Epic Tales from Adventure Time
Page 1
PRICE STERN SLOAN
Published by the Penguin Group
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ADVENTURE TIME, CARTOON NETWORK, the logos, and all related characters and elements are trademarks of and © Cartoon Network. (s14)
Published in 2014 by Price Stern Sloan, a division of Penguin Young Readers Group, 345 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014. PSS! is a registered trademark of Penguin Group (USA) LLC. Printed in the USA.
Text written by Leigh Dragoon
Cover illustrated by Christopher Houghton
ISBN 978-0-698-17196-1
Version_1
Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Greetings, fans of epic adventure . . .
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Special Excerpt from Adventure Time: The Untamed Scoundrel!
About the Author
Greetings, fans of epic adventure . . .
What you are holding in your hands is one of the most amazing novels in all of Ooo. These fantastical adventures by the master of awesome storytelling, T. T. MacDangereuse, are filled with tales of unimaginable heroism, perilous wonder, and unspeakable marvel. While some of these characters may seem familiar to you, keep in mind that nothing is what it seems when you enter the mind of T. T. MacDangereuse.
Chapter 1
Fionna’s sweaty palms dampened her skirt as she lifted its hem and stepped onto the gangplank leading up to P. Gumball’s massive yacht. She tried to focus on the ship’s deck, just ten feet away, and on the laughter and music the wind carried to her ears. Just ten feet and she’d . . .
Be on a ship. Which was about to set sail. On the ocean.
Fear washed over her and she froze. She couldn’t stop looking at the water, imagining the creatures lurking beneath its mercurial surface. Creatures with tentacles, spines, teeth as long as her arm, creatures that would be able to get her if she fell in. All it would take was a single misstep on that thin, slick plank . . . She shuddered. Despite her best intentions, Fionna’s thalassophobia was getting the better of her.
“Glob, what’s the problem?” Lumpy Space Prince whined. He tugged at her hand as he bobbed in the air beside her. “You wanted to go to this stupid party, so, like, let’s get going.”
Sweat stood out on Fionna’s forehead. She licked her lips as a paper streamer floated past her. “I . . . I dunno. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.”
Lumpy Space Prince heaved a sigh that was overly dramatic, even for him, and folded his arms across his chubby chest. “This is so like you, Fionna. You drag me here all the way from Lumpy Space for this lumping party, and now you don’t even want to go? Like, I totally should have expected this. You’re the worst pretend girlfriend ever.”
Fionna swallowed. She did want to go to the party. She’d been so excited when she and her roommate, Cake the Cat, had received their invitations just two days ago. The invites, pressed onto glittering sheets of ruby-red Candy cardstock, had been hand-delivered by a sharply attired Green Gumdrop. Fionna had been too shocked to say thank you as the Gumdrop tipped his bowler hat and took his leave.
“Actual invitations!” Cake had exclaimed. “Hon, that’s incredible!” Her tail fuzzed with excitement. P. Gumball’s parties were infamous. “And we each get to bring a plus one! I know who I’m asking—Lord Monochromicorn!”
Fionna’s heart fluttered. P. Gumball was a famous recluse—everyone in Candy Kingdom had a fanciful story they’d heard from the son of an aunt of a brother of a sister of a father of a mouse, but who knew if any of those stories were true? According to the gossip she’d heard, Gumball was simultaneously ten feet tall, a half-orc, a ghost, and a werewolf. She’d heard that he had earned his wealth through mysterious, unsavory means involving demons and the Nightosphere; by falling into a sinkhole and discovering an enormous cache of diamonds; by keeping a herd of captive rainicorns who wept tears of pure gold; through an inheritance left to him by a kindly great-great-great-grandfather who had died of natural causes at the ripe old age of six hundred and five.
Fionna was no fool—she knew most everything was probably nonsense, but that only heightened her curiosity. And now she’d finally been given a chance to attend one of his parties, to meet the mysterious millionaire himself. She wasn’t about to let a fear of the ocean get in the way of that.
Or so she’d told herself.
The wind picked up, luffing the yacht’s sails, rocking the gangplank beneath Fionna’s feet. Her stomach quivered. She swallowed hard and, struggling to calm herself, focused on the letters painted in gold on the ship’s hull: The Banoffee. Glob, what kind of a name was that?
“Fionna! What the lump? Like, come on!”
Lumpy Space Prince was moments away from sinking into a good long pout, she realized. She struggled to hide her annoyance. He hadn’t wanted to go, and she hadn’t wanted to invite him, but everyone else had already paired up. She’d been determined not to be the only person without a plus one.
“A-all right.” Lumpy Space Prince was right. They were already late. Cake had left hours ago, astride Lord Monochromicorn’s rippling back. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes, dashed up the gangplank, and leaped onto the deck.
There. She breathed a sigh of relief. That was better.
“Like, finally. Well, we’re here. What do you want to do now?”
On deck, the music was much, much louder. She could barely hear Lumpy Space Prince’s complaints. As she took a look around, her jaw dropped. The entire deck was crowded with a dizzying array of guests. They milled about, talking, dancing, playing games. She caught sight of a huge buffet table loaded with cakes, pies, and pastries to her left. To her right, a group of golems and beetles were holding a painting competition involving eggs and large jars of mustard.
