A Family for Christmas

by Mary Eason

  Rachel swept back a wisp of hair from her eyes and Jack’s attention followed the movement of her left hand. He’d seen the wedding ring she still wore.

  “You remarried,” he said in surprise. She’d always thought seeing the expression of disbelief on his face would have been reward enough for all the pain he’d brought to her door, but that was the old Rachel. Since her husband’s death, she’d learned to accept that some things couldn’t be changed. She lived each moment as God intended, never looking too far ahead.

  Still, forgiveness was something that was hard to come by. She still struggled with forgiving Jack. Father, I’m sorry, I know this is wrong. I should be forgiving, but I just can’t.

  Rachel cleared her throat. “Yes,” she managed at last.

  “I guess I just thought...” He shook his head without finishing and Rachel couldn’t help but wonder what he’d left unsaid. “Look, my car’s parked right out front. Let me take you to wherever you’re going.” When still she hesitated, he tried again. “Rachel we’ve been friends for a long time. I still care about you. Let’s catch up.”

  The sincerity in his voice made her give in. He was certainly right about the friendship part. The three of them had practically grown up together.

  It was difficult to swallow back the hurt. This was their first meeting since that fateful night five years earlier. Putting it in its place and remembering the friendship they’d once shared might take time.

  “Okay. I’d like that.”

  She walked silently beside him out of the building to the black Range Rover parked close by and waited while he hit the remote door lock.

  Everything about Jack spoke of wealth and success. Seeing him again now, after the years of absence, made her realize she could never have fit into his world. God worked in mysterious ways. It had taken a broken heart to realize Jack wasn’t the one for her.

  He waited until she’d settled into her seat before sliding behind the wheel. Even though the Rover was a decent size, it felt infinitesimal being so close to the man who’d once promised her the world.

  Rachel searched for something to say to break the unbearable silence between them while Jack didn’t seem to be in any hurry to put the vehicle in motion. He watched her silently.

  “I was sorry to hear about your father. Michael told me,” she added when his brown inched up and the question appeared in his eyes.

  A tick in time passed before he smiled and answered, “Well at least he talks to you about me. Michael refuses to tell me anything about you. I never knew what happened to you or where you went. Thank you...about my father, I mean. That’s very generous, considering.”

  She nodded then looked away, grateful that he didn’t press the subject. Jack put the vehicle in reverse then left the parking area and merged into the afternoon traffic leaving downtown.

  “Are you going home?” he asked and she found herself turning to look at him in surprise.

  “I beg your pardon?”

  “I asked if you wanted me to take you home.” It was almost painful-- this politely forced conversation between them now. So unlike the easy talks, the laughter they’d once shared.

  “Oh...yes. I’m staying at Mom’s.”

  “How is Liz anyway?”

  She recognized Jack’s attempt at keeping the conversation on neutral ground and smiled. This was nothing like the Jack of old. Something had quieted in him. He wasn’t running full steam ahead, considering people’s emotions as an afterthought. Perhaps losing his father had softened the hard edges of the man he’d once been.

  “She’s good. She’s going to be spending a few days with Aunt Thelma before the holidays begin.” His intense blue eyes focused on her once more, unnerving her for the moment.

  “Is your husband here with you? I’m sorry I don’t know his name. I didn’t know he existed until a few minutes earlier.”

  She nervously twisted her wedding band around her finger. This was the moment she’d hoped never to have to face with Jack. She could say the word and silence Jack’s curiosity for good, or she could tell him the truth. She’s learned a powerful lesson on how painful lies could be. She didn’t have it in her anymore.

  “Sam passed away two years ago.”

  Compassion softened the harsh edges of his voice. “Oh, Rachel, I’m sorry. That must have been horrible.” She knew he meant every single one of those words.

  She accepted his condolences. “It’s okay. I’m all right. I was so blessed to have the time I did with him. I thank God every day for what we shared.”

  He nodded absently. “Still, I’m sorry. That must have been hard to deal with.”

