JennasConsent

by Jennifer Kacey

  “Finish it, my magomusume.”

  “Choose wisely, love completely…and always remember, no one has more power than a submissive on her knees.”

  “Hai. She can always call a halt to anything. She can stop a scene, end a dynamic, slice the threads of a power exchange with a single word. Ian hurt you once. He walked away, again, fear. Fear that you’d walk away so he did it first. Fear that he couldn’t be enough for you or equal to someone else. You said it yourself. They are called alphas for a reason. They yield to no one. Yet what you are asking is counterintuitive, at least to one of the men you want.”

  “But Nick. He was okay sharing me. Was more than okay with it. But last night he wanted me to choose as well. Where did that come from? Fear. Okay, I know that’s what you’re going to say but I don’t get it.” She ran her fingers through her hair, tugging at the ends.

  “Not fear. Love.”

  “Huh? You lost me again.”

  “You call him Casanova for a reason. Others call him a kinky Cupid. He’s helped how many people at The Library find love?”

  “And he’ll tell you it was all about the sex. Not love.”

  “And all men are good at communicating their feelings? No one is perfect.”

  What he said had a slim possibility of being true but she wondered if he was just saying these things because it was what she wanted to hear. And not the actual truth.

  Jenna’s brow drew down into a V and she shook her head. “How do you know so much about these men? You couldn’t have picked up all of this from one conversation. I know you’re familiar with Ian but I asked if you knew Nick. You obviously do. Why didn’t you tell me before? Why didn’t you tell me you taught him? Our styles are so similar, I should have known you taught both of us. Just at different times.”

  “You weren’t ready to hear the answer.”

  “What?” She bit it out. “And now I am?”

  “Yes.”

  Well, okay then.

  “You can just blame it on my being old, if that makes it easier on you.

  She rolled her eyes and he pulled her into a hug. “You’re not old.”

  “Says you.”

  “All that matters.”

  He chuckled again. His warmth and affection and love seeped inside her, pulling her frayed emotions back together. “Hai, mago.”

  He held her close for a moment and then moved her back. “And you said something as you spoke, about not being a good girl because Ian can’t say it. You are a good girl. Never let a man—any man—take that from you. Your worth should never originate in the hands of another.”

  He pulled the stern face she rarely saw, out but she knew immediately that he meant business and paid attention.

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “Close your eyes.”

  She did and felt the tip of two of his fingers against her sternum.

  “Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat in your head. ‘I am a good girl.’”

  He breathed with her, chanting the handful of words she desperately wanted to believe.

  Several minutes went by and her riotous emotions settled a bit.

  He hugged her close and settled against the couch. “You said something about your corset coming off and you feeling like a butterfly. Yes?”

  She nodded against his chest. “Yes, that’s exactly how I felt.”

  “But? I hear there is something more.”

  “Yes, Ian put me in my corset. But I allowed it to happen. I wasn’t strong enough to move on without him, so I hid in my corsets, not allowing anyone to touch me. Not the important parts.”

  He nodded and let her gather her thoughts.

  “When he cut the corset off, it was sexy and I loved it. But… when butterflies have help being born, their wings aren’t strong enough to carry them.”

  Pride shown in his eyes and he leaned forward to kiss her forehead. “That is exactly correct and something you need to think very carefully about.”

  She couldn’t make sense of that, just as she couldn’t the night before. “I put myself out there—to both of them—and all I did was get hurt.”

  “The important things are worth putting yourself out there, knowing you could get hurt. You never know what you’re going to get back. You can’t know what is in someone else’s head but you can know what is in their heart if you listen hard enough. You’ve received so much more than hurt and I hope you can see that.”

  She had nothing to say after he finished. He’d said so much her mind swam with things to think about.

  “Go get ready. You need to be there in a bit more than an hour. Shower. Dress the part tonight. You have an opportunity that you do not want to squander. Grab it and make me proud.” He stood, helping her off the couch and she walked toward the hallway leading to her bedroom.

  She paused, turning back to ask him something. “How long are you staying? How long do I get to keep you?”

  “Several days. Then I must get back.”

  “How did you know?”

  “What? That you needed me?”

  She nodded once.

  “I received a phone call from a friend. He thought it might be about time I visited the States again. Your name possibly came up as an incentive.”

  She smiled and her heart fluttered in her chest. “I’m glad my name came up. I missed you. Even more than I thought I did.”

  “Hai. Me, too.”

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Jenna sat in a comfy office chair and speaking into a microphone, addressing Samantha across a desk.

  With everything on her mind, Jenna expected to be scatterbrained, even upset. But the well-dressed radio show host was cordial, funny and had just the right amount of sex appeal to be provocative and alluring.

  “Thanks for calling, Monique. I hope lots of people were watching the live feed. Jenna’s face was priceless when you asked about butt plugs. Her face lit up like it was Christmas morning.”

  Jenna smiled again, unable to help herself. “The njoys really are the best. Don’t scrimp when it comes to your personal pleasure. If you don’t know what you like, how is anyone else going to get it right?”

  “Exactly! Thanks, ladies. Had fun!” Jenna grinned as the caller disconnected.

