A Family for Christmas

by Mary Eason

  “For the moment, nothing, but I warn you, Liz, if Sammy is my son, I have no intention of losing another second with him.”

  “You’ll want a paternity test?”

  He struggled to bring his chaotic thoughts under control. “Yes. I guess. That’s the obvious choice. How else will I know the truth?”

  Liz’s silence was alarming. There was something more to the story. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. Not right now. She needs you, Jack. They both do.”

  “Need? I doubt that. At least, Rachel doesn’t. She’s moved on. Found someone new. Married. She hasn’t spent the last five years missing me and regretting my father’s interference in our life. She doesn’t need me. She has—had someone else to love her.” The thought of Rachel with another was like a knife to his heart.

  As much as he’d regretted letting his father convince him that annulling their brief marriage was the best thing for Rachel as well as Jack, maybe his father had been bright. Perhaps they were too young back then to make a marriage work.

  “Maybe it’s time for me to let go of that dream.”

  “No. Jack, you’re wrong. I’m telling you if you give up now, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”

  His heart wanted to believe her, but it was logic that won out in the end. “I’m sorry. I want to believe that, but Rachel doesn’t seem to share your point of view. She’s so determined to blame me that I can’t help but wonder if coming back here was a huge mistake.”

  “Oh, Jack. No. Rachel has always been so stubborn. She’d never ask for your help but she needs your strength desperately. Sammy needs you. Please don’t let them down.”

  “I don’t want to let anyone down, but Sammy doesn’t even know who I am and Rachel is determined to keep it that way. What if he’s not my son? What if I force Rachel into letting me into their lives only to learn Sammy isn’t my son. I don’t think I can…”

  “Oh, yes you can, Jack Bryant. You have no idea how much you’ve grown since coming to God. You a strong man now. You can handle my daughter’s stubbornness.”

  Jack wasn’t nearly so confident. Seeing Rachel again had shaken his foundation. Discovering he might actually have a son, well, he had no idea how to react to that.

  As always, Liz seemed to read his thoughts. “You’ll make a great father. Even if Sammy isn’t your son, you’ll be the father he needs. The husband Rachel wants. She never stopped loving you, Jack. She’s just been hurt. Seeing you again will have reopened those old wounds.”

  A great father? He had no such assurances. Jack had no idea what a good father should look like. His certainly hadn’t been any shining example.

  For so long now, he’d believed if he could just see Rachel again, explain how foolish he’d behaved back then, show her he was a changed man, everything would be okay again. He hadn’t planned on her falling in love again. Marrying someone else. Having a child. Had he made a terrible mistake by listening to Liz and coming back to Austin?

  “Perhaps my father was right all along. Rachel and I don’t have much in common anymore.”

  “You have everything in common. Stop doubting yourself and God. He brought you home for a reason. There’s more that you need to know, but you have to hear it from Rachel. Don’t give up, Jack. Ask God for guidance and he’ll give it to you. I’ll be back in less than a week. In the meantime, I’ll be praying for you.

  *****

  “Momma, who was that man?” Her son’s question brought Rachel back from her troubled thoughts. She realized Sammy was standing in front of her, his blue eyes focused on her expression.

  “I told you, honey, he’s a friend of your uncle’s.”

  “But he said he was your friend too. I like him, Momma, he’s nice.”

  Nice. That wasn’t a word she’d use to describe Jack Bryant, but children had a way of looking beyond façades and see what was inside.

  Rachel tried to explain to her innocent four-year-old, the complicated relationship she’d never gotten over.

  “I’ve known Jack Bryant since I was around your age--actually I think I was little younger than you. He was your uncle’s best friend, but I practically grew up with him. So, I guess you can say he was my friend as well.”

  “Momma, why are you sad?”

  That childlike understanding shocked her and forced her to focus on Sammy more closely.

  “I’m not sad, baby.”

  “Then why are you crying? You haven’t cried since Daddy left.”

  Answers were hard to come by. “I guess I’m just happy to be home with your grandma and uncle.”

  At times, it surprised her how much Sammy understood. All the anguish, the loneliness she thought she’d kept hidden from him through the years.

  Sammy was too young to remember his father’s death, but she hadn’t realized her son knew of all the times she’d felt so lost and alone without Sam.

  “Okay, you. If we’re going to see those lights tonight, you’ve got five minutes to get into bed. I’ll be in there to read you a story in just a minute.”