  “It was. But I have my son. He’s been such a gift. He’s helped me through so much. I don’t know what I’d do without him.”

  “You have a son?” Another surprising admission another painful look. “I guess there’s a lot I don’t know about your life, isn’t there.” It was a while before Jack spoke again. “Rachel about that night...I wanted you to know how sorry I was about what happened. I’ve wanted to tell you how much, well, how much I’ve missed…us.”

  She closed her eyes at the admission. She wasn’t ready to hear his polite apology.

  “It’s okay. You did us both a favor by ending our marriage the way you did. Neither one of us was ready to be married back then. We both know now it wouldn’t have worked out between us.” Rachel watched Jack flinch as if she’d struck him with those words.

  For the rest of the ride back to her mother’s house, they were silent strangers. It was hard to accept what she once believed to be the love of her life was little more than a stranger to her now. She didn’t know this Jack. She certainly didn’t understand him.

  He parked in front of her mother’s house and spotted her old beat up Mustang parked in the drive.

  “You still have her? She must have a million miles on her by now. We had some good times in that old car, though.”

  Rachel was ready to walk away, her hand on the door.

  “Why were you driving Michael’s car anyway?” he asked as if the thought had just occurred to him.

  She turned to look at him. He seemed genuinely curious.

  “Madeline needs a new battery. Michael’s going to help me put one in on later today.”

  Where’s your son?” The question she’d known was coming was out there between them before she could get away.

  Rachel cleared her throat. “He’s over at Amanda’s playing with her son. I need to go pick him up so...thank you for the ride, Jack. It was good to see you again.” She tried her best to sound in control, but that little quiver in her voice gave it away.

  “I can drive you, if you like.”

  “That’s really not necessary.”

  His gaze skimmed over her face. “I’d like to meet your son, Rachel. I still can’t believe you have a child. It seems like only yesterday that you and I were talking about having kids of our own one day.”

  Rachel too remembered those talks as if they were yesterday.

  She took a deep breath, let it go, and then let go of her resistance. “Okay.” She’d known eventually this moment would come, yet nothing truly prepared her for it. “I’ll get Sammy’s car seat from Madeline.”

  “I’ll help you.” He got out of the SUV followed her to her car. Emotions she’d tried to bury inside for so long resurfaced when his hand brushed hers. She was aware of him in a thousand different ways.

  He took the car seat from her and put it in the backseat then said something she didn’t grasp as he got back into the SUV.

  “I’m sorry?” She turned in her seat to look at him.

  Jack’s gaze never left hers. “I asked where Amanda lives?”

  “Oh, I’m sorry.” Color crept up her neck, forcing her to look away. “It’s just down the street, a few blocks over on Maple. You know where all the old Victorians are.”

  “Alright.” Jack put the SUV in motion and they drove the short distance without speaking. Even before the car stopp
ed in front of Amanda’s place, she could hear her son’s joyful squeals coming from the backyard.

  “Momma!” Sammy heard the vehicle and ran through the gate with Amanda’s son Jason and Amanda following close behind.

  Her son’s exuberance was contagious. Rachel forgot all about Jack close by. Seeing Sammy this excited it was easy to push aside all of her concerns about his health.

  Rachel got out of the SUV and waited as Sammy ran into her open arms and she scooped him up, planting a kiss on his forehead.

  “Hi, baby. Have you been having fun?” When she set him back on his feet again, Sammy’s natural curiosity turned to the stranger standing next to his mother.

  “Yes, we’ve been playing on Jason’s play scape. It’s cool. Momma, who’s that man?”

  Rachel tried to ignore the shock on Jack’s face as he looked at her son.

  “Sammy, this is Jack. He’s an old friend of your Uncle Michael.”

  Jack smiled down at the boy and quietly added, “And your mother’s friend as well.” He was studying Sammy carefully. He so close to guessing what everyone around her believed already.

  Rachel turned to Amanda who was clearly surprised to see her with Jack. Rachel recognized every single one of the questions in her eyes.

