The History in Us

by L. B. Dunbar

  “Surprise!”

  A rousing chorus of cheers and claps preceded the “Welcome home” pats on Levi’s back and the attempts to hug a man holding a child. I slipped my hands around AJ and took him from Levi, only I didn’t realize until I tried to remove him from his father’s arms that Levi had AJ in a vise-grip hold. Cradled tightly to his father’s chest, Levi was using AJ either as a shield or a life-preserver, I couldn’t decide which. Relinquishing AJ to me, his arms responded with half-hugs and handshakes to all offered. It felt like a good chunk of the town was present and the small-town bar was packed to capacity to welcome back its hometown hero.

  We found Tricia and Leon in the middle of the group. Tricia Carter, with her dark hair and the traditional Carter blue eyes, smiled slowly at me, nodding at the man beside me. Aunt Tricia looked like she was holding her breath, anticipating the return of a precious child. The moment her eyes locked on Levi, she stepped forward, arms open, and embraced him in a tight hug, rocking him back and forth. Leon began patting Levi firmly on his back before Tricia had released the embrace. Reaching in the moment they broke, Leon continued to smack Levi’s back as he tugged him into a fierce man hug. While my uncle was covered in tattoos and a few scars, the hard cut to his jaw and jet black eyes softened as he embraced Levi.

  “So good to see you,” Leon muttered. Tears welled in my eyes at the unexpected, but welcome, response to Levi Walker coming home.

  “What did you do?” Levi turned to me. The words struggled to be harsh, but the smile on his face choked out the reprimand.

  “I did nothing,” I said, innocent and ignorant. I knew nothing of this impromptu party and was equally surprised. My parents had no idea who I was bringing home, so this couldn’t have been planned by them.

  Tricia’s face beamed. “We were so excited when you called us.” And here lay the answer. An additional shock came to me as the awareness sunk in that Levi had made contact with my aunt and uncle. He hadn’t told me.

  “We couldn’t possibly have you come home without a welcome home party. You snuck in for that funeral years ago and didn’t even stop to say hello,” Leon admonished teasingly, but a quick reminder of negative memories flashed over Levi’s face. The teasing taunt proved that it stung when he hadn’t visited them. They adored Levi Walker. They’d been the ones to throw him that fateful going-away party. On second thought, it was only appropriate they set him up with a welcome-home celebration as well.

  Tricia reached out and rubbed up and down Levi’s solid arms.

  “I can’t get over how much you’ve changed,” she said, eying him like a loving parent. “And to have found our Katie.” Finally, Aunt Tricia was ready to acknowledge me but stopped short the second she saw the baby in my arms. Eyes opening wide, her expression struggled.

  “Who is that?” She nearly choked on the words, scanning the bundle in my arms.

  “This is my son, AJ,” Levi said, reaching for his child and presenting him to my family as if AJ were part of it.

  “You’re a father?” Leon’s dark eyes roamed over the growing baby in Levi’s arms. He blew out a breath and I couldn’t decide if Leon was ready to cry or trying to contain his concern. Either way, he reached forward and embraced Levi again, returning to slapping his back. I stepped around the man hug, hoping to finally greet my favorite aunt. Walking into her arms, I was instantly returned to twenty-two years ago, when this beautiful woman gave up a year of her life to play mommy to me when I was suddenly mommy-less. Holding tight, I pressed into her, breathing in her welcoming embrace.

  “He’s so handsome,” she whispered, before pressing me back to look me up and down, “but you are beautiful.” I smiled at the compliment even though my face flushed. Looping an arm through mine, she directed me to the bar.

  “Calvin, two margaritas.” At the request, the baldheaded owner looked over the worn wooden bar.

  “Need some ID from that young lady next to you,” he smirked, winking at me. I reached for my pocket, ready to prove I was well over the legal age, when Tricia laughed.

  “Calvin, you flirt, you know I’m plenty old enough,” Tricia playfully admonished.

