated, quieter this time.
I pressed him again, but he was unable to look me in the eye and walked away. I followed him back into the living room, where he sat down like nothing had happened.
‘Dad, you need to talk to me.’
‘What about?’
‘About what just happened. This isn’t the first time you’ve forgotten something.’
He looked at me, as if to ask, how could you tell?
‘I found the milk in the cupboard and the sugar in the fridge. And this morning, in the garden, I could see something was wrong.’
‘I’ve, umm…’ he paused.
‘Dad, just talk to me, for once just bloody talk to me. Your house could have burned down, or worse. Dad, what if I didn’t bang on the door, waking you? What then?’
‘I’ve been forgetting things lately,’ he said quietly, his tone even. It confirmed my fears.
‘OK, have you spoken to anyone about it?’ I tried to sound calm but inside my heart began to thump. It was the first time he had ever opened up to me about anything.
‘What? No, no, it’s fine, I’ve just been distracted, that’s all,’ he said, turning up the TV. I took the remote from him, switching it off.
‘Dad. You need to talk to someone about this.’
‘We just have.’
‘I mean a professional. I’m going to ring the doctor’s surgery, see if they can fit you in.’
‘I have.’
‘When?’
‘A few weeks ago.’
‘And what did the doctor say?’
‘He said it was nothing.’
‘We need to go again, don’t you think?’
‘No, he said it was nothing.’
I ignored Dad’s protests and googled the doctor’s number. It rang four times before an automated message stated that the surgery was closed, and if it was an emergency, I had to call another number. It wasn’t an emergency, but it was troubling. Before I went home tomorrow, I knew I needed to get him in front of his GP, otherwise he would never go back. I just hoped when I did get him in, we would be told it was nothing to worry about – just a bored, absent mind and nothing more sinister. Of course, I didn’t want anything to happen to Dad – we had our differences, a lifetime of things unsaid, but I still loved him dearly. I needed to know he was all right, I needed to know as soon as possible, because I didn’t want to stay here any longer than I absolutely needed to.
Chapter 20
23rd November 2019
Afternoon
The smell of smoke hadn’t lifted, a constant reminder of our dilemma. Dad and I had barely spoken since I tried to call the doctor. Regardless, I stayed close and tried to watch him discreetly. Was he bored, or was his forgetfulness something more? Despite us not actually talking, the tension between us seemed to have lifted, at least. I made us cups of tea and curled up on the sofa – TV on, shoes off. Every now and then, Dad took his eye off the screen and looked at me. I tried not to notice it, to keep my eye on the daytime talk show we were watching, but I wondered what he was thinking. Was he noticing the woman I had become, or was he seeing the girl he once knew?
At just before 3.30 p.m. there was a knock at the door, and Dad started to get up.
‘It’s OK, Dad, I’ll go.’
Opening the front door, I smiled, possibly for the first time since arriving at the village. ‘Holly.’
‘Hey, Neve, I tried to message but you’ve not seen them, so I thought I’d pop by. I hope you don’t mind?’
‘No, of course not, sorry, I’ve been with Dad all afternoon.’
‘It’s fine, I just thought for a moment you’d…’
She didn’t finish her sentence; she didn’t need to. I knew exactly what she couldn’t say. She thought I had left, again.
‘We’re about to go out, before it gets dark – do you still want to help?’
‘Yes, of course.’
‘Great, here—’ Holly handed me a bright blue North Face coat, identical except in colour to the red one she was wearing.
‘Oh no, you don’t have to.’
‘Please, Neve, you must have been freezing earlier. This will keep the damp out.’
‘Thanks, Holly. Will you give me a second, just so I can tell Dad where I’m going.’
‘Of course.’
Popping my head into the lounge I called, ‘Dad,’ and he turned to look at me. I wasn’t expecting it, so for a moment
I lost my words.
‘I’m, umm, I’m going out with Holly. I’ll be back in a couple of hours. Shall I stop at the chippy on the way back? Get us something?’
‘It’s shut.’
‘What, since when?’
‘About ten years ago.’
‘Oh, well, I’ll order a takeaway then. Saves you having to put the oven on,’ I said, jokingly, regretting it straight away – although Dad smiled, I could see that look again, that worry. ‘I’ll be back soon, OK?’ He nodded and turned back to the TV. ‘I love you, Dad.’
He didn’t reply.
I offered to drive down in the car, but Holly said it would be better to walk. The stroll would help us mentally prepare. The sun was beginning to sit heavy in the sky and we had about an hour before it would be pitch black. As we drew close to the social club, Holly told me – or warned me – that Michael was helping with the search. It didn’t help quell my anxiety.
‘Don’t worry, Neve,’ Holly said, reading my thoughts. ‘He knows you’re helping. He’s looking forward to seeing you.’
‘OK,’ was all I could say in response. I wondered what kind of man he had become. The last time I saw him, he was a reckless teenager, experimenting with drugs, always wanting a laugh, the class clown.
I was shocked when I saw him. Unlike Holly, I could still tell it was him, although ageing suited him. His gangly frame was more solid, and the chaos in his eyes had been replaced with a steadiness. I was shocked to see that so far, my old friends all looked well. Perhaps I was wrong to assume those who hadn’t left the village would be fated to a life in the shadow of the mine.
The search party was just as small as this morning’s pitiful group. Just four in total. Holly, me, Michael and surprisingly, Jamie’s dad, Derrick. As Holly and I approached the table where the map lay open, Michael said a quiet hello, his smile warm, forgiving perhaps. I said hello back and Derrick gave a nod. We didn’t get chance to chat, as Holly stated we needed to move, to use what light we had left. She was right, as she probably was when we were young. The difference was this time we listened.
She handed Derrick a radio, telling him to stay on channel two; then she and Michael headed out of the social and left, while Derrick and I turned right. We would descend into the woods and then sweep towards one another. It was a short route, one that was close to the main road. Despite barely knowing Derrick, I felt reassured and more settled than before. As we walked towards the woods, we made small talk. He spoke about the trees, their history and how the large bank of earth that lined the road we were hidden behind was man-made. He spoke of the mine itself, how he never worked down there, but had visited a few times on open days with his father who was a miner. He mentioned the darkness, the heat coming from the rock.
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