  “Thanks for calling Samantha Speaks at SEXX Satellite Radio.”

  That had to be the twentieth person they’d talked to in the two and a half hours she’d already been on.

  They’d talked about all sorts of things, from vanilla topics—such as nail polish—all the way up to pretty kinky. Such as the category the last call most definitely fit into.

  The Library was never mentioned, not even in rumor thankfully.

  “So what else do you have planned for the blog? I just love it. You’ve gained quite a lot of followers. My producer and I were throwing around the idea of putting a blog together but neither of us have time.”

  “Then maybe we can have you on Aftercare, as a guest. A weekly spot, maybe.”

  “Ooooooo…” She tapped her fingers together and gave the thumbs up to her producer, Christy, who was in the booth. “That would be awesome and actually leads me into a question. I was going to wait until after the show but I can’t. I’m too excited. We wondered if you might think about coming on here and talking to us and the listeners again. Maybe once a month or every couple weeks, whatever might work with your schedule.” She paused and looked at a computer screen in front of her. Laughter bubbled out of her. “From the way the Twitter feed just blew up with yesses of many varieties, I’d say I have their stamp of approval.”

  “Wow. I love the blog and I love my followers, as well as the followers I’ve met for your radio show today. Of course, I would more than appreciate any exposure to gain both more recognition. To vanillas and kinksters alike. I’d be honored. Truly. Especially since you’re kink-friendly. You’d be surprised what we deal with when we go public about being kinky.”

  “I do know something about being on the outside looking in.” She motioned around th
e room. “Radio is still quite a bit dominated by men, so being a female has been rough for making it in this business. It’s made me tough.” Samantha was actually a very well-dressed businesswoman. Her hair was up in a chignon and she wore a pencil skirt and heels, even at almost midnight.

  “Well, we thank you for coming and…Oh my gosh, I almost forgot. I believe you have some big news to share?”

  Jenna leaned forward in excitement. “My friends and I are opening some kink-friendly businesses in the near-future, right across the state line in Missouri. They’ll be located at Zodiac and 275, no more than a ten-minute drive from most of the residents of Arcadia. Interior construction has actually already begun on the few changes we needed made. We’re super jazzed.”

  “Why across the dotted line?”

  “Let’s just say the rules and regulations on the items and apparel we’ll be offering are a bit more lax one state over.”

  “Well, well, well. I’ve seen all of the work going on over there. It’s the strip center, right?”

  “Exactly. The brand-new one. We’ll have at least four store fronts. Inktastic is going to be moving there as well. There will hopefully be a little bit for everyone. To tickle their fancy, you could say?”

  “Love it and can’t wait to see what wonderfully decadent things you offer. We’ll have to do a feature when you come back. Maybe they’ll be open by then.”

  “Hope so. Maybe two weeks. We’ll be offering my brand of merchandise, Kinky Pinky at the Nice and Knotty Boutique. Knotty as in rope, which we’ll be selling as well. There will be a photography studio and an art gallery with custom pieces. It’s going to be incredible. Me and my girls Haleigh, Cyn and Skye can’t wait to share with you.”

  “Not as much as the rest of us, who are now nibbling our nails and tapping our feet, waiting for it to open.” She looked at the big clock behind her on the wall. “Thirty seconds, Jenna. One more thing you’d like to share with the men and women tuning in?”

  Without thinking, she just spoke from her heart. “We aren’t trying to turn vanillas into kinksters, so don’t try to make us into something that will help you sleep at night. Being submissive or Dominant isn’t dirty. It’s beautiful. We aren’t sick. We don’t need therapy any more than the rest of the world does or doesn’t. We don’t need to be fixed. Let me say that again, for anyone out there that has this inside them. You…don’t need to be fixed.”

  Jenna blinked a few times, not knowing when she’d closed her eyes. Samantha sat, perfectly still, across the desk, with tears in her eyes.

  She smiled and mouthed two words. “Thank you.”

  Her producer knocked on the glass, breaking the connection they shared, no matter how brief it was.

  “You’re my kind of girl, Jenna. This has been an eye-opening evening for me and I hope the rest of you naughty listeners out there can say the same. Samantha, signing off from another smutty chat. ’Til next time. Keep it kinky, people.”

  “And…we’re clear,” called Christy from the booth.

  Samantha started shutting things down in their small studio and Jenna stood, stretching her back from sitting down for so long.

  Jenna faced her and smiled. “This was awesome. Can’t even tell you how much fun I had and I needed it.”

  “Honestly, so did I. And I meant what I said about having you on. I know your schedule’s going to be nuts with the new places opening up but I’d love to have you back. We could even exchange your time for ads for the stores. I’m all about the barter.”

  “That’s a great idea and I’m still floored you’d like me back. We could even work out ad space for you on the blog. It’s great cross-promotion and I bet our audiences would like each other’s stuff.”

  “I think so too. So glad I stumbled along your blog.”

  Out of the blue, Jenna asked, “I’m gonna head over to CJ’s bar for a little bit. Need to unwind before hitting the sack. Should be pretty quiet. Want a nightcap?”

  “Thanks for the invite but I have a date with my hot tub and a glass of wine.”

