‘Arnold?’ Fee asks with a smirk.
‘Yeah,’ Kar replies protectively, ‘but everyone calls him Arnie. I like that; I think it’s really friendly.’
Fee snorts with laughter. ‘Wasn’t one of the muppets on Sesame Street called Arnie? The really stupid one?’ she asks.
‘Ernie,’ I say. ‘It was Bert and Ernie and yeah, he was a bit stupid.’ We both laugh.
‘I mean, what the hell were his parents thinking?’ Fee wonders aloud.
‘They were probably thinking of Arnold Schwarzenegger,’ Kar says sincerely and we burst out laughing again.
‘Oh, shut up,’ she says, ‘you’re both just jealous.’
‘Hello! Don’t think so!’ Fee replies smugly. ‘Remember Kevin?’ They both look at me expectantly.
‘I’ve got a date with Leonardo,’ I offer.
‘Who the hell is Leonardo?’ Kar asks.
‘DiCaprio,’ I say.
‘Oh for God’s sake, Flick!’ Kar says while Fee rolls her eyes in the mirror and starts trying on some of Kar’s make-up.
‘It’s Revolutionary Road. I’ve never seen it and it’s supposed to be brilliant.’
‘You have got to get a life,’ Kar insists.
‘I have a life,’ I say sharply, ‘and just ‘cause I don’t want to go out one night –’
‘Any night,’ she persists.
‘I’ve gotta go,’ I say, suddenly standing.
‘Running away isn’t going to help,’ Kar says.
‘I’m not running, I’ve got homework,’ I say.
‘Right, like you’re going to study on a Sunday afternoon? When have you ever?’
‘Bye,’ I call as I walk out the door.
‘You going already?’ Fee asks, suddenly zoning back into the conversation.
‘Avoidance is pointless,’ Kar calls.
I roll my eyes, turn and head downstairs. I’d take study over this conversation any day.
CHAPTER 38
I have a few boring sessions with Dr Rodge that week and the next. I’m not in the mood to discuss or to analyse but she seems happy to just sit quietly and wait for me to do the talking. I’m so glad to get out on Monday afternoon that I’m jogging down the front steps when I catch a glimpse of Joey walking towards the bus stop. I look towards her again but I lose my footing and stumble forwards with hands outstretched, hoping there’s something I can grab to save myself. The something turns out to be a young guy on a bike.
‘Watch it,’ he roars as he swerves away from me. He’s still shouting abuse when I land in a heap on the ground. I’m mortified and I try to get up straight away, before anyone sees me but the minute I move a dart of pain shoots through my ankle. Damn it, I think and try again to stand.
‘Are you OK?’
I look up to see Joey staring down at me. Already I’m bright red. ‘I’m not sure; my ankle’s killing me,’ I groan.
She helps me up and I suddenly feel all queasy and hot. The queasy feeling is because of my ankle; the hot part is from being so close to her. ‘I’ll be fine in a few minutes,’ I say. Except I’m not fine, not even after a few minutes: the second I put any weight on it, it kills me.
‘Is your Mum coming to collect you?’ she asks.
‘I told her I’d get the bus,’ I say as I try to stand again. Then she orders a taxi and we sit on the steps, waiting. I focus all my attention on my ankle cause I’m such a coward and then the taxi is right there in front of us. She helps me up and into it and just when I’m about to say goodbye she slides in beside me.
‘You’ll need help when you get there,’ she explains. I don’t argue, just sit beside her feeling my heart pounding and butterflies in my stomach. I can’t even remember what we talk about on the way home but before I know it we’re there and she’s helping me out and into the house and onto the sofa, and she’s so close and for just a second longer than I should I hold onto her and wish that things were different.
‘Right,’ she says as I sit with my feet up, ‘gimme a minute.’ She disappears into the kitchen and arrives back with her arms full. ‘One pack of frozen peas for your ankle – I couldn’t find anything else – one can of orange, some chocolate and some biscuits – they say you should always keep your sugar levels up after something traumatic happens.’
She looks around then heads for Dad’s armchair. ‘One TV control … or one schoolbag if insanity kicks in and you decide to do some study!’