  “Oh, I thought he was speaking to me.” A deep chuckling voice came from behind me, and I spun to face my uncle Tom.

  “Who’s this beautiful young thing with you tonight, Tricia?” Playful eyebrows danced over blue eyes that matched all the rest of the Carters. While my father’s brooded, Uncle Tom’s sparkled. Continually a flirt, there wasn’t a disloyal bone in his body to my aunt Karyn.

  “This is your niece, Katie!” Tricia shrieked, swatting her older brother playfully, knowing he had to have recognized me.

  “Katie? No way, she has pigtails and buckteeth. Freckles on her face and a goofy grin like she holds a secret.” Tom’s brows wiggled again, and I flushed further at his recollection of me as a child. I was grateful that Levi hadn’t heard that less-than-flattering description, but relief was only momentary. Heat at my side proved he’d made his way through his welcome party to find me. I blushed deeper.

  “Sounds adorable,” Levi offered, tugging at the end of my current ponytail, and stepping closer to me. If my uncle Tom’s eyebrows could have risen any higher, they’d be hair on his shaved head.

  “And who is this?” His teasing tone didn’t match the full body scan over Levi.

  “Levi Walker, sir.” Levi stuck out his hand to shake, but Tom stared at the offered hand.

  “The war hero?” Tom looked from left to right as if checking to make sure he was in the right place.

  “I don’t know about her…” Levi couldn’t finish as Tom pulled Levi into a hard hug, and more back pounding. Despite his age, Tom lifted Levi off the ground a few inches before putting him back down.

  “Thank you for serving our country,” Tom chuckled, righting a truly stunned Levi. Then he turned to me. “Now, explain your intentions with my niece.”

  “Oh my God,” I gasped while Tricia broke into laughter at her brother’s side. I didn’t think it possible for Levi to blush, but his face darkened.

  “I…uhm…” For some reason, the stutter in his answer bothered me. What were his intentions with me? We were friends, I’d decided. Somewhere along the way, we were definitely friends. I shuddered at the thought of benefits, though, as that was certainly an added bonus to the relationship. Were we in a relationship? The questions fired in my brain, and I decided to wash them away with a quick drink of my margarita. I turned away from Tom who had Levi engaged in other conversation, and decided not to let my thoughts get carried away from me. I was home. Levi was home. I was happy.

  * * *

  Time passed quickly as I greeted neighbors and nosey gossips, all asking me about Levi.

  Is he your boyfriend?

  Is he married?

  Who’s that child belong to, if not you?

  I sighed in distress and took a much-needed break for the restroom. Exiting, I found my father leaning against the ancient panel boards.

  “Daddy,” I startled, finding his arms crossed, his shoulder resting against the wall. His deep eyes peered at me, waiting for explanation.

  “Levi’s in my history class. Isn’t it funny we both attend NEU?” I laughed, hoping to sound jovial, but melting under the stare of my father.

  “Hilarious,” he muttered. His jaw popped, as he processed what he’d say next. “How well do you know Levi?” I shivered to think my father wanted intimate details, but I realized the conversation would be just as awkward for him. I assumed he meant Levi’s history.

  “I know enough about his past, his military experience and who he wants to be now.” I paused. “Dad, he’s a good man. He’s not like the rest of them, whatever they might have been.” I didn’t fully know the history of the other Walkers, only the little bit Levi told me and the pieces I’d pulled from memory. Every detail was so opposite the Levi I knew, I just couldn’t see a hint of Walker history in him. Except the drinking, and even that Levi explained. He’d abused the
privilege too often, but he hardly touched the stuff since AJ’s birth. The exceptions being the day that marked the death of his friends and the night he told me what happened to them. I trusted that Levi knew how to temper any issue with alcohol and I had no reason to suspect otherwise.

  “He’s a single father,” he warned, but my eyes narrowed on him.

  “So were you.” I tried to soften the blow, but it had been true when he met Emily.

  “Then you understand I have a double dilemma. I’ll understand any hesitancy he has to get close to you, to protect his child from falling too deep for a substitute mother.”

