Every Waking Dream

by Lauren Eason

  “She’s doing okay. I took her to the arcade near the pier, hoping it would distract her for a bit. Our mother told her to take a few days off from her piano lessons. I could understand a few days, but it’s been a week now,” I replied, playing with my mashed potatoes.

  “That’s got to be rough. What do you think about all this? The kidnappings?”

  “I don’t know,” I answered. “Detective Highwater is on the case now. I haven’t heard much from him in a while.”

  “Right,” Raven laughed. “Like he’ll be the one to crack the case. Maria got transferred to a new facility with a new therapist before I left. That’s their idea of making everything better.”

  “What?” I asked incredulously. “They didn’t even look into her accusation?”

  “Maybe they did,” she shrugged. “I don’t know about that, but I do know they got rid of her. It didn't take long for the staff to deem her a troublemaker.”

  I sighed heavily. I hadn’t had anymore dreams about Emily, but it could’ve been due to the fact, I was sleeping at odd hours. It was getting harder for me to fall asleep as if I were plagued by insomnia. Where once it would’ve been a welcomed reprieve, it was a hindrance to my own investigation. At one point, my mother even offered for me to take one of my sleeping pills to help. I found out only recently she had kept them in case I had changed my mind about taking them. Alas, even those wouldn’t help me with my goal.

  “How’s the flower shop?” Raven asked, distracting me from my thoughts.

  “It’s different from what I’m used to,” I remarked.

  “And what’s that? Sitting alone in your bedroom working on book reports that won’t be due for another two weeks?” Raven teased. “You worry too much.”

  “Do I?” I asked. “I can’t afford terrible grades for my senior year. I already screwed up the year before and ruined my GPA. Writing my college admissions essay on how I spent the summer in a rehab center instead of out volunteering in a soup kitchen isn’t going to win me any awards.”

  “You really want to go to college?” Raven questioned. “I thought you were more of a rebel.”

  “Look, I need to show everyone I’m more than my addiction. You may be complacent with how the world views you, but I’m not,” I said without thinking. As the words left my mouth, I immediately regretted them.

  “You don’t have to bite my head off.” Raven grabbed her bag and stormed off, leaving her tray of food behind. I let my head roll back on my shoulders as I took a deep breath at my stupidity. I hadn’t meant anything by it, but I knew how it sounded—like I was better than her.

  Throwing my foam tray into a nearby trashcan, I scurried off to find Raven. Entering the locker rooms for our next class early, I walked in to see her sitting on a bench alone. Her head was in her hands as soft sobs filled the room. Sitting beside her without touching her, I sighed to let her know I was there.

  “I didn’t mean—”

  “Yes, you did,” Raven choked out as she took her hands away, mascara running from her tears. Her face was red and puffy as she hid it behind her black hair.

  “Raven...” I tried to say.

  “Don’t, Aislin,” she said abruptly. “I’m not like you, and I never will be. You say your parents have expectations of you. Well, you have expectations of me as your friend, and sometimes, you make me feel like I’m not up to par. Even when we were in the center together, both with the same disease, you still treated me like I was somehow beneath you because I was having a tougher time with it than you. I’m not as strong as you are, okay?”

  “Raven, I never meant to make you feel that way. I’m really sorry,” I replied, tears welling in my eyes. “I know there are things that I said that I shouldn’t have. You’re right. I’m no better than you.”

  Raven sniffled as she finally turned her face towards me. “I never got better, Aislin.”

  “I know.” I bowed my head.

  “You knew?” she asked. “You didn’t say anything.”

  “Did you want me to?” I asked, a tear slipping down my cheek as she brushed it from my face with a sad smile.

  “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I assumed you would eventually call me out on my bullshit.”

  We choked out a laugh together over her mistimed joke. It was hard to stay upset with each other, but I knew that I had dropped the ball as her friend. I had seen the warning signs, the stress she was under, and yet, I chose to remain silent. But I don’t think she understood what I was going through too. It was like once we got out of the center, we drifted apart, focusing on our separate lives after going through everything together for so long. We were both lonely, and neither one of us wanted to admit it to the other.

  “What are we going to do?”

  “I’m going to die, Aislin,” Raven cried, falling into my arms. All the experts said the first step to getting better was admitting you had an addiction. Well, I would say the first step was knocking on death’s door, waiting for him to answer, and realizing you had to get out of there before he opened it.

  I sat silently as she cried into my shoulder, holding on to me for dear life. As I heard the bell ring, other girls filed into the locker rooms. They looked at us as Raven tried to compose herself, putting on her tennis shoes for class. I watched as the others around us undressed, changing into their gym clothes.

  “Raven?” I whispered. “Let’s get out of here.”

  “What?” she asked, trying to fix her makeup.

  “I know somewhere we can go. We don’t have to be here,” I comforted. Skipping school was something the old me would do, but I felt this situation called for it.

  She stood up alongside me as I gently led her out of the locker room, grabbing our backpacks as we went. We slipped silently among the crowd of girls and out through the gymnasium's back door towards the greenhouses. It was easier to walk around the school than through it, ducking past windows and doorways. We finally made our way to the parking lot where my car sat. Hopping into it, I took us away and down the street.