  “Amanda, you remember Jack?”

  Amanda was quick to cover up her concerns. “Of course.” She gave Jack a quick smile then shook his hand. “I was so sorry to hear about your father. How are you doing?”

  “I’m okay, I guess. It’s been hard. I got the flowers you and your husband sent. Thank you. That was kind.”

  They stood together in awkward silence, uncertain what to say next, when Jack knelt in front of Jason.

  “You have to be Amanda’s boy. You’re the spitting image of your mom.”

  Jason, hiding behind his mother’s leg, nodded shy. Then Jack turned to Sammy. He held out his hand. Sammy didn’t even hesitate before grabbing hold of it.

  “It’s nice to meet you, Sammy. How old are you?”

  Rachel took her son’s hand and answered for Sammy. “He just turned four. Honey, we should really get going. You need to take a nap.”

  Sammy took his mother’s hand and they walked side-by-side to the SUV then he turned and waved at his new friend.

  As Rachel fastened the seatbelt on the car seat, Sammy chattered on about what he and Jason had been doing.

  ”Momma, Jason has two bikes. His mom said when I come back we can go riding.”

  Rachel got in the passenger side next to Jack. She could almost feel the tension escalating in him. She’d seen all the questions in his eyes. He had to be dying to ask them, but Jack had enough forethought not to ask them in front of Sammy.

  “Momma, when can I come back to Jason’s?”

  Rachel tried to ignore the strain in the man beside her. “We’ll see, honey.”

  “Momma, can I have a cookie when we get home?”

  “Maybe. We’ll see, but only one. You don’t want to spoil your appetite.”

  “Ah, Mom.”

  Rachel grinned in spite of herself. Whenever Sammy was unhappy with her he called her Mom.

  Jack pulled up in front of her mother’s house and she got out and unbuckled her son.

  “You want a cookie?” Sammy asked Jack unexpectedly in the hopes of keeping the man who’d captured his interest with him for a little while longer.

  “Honey, I’m sure Jack has other things to do.”

  “Are they your mom’s homemade Christmas cookies?” Jack clearly surprised Sammy by this revelation. Somehow, the boy managed to nod.

  “Then I’d love one.”

  “They’re the best.” Sammy took the house key from Rachel and ran ahead to unlock the door. His new favorite thing to do.

  “Honey, go wash your hands,” Rachel prodded when her son continued to stare in awe at Jack for a few more minutes. “Do you want a cookie or not?” Sammy rushed off to do as his mother asked.

  “You’ve done a great job with him, Rachel. He’s a good boy.”

  “Thanks. Would you like some coffee?” She didn’t wait to hear Jack’s answer. She needed something to keep her hands from trembling. The task of making coffee kept her busy and avoiding Jack’s questions until Sammy could return and fill the void with conversation.

  Rachel was still taking her time preparing the coffee when Sammy came rushing back to grill Jack some more.

  “Where do you live? What’s that car? What was Uncle Michael like as a kid?”

  “Sammy,” Rachel scolded as she brought the plate of cookies over and allowed Sammy to have one along with a glass of milk.

  With the bit of silence that followed as Sammy took a huge bite of cookie, Jack started to laugh. “It’s okay. Let me help your mom with the coffee and I’ll answer any question you want to ask me.”

  For the next half hour, Sammy threw question after question at Jack, who never once faltered, while Rachel tried to pretend that she wasn’t comparing the older version of Jack to the boy she’d grown up idolizing.

  “Momma, when are we going to the Trail Lights?”

  “Trail of Lights, honey and not until tonight. And definitely not until you’ve taken a nap.”

  “Ah, Mom.”

  “You should do what your mother tells you to do. You don’t want to miss those lights. They’re a Texas tradition and you’re part Texan.”

  Part? The way he empathized the word, she knew he didn’t believe it for a minute.

  Oblivious to the tension between the grownups, Sammy appeared doubtful of Jack’s answer. “Momma, am I Texan?”

  She ruffled his dark hair. “Sort of honey.”

