by Lucy Clark
Megan’s heart started to flutter at this announcement and nervous tension prickled its way along her spine. Anxiety settled into her chest but she did some deep breathing to control it.
‘Right ye are, Da’.’ Heather said goodbye to Megan and headed out. Loughlin closed the door and turned to look at the woman who was plaguing his thoughts, his dreams, his every waking moment.
‘Something wrong?’ she asked when he didn’t immediately talk.
‘You sound a little breathless.’
‘I’m fine.’
‘You have anxiety, don’t you.’ It was a statement. ‘You get chest pains and you use your breathing to control them.’
‘So?’ Megan was a little puzzled. ‘You wanted to talk to me about my anxiety?’
‘No. I mean yes. I didn’t know you had anxiety.’
‘You didn’t need to know.’
‘Of course I did. I work with you. I’m in Theatre with you. What if you had suffered from such terrible pains that you’d collapsed? I would have needed to know why.’
‘As that hasn’t happened, I think this discussion is over.’
‘How bad are they, Megan?’
‘Not bad at all.’
‘Yet you’re having them now?’
‘If I am, it’s no one’s business but my own.’ Megan bristled at his tone, at his high-handedness.
‘Are you on medication for the pains?’
‘No.’
‘Have you seen a specialist? Had one of your chums check you over?’
‘No.’
‘Then you’re a fool.’
‘Apparently, but I am also a qualified surgeon who is more than capable of handling her own problems.’
‘As is evident.’
‘What is that supposed to mean?’ Why was he intent on attacking her all of a sudden?
Loughlin unhooked his stethoscope from around his neck and put it in his ears. ‘I’m going to listen to your chest and give you a diagnosis right now.’
‘You are not.’ She backed away from him. ‘Loughlin McCloud, you are way out of line.’
‘Out of line?’ He stared at her. ‘The woman I can’t stop thinking about, the woman who’s been driving me crazy for weeks now, is having chest pains and is refusing to do anything about it.’
Megan worked hard at focusing on the last part of his sentence because the first part only made her want to throw herself into his arms even more than before. It was strange how she could be so cross with him yet at the same time be desperate for him to kiss her.
‘I am doing something about it.’
‘What?’ He advanced a few steps towards her.
‘I’m monitoring and controlling it. It’s nowhere near as bad as it used to be. Kiama has been good for me in that respect but it’s emotional anxiety, Loughlin, and right now you’re the one who’s making it worse so back off!’
‘Why?’ he pushed. He knew he was being irrational, knew he was causing her to say things she probably wasn’t ready to say, to say things she probably shouldn’t say because it would only make the heartache he experienced far worse. ‘Why do I make it worse? Tell me, Megan.’ He took another step towards her, literally backing her into a corner.
‘Because I can’t stop thinking about you either. Lochie, this isn’t going to get us anywhere. You know it. I know it. We’re attracted to each other but it can never work.’ The words tumbled out of her mouth. If he came any closer, she wasn’t sure she was going to be able to control her urge to press her mouth to his. By the way he was looking at her, his gaze flicking between her lips and her eyes, his expression letting her know he’d be more than contented to devour her right here, right now, it was paramount they put distance between them.
‘So you’re saying we need to stop it?’ He was within a half a metre of her and Megan put up her hands to keep him away.
‘Yes.’
‘And you’re going to do that by moving away? By accepting another job?’
‘Yes. I told you the first day we met that I didn’t think I’d be staying in Kiama and now I’m positive that I need to leave.’
‘Even though the people here consider you one of their own? Even though you’re as much a part of this community as anyone else? You may not have realised it, Megan, but you are. You fit here. You belong here.’
‘No, I don’t. I don’t belong anywhere.’
She was wrong about that. ‘You fit perfectly in my arms,’ he murmured, pulling his stethoscope off and tossing it carefully onto her desk. ‘Let me show you.’
‘No.’ His words had made her heart beat triple time, her breathing shallow and her desire for him so hot and heavy she was finding it difficult to concentrate.
