Pulled Under

by Sarah Darlington

  “And yet, here I am.” He took off his sunglasses. Then he rocked back on his feet, still smiling, glancing up at the house. “You live in a damn mansion, princess.”

  Princess? It shocked me that he used that nickname after he’d gone on and on about how it wasn’t good enough for me. So I had to conclude, he’d purposely used it as an insult.

  “Princess?” I repeated, just to be sure.

  “You heard me. Can I come in?” He took a step toward me.

  I guarded that door the way I probably should have guarded my virtue. “Um, why don’t you tell me why you’re here first?”

  Jesus, my heart was thumping so hard that I feared it might give out. My skin tingled and my chest felt all tight. And, worst of all, I was slightly turned on. Yes, turned on. Seeing him here now—my body, the traitor, was screaming at me with the need to be touched by him again. Like it remembered and suddenly had to have it, which was the most ridiculous thing ever.

  “I’m here for a couple reasons,” he explained, his words flowing easily from his mouth. Obviously he wasn’t affected by me in the least. “I kind of wanted to clear the air between us. We’re bound to run into each other at some point in our lives, we know a lot of the same people, and I wanted to get past that awkward moment on my own terms.” He gestured his hand between us. “There. Over. Not as awkward as I feared. I also wanted to make sure you were alright…emotionally. You’re not the first girl whose virginity I’ve taken and it affects all women differently, so I thought it would be good if I double checked on that one.”

  My mouth fell open, and I stood there just staring at him. What the hell was this? Some thinly veiled revenge mission? What a prick?! This was not the same Rhett I thought I knew. A moment ago, when I answered the door, I’d been thankful John wasn’t home. Now, I kind of wished he was. “I’m fine,” I told him, gritting my teeth. “But thanks for driving all the way out here to tell me that. Anything else?”

  “That’s about it.” He shrugged. “I know you’re leaving for college soon. Luke University, right? Georgina Turner also is going there. And my roommate Noah, whipped bastard that he is, is following her there. Crazy, but it turns out I was right about them. They’re in love and all that shit. Anyway, Georgie mentioned you were going to be there as well. So I wanted to wish you luck. Tell you to have a good life. That sort of thing.”

  If he wanted to purposely piss me off, it was working. “Okay then. You have a good life too.”

  “Okay then.”

  I thought that was going to be the end of the conversation. But then he messed up—he lingered. That was his exit cue and he hesitated to take it. I might have bought into this whole arrogant, asshole act he was trying to pull on me if he hadn’t have lingered right then.

  “You’re so full of shit,” I called him out.

  I waited for a smartass rebuttal on his part. But it never came. “Am I that obvious?” he admitted instead, his sudden honesty hitting me like a two-by-four to the chest.

  “Yeah,” I muttered.

  “Then you also need to know I lied just a second ago. You’re the only girl whose virginity I’ve ever taken.” He turned away from me for a moment, taking a deep breath in, while running his hands over his head. Then, exhaling, he turned back toward me. “I don’t really know what else to say.”

  How about the real reason why you’re here? Because flustered and honest Rhett was doing horrible things to my resolve. I didn’t need this now. I was finally feeling better about Ben and about him, and only excited for the start of a fresh, new school year. The smart move would be to tell him goodbye before our conversation had a chance to go deeper. But I was never smart when it came to Rhett. “Can I show you something?” I asked softly.

  He shot me a questioning look.

  “Just come with me.”

  I gestured for him to follow me into the house, my heart racing all over again. He followed. The last thing I wanted was to give him false hope. But since he’d come all the way out to my house, something that would probably only happen this one time, I really wanted to show him the garage.

  “This way.”

  We walked through the entryway, past the kitchen, and then down one long hallway.

  “If your plan is to intimidate me with your big house then you’ve succeeded,” he commented.

  “It’s my grandfather’s house. And here’s what I wanted to show you.” I opened the door to the garage.