  Sammy ran off to do as his mother asked while Rachel tried to get a grip. She was over Jack. It was just the shock of seeing him again after so long. That had to be it.

  It took three stories before Sammy finally fell asleep, but not before asking a dozen or more questions about the Trail of Lights, Jack, and what it meant to be a Texan. By the time his eyes finally closed, she was exhausted and ready for a nap herself. But sleep would not come so easily for Rachel. For reasons entirely different from her son.

  Coming face-to-face had forced her to realize she’d never really dealt with her feelings. She’d simply buried them deep inside and married Sam, trying to convince herself that she was just as over Jack as he was of her.

  Unfortunately, none of that had been true. The very reason she’d married Sam was to try and forget about Jack. That hadn’t worked either and Sam deserved so much more than her half-hearted attempt at loving him.

  He’d told her at least a thousand times that he’d fallen in love with her the minute he’d seem her standing next to Madeline trying to change a blown tire on her own. If only she’d been able to return his love with the same passion.

  Rachel roamed the house she’d grown up in, too restless to relax. She’d just poured her fourth cup of coffee, which had already begun working on her stomach, when Michael called.

  “What did you do to Jack? What happened between you two?”

  Rachel swallowed had and tried to find a suitable answer. They hadn’t really talked about much of anything. “Nothing. Why? And why didn’t you tell me he was back in town?”

  “Because I didn’t know until I saw him standing in the hallway with you. You must have said something to him because Jack was just in here and he’s furious. He was asking all sorts of questions about you...and Sammy.”

  She closed her eyes. She’d been expecting this. “What did he want to know?”

  “What do you think? He asked about you. Sam. About your marriage. Sammy’s birth date.” Michael blew out a weary-sounding sigh. “Look, Rachel, maybe it’s a good thing that he’s back in town. God’s way of settling the matter once and for all.”

  She knew Michael’s argument by heart. She’d had the same one with herself a million times in the past. Had she made a mistake by not letting Jack know there was a least the possibility he might be Sammy’s father?

  “Rach, he has the right to the truth, whatever it may be.”

  She stood watching the day fade to dusk and knew her brother was right. “What if he’s not Sammy’s father? What if he is? Oh, Michael, I’m just so scared. I don’t know what to do. Sammy’s sick. He doesn’t need to go through this right now. It’s more than he can handle. It’s more than I can handle too.”

  “I know you’re scared, but I think you have to at least think about it. Having Jack in Sammy’s life could be a good thing. Sammy needs a father. You have to do what’s best for Sammy.”


  “I’m trying, but I can’t have Sammy hurt, he’s been through so much. He’s already curious about Jack. What if he falls in love with him and Jack decides he isn’t ready to be a father. Losing Sam from his life was bad enough. I just don’t want my son hurt.”

  “You’re still hurting, but honestly this doesn’t have anything to do with you and Jack’s past, Rachel. You have to think of Sammy. What’s best for him. Having a strong man in his life would be good for the boy. He needs his father. I think you should at least talk to Jack.”

  Tears stung her eyes again. She could hear Sammy moving around in his room and she shook her head. “I’ll think about it. Michael, I have to go. Sammy’s waking up.”

  Somehow, she’d always known this moment would come. No matter how much she might want to put it off, there was going to come a time when she could no longer deny what she knew deep in her heart. Jack was Sammy’s father.

  *****

  “Honey, why don’t you get dressed while I make us dinner,” Rachel told her son as she rushed to answer the door. Someone had apparently decided to hold the bell down without ceasing. Her mother had told her Jenny Martin, their lifelong next-door-neighbor might be stopping by to say hi once Rachel and Sammy had the chance to settle in.

  Rachel reached for the doorknob only to find Sammy had beaten her to it.

  “Sammy—wait.” He yanked the knob open before she could stop him. The sight of Jack standing before them wasn’t really a surprise. But this newer, humble Jack certainly was.

  “Hello, Rachel. I’m sorry to interrupt your evening but I was wondering, well, I’m hoping I might come with you two to see the lights tonight?”

  For the longest time, Rachel couldn’t seem to breathe normally much less bring words out. This was the last thing she’d expected. She could only stare back at him in amazement.

  “Can he, Momma?” She became aware of her son standing close by, smiling up at Jack with a grin on his face that reminded her so much of Jack that it literally took her breath away.

  “I don’t know...” Her thoughts spun. She’d been expecting an angry, defiant Jack. The man who stood patiently waiting for her answer confused her.

  “I’d really like to spend some time with you and Sammy.”