  “So, I guess there is a little rebel in you after all,” Raven smirked, cheer returning to her voice.

  “I didn’t think running burpees was going to solve any of our problems,” I answered, turning towards the beach.

  “Yeah...” she replied, crossing her arms over her chest as if she were hugging herself. “I didn’t mean to get so emotional on you.”

  “You don’t have to apologize or feel bad about anything. You were honest with me, and I listened. It’s as simple as that. If you want to talk about anything, I’ll always listen.”

  “Your therapy skills are showing,” she teased.

  “It’s more than that. We started this journey together. Outside of the center, it’s just us. We have to deal with our issues on our own, which I haven’t been doing a good job with either,” I admitted. I pulled the car into a gravel parking lot by one of the boardwalks.

  Stepping out of the car, we walked along the pathway towards the beach. The scent of the ocean water lingered in the air as a light spray dampened my skin. Raven grabbed my hand and pulled me with her as she raced through the sand towards the rolling waves. There were a few people out, mostly older couples taking casual strolls or families on vacation. It was nice seeing the quiet beauty of the ocean as we let the seafoam roll over our exposed feet, shoes in hand.

  “Raven, there’s something I need to tell you,” I began as we ambled along near the shoreline.

  “Sure. You can tell me anything.” She scooped up a small pebble in the sand and threw it back into the crashing waves.

  “I’ve been carrying a secret around with me for so long. I told Dr. Clayborn about it because I wanted one person to understand, and even then, I’m unsure if she does,” I explained, my heart racing in my chest.

  “You’ve been holding out on me?” she laughed, giving my shoulder a friendly nudge.

  I chuckled nervously under my breath. “More like, I wasn’t sure if you’d still be my friend aft
er.”

  “What kind of secret is it? Is it a bad one?” she inquired, stopping and standing beside me as we faced each other.

  “Do you ever have dreams you can’t explain or lucid dream?” I asked, trying to find a way to start this difficult conversation.

  “I guess,” Raven answered. “Where are you going with this? Is this about your night terrors? Did you have a dream about me or something?”

  I took a deep breath, trying to calm my screaming nerves. Heat flushed my face as my breath quickened. I could feel the darkness of anxiety creep up my spine as I tried to choke out the words. It was my personal demon, one that kept everything bottled inside so I wouldn’t get hurt by the people I cared about.

  “I see other people’s dreams,” I blurted out, trying to keep myself from crying as waves of pressure crashed through me.

  “Aislin, it’s okay. I’m not going to judge you,” Raven comforted, placing a hand on my shoulder.

  “It’s called dream telepathy,” I tried to explain. “I go into other people’s dreams and see what they see. Remember Maria?”

  “Yeah...” Raven let her hand drop to her side as her brows furrowed.

  “I was in her dream the night before she had that outburst about her rape. She thought I had been there because she saw me in her dream that night when she became lucid for a brief moment.” I took several deep breaths, trying to calm myself as emotions flashed across Raven’s face.

  “Let me get this straight,” Raven replied, backing away slightly. “You have a phobia of sleeping because when you do, you somehow transport yourself into someone’s dream? Can you control it?”

  “No,” I answered. “Wait, you believe me?”

  “I...” I could tell she was mulling over the possibility that perhaps her best friend was insane. My heart broke as I awaited her answer. “It’s a lot to process, but if you think it’s possible, then so do I.”

  My heart dropped as I turned to walk away from her. She caught up to me and tugged me back to face her. “Aislin, I’m trying to be understanding here. It’s just a lot to take in.”

  “Forget I said anything,” I muttered as I headed back towards the boardwalk. Raven sighed as she walked silently beside me.

  “For what it’s worth, I think it’s cool,” Raven said, trying to clear the tension in the air.

  “You think I’m lying,” I retorted.

  “I never said that,” Raven shot back. “Can you prove it to me?”

  “I don’t know how. I can’t control it, and even then, you’d have to remember your dream if I were to go in one,” I said, frustrated.

  “Maybe we could test it. What if I spent a few nights at your place? You could enter one of my dreams.”

  “Like I said, you’d have to remember your dream for that to work,” I reiterated.

  “Okay...well, let’s say I believe you. Call it faith if you must. Why are you telling me this now?” she asked.

  “You know those missing girls?” I asked, wondering if she had been following the news as closely as I was.

  “Yeah, I know about them. My dad tells me the latest on them every morning before I go to school. It’s almost like he’s trying to scare me from living my life.”

  “There’s a girl named Emily, and I’ve been in her dream twice now,” I revealed, watching her body posture and expressions.

  “You know where she is?”

  “No, but I was hoping her dreams would give me some sort of clue or that I’d be able to talk to her through lucid dreaming. Unfortunately, lucid dreaming doesn’t happen all the time, and for certain people, it’s harder to do,” I explained, pulling from what I learned with Dr. Clayborn.

  “That’s...intense. I had no idea you were going through that kind of stuff when we were in the center. How did you manage?”

  I released the tension in my shoulders as the sincerity in her words wafted over me. “I turned to drugs to stay awake, and then our doctor prescribed me another drug to help me sleep. It’s supposed to be dreamless, and it was, for the most part.”

