Waiting on my Reason

by Devon Ashley

  “Sheriff Litskin,” I said in way of greeting. “How’s Petey doing?”

  “He’s doing alright. Getting married for some dumb reason.” Spoken like a true divorcee’. “When are you youngin’s going to learn not to get married so young?”

  I shrugged and threw my hands up, playing along like I didn’t understand it either, but truthfully, I did. Most of us just wanted to find someone we could trust who would stand beside us forever, and as fast as possible. If I hadn’t been so busy comparing all those girls to Mel through the years, I might’ve actually found one myself by now. “I’m still single,” I threw in for a suck-up vote. It worked, as he told me good boy and nodded his head.

  “What can I do for you, Shane? Haven’t seen you in town in forever. Are you moving back?”

  Hell. Fucking. No.

  “No, sir. I’m just here on business.”

  “Business?” the middle-aged man gruffed.

  “Bradley Montgomery asked me to look into where his grandmother’s money went after she died and I discovered something a little unsettling.”

  He angled his head and narrowed his eyes at me. “It didn’t seem like Joyce had any money left to give by the end.”

  “She had a life insurance policy and the beneficiary was Melanie Peterson’s son.”

  “Okay. I can understand that since they became close before her passing. There’s nothing illegal about a person choosing to give money to someone other than a family member. Happens all the time when relatives aren’t getting along.”

  “True. But Mel lied. She claimed her son was Brad’s, but he’s not. Mrs. Montgomery would’ve never gotten close to Mel in the end and felt obligated to leave her money if she hadn’t been told that Jake was her great-grandson.”

  “Well, maybe, but it’ll be difficult to prove. I’d hate to break it to you, but there’s a paternity division that deals with this at the Attorney General’s office. It’s not really something we handle here at the station. The courts do.”

  “I know. But in all honesty, I’d rather avoid the court system. I was hoping maybe you’d be willing to go over there and convince Mel it’s in her best interest to agree to give us Jake’s DNA sample all on her own.”

  “I see,” he said slowly, his chair creaking as he leaned back in it. “Let me ask you this. Is this what Brad really wants? Because if he proves to be the father of that child, not only does he not have a leg to stand on for getting that money, he’s going to owe Melanie for a backlog of child support.”

  “The kid’s not his,” I said firmly. “He can’t even have them. She cheated and pinned it on him to scam some money. She probably figured with as bad as Brad’s relationship was with his grandmother, no one would ever figure it out.” I felt for her, I really did. She was obviously a single mom trying to make it on her own. But what she did was wrong. That money wasn’t for her to take.

  I startled when I heard the knock at my front door. Jake didn’t even notice, too engrossed in the show. Lucky for him, he didn’t realize the proverbial shit had hit the fan and a whole lot of bad was about to rain down on us. I peeked through the window curtains before opening the door, trying to contain my sigh. Sheriff Litskin was on the other side, his hat in his hands before him.

  “Sheriff,” I said dully. That dipshit actually called the cops on me. If I hadn’t spent the past two hours suffering from a heavy dose of depression, I’d probably be scared out of my ever-loving mind right now. But as it was, I was so numb head-to-toe expecting the worse, that panic didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of registering on my radar.

  “Melanie. May I come in?”

  Well, at least he remembered who I was well enough to call me by my first name. He and my dad were pretty good friends at one time, so I was sure it was awkward for him to be here now.

  I nodded and stepped out of the way, closing the door behind him. “Jake?” I called, waiting for him to unglue his attention from the TV and turn around. “Why don’t you go and clean up your room while Mommy and Mr. Litskin talk?”

  His little blue eyes never left the sheriff. He even took the long away around the sofa, the route closest to the man in uniform. I had no doubt that the uniform was what he was focusing in on, and it was why I hadn’t addressed him as the sheriff. Jake was always on the lookout for possible superheroes, and I didn’t want him to linger this time.