‘You need to sound more convincing than that, Megsy.’ He was so close now, their breaths mingled, fusing together. ‘I cannae stop thinking about you. I cannae stop wanting you, needing you. I know it’s wrong but it feels so right.’ His whispered words pierced her heart, her chest pains subsiding within an instant as she began to relax, began to realise she wanted him to kiss her as much as he wanted to kiss her.
Without touching her, he leaned forward and brushed his lips across her own. Megan quivered with mounting anticipation. It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him she loved him, that she wanted to make this work, that she wanted to be with him for ever, but she couldn’t. What if it didn’t work? What if things went wrong? What if she lost her identity again?
‘Megsy,’ he breathed, and came closer. Still not touching her, except for his lips on hers, he deepened the kiss. It was as though there was an invisible forcefield around her that he couldn’t break through, except for her lips. He focused on the taste, the touch of them against his, and wondered if anything else in his life would ever be this perfect.
The way she responded was something else he wasn’t sure he’d be able to give up. So wholeheartedly, so passionately, so unreservedly. If he were a man about to go to the gallows, this would be his last request…to kiss Megan Edwards because the way she made him feel would last an eternity. And it might need to.
Loughlin knew there was too much pain in their pasts for them to wade through. Although he loved Megan, he couldn’t bring himself to tell her. To confess such feelings only made him vulnerable and he’d vowed never to put himself in that position again. What if it didn’t work? What if things went wrong? What if he failed at marriage yet again?
The kiss was slow yet thorough, her hands firmly by her sides, knowing if she gave in to those urges she was now desperately fighting she might never let him go. And she had to let him go. She knew it. He knew it. This attraction couldn’t last and if she allowed herself to throw caution to the wind, she’d wind up even more hurt than before because Loughlin meant far more to her than any other man ever had.
With one last touch, one last moment of drinking her in, one last opportunity to memorise the way her lips felt on his, he pulled away. Their breathing was uneven and he knew she was just as affected by him as he was by her. At least this time it wasn’t one-sided. It wasn’t as it had been with Bonnie and he knew that what he felt for Megan was far more intense than what he’d experienced with his ex-wife. That was the reason why he was now desperate to stay away from the woman before him.
Neither of them spoke, both of them taking their time to open their eyes and gaze at each other. ‘You really are beautiful.’ The words were whispered from his lips before he realised he was speaking out loud.
‘So are you.’
Loughlin shook his head sadly. ‘But it can’t work.’
‘No.’
‘You’re going to leave?’
‘Yes.’
‘Where to?’
‘I’m not sure.’
‘England?’ He watched her eyes widen for a moment as though she was trying to figure out how he knew but she relaxed again, knowing he’d either overheard her or heard it from someone else. Small community. Small hospital. Everyone knew everything.
‘Perhaps.’ She
shrugged.
‘Let me know what you decide. I have some good friends there and, of course, my family is not so far away. They’ll look after you. Make sure you feel welcome and that way you won’t have to feel so lonely.’ There was immense sadness in his voice as he spoke. He looked at her lips again and for a split second she thought he might kiss her again but, instead, he took a big step backwards, putting much-needed distance between them.
‘Goodbye, Megan.’
They both knew she wasn’t leaving the hospital for at least another month but his goodbye had nothing at all to do with that. Whatever had been between them was now firmly decided to be nothing more than what it had been. They’d both agreed on that. It was done. It was over.
‘Goodbye, Loughlin.’ As she watched him walk to the door, her heart was pierced with the most amazing pain and she instinctively knew it wasn’t anxiety…it was her heart breaking.
CHAPTER TEN
MEGAN looked at the mound of papers before her and shook her head. Plans for her flights to England in just over five weeks’ time, accommodation, hospital appointments. Red tape in all its glory. Right now, she wanted none of it. She’d always known she would leave Kiama. It had never been a permanent move, a permanent option. So why was she feeling so sick at the thought of going?