“This is the most amazing party I’ve ever been to,” Fionna said, grinning.
Lumpy Space Prince scowled. “I’ve been to better.”
“So where is he?” Fionna craned her neck. “Where’s P. Gumball?”
Lumpy Space Prince shrugged. “Like, how am I supposed to know? I want some cake. I’ll see you around.”
“Wait—” Too late. Lumpy Space Prince was already floating away from her. “Well, fine,” Fionna muttered. She didn’t need him around to have fun. Scanning the deck, she spotted Cake and Lord Monochromicorn dancing.
Fionna waited until there was a lull in the music and waved her hand frantically over her head. “Cake!”
Cake waved back, smiled, and stretched herself in an arch over the crowd. “Here, lemme give you a lift,” she said, holding out her paws. Fionna grabbed on and bit back a ye
lp as she was whisked up and away, then set down gently beside her friends.
“I was starting to get worried about you,” Cake said, smoothing wrinkles from Fionna’s skirt. “Why are you so late?”
Fionna rolled her eyes. “I came with Lumpy Space Prince.”
Cake snorted. “Enough said.”
Lord Monochromicorn stamped his left hoof, five slow taps, followed by three quick ones. Fionna glanced at Cake, waiting for her to translate. “He says you’re here now, so you may as well start having a good time.”
Fionna grinned. The wind had died, and the ship was almost motionless. The sky was cloudless and glassy with stars. It was easy to forget they were on the water. She spread her arms and pirouetted on the deck. Cake formed her body into a ring and spun around Lord Monochromicorn’s long neck.
“Look!” Cake shouted. “I’m a Hula-Hoop!”
Gasping with laughter, Fionna whirled to a stop. Dizzy, she stumbled back a step and bumped into a pink-haired young man carrying a silver tray. The young man fumbled and nearly dropped the tray.
“Oh!” Fionna said. “Excuse me.” He must have been the caterer—his tray was piled with multicolored pastries.
“Not a problem, I’ve got it.” He smiled and held the tray of deliciousness out toward her. “Please, try one. They’re fresh out of the oven.”
Fionna’s eyes widened. They all looked amazing and smelled great, like lilacs and strawberries. She hesitated, then selected a lime-green puff pastry that was absolutely dripping with glaze.
“How is it?” Cake asked as Fionna popped the treat into her mouth. A delicate mixture of fruit flavors exploded across her tongue.
“Amazing!” she said.
The caterer inclined his head. “Thanks so much.” His eyes were a deep, glittering purple. Fionna felt her cheeks flush and she nervously patted at her hair. Too late, she remembered the glaze coating her fingers.
“Here, lemme try one,” Cake said. She shoveled a fistful of pastries into her mouth. “Glob! These are so good!”
Grateful for the distraction, Fionna yanked her hand away from her hair and wiped her fingers on the back of her gown.
“You’re really talented,” Cake was saying. “You’re definitely gonna have to cater my next party.”
Fionna rubbed her arms. The night had grown cold. Her breath fogged in the air. A handful of white flecks fluttered past her face. Confetti?
No, she realized, not confetti. Snow. “What the—”
A huge bolt of lightning stuttered across the sky, followed almost immediately by a peal of thunder so loud Fionna clapped her hands over her ears. The music jangled to a halt and, in the sudden silence, a swirling cloud of freezing-cold air billowed across the center of the deck. People screamed and staggered clear as the vapor thinned, revealing a tall, stately figure clad in an elaborate royal-blue gown.
“The Ice Queen!” Fionna whispered.
Chapter 2
“Where is he?” the Ice Queen shouted at the terrified partygoers. “Where’s Gumball? Don’t force me to turn everyone into popsipeople!”
The caterer stepped past Fionna and cleared his throat. “I’m P. Gumball,” he said.
A collective gasp filled the air. The caterer? Fionna’s jaw nearly hit the ground. The caterer was the famous, mysterious, inscrutable P. Gumball? She couldn’t believe it. Gumball held the tray of desserts out toward the Ice Queen. “Pastry?”
“No, I don’t want any flipping pastries!” Her eyes flashed as she slapped the tray out of his hands. “I’ve got a major bone to pick with you. It’s bad enough you never invite me to any of your swank hootenannies, but this is just unacceptable!” She jabbed a long, pointy fingernail at Fionna. “You won’t invite me, but you’ll invite a stinky little tomboy nobody like this . . . this Finnona?”
“Hey!” Fionna shouted. “First off, you got no business knocking things around like that. And secondly, it’s Fionna!”
“See, I can’t even remember her name!” Coils of wrathful snow churned around the Ice Queen’s feet. “That’s how much of a nobody she is!”
“Ice Queen, please, calm yourself,” Gumball said. “I don’t invite you to my parties because I don’t like you. You know. As a person.”