  Quietly, he disappeared into his room and I followed to close the door behind him, forcing a reassuring smile so he’d know that everything was going to be okay. Sheriff Litskin had moved into the kitchen, laying his hat aside on the table. By his somewhat solemn expression, I had the feeling he didn’t want to be here anymore than I wanted him to be here. And since he hadn’t arrested me for anything on the spot, I figured this was probably just a courtesy warning.

  “I imagine you already know why I’m here.” I sighed heavily in response. Crossing my arms over my chest tightly, I nodded. “Look, I don’t know if the accusations made today have any truth behind them, but I know they’re not just simply going to disappear into the night. There are two ways to move forward from here. Either you willingly submit to a DNA test, or that Montgomery fellow is going to go over to the courts and try to demand one. If you respect your privacy at all, I’d suggest the former, because as soon as it hits the courts, the whole town is going to know about it. Maybe, just maybe, you can keep this quiet if you cooperate.”

  Damn small towns. The moms of the kids in my graduating class still gave me pitiful looks when we passed. That damn whore tag was going to stick with me forever, and now this? The town gossipers would have a field day. I stroked my hands up and down my face, focusing in on the pain building behind my eyes. This could not be my life. I was still asleep, right? But if I was, pinching my forearm sure as hell wasn’t getting me to wake up.

  “Did he tell you about the other thing?” I asked vaguely, praying he didn’t. But I knew it was wishful thinking.

  “You mean about the money?” I grimaced and nodded, and he continued with, “I wouldn’t worry too much about that. I don’t know who the father of your son is, but I witnessed first-hand the sacrifices you took to care for Joyce in her last few years. It doesn’t surprise me that she left you something. Unless you admit to it, I highly doubt there’s anything they’ll find that’ll prove you deceived her all those years.”

  “I didn’t,” I quickly rebutted.

  He put his hand up, asking me to stop. “In any case, it’s doubtful they could prove fraud against you, so for now, deal with the father situation.” He actually air-quoted the father bit.

  Glumly, I asked, “What do I have to do?”

  “I’ll set it up with Barbara over at the clinic. Just show up, sign the paperwork and she’ll take his blood or whatever it is they do.”

  My head fell back and I let it hang there for a few seconds, my eyes getting lost as they traced the curves of the popcorn texture. “What about Brad?” I asked, my voice faint. “Will he have to come here to give his sample?”

  “I honestly don’t know. I’ve never dealt with a paternity issue before.”

  My head began shaking, my teeth biting down on my lower lip. “I’m sorry, I just don’t want him anywhere near Jake.”

  He nodded knowingly, or at least with a bit of understanding. I wasn’t really sure if he knew that Brad relied heavily on alcohol before he left town.

  “Well, if he does, and he gives you any trouble, just come by and put a restraining order on him. If he is the father, it’ll get tricky at that point because he’ll legally have a right to see his child.”

  “Yeah,” I sighed, “I know.”

  “Melanie?” When he didn’t continue right away, I glanced his way. “Are you prepared to deal with this if he proves he isn’t the father?”

  I spent the next hour practically squeezing the life out of Jake, determined to hold him as much as possible, all the while worrying about what was to come. I guess I was hugging a little too much, because it wasn
’t long before he realized something was up and asked me about it.

  “Nothing’s wrong, baby. I just wish I could spend more time with you, is all.” I tapped his nose, which always earned me a smile in return. “What do you want to do tonight?”

  “Can Chris come over and play?”

  Only four and already I was cramping his style, preferring to play with his friends instead. I gazed at the clock on the wall. It was already past six. “I think it’s a little late, buddy.” It broke my heart when his face began to frown, his eyes falling to his lap. “But maybe we can ask his mom if he can sleep over tonight instead,” I suggested.

