by F. Anstey
CHAPTER XVI.
Culchard feels slightly Uncomfortable.
SCENE--_Terrace and Grounds of the Grand Hotel Villa d'Este, on LakeComo._ PODBURY _and_ CULCHARD _are walking up and down together._
PODB. Well, old chap, your resigning like that has made all thedifference to _me_, I can tell you!
CULCH. If I have succeeded in advancing your cause with MissPrendergast, I am all the better pleased, of course.
PODB. You have, and no mistake. She's regularly taken me in hand, don'tyou know--she says I've no intelligent appreciation of Italian Art; andgad, I believe she's right there! But I'm pulling up--bound to teach youa lot, seeing all the old altar-pieces I do! And she gives me the righttips, don't you see; she's no end of a clever girl, so well-read and allthat! But I say--about Miss Trotter? Don't want to be inquisitive, youknow, but you don't seem to be much _about_ with her.
CULCH. I--er--the feelings I entertain towards Miss Trotter havesuffered no change--quite the reverse, only--and I wish to impress thisupon you, Podbury--it is undesirable, for--er--many reasons, to make myattentions--er--too conspicuous. I--I trust you have not alluded to thematter to--well, to Miss Prendergast, for example?
PODB. Not I, old fellow--got other things to talk about. But I don'tquite see why----
CULCH. You are not _required_ to see. I don't WISH it, that is all.I--er--think that should be sufficient.
PODB. Oh, all right, _I'll_ keep dark. But she's bound to know sooner orlater, now she and Miss Trotter have struck up such a friendship. AndHypatia will be awfully pleased about it--why _shouldn't_ she, you know?... I'm going to see if there's any one on the tennis-court, and get agame if I can. Ta-ta!
CULCH. (_alone_). Podbury knows very little about women. If Hyp--MissPrendergast--once found out _why_ I renounced my suitorship, I shouldhave very little peace, I know that--I've taken particular care not tobetray my attachment to Maud. I'm afraid she's beginning to notice it,but I must be careful. I don't like this sudden intimacy betweenthem--it makes things so very awkward. They've been sitting under thattree over there for the last half-hour, and goodness only knows whatconfidences they may have exchanged! I really must go up and put a stopto it, presently.
"BOUND TO TEACH YOU A LOT, SEEING ALL THE OLDALTAR-PIECES I DO!"]
UNDER THE TREE.
HYPATIA. I only tell you all this, dearest, because I _do_ think youhave rather too low an opinion of men as a class, and I wanted to showyou that I have met at least _one_ man who was capable of a real anddisinterested devotion.
MAUD. Well, I allowed that was about your idea.
HYP. And don't you recognize that it was very fine of him to give upeverything for his friend's sake?
MAUD. I guess it depends how much "everything" amounted to.
HYP. (_annoyed_). I thought, darling, I had made it perfectly plain whata sacrifice it meant to him. _I_ know how much he--I needn't tell youthere are certain symptoms one can_not_ be deceived in.
MAUD. No, I guess you needn't tell me _that_, love. And it was perfectlylovely of him to give you up, when he was under vow for you and all,sooner than stand in his friend's light--only I don't just see how thatwas going to help his friend any.
HYP. Don't you really? Not when the friend was under vow for me too?
MAUD. Well, Hypatia Prendergast! And how many admirers do you havearound under vow, as a regular thing?
HYP. There were only those two. Ruskin permits as many as seven at onetime.
MAUD. That's a vurry liberal allowance, too. I don't see how there'd besufficient suitors to go round. But maybe each gentleman can be undervow for seven distinct girls, to make things sort of square now?
HYP. Certainly not. The whole beauty of the idea lies in the unselfishand exclusive devotion of every knight to the same sovereign lady. Inthis case I happen to know that the--a--individual had never met hisideal until--
MAUD. Until he met you? At Nuremberg, wasn't it? My! And what was hisname? Do tell!
HYP. You must not press me, dear Maud, for I cannot tell that--even toyou.
MAUD. I don't believe but what I could guess. But say, you didn't careany for _him_, or you'd never have let him go like that? _I_ wouldn't. Ishould have suspected there was something behind!
HYP. My feelings towards him were purely potential. I did him the simplejustice to believe that his self-abnegation was sincere. But, with yourpractical, cynical little mind, darling, you are hardly capableof--excuse me for saying so--of appreciating the real value and meaningof such magnanimity!
MAUD. Oh, I guess I _am_, though. Why, here's Mr. Culchard coming along.Well, Mr. Culchard?
CULCH. I--ah--appear to have interrupted a highly interestingconversation?
MAUD. Well, we were having a little discussion, and I guess you're intime to give the casting vote--Hypatia, you want to keep just where youare, do you hear? I mean you should listen to Mr. Culchard's opinion.
CULCH. (_flattered_). Which I shall be delighted to give, if you willput me in possession of the--er--facts.
MAUD. Well, these are the--er--facts. There were two gentlemen undervow--maybe you'll understand the working of that arrangement better thanI do?--under vow for the same young lady. [Hypatia Prendergast, sitstill, or I declare I'll pinch you!] One of them comes up and tells herthat he's arrived at the conclusion the other admirer is the better man,and, being a friend of his, he ought to retire in his favour, and hedoes it, too, right away. Now _I_ say that isn't natural--he'd someother motive. Miss Prendergast here will have it he was one of thosenoble unselfish natures that deserve they should be stuffed for a dimemuseum. What's _your_ opinion now?
CULCH. (_perspiring freely_). Why--er--really, on so delicate a matter,I--I---- [_He maunders._
HYP. Maud, why _will_ you be so headstrong! (_In a rapid whisper._)Can't you see ... can't you _guess_?...
MAUD. I guess I want to make sure Mr. Culchard isn't that kind ofmagnanimous man himself. I shouldn't want him to renounce _me_!
HYP. Maud! You might at _least_ wait until Mr. Culchard has----
MAUD. Oh, but he _did_--weeks ago, at Bingen. And at Lugano, too, theother day, he spoke out tolerable plain. I guess he didn't wish anysecret made about it--_did_ you, Mr. Culchard?
CULCH. I--ah--this conversation is rather.... If you'll excuse me----[_Escapes with as much dignity as he can command._
MAUD. Well, my dear,--that's the sort of self-denying hairpin _he_ is!What do you think of him _now_?
HYP. I do not think so highly of him, I confess. His renunciation wasevidently less prompted by consideration for his friend than by arecollection--tardy enough, I am afraid--of the duty which bound him to_you_, dearest. But if you had seen and heard him, as I did, you wouldnot have doubted the _reality_ of the sacrifice, whatever the truereason may have been. For myself, I am conscious of neither anger norsorrow--my heart, as I told you, was never really affected. But whatmust it be to _you_, darling!
MAUD. Well, I believe I'm more amused than anything.
HYP. Amused! But surely you don't mean to have anything more to do withhim?
MAUD. My dear girl, I intend to have considerable more to do with himbefore I'm through. He's under vow for _me_ now, anyway, and I don'tmean he should forget it, either. He's my monkey, and he's got to jumparound pretty lively, at the end of a tolerable short chain, too. And Iguess, if it comes to renouncing, all the magnanimity's going to be on_my_ side this time!
IN AN AVENUE.
CULCH. (_to himself, as he walks hurriedly on_). I only just savedmyself in time. I don't _think_ Maud noticed anything--she couldn't havebeen so innocent and indifferent if she had.... And Hypatia won'tenlighten her any further now--after what she knows. It's rather arelief that she _does_ know.... She took it very well, poor girl--_very_well. I expect she is really beginning to put up with Podbury--I'm sureI _hope_ so, sincerely!