  “You remember our first trip to the lights?” Jack asked quietly.

  There was nothing about that time she could ever forget. It had been their first Christmas together after that summer. They’d gone to the lights together with Michael and his date, but ditched them as soon as they could. She and Jack had wandered off on to be alone. They’d been so much in love back then. Or so she believed.

  She looked up in time to catch Jack watching her and realized that everything she’d been remembering about that night was right there in her eyes.

  Rachel fought to keep from being swept away by the tenderness in Jack’s gaze.

  “Honey, you need to take a nap, otherwise you’ll be conked out before you ever even see the lights.”

  He knelt in front of Sammy, memorizing every detail. “Your mother’s right. You need to be bright-eyed for the lights.” Slowly Jack got to his feet and turned to her. “Thank you for letting me meet your son.” Only the briefest of smiles touched his lips. “Take care of your mother, okay Sammy.”

  Sammy wasn’t nearly as ready to let go of Jack as Rachel was. He reached for his hand, clasping it tightly. “Will I see you again?” At her son’s innocent question, Rachel struggled to find her equilibrium. She knew the answer even before Jack confirmed the truth, his gaze never leaving hers.

  “Oh, yes. I think we’ll be seeing a lot of each other, in fact, I’m willing to bet on it. I should go, before...” He shook his head at a loss for once.

  Jack came back to her, much too close for thoughts of resolve to last. “We’ll talk later.” Jack touched her face, his expression filled with both warmth and warning.

  For the life of her, those words sounded more like a threat than a promise.

  Chapter Two

  Somehow, he managed to close the door. Breathe. Put one foot in front of the other until he reached the SUV.

  A son. Of all the possible scenarios involving his reunion with Rachel, this was the last thing he’d imagined. Was it truly possible that Sammy was his flesh and blood?

  “I need your help, God. I don’t know what to do. My heart would have me go back in there right now and demand answers from her.” He whispered the prayer into the stillness of the Rover. He didn’t know what to do. The old Jack would have confronted her without second thought for the boy’s feelings. His newfound faith t
old him to wait until the anger and shock subsided.

  The last thing either of them needed right now was another bitter ending.

  It was almost impossible to put the Rover in drive and leave without knowing the truth. Answers from Rachel would have to wait, but there was one person he could turn to.

  His fingers shook as he dialed Liz’s cell phone. “I have a son. Why didn’t you tell me I had a son?” It was impossible to conceal his resentment.

  “You’ve spoken to Rachel.” Liz’s quiet resignation confirmed the truth.

  “Yes, no…” he shook his head. “I ran into Rachel at work. I was on my way out of town and.”

  “Out of town? You’re leaving? Oh, Jack, no. You can’t do that. You can’t give up.” He’d known this would be her answer. Twenty- four hours earlier, he would have argued that point. Now, since meeting Sammy, well, everything had changed.

  “Jack?” Liz prompted at his unusual silence.

  Jack struggled to push aside the need to demand answers. “I was. Not anymore. Why didn’t you tell me, Liz? You of all people, I thought you were on my side. I had the right to know I had a son.”

  “I am on your side. I’ve always been. And I hate to bring this up now, but we don’t know for certain that Sammy is yours. He might Sam’s--”

  “He looks just like me—“

  “He looks like Sam as well.” Liz’s sighed. It carried a depth of regret. “I’m sorry. Jack, I never intended for you to find out this way, but it wasn’t my decision to make. I wanted to tell you from the start, but Rachel was so adamant. That’s why I was hoping to have you come to dinner after the holidays. You needed your family around when you found out. Oh, Jack, I’m sorry I wasn’t there, but I promised Thelma.” It felt like an eternity before she asked, “What did Rachel have to say?”

  As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t blame Liz. This had been Rachel’s decision. “Not much. Not that I could blame her. Sammy was there. It wasn’t the right time.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  He parked the SUV in front of his house, but didn’t get out. He was shell-shocked. With difficulty, he pushed aside his resentment toward Rachel.