  “If you’re still taking your medication, then how do you see these dreams—you’re not, are you?” Raven questioned, stopping outside of my car. “When, Ais? When did you stop taking your meds?”

  “A couple of weeks ago, after the incident with my mother and Denise. And before you say anything, I did speak to Dr. Clayborn about it,” I cut her off.

  “And?”

  “And, she wasn’t too keen on the idea at first. She had a conversation with my mother about trust, and my mother decided to give me a chance. I can’t live on sleeping pills, Raven. I have to learn to control this at some point. I can’t do that if I’m constantly drugged up,” I stated.

  “Have you talked to that Detective Highwater about what you’ve seen so far?” she inquired, opening her passenger side door as we got back into the car.

  “I haven’t told him that I can see the victim in her dreams if that’s what you’re asking. I’m not trying to get myself committed. I did tell him he should check out the motel across the street from the bus station she was last seen at. I have his card he left with my mother and Jess.” I started the car to head back towards our school. Jess would be getting out of classes any minute.

  “Has he found anything?” Her questions kept coming as she got more excited about a break in the case.

  “I don’t know. I doubt he’d tell me if he did,” I added.

  “Why not? You could be like a sidekick with this awesome power. You see things no one else can. That gives you an advantage,” she pointed out.

  My phone went off in the cupholder of the car. Before I could grab it, Raven took it and opened it to read the text.

  “It’s Jason,” Raven said, wiggling her eyebrows. “He’s wondering where you are since he missed you in horticulture class.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Send him a text back saying I skipped due to personal reasons.”

  “What? That’s all you want me to say?” Raven teased, typing more onto the message.

  “Raven, no! What did you say?” I asked, veering off the road, trying to grab my phone from her.

  “Relax!” she urged. “I invited him to your house for studying tonight.”

  “You didn’t!” I shouted.

  “Look, there’s obviously something going on between you two, and besides, I’ve already invited myself to spend the night with you. We’ve got to get working on this case!” Raven exclaimed.

  “We?” I asked, my voice small.

  “Of course! You thought you were going to try and find these missing girls without me?” Raven asked, feigning being hurt.

  “I—I didn’t think you believed me,” I stammered, a small semblance of hope forming in my chest.

  “Well, it’s definitely not a normal thing, but then again, we’ve never been normal,” she smiled. “You’re not working this afternoon with Susan, are you?”

  “No, I don’t work on Fridays, which is weird because that’s usually when she gets the largest orders. They’re either for carnations or tulips,” I answered.

  “How do you know that if you never work Fridays?” Raven asked, curious.

  “Well...”

  “You snoop?” Raven giggled in her seat beside me. “And you claim you’re not a rebel.”

  “I do not! I happened to notice the orders since I deal with them every other day,” I corrected her. “She makes pretty good money for being a florist.”

  “Well, she is the only one in the newest section of town. She’ll have to watch out when the market finally saturates itself,” Raven commented.

  I pulled the car into a parking space and waited for Jess to make her way over. I saw her through the sea of students with a bland expression on her face. Every time I saw her, it was like all the joy had been sucked from her world. Nothing interested her anymore, not even playing the piano. I was no stranger to the hands of depression, and I could tell if she wasn’t already there, that was where she was heading.

&nb
sp; “We should order some pizza tonight,” I said. “Is Ben going to come with Jason?”

  “I can ask. What are you thinking?”

  “I’m thinking we should forget studying for a while and have a hang out at my house. My mother won’t be home till late from the office, and Dad is on another assignment out of town. Tell Ben to invite Max,” I added, as she typed the message out on her phone. I thought his company might brighten my little sister’s day better than I could.

  “Are you sure about this? I know you want to cheer your sister up,” she began, nodding towards Jess as she approached the car, “but I’m not sure that’s what she wants.”

  “I think having people who care about her will help. It’s not like our parents are paying attention to their children at the moment,” I pointed out. “They’ve got their own problems.”

  “Does Jess know about your dreams?” Raven turned to face me with a skeptical look.

  “No, and I would prefer it stay between you and me,” I rushed to say as Jess stepped into the car. She looked between both of us in the front seat before leaning back against her headrest. I adjusted my rearview mirror so I could see her in the back.

  “We’re going to have some friends over tonight for pizza. How does that sound?” I watched as she turned to stare out of one of the back windows, uninterested.

  “Whatever,” she sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. That was all I was going to get out of her, but I hoped she would be more enthusiastic when the others arrived. Raven shot a look in my direction, telling me she told me so without saying it directly. With a sigh, I pulled out of the parking lot and headed home.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “Is she okay upstairs?” Ben asked as I grabbed him a soda from the fridge. “I know it hasn’t been that long since her friend went missing, but I thought she’d be doing a little better than she is.”

  “It’s hard to say. I was hoping with Max being here that she’d want to come down and hang out with us. They seemed to really hit it off when we were all at the beach,” I remarked. “I’m going to go talk to her.”

  “Let me,” Raven said, hopping off the bar stool. “I know you’re her sister, but I think she’d appreciate an outside perspective.”