Chasing Memories

by Adriana Law

  “Just in case,” Lizzie had said when she placed it there.

  Virginia tried to convince herself it was only her over active imagination and that it was probably just Lizzie getting a midnight snack and they’d laugh about it together in the morning. But then she heard a plant stand being over turned and the unmistakable sound of a guy’s voice muttering profanity.

  Lizzie’s bobby traps…

  He’d stumbled through the fishing twine.

  She crossed the room in several long strides. Her fingers curled around the knife handle as she cracked open the door and peered out in to the hallway. She heard footsteps coming towards her and yelped, not sure whether to hide or fight.

  Fight.

  She would fight!

  Virginia raised the knife when Lizzie’s face took shape out of the shadows. Seeing the knife in the air, the quick thrust missing her right arm; Lizzie stifled a scream with the flat of her palm.

  “Shit! I almost stabbed you!” Virginia breathed out in horror, lowering the blade.

  “For goodness sakes, you scared the shit out of me!” Lizzie exclaimed, taking hold of Virginia’s arm dragging her towards the den. Both girls—glued to each other’s side—stepped carefully, one light step at a time. Neither stood to their full height as they neared the den, frightened. The knife gleamed, held out in front of Virginia.

  “So you heard it too?” Lizzie murmured.

  Virginia nodded, the whites of her eyes flashing in the dark.

  “I told you my booby traps were awesome, did I not? Now tell me how I over reacted. I only wish we had a huge beast instead of Cooper watching our backs. You think this guy will do anything crazy?”

  “How the hell would I know Liz? Do I look like a crazy person?”

  “Shit! No need to be so defensive I just asked. You know this lunatic, I don’t.”

  Both girls paused at the doorway to the den, staying out of sight. Virginia considered going back to her room and hiding but that was no longer an option the instant Lizzie shoved her into the room first, out in the open, away from the safety the narrow hall had provided.

  “He’s your psycho boyfriend!” Lizzie reasoned.

  Virginia was horrified. She could only make out basic shapes in the room. Her vision adjusted to the light spilling in from the window and the play of shadows on the far wall. The tip of the blade touched Virginia’s lips as she glanced back at her roommate.

  “Shh…I think…”

  Virginia turned and saw him coming in low and fast. She had little reaction time. An ear piercing scream erupted from her mouth. She kind of ran in place. His head rammed in to her right side knocking the knife free from her hand. Her back slammed into the wall, expelling the breath from her lungs in a rush. The knife clattered over the hardwood floor until it spun several times, coming to a dead stop across the room.

  “Get it, Lizzie! Get the knife!” She screamed.

  Chase pinned Virginia’s wrist together high above her head. He held her to the wall with the weight of his body.

  “Stop fighting me!” He bit out.

  “No, you’re a psychotic asshole. Get your hands off me!” She rammed her knee in the region of his nuts.

  He dodged her best attempts. One of his brows shot up. “That’s the best you’ve got? Your defensive skills need some major work, Gin.”

  “Let me go!” She fought to break free, but out of breath she soon gave in going still held by his unshakeable hold. She glanced over his shoulder and saw Lizzie approaching him slowly from behind. The knife was high in the air and aimed toward the center of his shoulder blades. Virginia had only a few minutes to regale the man who had been her first love, her only love. She took time to memorize his handsome face caught by the stray light forcing its way through the window. She closed her eyes, sad. The nightmare would be over soon.

  Seconds passed, then minutes.

  “Open your eyes … look at me,” Chase ordered. His grip tightened on her wrist. “Damn it … Lizzie is not real Virginia!”

  Her eyes flew open. “You are insane! I feel sorry for you!”

  “If she’s really here … tell her to stab me with this imaginary knife you’ve thought up.” When she did no more than gape at him, he added, “go on …tell her to do it. I’m not afraid because Lizzie can’t be behind me.” He removed one of his hands from Virginia’s wrist to tap a finger on her temple. “She is only in your head.”

  Her gaze jerked to over his shoulder and he was right, no one was there.

  Virginia blinked in a state of confusion. “You’re wrong. Lizzie is my roommate.”

  “No. You’ve been staying in the old apartment over the garage behind your parent’s house.”

  Realizing she was too stunned to fight he released her wrist. He stepped back, shoved a hand through his hair with a long sigh.

  Virginia studied her surroundings truly seeing them for the first time.

  “You’re lying. This is a sick joke.” She took three steps and stumbled causing him to reach out to steady her. She was disoriented. None of it made sense.

  He dug a lighter out of his jean pocket, his hands visibly shaking as the blue flame licked at the end of the cigarette wedged between his lips. “I wish I was lying, but I’m not. Gin, you’re the one sick, not me.”

  The look on her face in that moment would torture him for the rest of his life. He could visibly see the desperation, the pain.

  “You’re wrong! Lizzie and I went grocery shopping together. Here I’ll show you!” She led him by the arm to the kitchen, anxiously flipped on the overhead light, and started empting out her cabinets.

  “We bought soup, see.” Heavy cans clunked down on the formica top. “And we bought meats for the freezer! Steak for the grill!” She jerked open the refrigerator and jabbed a finger at the raw meat still in its pack.