‘I won’t,’ I smile. She smiles back at me then gently lifts my ankle and slides a cushion underneath. The smile disappears from my face.
‘Thanks.’
Then she says goodbye and walks towards the door and the waiting taxi; before I know it she’s gone.
When Mam gets home and sees my ankle she bundles me into the car and off to A&E. It turns out I’ve torn some ligaments and they give me crutches and some painkillers. Mam starts panicking when she sees me taking them. I want to tell her to get over it, that I’m not going to OD on them, but in the end I just keep my mouth shut.
Later, when I’m up in my room I hear them arguing downstairs. I sneak out to the landing and listen.
‘I have that proposal; I need to be there,’ Mam says.
‘Well, so do I; I’ve management meetings organised.’
‘Surely you could postpone them for the day?’ Mam pleads. ‘You are the boss!’
‘Felicity will be fine by herself,’ he insists.
‘No, she won’t. I’m not leaving her here; one of us needs to stay with her.’
I limp back to my room and close the door. Great, I think, just great; I’m under house arrest again!
CHAPTER 39
When I eventually make my way downstairs the next morning Dad’s sitting at the kitchen table working on his laptop. Although he intends to stay home all day he’s called into the office at one o’clock. He makes me a toasted cheese and ham sambo and promises he’ll be back as soon as he can. I’m still in the same spot, staring at the telly when the doorbell rings at three.
‘Who the hell …?’ I hobble towards the door. Kar and Fee are standing there beaming at me.
‘We had last class free,’ Fee says.
‘Deadly,’ Kar says, seeing my crutches, ‘let me have a go.’
I limp back to the couch and then hand them to her. She spends ages parading around the sitting-room while Fee goes on and on about Betty, Mam’s sister, whose wedding Kev has invited her to in a fortnight.
Of course I haven’t even thought about the wedding or who I’ll take but Kar or Fee usually go to things like this with me.
‘I can’t,’ Kar says when I ask her, ‘Arnie’s brother is going away for a year and they’re having a big send-off; he’s insisting I go and meet all his family … sorry.’
‘Ah come on, Kar, you can meet Arnie’s family any time.’
‘I promised and he says he’s never felt like this before about anyone and he wants me to meet everyone!’
I roll my eyes. ‘Ye’re only going out a few weeks and you’ve known me for years!’
‘I know. But I guess I have that effect on men.’
‘You could take Ryan,’ Fee interrupts.
‘No can do,’ Kar says, ‘he and Dad are going to some big match next Saturday.’
The girls then go through every guy at school but there’s no way I’m going to take any of them.
‘Well that just leaves some of the girls,’ Fee says, totally fed up with me. ‘What about Katie?’
‘She’ll be working,’ I say.
‘Or Sue?’ Kar asks.
‘Maybe I don’t need to take anyone,’ I say.
‘Of course you do,’ Kar insists, ‘or do you want to be a gooseberry all –’
Just then the doorbell goes again. Fee gets it and I nearly fall off the couch when she comes back in with Joey.
‘Hey. I was on my way home from school and thought I’d see how you’re doing,’ she says.
‘I’m fine.’ I explain to the girls how Joey
helped me the day before.
They don’t seem to think anything of it and just start chatting about school and stuff and Fee makes tea and finds some chocolate biscuits and we actually end up having a pretty good laugh.
‘So, are you doing anything next Saturday?’ Kar asks as Joey stands to go.
I stare at Kar with my ‘don’t you dare say another word’ eyes.
‘Me?’ Joey asks, ‘Um, no, I’ve no plans; why?’
‘Well, Flick’s going to this wedding and she needs someone to go with her … so, will you go?’
I swear I turn purple and can hardly breathe; if I survive I’m going to kill Kar.
‘OK,’ Joey says.
‘Well then, it’s sorted,’ Kar says.
‘If you’re sure?’ Joey says, looking at me.
‘Yeah,’ I croak.
Fee makes all the arrangements and I sit there totally tongue-tied, my mind a whirl.
‘What the hell did you do that for?’ I ask Kar the minute Joey’s gone.