  Rhett let out a low whistle. There were eight cars in the garage. Some classics. Some modern beauties. He instantly became distracted by the Ferrari. But I hadn’t brought him in here to show him that car. I grabbed his hand, pulling him over toward the one I really wanted to show him—the Impala, like his.

  A moment too late, I realized I shouldn’t be touching him. I quickly dropped his hand. Swallowing hard, I took an extra step away from him. This wasn’t about anything other than showing him something I’d never been able to show anyone else before. I didn’t want to send him the wrong message.

  Glancing at me for a moment, he said nothing. Instead he ran his hand across the hood. His touch was gentle, as if he were touching a woman, not a car. He took a moment and inspected the car—I mean really inspected it. “It’s a pretty car,” he commented as he opened the driver’s side door and sat down behind the steering wheel. He gripped the wheel tightly, the sound of the leather crinkling under his touch. “Does anyone even use it?”

  “It just sits here,” I muttered. He looked good sitting there, like he belonged. “My grandfather is particular about his cars. His hands only.”

  Rhett immediately put his hands up in the air. “Should I even be touching it?”

  “Probably not.”

  He got out of the car and shut the car door behind him. The sound echoed through the garage. “Sydney,” he said, using my name for the first time ever. The way it rolled off his tongue had an unexpected and direct effect on my body. “Why did you bring me out here to see this?”

  The climate-controlled temperature in the garage suddenly felt like an oven. He was right. Why had I brought him out here? I ran my fingers through my hair, wishing now that I hadn’t been so eager to show off the car. It didn’t help that my body was full-on tingling now. We were alone. It was quiet. The car reminded me of his car, which reminded me of the orgasm he’d given me in it. And all I could think about was sex and how badly I wanted it with him. Not the gentle way our first time had been either—I wanted the Rhett with the reputation.

  “Damn,” he grunted, his eyes burning through me. “I guess that answers one of my questions.”

  “What?” I breathed. I could barely think straight all of a sudden.

  His tongue ran over his bottom lip. Oh, those lips. “Come here, sweetheart.”

  Shit. This was bad. What was it with him? We hadn’t even been in each other’s company longer than ten minutes, and I already couldn’t control myself. I went to him, knowing full well that we were about to have a repeat of that night. Probably right here on the garage floor. Or maybe on the hood of my grandfather’s car. It didn’t matter where. I only needed him. Now.

  He brushed my hair back away from my face, his hands moving gently. I thought he was going to kiss me—the slow, sweet kind. But he didn’t kiss me. Instead he roughly whispered, “How badly do you want me?” and kissed the corner of my mouth, but not my actual lips.

  “Badly,” I breathed. My knees went weak. “Rhett,” I begged. “Please kiss me.”

  He pressed his lips to my cheek, then my neck, but still not my mouth like I wanted. Then suddenly he groaned, not in a good way either, in an angry way, and he pulled back. His touch leaving me completely. “The milk is no longer free. Sorry, princess.”

  “What?” I choked out, leaning back against the car. “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “It means I’m not going to touch you again until I get what I want in return.”

  My stomach dropped. I had no idea what was happening. “What do you want in
return?”

  “You. Not just your body and not just sex. I want you. You hurt me when you left me. I’ve done the casual thing. I’m sick to death of the casual thing. I’m not doing it with you. I honestly only came over here today to wish you well, and those intensions are getting warped. So when you’re ready—and here’s a hint, sweetheart, there are three words I’m gonna want to hear—I’ll be here. You know, when and if that day ever comes and your feelings ever catch up to mine. So, bye, Sydney. Good luck in college.” He moved closer to me for a brief moment, pressed his lips to my forehead, and then left.

  I’d never been so shocked, and I felt absolutely horrible for trying to use him like that again. Rejection wasn’t an easy pill to swallow, either. But, in some weird way, I really admired him for turning me down just now. At least one of us had some control. And some morals.