  Chase leaned in the doorway, mostly because he needed something to hold him up. “You may have snuck off to the store, but not with Lizzie.”

  When a palm slapped over her mouth to hide a sob he dropped the cigarette in the sink and went to her. “Do you need to sit down?” He choked out, laying a hand on her back to comfort her.

  “No! I don’t want to sit! I want to talk to Bandon!”

  “Virginia, wait!” He yelled going after her.

  The door banged open. Her eager steps sounded on the wooden stairs as she ran down them and towards the house shrouded by a black, starlit sky. All the windows were darkened in the home. Crickets chirped over by the swing set her father built for Brandon and Virginia when there were little. Tears blurred Chase’s vision. Maybe telling her wasn’t the best idea.

  “Brandon!” Virginia called, bursting through the back door. She flipped so lights as she went through the house, frantically searching. Chase stayed a few feet back. Her mind was erratic, so were her movements making it hard to predict which way she was headed next. She made her way to her brother’s bedroom, slung open the door, and groped for the light switch. Her heard her inhaled a sharp breath at what the light revealed. It revealed a bare room and a made bed that hadn’t been slept in in years.

  “I don’t understand.” Dresser drawers banged open and closed as Virginia rummaged through empty drawers.

  She turned and charged at Chase. Her balled fist pounded his chest. “What did you do with his things? You’ve always wanted him gone. You chased him away, didn’t you! I hate you! I wish you’d never come here!”

  Chase seized her wrist, looked deep into her eyes feeling as if his heart was actually breaking. “Brandon’s dead, Virginia!!!”

  “LIAR!”

  “It’s not a lie … it’s the truth! Brandon and your mother died in a car accident two years ago on the way home from the fair!”

  Virginia sucked in a strangle breath. She might as well have punched Chase in the gut for the pain he felt watching her fall apart.

  She gazed up at him, tears pooling in her eyes. He used a thumb to wipe them away as she yelled at him. “Why would you want
to say something so horrible, Chase! My mother is sick, not dead! I’ll prove it to you!”

  Greeted with another empty room all anger faded from Virginia’s stature. All that was left was sadness. Despair. She sank to the floor where she stood.

  “She’s can’t be gone,” she cried.

  Chase’s legs buckled under him and he went down next to her, deflated. The heel of his hand inconspicuously wiped away tears that escaped from his eyes. He sniffed. Guys aren’t supposed to cry, but dammit he couldn’t help it. The girl in loved was so far away from him (not physically, emotionally) he couldn’t reach her.

  “Gin, I’m sorry. I never wanted ….”

  “What’s going on? I heard screaming.” Her father rushed in the room tying his robe, his gaze immediately landing on Virginia and Chase on the floor.

  “You told her? Why! You know the doctor said it would be too traumatic for her. Why would you risk it?” he snapped.

  “I had no choice.” Chase mumbled, stroking the length of Virginia’s hair. His eyes were fixated on her face. He wanted to take care of this girl. He wanted her to be well. He wanted the old Virginia back. He wanted to go back to that night in his car when he’d made love to her for the first time. No, that wasn’t the truth … he wanted to go back and NOT be in that car with her. He wanted to go back and make it so she left with her parents that night and they went straight home instead of searching for their daughter.

  He wanted to erase the accident.

  Virginia rushed forward, collapsing over father’s hospital bed, gripping handfuls of his gown. He encased her shoulders with the strength of his arms.

  “I’m sorry, Daddy!” she cried.

  “Shh...” Her father patted her back, his voice breaking, “they told you about mom …and … and your brother?”

  “Yes.” Her answer was so soft Chase almost didn’t hear it. He lingered over by the door, afraid to intrude on the heartache sucking all the air out of the room. He massaged his throat, feeling very much like he was suffocating.

  Her father clamped a wide palm over his eyes. “I’m the one who should be sorry. It should have been me, instead of them. I was the one driving and here I am minor cuts and bruises.”

  “Don’t say that!” Virginia scolded.

  “Where did you go? We looked for you.” Her father said suddenly.

  Virginia stuttered out, “With Chase. You knew I left with him. We told you!”

  Her father shook his head. “Nobody told me anything. Your mother was frantic with worry that something bad had happened to you.”

  Virginia turned from her father, her eyes zeroing in on Chase. “I thought you asked them?”

  Chase pulled Virginia into his lap. He cupped her face and forced her to look at him. The guilt was eating him from the inside out. She blinked, staring up into his eyes.

  “That night Brandon and I got into it. He was pissed that we were ditching him. So I convinced you that your brother and parents said it was okay for us to go ahead without them. I just wanted a little time alone with you. They searched for you. Your mom was upset. She yelled at your father and distracted, he pulled out in front of a garbage truck.”

  “You lied?” Virginia choked out, her cheeks compressed between his large hands.

  He pressed his forehead to hers, his green eyes clamping shut. “God, don’t look at me like that, Gin. I wish I could reverse time and fix everything.”

  Chase pulled back and looked up at Virginia’s father.

  “I couldn’t let her go back to staying out in that apartment talking to no one. She’s better off knowing the truth,” he explained to him.