  His grin spread far enough it managed to crack the hardened shell encapsulating mine. I kissed his forehead, tousled his hair and went into the kitchen to call Chris’ mom, Claire, who graduated the year before me. An hour later, Jake got his wish and I was watching two little boys run around the house. Jake was wearing a red cape, Chris a green, and they constantly blasted one another with invisible superpowers. They were the perfect distraction – at least until they were settled in his room for the night, and all the shit that happened over the past few days began to weigh down on me again. I slipped into my bedroom, buried myself under the down comforter and called Karen. She was the only one who knew the truth, all my dirty little secrets. She’d been my best friend since I moved here in high school, and she stood by me when it all went to crap. And most importantly, she’d kept my secrets, and never judged me for keeping everything hush-hush. And right now I just needed to let it all out.

  The last two days had been a complete nightmare. Fuck, the past week had been a complete nightmare. I steered clear of Sully’s and practically hid out at Matt’s all day and night. I was half tempted to just head back to Dallas, but realized there wasn’t anything to do there either. And I was still waiting on Brad to get up here. Dumbass couldn’t even scrape together the money he needed for a bus ticket from Houston. I had to pre-pay for the damn thing. Seriously. How the hell did he even make it financially?

  I hadn’t told him yet about Mel. And I sort of lied to him, too. I told him the baby’s DNA was on file at the hospital and if he came up here to give his, they could compare the two. Perhaps if I had told him it was Mel, he would’ve already gotten here, itching for a fight. Which was exactly why I hadn’t shared that vital piece of information yet. I worried how Brad would take it. He never used to be one to get physical with a girl, but the way his drunk ass acted just over the phone these past few years… I wasn’t going to take that chance. As angry as I was with Mel for pulling this shit to get some extra cash, I still didn’t want her in harm’s way. I just wanted the police to deal with it the right way.

  Hell, putting Montgomery down as Jake’s last name on the birth certificate and getting to know Brad’s grandmother wasn’t illegal. And unfortunately for me, whether or not she intended to pull one over on Mrs. Montgomery for financial gain would be practically impossible to prove.

  My insides were ripping me apart. One piece of me wanted to hate her. I knew she wasn’t an unkind, vindictive person, but her actions had really fucked over Brad. And that just wasn’t okay in my book. But apparently, my damn heart didn’t give a shit about that, because the other piece of me just wanted to pull her into my arms and never let go. Because part of me still held onto the idea that maybe she just thought Brad was the father, and that was why she did it.

  Which was seriously screwed up. I mean, what would it take for me to hate this girl and leave her in the past already? What she did was wrong. And the only way to even begin to make up for it would be to admit it and give the money back. Why couldn’t she see that?

  Brad didn’t deserve to be treated this way, despite what this town thought of him. He hadn’t always been a damaged drunk. Growing up he was my best mate – even saved my life once when we were at the lake when we were twelve. We were taking turns swinging on the rope that was attached to a large tree that grew on the bank of the lake. Just jumping wouldn’t do. We were trying all sorts of acrobatic moves off the line, most of which ended with a painful slap against the water. But we didn’t care. We were young and stupid and having a great time.

  Unfortunately, my foot slipped just as I had put my weight against the fifth swing, picking up speed with enough height to make me beyond horizontal in the air. I didn’t have a tight grip on the rope, so gravity took me and I spun involuntarily in the air, splashing through the water head first.

  I didn’t remember anything after that. At least not until my eyes shot wide and I rolled over, expelling the copious amounts of lake water my lungs were choking on. I hacked out the foul tasting water, my stomach turning at the taste of it in on my tongue, making me want to throw up whatever was hanging out in there as well. Finally done, I rolled back over and groaned. One hand shot to my chest, just noticing the pain that was radiating outward, and the other moved to the side of my head, where an ache intensified so much I had to squeeze my eyes shut from the blinding light of the day to soothe it a little.

  “Thank God I didn’t have to give you mouth to mouth,” I heard Brad grumble as he fell to the earth beside me. “No offense, but you’re not who I had in mind for my first kiss.”