Loughlin had been right when he’d said she’d become a part of this community. She knew almost everyone in town, knew her staff well. She was well liked and people respected her. Even though she’d tried to hold herself apart, to remain aloof—prickly, as Loughlin had termed it—it hadn’t succeeded. She liked being here.
Or was it because of Loughlin that she liked being in Kiama? She loved him, more so than when he’d said goodbye to her last week. Since then they’d remained polite and aloof, treating each other as nothing more than colleagues. Other people had commented on it and Nicole had even complained that Loughlin wasn’t his usual jovial self any more. Megan had agreed and realised that it was sad not to see him being happy.
But it was worth it. The heartache, the pain, it would all be worth it and it would all be temporary. Leaving Kiama was the grown-up thing to do. Putting distance between herself and Loughlin was the responsible, self-preserving thing to do and that was why she was doing it. She had to keep sight of that.
Heather, on the other hand, hadn’t been at all impressed to find Megan was planning to leave. ‘Who am I supposed to confide in now?’ she asked angrily.
‘There are plenty of other nice people for you to talk to.’ Megan had remained calm.
‘But I like you. So does my da’. I know you both really like each other so it’s totally ridiculous when you go on about leaving.’
‘My job here is coming to an end, Heather. I need to work and there is work for me in England.’ Her tone had held a hint of finality and when the teenager had opened her mouth to argue further, Megan had said firmly, ‘Leave it now.’
Feeling tears beginning to prickle as she remembered the distraught look on Heather’s face, Megan closed her eyes, trying to hold them at bay. She needed to focus on work. Work would help her. It would get her through. She opened her eyes and sat up straighter, looking at the work before her. After a minute she realised it was pointless. Her head was starting to pound with the beginning of a headache and her breathing was becoming tight once again.
When she heard footsteps outside, her heart quickened, her hands clenching together. A second later a loud knock at her door made her jump.
‘Megsy?’
‘Heather?’ Megan quickly crossed to the door to find the girl, dressed in her pyjamas and slippers, hair all tousled from sleep, eyes wide with alarm, breathing laboured. ‘What’s wrong?’ Megan was instantly on her guard as she pulled on her coat, rushing to the nearby cupboard where she kept her medical kit before collecting her house keys. ‘Is it your dad? Is he all right? What’s going on? Are you OK?’
‘Da’s fine,’ she panted, rubbing her side where she’d obviously got a stitch from running. ‘Come on. You need your car keys.’
‘What’s happened? Where are we going?’
Heather turned and walked towards where Megan’s new car was parked, waiting for her to unlock it with the remote. Megan watched as the girl’s breathing slowly returned to normal.
‘Heather, are you all right?’
‘I’m fine.’ She waved Megan’s words away with the same mannerism as her father. ‘Let’s get going. Da’ should be there by now.’
‘Where?’ Megan started the engine and switched on the headlights.
‘A man came knocking at our door about ten minutes ago. He was totally freaking out and said his wife was in labour and that he’d hit a tree and he couldn’t get her to the hospital and she was really starting to push and everything.’ Heather sort of shrugged as they drove towards the main road.
‘Where are they? Do you know? Did your dad tell you?’
‘Da’ just grabbed his bag and told me to go and get you. He said he’d call the hospital and alert them but that he needed you.’ Heather grinned widely at Megan. ‘See? My da’ needs you. Isn’t that a good thing?’
Megan glanced quickly over at the girl. ‘I don’t think that was what he meant, Heather, and now is certainly not the time to be discussing it.’
‘But you like my da’, yeah?’
Megan really didn’t want to get into a discussion about this so thought it best to simply answer the question and get on with it. ‘Of course I like him. We’re friends.’
‘More than friends. You like him the way I like David. I can see it in your eyes when you look at him.’
‘Heather.’ There was a warning tone in Megan’s voice but Heather simply laughed.