“Dude, too harsh,” Cake said in a stunned voice. Fionna had to agree. She’d had just enough run-ins with the powerful sorceress, saving various princes from being kidnapped by her, to know such frankness was a terrible idea. Indeed, the Ice Queen’s face had gone even whiter, her eyes bulged nearly out of her skull, and her entire body shook with rage. Frost crept along and snow blanketed the deck. The Candy guests shrank away from the Ice Queen, huddling against the railings and under the buffet table.
Fionna had to give Gumball credit. In the face of the queen’s rapidly escalating anger, he stood firm, his arms crossed over his chest, his expression one of utter indifference.
“This is unacceptable!” A horrible, grating voice Fionna recognized as belonging to Lemongrab rang out over the deck. “So rude! So rude!” She began to scream, an ear-bleedingly awful noise.
“That’s enough out of you!” the Ice Queen cried. A barrage of snow magic erupted from her hands and encased Lemongrab, head to toe, in three feet of ice.
“See?” Gumball’s voice was frostily calm. “This is exactly why you’re not invited to my shwings.”
“That’s it!” the Ice Queen screamed. “We are moving this party back to my Ice Fortress, where it’s going to be about a million times better, and everyone is going to have a good time, whether they like it or not!”
“Um, I don’t mean to be rude, but my dad really wants me home.” Lumpy Space Prince floated tentatively forward. “Like, four hours ago. So, like . . . I’m just gonna leave.”
“You’re not going anywhere!” The Ice Queen’s hands glowed with a foreboding blue light.
“Okay, this has gone on just slightly too long enough.” Fionna shoved herself forward, getting all up in the Ice Queen’s face. “I don’t need my sword to kick your icy butt all the way back to your crummy ice castle.”
The queen sneered down at her. “Strong words for someone who brought Lumpy Space Prince as her plus one.”
With a cry, Fionna lunged at the queen, her fist poised to land a beautiful punch across the queen’s kisser. Then her left foot came down, slipped out from under her, and too late she realized the deck around the queen was coated with ice. Her back slammed into the deck, knocking the air out of her lungs.
“Look at this!” The Ice Queen shook a fist at Gumball. “Her legs don’t even work right!”
Snarling, Fionna lurched to her feet. “Cake, battle-club mode!” In a flash Cake had shape-changed into a giant club crowned with spikes. Fionna gripped the handle and dropped into a fighting stance.
The queen held her hand out behind her, fingers splayed, and gestured toward the knot of terrified partygoers. “You take one step toward me, and I’ll freeze them all.” The queen’s lips quirked into a smile. “Stalemate, tomboy.”
Fionna scowled. “I can stay like this all night.”
“Well, I can’t,” Lumpy Space Prince said peevishly. “I seriously have to be home soon.”
“Oh my glob, Lumpy Space Prince, shut up!” Cake snapped.
“The boy’s right,” the Ice Queen said. “I really don’t feel like breaking any nails over you. Listen, Gumball, why don’t we make things interesting? How about we see how fast your little boat can go? I propose a race.”
Gumball nodded stiffly. “I accept.”
Fionna felt all the blood drain from her face. A boat race. On the ocean? It was bad enough being in a ship that was tied to a nice safe dock. But to be out, over miles and miles of nothingness filled with unspeakable monsters?
“Then we’re on!” the Ice Queen cackled. “Whoever makes it to the Island Guy first is the winner.” She swoo
ped into the air and blasted the ocean with her magic. The water roiled, waves slapping against the side of Gumball’s ship. Fionna cried out, lost her grip on Cake, and dropped into a crouch.
“Hold steady, girl!” Cake braced herself against Fionna, propping them both up.
With a sound like icebergs grinding against one another, a massive shape rose out of the ocean. Dripping water, it solidified into a towering ship. Masts made from sheets of frost luffed in the wind. The figurehead on the prow formed into a likeness of the Ice Queen herself.
The Ice Queen nodded in satisfaction and glanced back at Gumball. “I’m sure you’ll understand if I’m not quite sure how much I can trust you, so I’m going to take a little collateral.” With a sweep of her arm, the Ice Queen whisked all the terrified partygoers over the side of the ship—everyone except Fionna, Cake, and Gumball—and dumped them on her boat’s deck. “All right,” she said. “If you get there before me, you can have all your little friends back. But if I get there first, you have to marry me. And you’re going to have to pretend you like it!”
Laughing, the Ice Queen swooped onto her ship’s forecastle. She waved her arms and a thick mantle of murky clouds fanned out across the sky. The frost-sails strained against the spars, and the Ice Queen’s ship scuttled away into the distance. The rising storm quickly drowned out the frantic keening of her hostages.
Gumball’s eyes shone with excitement as he sprinted across the deck and began unfastening the mooring ropes. “I need one of you guys to take the helm,” he called. “Just until we’re out of port.”
“Come on.” Cake tugged at Fionna’s arm. “We gotta get my main squoosh back!”
“A-all right.” Fionna swallowed, pushing her fear down deep into the pit of her food-pouch. She scrambled to her feet. “Where’s the helm?”
“This way.” Cake shot up a flight of stairs leading up to another deck. Fionna stumbled after her.
“Okay, turn the wheel hard to the right,” Gumball shouted as they positioned themselves behind the heavy oak steering wheel.