  CHAPTER 10:

  RHETT

  I left Sydney that day with so much confidence and certainty. Going to her house, I’d been seeking answers. Did she still want me? Was there a chance for us? Could she possibly love me one day? And then, all at once, she gave me what I needed. Yes—to all my questions. There was reason to hope, to believe that something more could exist between us. I knew it the moment she showed me that car. Because she didn’t have to do that. She could have told me to leave, to get off her property, and to never come near her or her giant house again. But that wasn’t how it happened. So I had to believe that somewhere deep inside, even if it was only the smallest, minuscule amount, she cared for me. Plus, we still had the physical thing down. That part seemed to be a no-brainer for us. I had to trust that the rest could follow. One day.

  Our problem was more a matter of bad timing. I was ready for her, but she wasn’t ready for me. We had a lot of things working against us. The age difference. The soon to be long distance thing. Her psycho, protective brother. But those things didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. I was willing to wait until the timing was better. This was the rest of my life we were talking about. Of course, I would wait. For however long it would take.

  Well…that was then.

  And this was now.

  Everything changed. It happened in one split, awful second. My confidence crumbled and my certainty vanished. Two weeks into September, only a month after the day I last saw Sydney, I overheard a phone conversation of Ellie’s. It was completely random that I’d come home that day and that I’d happened to catch her on the phone.

  Someone spilled cocktail sauce all over my shirt at work. It was nasty. Not a single other employee at Chancy’s had a clean shirt I could borrow in my size, so I had to make a quick trip home. When I came inside the house, I could hear Ellie in the kitchen. She was in the middle of an argument with whomever was on the other line. It wasn’t my business. I wasn’t even trying to listen. But one foot into the door, I overheard one word—Ben. Not in the context of the past, not as if she were talking about him, but she used his name as if she were talking to him.

  My mouth dropped open and my feet froze. No freaking way. This meant she was either losing her mind, talking to a dead person, or her brother was still alive.

  “I just don’t understand, Ben,” I heard her say. “I’m still trying to wrap my brain around all of this… But I want to come visit you in Malibu… Uh, huh… Yeah, I’ve missed you too… Yeah… No, I promise I won’t tell anyone… We’ve already been over that… I’ll see you in November…”

  Knocked off my damn feet. No other words could describe how I felt in that moment. My heart felt as if it had been ripped out of my chest and trampled on the floor. Should I have been happy that Ben was alive, somehow, randomly, and calling Ellie on the phone? Probably. That would have been the decent thing to feel. But I felt quite the opposite.

  I didn’t actually know what sort of relationship Sydney and Ben had shared. Obviously, not a physical one since I’d been the one to take her virginity. But between what she’d told me and what Noah had hinted, I was pretty sure she’d been in love with him. And now I knew he was alive. The kid was a fucking Boy Scout too. Smart, athletic, charismatic, and an all-around great guy. Not that I didn’t have my own strengths too, but how was I ever going to compete with that? I already felt like winning Sydney’s heart was this long up-hill marathon, one of which I probably wouldn’t finish as is. Now Ben was back in the picture? Fuck me.

  This is what game-over feels like.

  This is what rock-bottom feels like.

  “How much of that did you just hear?” Ellie asked, as I walked into the kitchen, chucking my keys onto the counter. I should have hurried to change my shirt, so I could return to work, but I couldn’t motivate myself to go do that.

  “A lot,” I admitted. “Your brother’s fucking alive.”

  Taking a couple breaths I tried to remain calm. But how could I?

  Ellie’s face scrunched up. “Um. That was a different Ben I was on the phone with,” she tried to lie. But then, probably realizing she was a crap liar, she shook her head and said, “Fine, it was my brother. He’s alive.”

  “How?” I choked out, unable to hide my disappointment.

  “Jesus, Rhett,” Ellie groaned and pushed past me. She stomped into the living room. I followed. “Try to sound a little more enthused, would you?” she said sarcastically, plopping down on the couch.