  Virginia’s father went to the dresser, picked up the medicine bottle, the deep line appearing between his brow as he leaned down and tucked the bottle in her hand. It was the same bottle she’d found days ago.

  “Here, this is yours. The doctor gave you Phenobarbital after you had a couple of seizers. You’re also on Lexapro, Xanax, and high dosages of vitamin D to stabilize your moods. You’ve shown signs of improving ... glimpses of the old Virginia.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t remember taking any pills.”

  Chase told her, “You did, every day. That’s what I was looking for in your suitcase. I wanted to make sure you were still taking your medicine.”

  She pressed the flat of her shaking hand to her forehead, studying the name on the bottle.

  Virginia Bennet.

  Chase tipped her chin up with a finger. “Don’t you see? In your head Brandon is always angry because we ditched him that night, or I ditched him. We snuck off to park leaving him no choice but to ride home with your parents. When you and I got home, we had no idea about the accident until the cops showed up on your doorstep. I’m so sorry, Gin.”

  “What about Lizzie? Where did she come from?”

  “Dr. Haines believes Lizzie is something similar to your conscience. Lizzie helps you sort through what is jumbled inside your head.”

  “So I am seeing a shrink?”

  Chase nodded.

  Virginia sagged in Chase’s arms. “So I have multiple personalities. Wow, I really am screwed up.”

  “Hey. Look at me. It’s not like that. You’ve blocked out a painful tragic experience. That’s actually kind of normal if you think about it, self-preservation. ”

  Her eyes lifted to her father standing nearby. “And you survived the accident? You’re really here and not some part of my imagination too?”

  He choked on a sob and came to crouch in front of her. “I’m really here. I don’t know if I was spared for a reason or meant to suffer the worst kind of hell. That’s what this has been, honey, hell, not being able to help you. I lost more than my wife and son that night I also lost my daughter.”

  Virginia’s father stood and pinched the bridge of his nose, regaining his composure. Chase’s arms tightened around her. He stared down at her with all the love he felt in his heart. The time lost waiting on her to come back to him was worth it. She was worth it. He’d gladly sacrifice anything to be with her. She was his one and only.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t want to be a burden,” Virginia murmured up at him.

  The corners of Chase’s mouth turned down. His eyes bore into hers. “You’re not a burden! I don’t want to ever hear you say that!” She broke eye contact, curling into his chest, her fingers twisting the fabric of his T-shirt as she breathed him in. He pressed his lips to her hair doing the same.

  “I love you, Gin,” he said.

  Chase’s gaze found her fathers as he embraced her tight, the two of them exchanging a hopeful smile. They both knew this was the first real step toward Virginia’s recovery.

  If you’re gonna be somebody’s heartbreak

  If you’re gonna be somebody’s mistake

  If you’re gonna be somebody’s first time, somebody’s last, baby be mine –Hunter Hayes

  Virginia kneeled, replacing the vase of roses by her mother’s headstone.

  “I love you.” She pulled grass forcing its way up around the granite base. The coolness of the stone caused her to shiver or maybe it was the reality of her new world, a world where no secrets were kept. This new world had pain, but it also had love and forgiveness.

  She stood and took a step back. Chase’s arm slid around her waist. He handed her the New York Giants baseball cap folded in his hand.

  “Thanks.” She smiled up at him feeling the texture of the worn out cap with her fingertips. She couldn’t ever remember seeing Brandon without it. She moved to the grave next to her mothers and stooped, gently placing the cap on the damp earth.

  “I know you never went anywhere without it. Goodbye, Brandon.”

  She pushed to feet her gaze traveling the length of the grave yard and toward the sky. “It looks like it might rain soon. We should probably head back.”

  Chase’s arms circled her waist. He ran his nose against her cheek. “Take all the time you need, baby. I’ll go get you an umbrella if I need to.”

 
Her hand trailed down his arm, a smile on her face. He was strong and steady and it felt good to have him to lean on. “I’m glad you’re here.”

  “Me too,” he returned with a kiss.

  “I’m ready. Let’s go,” she said.

  As they turned to leave Virginia noticed movement over by a large pin oak, her stomach dropped, a chill running down her spine. She froze mid-step, her body going ridged. There—leaning against the trunk of the tree, arms folded over his chest—was Brandon with a scowl on his face.

  Chase followed the direction of Virginia’s gaze. He frowned. The muscles in his jaw tensed. “What is it? Do you see something?”

  She closed her eyes and slowly shook her head. “No. There’s nothing there.”

  “Then what are you staring at?”

  Her eyes opened, finding Chase’s panicked expression. She took a deep breath. “Are you always going to think the worst? Am I not allowed to look at a tree?”

  He grinned. His hands went up in surrender. “Yes, you have permission to look at a tree. I’m sorry.” He pulled her to him. Their lips touched. “I love you Virginia Bennet.” Her body tensed and he added, “You don’t need to say it back. I just need you to know … I’m not going anywhere, no matter how crazy things get.”

  Other work by Adriana Law:

  Poker Face

  Dead Man’s Bluff

  Poker Face and Dead Man’s Bluff, part one and two value combo