‘You sound like Auntie Georgie. She always says I’m far too inquisitive for my own good. Don’t worry, I’ll leave you alone.’ Heather giggled then sobered. ‘After all, what we’re doing out here is serious.’
‘Exactly.’ Megan swung the car onto the main road. ‘Where am I supposed to be going?’
‘Da’ said to head for the main road and—there…’ Heather pointed to where there was a bright light coming from the headlights of her father’s car. Megan brought the car to a skidding halt and quickly reversed to shine the headlights of her own car so they provided maximum illumination.
‘Nice piece of driving,’ Loughlin commented as she walked towards him, medical bag in hand. Megan worked hard on controlling the way his nearness made her feel. This wasn’t the time. Or the place.
‘Thanks. How’s the labour progressing?’ She walked up to the car and noted the crumpled bonnet against the tree. Whilst the car wasn’t drivable, the interior of the car hadn’t been as affected. The woman was thankfully in the rear of the car, stretched out along the back seat, her legs up as she lay back and panted, often grunting in discomfort.
‘She’s dilated.’ Loughlin couldn’t get over how incredible Megan looked and seeing her away from the four walls of the hospital only made it more difficult for him to control his thoughts.
‘Fully?’ Megan was surprised.
‘Aye.’
‘And you’ve called the ambulance?’
‘Aye. Take a look at Derek. I’ll keep an eye on Eva.’ Loughlin pointed to where the expectant father was sitting on the ground near a rear wheel of the car. He looked worn out and quite dejected.
‘Hi, there.’ She walked towards him. ‘I’m Megan.’
‘Derek.’ His tone was flat and she put her medical bag down and opened it.
‘How are you feeling? Anything hurting?’
‘No.’ He shook his head but still looked off into nothingness. ‘I can’t believe I crashed. I didn’t mean to crash. I just wanted to get her to the hospital as quickly as I could and she was panting and in so much pain in the back and I turned to look at her and then when I looked back, the tree was…’ He stopped, his voice rising, and Megan immediately shushed him.
‘Eva’s doing fine. The ambulance is on its way and you chose the right house t
o go to for help. Every thing’s going to be fine, Derek. Lochie and I are used to this sort of thing.’ She pulled out her medical torch and checked his pupils, pleased to see they were both equal and reacting to light.
‘What? People crashing their cars into trees while trying to get their wife to hospital so she can give birth?’
Megan’s lips twitched. ‘Well, not that exact scenario but we’re used to emergencies.’
‘I just didn’t see the tree.’ Derek’s tone was at least less hysterical than it had been before.
‘I know. Now, can you tell me where you hurt?’ She placed her hands at the back of his neck to check for a whiplash injury. ‘Did the seat belt cut into you? Did you hit your head?’
‘The air-bags went off and stunned me but—Ow.’ He groaned as she touched his neck and trapezius.
‘I think I’d like to get a neck brace on you at least. Better to be safe than sorry. Apart from the odd scratch and bruise, I think you’ll be fine.’ She’d just finished putting a collar around his neck when Loughlin called her over. Heather was now around the other side of the car, having climbed in next to Eva. She was dabbing the woman’s forehead with a handkerchief and talking quietly to her.
‘What’s going on?’ Megan asked.
‘Baby’s breech.’ Loughlin said quietly. ‘She’s just had a contraction and I had a look for the head but I’m not seeing it.’
Megan pulled on a pair of gloves and called out to Eva. ‘Keep breathing nice and easy, Eva. I’m just going to take a look.’ Megan bent down, not even needing to ask Loughlin to angle his torch because he was already doing it.
‘Definitely breech,’ she confirmed. ‘Well, if we can angle Eva so we have better access, that might help.’ She looked over at Eva. ‘Is this your first child?’
‘Yes.’ Eva panted through the pain. ‘Derek? Where’s Derek?’
‘I’ll get him sorted,’ Loughlin said. ‘Dads need to be on duty at this special time in their lives or they’ll regret it for ever.’