  I groaned. Of course this would turn into an argument with us. “I’m just trying to make sense of it. It’s not very often you find out someone whose funeral you attended, isn’t actually dead.”

  “Well, I don’t have all the details. Ben’s acting strange enough as it is. He called me the first time about a month ago. Just to say, hey sis, I’m alive, surprise! Apparently, after the coast guard accident, he washed up on the beach in Malibu. Instead of calling the police or an ambulance, some rich old lady, ex-Hollywood type, took care of him and now he’s staying with her. It’s weird as hell, I know. He essentially faked his own death.”

  This was weird as hell. “And you’re going to go visit him in November?”

  “You heard that part too.” Ellie sighed, rubbing her hand across her forehead. It only occurred to me now how stressed she looked. Actually, she’d been acting a little off all month. This had to be why, this had to be weighing pretty heavily on her. “I convinced him to let me come visit. I’m going in November. He thinks I’m coming out there alone. But I’m bringing Noah and Georgie too—that’s my plan. I’m not supposed to tell anyone, he doesn’t want that. But what the fuck else am I supposed to do? I don’t care what goes wrong in a person’s life, you can’t just fake your own death, put your family through hell, and then live in sunny California in someone else’s beach house while the rest of the world moves on without you. Life doesn’t work that way. Shit, Georgie tried to commit suicide because of his stupidity. It’s fucked up.” Ellie sniffled, brushing away a tear from her cheek.

  “So you’re taking Noah and Georgie out there…to what? Try to convince him to come home?”

  “Something like that. I’ve slowly been planting the idea of a group vacation.”

  I stepped over to Ellie, bent down, and tried to wrap my arms around her shoulders. She looked like she needed a hug. But immediately she pushed me away. “Gross,” she grunted. “You’re covered in something disgusting. Besides, I’m fine.”

  “You don’t seem fine.”

  “Well, I am. So back off. And please, please, please—you can’t tell anyone about this. It’s my family. It’s my shit. I need to deal with it in my own way.”

  I threw my hands up in the air. “I won’t tell.”

  “Thanks, Rhett. I appreciate it.”

  Except, there was one person I couldn’t keep this from, one person I was going to have to tell. This wasn’t the way I wanted to see her again. But what had to be done was going to have to be done.

  * * *

  Luke University, with its massive stone buildings, lush green fields, picturesque sidewalks, and cliché groups of students walking arou
nd wearing backpacks—was like something out of a movie. A National Lampoon’s movie, that is. I’d never been on a college campus before, and I’d never felt more out of place. I grew up with a single mother who struggled to pay rent each month. Baseball was always supposed to be my ticket out of that. But if it would have landed me here, I wasn’t so sure that would have been the best thing for me. My skin itched. I felt like an imposter walking around this place.

  Parking was a nightmare. I took the first open spot I could find, hoping I wouldn’t end up with a ticket, and started trekking across campus. Noah, who surprised us all when he decided to apply to college to be with Georgie at the end of this past summer, lived off campus. But Georgie lived on campus in the dorms. Miles Residence Hall—wherever that was. It was Friday, and I had plans to meet Noah at one of the dining halls for lunch in about an hour. And I was staying the night. We were supposed to be partying like freshman tonight. That had been my excuse for coming here. But I also knew that Georgie and Sydney lived in the same dorm, a detail Noah had casually mentioned, a detail that was my only clue to finding her.

  But this place was a damn maze. I didn’t know how all these kids were walking around, with so much purpose, like they all knew exactly where they were and where they were going. I had to ask four different people for directions. I finally found Miles Residence Hall—a plain brick building with lots of windows. One of those windows had to be hers. And now that I was here, now that I was this close, I felt my body start to shake.

  The news that I had to tell her had my heart in a vice. I paced outside the building in the shade of a large oak tree. The leaves were changing and falling, the empty contents of my stomach churning, and the world around me starting to blur. How the hell was I going to do this without looking like a fucking stalker?