Dare to Hope

by Caitlin Ricci

  He hung up before any of them could say anything else, and Chris got up to take the phone from Trent, who sat there staring blankly at nothing.

  “Bran, are you still getting waxes?” Chris asked him.

  Bran nodded. “Yeah. Need a distraction? I’ll get us in tonight.”

  Chris sat down heavily beside Samuel, who put his arm around him. “Yes, please. Book me for the manwhore ultimate, just like back in Manhattan. Anyone else want to come? My treat.” He began to shake, and Samuel held him tighter. “Fucking Misha. I’d punch him if I thought my hand wouldn’t break on his chest.”

  “Have you ever considered talking without cursing?” Samuel asked him softly.

  Chris shot him a glare. “You don’t mind my mouth so much when I’m sucking you off.” He frowned and shook his head. “Never mind. Sorry. Like I’ve said, I get bitchy when I’m upset. Does the cussing bother you?”

  It did, a little, but he didn’t want to ask Chris to change that about himself. “I’d prefer not to hear ‘fuck’ from you unless we’re in bed together.”

  Chris gave him a slight nod. “Sure. I’ll try. No promises, but I can try.”

  Samuel smiled. “That’s all I can ask for.”

  Trent started carrying the dishes out to the kitchen, where he rinsed them and loaded them in the dishwasher. When he came back out he was as restless as Samuel had ever seen him.

  “I guess I have to go and get ready for Misha’s arrival. Do some cleaning and stuff.”

  “He’ll be at least a few days, by my guess. Come out with us tonight. Get something waxed. There’s something absolutely perfect about getting your balls waxed,” Chris tried.

  Trent looked horrified. “What? No! Sheez, you two will drive any man insane.”

  Bran winked at him. “Kaden’s certifiable. And Chris gets even more waxed than me, so it won’t take long for Samuel to be just as crazy. He’s got some kind of phobia against having hair or something.”

  “It’s true. Come out with us,” Chris said with a smile.

  Samuel could tell he was trying hard and hoped Trent went along with them.

  “No, definitely not. I’m going home, where things are normal.”

  Samuel chuckled as a beet-red Trent headed for the front door.

  Chris got up, and though Samuel couldn’t hear what he said to Trent, he did see them hug and Trent smile, though only a little, before he left and Chris came back to them all.

  “Bran, you get us in?”

  Bran nodded and got up as well. “Yeah. You ready? I’ll drive.”

  Chris looked over at Samuel. “Am I coming back here tonight?”

  “I would like you to.” Samuel pulled him close for a hug and a kiss.

  Chris grabbed a handful of his ass before stepping back out of his arms. “Bran, we need to stop by my place on the way back from the salon. I need clothes and things.”

  “You can borrow some of mine,” Bran offered, putting an arm around his shoulders as they headed toward the front door.

  Chris shuddered. “Hell, no. You’ll just give me back those neon T-shirts I punished you with in Montana. No thanks.”

  Samuel watched them join hands, and he could hear Bran laughing the whole way out to his car.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  THE NEXT morning, over a group breakfast at Bran and Kaden’s, Bran said, “We should go out on Trent’s boat for the afternoon. The guys can fish, and we can work on our tans.”

  Chris smiled, and just like that they were lying out on the bow of a boat two hours later, the salty breeze wafting through his hair as he rested with his eyes closed and his hands behind his head. Samuel, Kaden, and Trent stood nearby, fishing poles in their hands as they quietly talked together. It was a perfect sunny morning, the kind Chris knew he’d get a lot more of if he and Samuel worked out.

  Bran knocked his hip against Chris’s leg as he got up. “I’m getting a drink. You want anything?”

  “Naw. I’m good.” He was practically blissful.

  The boat bumped along as the sun warmed his skin.

  “What the fuck is this?” Bran yelled, and Chris opened his eyes to see what had pissed his friend off.