‘Well you weren’t going to ask her and she’s nice and I can’t go and you’ve absolutely no one else and you don’t want to be a gooseberry with Kev and Fee all night – you’d be driven demented – so problem sorted!’
CHAPTER 40
It seems to take for ever for the following Saturday and the wedding to come around and when it does I’m sick with nerves. I barely touch my breakfast and then feel doubly rotten because I haven’t eaten. To top it all off I hop around town from the hairdressers to the beauticians with Mam and then take ages to dress, nearly making us all late for the wedding! It means that Joey gets the quickest of introductions to the folks. Mam doesn’t even seem to recognise her and instead she and Dad just presume that Joey is Kev’s new girlfriend and that I’ve brought Fee, which suits both Kev and me fine.
Everything is going great until Fee decides that she’s going to find men for Joey and me. She drives me so mad that by the time the meal is over I’m ready to strangle her. Instead I make a quick getaway on my crutches out to the patio and the garden beyond. The second I hear the noise behind me I spin round; Joey is standing there with two glasses in her hand. She smiles as she hands me one.
‘I thought you might need this.’
‘Defo,’ I say, taking a drink. ‘Can you bloody well believe Fee? I swear I’m going to kill her tomorrow.’
‘Come on,’ she says, taking my already nearly empty glass, ‘there’s a bench over here; you can hide out for a while at least.’
I’m still ranting as I follow Joey down a short footpath and into a small enclosed garden. It’s only then that I shut up.
There’s a lighted water fountain in front of us with beds of red roses surrounding it. Joey sits down on a bench. I just stand there. Everything is so quiet and serious and I wish I was back among the crowds.
‘Aren’t you going to sit down?’ she asks.
‘Sure,’ I say and I sit inches away from her. I can’t think of a thing to say. My heart is beating so fast I can hardly breathe. I sneak a peak at her and right at that second she looks at me and it’s like she knows what I’m thinking before I turn my face away.
‘Maybe we should go back,’ I say.
‘We just got here, Flick,’ she says really quietly.
‘I know but –’ I stop myself, knowing she’ll be insulted if I insist.
‘I’ve really had a lovely time,’ she says.
‘Even with Fee trying to set you up all day?’ I try to lighten the mood.
‘Seriously,’ she says, ‘thanks for inviting me.’
I give a faint smile. ‘I, ah, had a great time too.’
‘Flick,’ she says after a minute. I swear my heart is going to explode. I can’t seem to breathe or talk or anything. ‘You know I really like you,’ she whispers.
‘I like you too,’ I say quietly, staring at the ground; ‘you’re a good friend.’
‘No,’ she persists, ‘I mean I really, really like you. I uh … I don’t want to freak you out or anything but sometimes from the way you look at me I think you like me that way too.’
Even though they are words that I have dreamed of for so long I cringe when I hear them and for the hundredth time check to make sure there’s no one around.
‘I’m sorry if I’ve put you on the spot, but I couldn’t go on much longer without telling you.’
I stare at her dress, afraid to meet her eyes. My throat has completely closed and I feel paralysed. She waits and when there’s no reply she apologises again.
‘I’m sorry Flick; I hope I haven’t ruined things,’ she says.
I look at her.
‘I like you, too.’ I say it so quietly that I’m not sure she’s heard and for a second I’m relieved. Suddenly she gives a little laugh and grabs my hand.
‘Really?’ she asks. I’m too scared to reply. All I want to do is run away. I wish I hadn’t said anything. She slides closer to me.
‘Joey,’ I whisper. She stops and stares at me. ‘I … I …’ I take a deep breath. ‘I’m scared, I’ve never said anything like this to a girl before.’
‘It’s OK.’
‘I don’t think it is. I’m not like you – I wish I was but I’m not,’ I say, trying to keep my voice as quiet as possible.
‘Look, I know how you feel,’ she whispers, giving my hand a tight squeeze.
‘How could you?’ I ask, unconvinced.