  “That sounds awesome, actually. I might just have to head home and take a hot bath myself. We’re normally there every Wednesday night if you ever care to join us. We’d love to have you. Pretty sure you’d fit right in with our crowd. You just might be able to let your hair down a bit.” Jenna got a glance at her perfectly coifed bun as Samantha turned around to grab her purse. “That shouldn’t look like that after midnight, no matter how long you spent on it.”

  She laughed. “Hair and makeup are my things, actually. I dabble on the side. Have done it for a few photo shoots. It’s so much fun.”

  “Really?” Pure excitement and a little bit of fate danced inside Jenna. A hair and makeup person for Haleigh’s photo shoots would make her pictures go from gorgeous to yummytastic. “It’s very interesting you should say that…”

  Chapter Thirty

  As she walked into CJ’s, she expected to be accosted by Nick or Ian.

  They didn’t know she was going to come but they normally did anyway somehow.

  She was relieved or crushed or both when they weren’t there.

  Douglas caught her eye and crooked his head for her to come over.

  “So,” he said by way of greeting.

  She smiled. “You are such a guy.”

  “No way!” His eyes grew wide and he patted down his chest and slacks. “You’re right. I’m glad you told me. I may have missed it otherwise.”

  “Wiseass.”

  He grinned. “Want something to drink? Beer, wine, fruity girlie beverage?”

  “Umm…just a beer, I think. Surprise me.”

  He grabbed a bottle out of a case, popped the top on it and had it on a little napkin in front of her in less than ten seconds. “You’ve done this before, I take it?”

  “Once or twice.” He winked at her, just like he used to.

  She took a sip as he filled a couple more glasses from the tap and took them to other customers.

  “So.”

  She sat the bottle down and wrapped her hands around it. “We’re back to so, huh?”

  “Yep, it’s the theme tonight. I want to know how you are.” His face was a mask of concern and she reached over and held his arm.

  “I’m fine. Super green, even.”

  “Not what I heard.”

  She took her hand back and looked over his shoulder at the bottles lining the shelves behind him. “And what did you hear?”

  “Before I get into that, I want to specifically make sure you and I are cool. I know I really don’t have any business butting into your business with anyone else but with me? That I have business in.”

  “Yes, I suspect you do. And we’re cool.”

  He leaned in close so only she could hear. “I know what happened wasn’t exactly consensual and some women may have had a big issue when it happened or crashed and burned big time afterward. I want to check and make sure I didn’t cross a line I didn’t know you had, nor that you crashed and didn’t think you could reach out to me if you did.”

  Jenna smiled at him. “You’re a good guy, Douglas. Why are you still single?”

  “Haven’t met Miss Right yet but I’m not even fifty-five so there’s still plenty of time.” He winked at her again and she squeezed his arm.

  “We’re fine. I did crash but for other reasons. What you did? It was hot and sexy and never crossed any lines. Promise.”

  “Good deal. Now, what happened with Ian and Nick and why are they asking if anyone has seen you as if they can’t get a hold of you?”

  “What happened to you not butting into my business with other people?”

  “I said I shouldn’t, not that I wasn’t going to. And stop stalling. What’s going on?”

  She blew out a frustrated breath, taking another drink of her beer. Staring at the label and reading it for the fifth time meant she still had no clue what she was drinking. “It’s complicated.”

  “Understatement of the year.”


  A waitress called out a few orders and he filled them, giving her a couple minutes to think.

  “And?”

  She shrugged. “They said some things that weren’t cool. I’m trying to figure out what to do with what they said.”

  “They’re guys. They’re gonna step in it from time to time but just…don’t give up on them, okay?”

  “What does it matter to you?” It came out harshly and she sucked her lips between her teeth and tried again. “It’s not that I don’t appreciate it. I do. But we’ve known each other, what? A couple months. That’s not a lot of time and we haven’t exactly hung out much. Seriously. This is the most we’ve spoken at one time. Ever.”

  “Honestly, I can’t answer that. ’Cause I got nothin’. I don’t do this. With anyone. Not even Patrick and Hector, though we’re closer than brothers. I just get you or something. Cut from the same cloth. Don’t know. But I want you to be happy and I think they can do that.”

  She stared at him, wanting to believe but her shields were fully in place. “I’ll take that into consideration. And I’m not responding to their texts right now. Not certain what I want to say, so I’m taking a breather.”

  He knocked her softly under the chin once. “Do. It’s easier for me to see what’s happening on the outside looking in. I sound like a fucking talk show host.”

  “Yes, you do. You could be the next Dr. Phil but you have less hair.”

  He chuckled and ran his hand over his bald head. “The world would never be the same. Oh, and you’re about to be attacked.”

  Jenna stiffened, frozen in her chair, assuming a confrontation with Nick and Ian was imminent.

  “Girl. You can’t pick up a phone or answer a text message?”

  Jenna was hauled out of her chair and Skye tried to squeeze the life out of her. She held her at arm’s length and looked her up and down. “You still have all of your limbs. Thank God.”

  Haleigh hugged her next and then Cyn.

  They grabbed her stuff and then hauled her to their booth before she could respond at all.