  My laugh lasted about two seconds before my body realized what a bad idea that was. It felt like he slammed a boulder against my rib cage. Hoarsely, I muttered, “Damn, this hurts,” and I gently traced the part of my chest that was covered with reddened splotches.

  “Yeah, sorry about that. I wasn’t sure where to press down or how hard. And I had to press a lot. Did I break anything?”

  “I don’t know,” I admitted. “It hurts though.” I rolled onto my stomach, which made it easier to breathe, but my vision temporarily rocked side to side until it settled. “Even more than my head.”

  “You were underwater for about ten seconds before you floated back up. Scared the crap out of me, dude. You were head down. For a second there, I thought you were dead.” That last sentence was quieter, and as I turned my head his way, he was staring up through the trees, shaking his head. Painfully, he added, “You can’t leave me, Shane. Not you too. I’ve got nothing left.”

  I didn’t know what to say, especially since he was fighting the tears after several broke free, so we just laid there silently until we were both ready to go. Luckily my mom hugged him enough for the both of us later, which he desperately seemed to need.

  People just didn’t get that there was an innocence to Brad. Even now that his life was upside down and gone to shit, I still remembered the scared little boy from that day, so desperate to hold on to whatever he could that he beat up my chest in an attempt to keep me with him. I was all he had left. And he didn’t give up on me that day, so damn it, I wasn’t going to give up so easily on him. Not like everyone else had. Not when he could still be saved.

  That was why Melanie’s actions were killing me right now. Her mess was going to beat him even farther into the ground, and I had to get it fixed before he learned the truth about it all. I activated my phone, hit the contacts button and just stared at her phone number. I wanted her to call me and do what needed to be done – admit she screwed up and come clean about how that other guy had to be the dad. But still, there was nothing.

  As soon as I shoved my phone into my pocket again, it sang its little tune. My heart jumped as I fished it back out, but disappointment smothered my excitement. It was just Kyle.

  “Hey, man,” I said by way of greeting.

  “Got it,” he said. “Jake Montgomery, born February 10th, 2010. The mom is a Melanie Peterson.”

  “Yeah, I already figured it out. But I’m glad you were able to confirm it for me. I owe you one.”

  “Not a prob. Let me know if you need anything else.”

  I said my goodbye and found myself staring at Mel’s phone number again. Fearing that desperate twitch in my thumb would betray me and hit that little green call button, I deactivated the screen and hid the phone away again. As much as it killed me, she need
ed to be the one to call me.

  By day three, I couldn’t take it anymore. It was Thursday and hell if I was going to continue hiding out. I wasn’t the one who fucked up. So why should I be the one to avoid hanging out with my buddy in public? Even if it was at Sully’s. I would’ve been fine hanging out at one of the other bars, but Chelsie didn’t work at those…and I had no desire to sit by myself. But damn if I couldn’t keep my attention off Mel.

  She knew I was back here, hidden in the shadows of the far corner. She gave me the evil eye as I entered the establishment, none too thrilled that I came to her place of work, but she hadn’t bothered to look twice. I would know…because all I did was stare, watching her force a smile with each transaction. I guessed so long as I didn’t bug her or start a yelling competition with her in front of the other patrons, she was going to continue pretending like I wasn’t here.

  Chelsie spent a lot more time at our table than the others, coyly flirting with Matt. Didn’t know why she was suddenly playing shy. She had asked me the other night what the hell was up with him and I told her. He liked her and she liked him, and three days later they still hadn’t acknowledged it. Hell if I knew what they were waiting for, but I had zero experience chasing after a girl. Never had to. They always came to me. And either they agreed to my no strings attached philosophy or they hit the road walking.

  Tired of the sickening banter between Chelsie and Matt, I stepped outside to catch a fresh breath of air. Well, tired of it may not have been the right words. Jealous of their suggestive commentary was more likely. Reminded me of the days when I was forced to endure the same shit from Brad and Mel.