‘Because I wasn’t always this confident and sure of myself,’ she replies. ‘I’m nervous as hell sitting here beside you. But I always have to say how I feel, otherwise it just eats me up inside.’ She looks at me for a few seconds. ‘You’re beautiful,’ she whispers. I look away, my head reeling and my heart feeling like it’s about to break. I look up and for a second we just stare at one another in the darkness and then, ever so slowly, she moves in towards me till I can feel her warm breath on my face. She pauses a second longer and as I close my eyes and hold my breath, our lips touch softly. My heart flips and for a brief moment I’m in heaven. Until a sudden noise brings me back to earth.
‘Jeez, what was that?’ I say, jumping up on my good leg.
‘What?’ she asks in a high, surprised voice, peering around.
‘That rustling or crackling – didn’t you hear it? It came from over there somewhere.’
‘There’s nothing there,’ she insists.
‘Listen, there it is again,’ I whisper.
‘It’s probably just a bird,’ she says.
‘At this hour?’ I hiss.
‘Well, just a rat or mouse or hedgehog then,’ she says, exasperated. ‘Can’t you just sit down?’
‘Ugh, a rat, could there be one there?’ A shiver runs up my spine.
‘Sit down,’ she says again.
‘Ssh, just listen,’ I say.
‘What now?’ she asks.
‘I hear mumblings,’ I whisper. ‘Stop talking so loudly or they’ll hear us.’
She leans back against the bench in the darkness, her face completely hidden in the shadows as I look around the empty garden.
‘Maybe we should get back,’ I whisper. ‘We’ve been gone a while; they’ll be wondering …’ She doesn’t answer. ‘Joey?’
I hear a sigh before she stands and for a moment I feel a pang of guilt but I ignore it and grab my crutches. I walk as quickly as I can back out onto the large open lawn then stand and wait for her. She’s by my side in seconds.
‘Gosh, I was so sure there was someone there,’ I say as I look around.
‘There wasn’t,’ she murmurs.
I begin to hobble on, afraid she’ll suggest we return to where we were. We walk in silence for a few seconds, both watching the crowd laughing and talking on the patio.
‘I’m glad we talked,’ she says.
‘Me too,’ I lie.
She stops. ‘Flick,’ she says.
Reluctantly I stop and turn, conscious that if anyone was to look out onto the garden they’d see us standing there alone. ‘I can wait,’ she wh
ispers.
I look down, embarrassed, before giving her a quick smile.
‘Thanks,’ I say.
She stays standing there, looking at me expectantly, but I can’t say anything else. After a few seconds we walk on up the path in silence. I’m dying to be back inside, back where I can be seen. As we get closer to the patio I realise that there’s no one out searching for me or watching or wondering what we’re doing.
‘Come on,’ she says, ‘lets get a drink. I’m buying.’
CHAPTER 41
‘Flick! Flick, over here!’
It’s Fee. I want to ignore her but I can’t so, reluctantly, I turn in her direction. She’s sitting talking to some guy.
‘Simon, this is Felicity, better known as Flick; Flick, this is Simon.’
‘Hi,’ I say.
‘Hey. Fee was telling me loads about you,’ he says.
‘All nice things, I promise,’ she says. I give her one of my ‘you’re dead’ looks, but I don’t think she even notices.
‘Simon’s in sixth year in Cronan’s and he’s the winger for the senior team,’ she announces.
‘Oh, right,’ I say, not really caring.
‘I would have brought my CV,’ he says, ‘if I’d known you were going to go through my credentials like this.’
He and Fee laugh so I do too.
‘OK, I gotta go find Kev,’ Fee says. ‘See you guys later.’
‘No,’ I blurt out, ‘I mean, why not wait on Kev to come back here?’ But she’s already gone. ‘Fee, I have to find Joey,’ I call after her but she doesn’t even turn around.
Simon knocks back the end of a pint while I silently curse Fee and wonder how the hell I’m going to escape.
‘I didn’t know you were here with someone,’ he says. ‘I’ll let you go.’
For a second I say nothing; I really don’t want to be stuck with him but I know what he’ll think if he sees Joey.
‘Oh, she’s my friend … she’s here with me.’
‘Oh, “she”? I thought, when you said Joey …’ he says.
‘She went to the bar; she’s probably looking for me now … I really should go find her,’ I explain.
‘If she’s any way near as pretty as you, she’s probably being chatted up right now.’ He smiles.
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