  “Daddy!” I snapped, because that wasn’t exactly what happened with me. I loved Emily, and I struggled with my six-year-old mind to understand what was happening between my father and her. All I remembered was a serious man who finally smiled when she was present.

  “But seeing as that child is too young to know the difference, I have to worry in the reverse this time. I have to wonder if my child is becoming too attached to his.”

  “Dad,” I groaned, hardly believing his accusation, but sensing the concern in his words.

  “Don’t love his child and not him.”

  My heart skipped a beat. Was my father giving me permission to love Levi Walker? Or was he warning me not to?

  “It’s not like that,” I blurted, but the darkening of my father’s eyes showed his disapproval. He’d rather I admit I loved Levi when I’d never said the words to him, then pretend it wasn’t love on my end.

  “I see the way he’s watching you. Never taking his eyes off you for a second. Following your every move around the room to make certain you’re still here. I know what he’s doing, Katie. I know what he’s feeling. It’s hard for me to swallow it’s for my daughter, but I have to be happy. That boy is the definition of smitten.”

  I burst into laughter, falling forward over my knees. I couldn’t believe my dad said that. It was so…Emily sounding.

  “I don’t know about that,” I giggled, swiping at a false tear by my eye.

  “If that’s what you say,” he muttered, and his lip tweaked at the corner. He was famous for this saying with Uncle Gavin, his best friend, and father to my childhood best friend, Gee.

  “That’s what I say,” I whispered, smiling in return to assure my father I could take care of me. Now, if only my heart would get the memo.

  Levi

  I’d been aware of Katie’s every move. While she often wandered away from me when I was under siege by another well-wisher or another member of the welcome-home committee, I kept her in my peripheral view, following her so as not to lose her in the sea of people. The crowd suffocated me. Some I recognized, while others…I had no clue, but I shook hands and allowed hugs as best I could. At some point, I noticed Katie heading for the back door of the bar, and I decided it was time to leave. The great part of our location included her aunt’s house being on the other side of the alley. Katie’s younger sister, Daisy, had arrived at some point and had taken AJ there, so our walk wasn’t more than one hundred feet.

  To my surprise, Katie simply stood outside the back door, staring up at the winter stars. Her arms wrapped around her in the cold, Midwestern night.

  “Hey,” I whispered, coming up behind her and enveloping her in my arms. She leaned back against me, and I had to admit, I liked the feeling. When she simply slipped back into me, like she relied on me, I took pride in the sensation. “What are you doing out here?”

  “Just looking at the stars, I guess.” She shrugged noncommittally. “Gavin used to tell me that if you looked at the moon and made a wish, chances are the person you wished for was looking at the same moon.” The night was moonless as far as I could see, but I scanned the brightly speckled heavens. Stars were something rarely seen under the bright lights of a big city like Chicago.

  “Who did you wish to see?” I asked, holding her tighter, holding my breath as well at her answer.

  “You. Always you, Levi.” Her voice was quiet as if she were embarrassed by this admission. I spun her slowly to face me and we stared at one another.

  “You shouldn’t smoke those things,” I finally said, waiting for Katie to respond.

  “What?” Her brow pinched while she giggled nervously.

  “That’s not your line.” My head tilted, teasing her to remember. Her forehead wrinkled under her hat.

  “Are you home for long?” she asked, her voice trembling. The question was close enough. At this point, I should have told her to go inside. That was my original response, but I didn’t want her to leave my arms.

  “Nope,” I paused. “But for as long as you’ll have me.”

  Katie’s eyes opened wide. Her expression softened from her surprise.

  “Ask me,” I whispered, prodding her to remember her question.

  “Are you a hero yet?” Her voice was so low, I may have imagined it.

  “I want to be. For you. I want to be.” My cold fingers cupped her face, no longer willing to wait to repeat what happened next, my mouth sought hers, soft and sweet like I remembered. A lingering sip of innocence covered my lips and reminded me of all I could have had if I had only returned to her.