  His eyes went wide as he saw his kit in Bran’s hand and his friend staring angrily at him, along with everyone else. “Bran….” He slowly sat up. He flicked his gaze to the case, then back to Bran, and finally over to Samuel, who looked just as shocked. “It’s not what you think. I—”

  He didn’t get to finish what he was going to say, as Bran pulled his arm back and launched his kit as far away from them as possible, deep into the shining blue waters.

  In an instant Chris was sprinting down the bow of the boat, then diving into the water. The icy splash practically hurt his overheated skin as his heart raced. The water was dark, and he only had a vague idea of where Bran had thrown his kit, but he was desperate to get it back. He searched for it as long as he could, then came back up for air, where he could hear them yelling at him. He ignored them, though, diving back under the water and going even deeper than the time before. His lungs hurt, and he gasped, nearly choking himself, as he got lucky and finally managed to close his fingers around the box.

  Chris held it tightly as he surfaced and swam the few yards back to the boat. Bran tried to grab it out of his hands, but Chris pushed him away before he could manage to take it away from him again.

  “I can’t believe it. You’re an addict. When the hell did that happen?” Bran seethed as he fell heavily on the deck.

  Chris still hadn’t fully caught his breath when he put the kit on the deck and opened it up for them all to see. “The case is waterproof, my brother is getting shot at, and this phone is my only way to talk to him,” he snapped at Bran, and the rest of them too since they were all staring at him. There was no knife in there; he’d left that back at the house. Only his phone, which he quickly locked back into the case as soon as he knew it hadn’t been damaged. Then he got up on shaky legs.

  “Turn the boat around and take me back,” he demanded before settling his gaze on Bran. “And you, stay the fuck away from me. You want to know what it’s like to be thrown away by your best friend? Like you did to me? Well, here you go. Enjoy it, asshole.”

  He walked as far as he could away from them and pulled his knees to his chest as he looked out over the water. It didn’t take long for his hands to start shaking, though, and soon the tremors worked their way up his arms until he was tightly clutching his knees to keep from scratching at himself, but that only let him dig his short nails into his skin as he ground his teeth together. He needed to get away from them, and he needed to ease his problem. But he couldn’t do any of that while he was stuck on a fucking boat in the middle of some ocean or whatever it was they were in.

  “Samuel?” he called, hoping he’d answer him and not be pissed off at him like the rest of them were. He needed help, and he hated that he was breaking apart in front of them all. He closed his eyes tightly and shook, even as Samuel moved his big body behind his and slowly covered Chris’s hands with his own. He knew it was Samuel without having to look at him. No one else was that comforting, that warm, or that absolutely perfect when he needed them most.

  “You should talk to Bran,” Samuel said, coming forward to rest his chin on Chris’s shoulder.

  He really did not have any intention of talking about or to Bran anytime soon, if ever again. “Or you could just hold me and pretend that he isn’t on this boat and that we aren’t trapped here. Maybe we’re in bed instead. Maybe you’ve just gotten done fucking me and now we’re all sweaty and you’re holding me.”

  “Or….”

  Chris opened his eyes to see Bran sitting across from him, his feet nearly touching his own. He was blushing deeply and looking rightfully ashamed of himself. “What part of stay away from me didn’t get through to you?” Chris nearly yelled at him. But Samuel tightened his arms around him, holding him close, silencing some of his rage. “Why isn’t the boat moving?” Chri
s asked, turning his head to the side to see Samuel.

  “We don’t want you to run. Not again,” Samuel said.

  Chris wanted to struggle, to get away from him, but Samuel was too strong, and fighting him was quickly proving to be useless until finally he stopped trying and let his chin fall to his chest in defeat. “Fine. Let’s get this shit over with, then.” He lifted his head to look at Bran. “You’re up. Talk. Only way I’m getting off this boat, apparently.”

  “I don’t even know where to start. It’s like everything I thought I knew about you is wrong.” Bran tried to touch him, to cup his cheek, but since Chris couldn’t smack his hand away, he bit instead, landing a hard nip on Bran’s thumb that had him yelping and pulling back.

  “Why can’t you just trust me?” Chris demanded. He was so tired of fighting with him all the time, with him harping on this one thing that Chris did that had absolutely nothing to do with him, like he had any kind of say in what Chris did to himself.