  “Am I too late?” I asked against her mouth. Her lips curved against mine and that smile rushed down to my toes.

  “Nope.” She smiled deeper, pulling back a little. “I’m still waiting.”

  * * *

  Shortly after we arrived at Tricia and Leon’s, they returned to their home. Katie went with Tricia to prepare rooms while Leon motioned for me to follow him to the kitchen. Their house had changed from the one I remembered. There was quite a story behind their owning this property so close to town, but every corner spoke of Tricia and Leon’s connection despite his diverse upbringing.

  “It’s been a long time.” Leon’s nearly black eyes peered at me over the rim of his beer bottle. Taking a drink, he let silence fall between us. I shrugged in response, feeling all of fifteen again, wanting to please my basketball coach and mentor. Leon came into my life when I needed better role models. He didn’t smack me around, or talk down to me, but treated me like the growing adult I was becoming. He told me things, like talk sweet to the ladies, and be kind to the older ones. He showed me how to perfect my shot and encouraged me to work hard. He’d had a rough upbringing and he knew about choices—it’s up to us to dictate the path our life leads. That was one reason the military became a decision for me. I couldn’t stay in this small town and turn into what everyone expected of me—a Walker.

  “Lots of history here,” I said, scanning the bright kitchen, but knowing my words had nothing to do with this room. Leon nodded in thought, taking a long moment before he spoke.

  “We all have history in us. It’s like an important ingredient to a cake. Don’t let the ingredient alone spoil the savory richness when combined with other essentials.” His hands motioned over each other, twisting and turning like he formed some type of patty.

  “Are you saying cake is life or life is cake?” I laughed, trying to deflect the seriousness of his metaphor. Leon punched me in the shoulder.

  “Ouch, old man,” I chuckled.

  “Listen to me, oh young one. Life is cake and cake is life, and you need to gobble the ingredients collectively to enjoy the whole thing.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Have another, oh wise one. And by the way, when did you get so wise?”

  “I fell in love with a Carter. That’s all it took.” I turned to find Katie seated within my sight in the dining room. Tricia and Katie were huddled at one end of the table, jabbering away with excitement. Katie smiled in response to something her aunt said and then twisted to find me staring at her.

  “What kind of cake do you want, Levi?” Leon whispered beside me, and my first thought: wedding, which isn’t a flavor, but a type. Ignoring his question, I shifted gears.

  “I applied for my dream job with Geographic Digest.” Leon had been a strong source of encouragement when I was young, telling me I co
uld be anything, even if it took time. As a former gang member himself, Leon knew about waiting before dreams could come true. He was presently a physics teacher at the high school as well as the head basketball coach.

  “Wow, that’s huge. Travel the world. See exotic things.” He paused taking another swig from his beer. “Where does your son fit into that scenario?”

  I hadn’t solidified the final logistics of AJ, but I had a plan. However, I wasn’t ready to share the details, and Leon jumped ahead to another question.

  “Where does Katie fit into that?”

  She didn’t, until Leon asked. But that was actually a lie. Where would Katie fall into my plan? Each time I thought of her, I used equal force to take her out of the equation. I needed this job. I wanted this job, and I didn’t have room for anything that prevented it, but the lies I told myself tugged at my heart. Katie was becoming a bigger roadblock than AJ. I didn’t want to lose her again.

  “We’re just friends,” I said, my lip curling haphazardly. Leon stared at me, his eyes narrowing in a menacing way, and for a moment, I forgot I was speaking of his family. His gang affiliation still lingered in that glare. My crass response was unwarranted, and uncalled for, as Katie Carter was definitely more than a friend to me. Having her in my life was a benefit, and one I was taking too much for granted.

  Katie

  That night Levi snuck into my room at my aunt’s.

  “What are you doing here?” I didn’t want our relationship to appear any more than it was. Heck, I didn’t even know what it was. Playing house crossed my mind again, and I refused to believe what we had was pretend. We lived in the moment, not some fantasy, but the lies I told myself haunted me.