  “Because I don’t want to bury you,” Bran hissed at him, holding his thumb.

  Chris was happy to see a few drops of blood coming from Bran’s thumb where he’d bitten him.

  Chris rolled his eyes. He wasn’t going to repeat that he wasn’t suicidal to them all. Not again. He’d said it enough already.

  Bran reached toward him again, this time going for his ankle where Chris couldn’t bite him or even kick him because of how Samuel was holding him. “Just get rid of your kit. We’re all here for you. You don’t need it. When you need some help now, you’ve got us.”

  “Except when you get mad at me and kick me out of your life. Or when Samuel gets tired of me.”

  “Chris, you need to know that isn’t ever going to happen,” Samuel softly whispered in his ear before landing a soft kiss on his neck.

  He would have loved to believe that. He wanted that with his whole heart. “My longest relationship was six months. We’ve been friends for longer than that now. And every single day I expect you to tell me it’ll be the last. I can’t lose you. You’re the best, the absolute best, Samuel. And I need you in my life.”

  He felt Samuel kiss the back of his neck, and Chris started to relax against him for a little while.

  “I’m not going anywhere. I promise you that. I love you.”

  No one had ever said that to him before, outside of his family and Bran, and he closed his eyes and softly smiled at the sound of those words coming from Samuel. “I love you too.”

  “So now you can get rid of your knife. And everything can be better,” Bran said excitedly.

  Chris rolled his eyes, but he didn’t stop smiling as he looked over at Bran. “I will. I was already planning to. But in my time. Not when you say so.”

  Bran held up his pinky, and Chris laughed at the absurdity of a pinky promise right then. But Samuel let his right wrist go, and he tightened his finger over Bran’s.

  “I’m sorry,” Bran said.

  Chris was so tired of hearing him say that. “No more of that.” He turned to look back at Samuel. “I’m okay now, if you want to let me go.”

  While Samuel did release his wrist, he didn’t go anywhere, and Chris leaned his head back against him. “Just fucking ask me if you want to know something. Any of you. I’ll tell you the truth. But I’m done trying to defend myself against you all. It’s exhausting.”

  “Deal.”

  Bran smiled at him, and Chris gave him a small smile in return.

  “I really am—”

  “I swear to God, Bran, you say you’re sorry one more time and I will throw you off this fucking boat,” Chris warned him.

  Bran shut up instantly, but he did smile.

  “Also, going into private, personal property for the sake of snooping without a warrant or probable cause, or the owner of the property’s permission, is still against the law here too. I’ve never had to defend you for a criminal offense, so don’t make me start now.”

  Kaden frowned at him, taking a seat next to and slightly behind Bran. Trent joined them in sitting as well. “How do you know that?”

  “I was on a plane, sitting in an airport, or in the back of a taxi for over thirty hours earlier this week. I read up on New Zealand law. What else was I supposed to do?” He’d been bored out of his mind and anxious to see Samuel and Bran again. The reading had distracted him a little, enough to let him sit still for hours at a time, at least.

  Bran looked insanely happy about that. “Are you taking the test? Getting licensed here?”

  “I was thinking about it,” Chris hedged, not sure why Bran suddenly grabbed him in a tight hug.

  “So you are moving here!” he nearly shouted in Chris’s ear.

  He was quick to push Bran off him, though. “I never said that. I’m a lawyer in most of the States, figured I could be one here too. Doesn’t mean I’m not going back the second Samuel says he’s done with me.”

  “I just said—”

  Chris cut him off. “You can’t know what the future holds. I could piss you off tomorrow.”

  But Samuel just laughed. “You can’t know that either, and you piss me off every day. And yet I’m still here.”

  Well, there was that. Chris grinned and reached back to put his hand on Samuel’s hip. “So am I. Despite how ridiculously stubborn you are. You’re lucky you’re so good-looking.”

  “Ha-ha.” Samuel gave his hair a light tug. “You’re lucky I love you so much.”

  That was true too. “Yeah, I guess I am,” Chris softly replied. “Samuel, if we’re really going to do this, you need to know that I like having my space sometimes. If I’m out and not answering your calls, I want you to try Bran before assuming I’m dead. And I want a key so that I can surprise you in the middle of the night. And I’m not moving in for at least a few months. But I will move in with you.”

  “I understand about needing space and about the other thing—I’m hoping that how you feel about me is enough for you to want to stay alive.”

  Samuel winked as he spoke to soften his words, Chris guessed.

  “But ultimately, I would love to have you around all the time, but once you feel ready.”

  Chris froze. “So…. All the time meaning….” He swallowed thickly. “Marriage? Is that what you ultimately want from me?”

  “I won’t ever ask for anything you’re not comfortable giving, so let’s just leave talk about marriage if it scares you so much right now.”

  “It scares the crap out of me.” He glared at Bran, who was smiling at him like an idiot. “Go away. Right now. I want Samuel time. Not Samuel, Bran, Kaden time.”

  Bran gave him a pout, but they did leave.

  “Just so you know I’m serious here, I have one more present for you. It’s in the bottom right drawer of your bathroom vanity. Bright red ribbon. You can’t miss it.”

  His words genuinely seemed to surprise Samuel. “I look forward to opening it. Thank you.”

  Chris nodded, though he doubted Samuel would like it all that much. He didn’t need it anymore, though, and had left it there for Samuel to find eventually. It was the drawer with all the random junk in it, so he figured it might have taken Samuel a while to find his knife wrapped up with a bright red ribbon.

  “Woohoo! I got a big one!”

  Trent’s voice rang out from the stern of the boat where he stood alone fishing. The end of his fishing rod bowed almost right down, and it shocked the hell out of Chris the strength such a simple tool could have. Kaden hurried over to Trent, grabbing a landing net on his way.

  Samuel craned his neck to see better, and Chris took pity on him. “Go on. I can see you want to.”

  Samuel chuckled and gave him a quick kiss as he also went over to where Trent wrestled with something strong at the end of his line.

  “I can’t see the appeal,” Bran said with his upper lip almost pulled up. “The smell alone makes me want to spew.”

  Chris laughed. “Me neither, but hey, I haven’t actually tried fishing, so who knows? I’ll give it
a try once and see.”

  They sat back down on the roof of the cabin and watched the action unfold from a distance. At one stage Trent handed the rod over to Samuel so he could take his shirt off and wipe the sweat out of his eyes before taking control of the fishing rod again.

  “Hmmmm.” Chris watched Bran turn his head almost sideways as he looked at the men going crazy about a fish.

  “What?” Chris followed his gaze, trying to figure out what his friend was on about.

  “Look at him without his shirt on, leaning back and fighting whatever is on there. I would’ve never thought he was that buff. Misha is a lucky man.”

  Chris focused on Trent, as he was the man in question. He wasn’t particularly impressed, but then again it was hard for any man to catch his attention next to Samuel. “You’ve seen him shirtless before in Montana.”

  “Maybe, but I didn’t notice then. I’m noticing now. Not in the wrong way, though. It’s just a surprise. That’s all.”

  Chris nodded. “Trent’s height detracts from his build. He’s very buff and, from what Samuel has said, freakishly strong, but he’s such a softy. I hope he’s strong enough to handle my brother. Otherwise he’ll be run over, flattened like a pancake.”

  Bran grimaced as if he agreed. “Only time will tell. I hope it works for them and, I guess, for all of our sakes, because if it didn’t, things can be pretty awkward at family gatherings.”

  Just then Kaden stretched over the side of the boat and Samuel grabbed him by the waist of his pants to keep him from going over too far as he reached out to net the catch. When they placed the massive pinky-red fish down on the deck where it flopped around, all three men whooped and high-fived like little boys.

  “Bloody hell, Trent. He’s huge!” Kaden said in obvious awe.

  “Let’s weigh it.” Kaden bustled around, and they watched the men weigh the fish, measure it, and take some photos from different angles.

  “Let’s put him back where he belongs, hey?” Trent looked like he was tempted to kiss the ugly beast in his hands.