  “Please, Momma.” Looking into her son’s pleading eyes, it hadn’t ever occurred to Rachel until that moment that Sammy might actually miss having a male role model around. When he looked at her like that, knowing the uncertainties facing his future, she’d be willing to do just about anything for her son. But would she be willing to accept Jack in their lives?

  She knelt in front of Sammy. “Is that what you want, honey?” Sammy nodded eagerly.

  “Okay,” she gave in without looking at Jack. “I was getting ready to make dinner first. Would you like to join us?”

  Jack came inside and closed the door. He was too close. She took an involuntarily step back away from him.

  “I have an idea. Why don’t I take you and Sammy out to dinner instead? It’ll give up a chance to catch up.”

  The thought of just the three of them together at an intimate restaurant seemed a little too much like a family. “That’s not necessary.”

  “I know it’s not. I want to. I happen to know of a really nice place. What do you think, Sammy?” Jack enlisted Sammy’s help when Rachel was hesitant. “You want to help me talk your mother into this one?”

  “Yes. Momma, can we? Please, Mom.”

  It had been a long time since she’d seen her son this happy. It was easy to give. Worry about the rest of it another time. “Okay, if you don’t mind waiting. I’m not really dressed for anything fancy.”

  Jack’s gaze slid slowly over her. The same tenderness she’d seen a thousand times in the past was there in his eyes when he looked at her. “You look beautiful to me, but this will give me time to put the new battery I bought on that old heap of yours.”

  “You shouldn’t have done that Jack...”

  “Rachel, let me help you out this once.” He was so close. She could feel the warmth of his body and he smelled so good. Not like the Jack she’d known before. Older. More sophisticated. Different.

  She didn’t understand what type of game he was playing. Why didn’t he just ask the question that they both knew he wanted to ask? Stop prolonging her torment. Instead, Jack simply touched her hair then gave her a gentle push in the direction of her bedroom.

  “Momma, can I help? Pleease...” Sammy begged. It was easier to give in than to stay and argue. She needed time alone.

  “He’ll be fine. I’ll keep an eye on him.” She thought about arguing, but instead simply nodded and watched the two of them together. In many ways, they were so similar. It was a very real possibility that Jack Bryant was Sammy’s biological father, but did he have what it would take to be the man Sammy needed to get him through one of the most difficult times in his life? The old Jack Bryant didn’t. This new version seemed to be willing to move mountains to be with them.

  Chapter Three

  Rachel took her time getting dressed. She needed time to think. Breathe. Not let the past cloud her judgment.

  Her fingers shook as she applied her makeup.

  She could hear Sammy and Jack laughing as they headed back inside and she forced herself to leave the safety of her room. She entered the kitchen in time to see Jack holding Sammy up to the sink to wash his hands. Jack turned in time to catch her watching him.

  “I hope he wasn’t too much in the way?” she said mostly to cover her embarrassment.

  Jack sat Sammy down and handed him a paper towel to dry his hands.

  “Are you kidding? He’s a natural. It won’t be long before Sammy here is helping you fix up that old thing.” Jack tousled Sammy’s hair.

  “Momma I helped change the battery.”

  “You did? That’s good, baby.” While Sammy chattered on about the car, her gaze met Jack’s. They were both so uncertain of the other.

  “You look nice. But then you always were the prettiest girl around town.”

  She drew in a breath at what she saw in his eyes. Against her will, she remembered times past, when Jack looked her that way. Their wedding night and the days that followed. Those had been such sweet memories. The passion they’d shared. The love or at least what she’d believed to be love, until he’d told her it was over.

  As she continued to watch him, his expression shifted. He too was remembering.

  The silence between them lengthened and Sammy’s gaze darted from Rachel to Jack curiously. He knew something was up.

  Jack cleared his throat. “If you’re ready I think we should go. I called the restaurant while you were getting dressed. We have a reservation for seven.”

  She retrieved their worn coats from the hall closet. She’d had hers since high school. Sammy’s was slightly newer. She’d hope to replace them this year, but it looked as if they would have to last another year.

  For the first time, she was seeing things that Jack must be. The slightly frayed cuffs on Sammy’s coat. Would he think she’d been neglecting her son? Would he wonder how much better of a life he could provide for Sammy?

  There was no way she could ever tell him how hard times had been for her and Sammy. After Sam died, the hospital bills had been enormous. They’d soon ate up most of their small savings. She and Sammy had survived -- just barely -- off her modest income from the job at the local paper, but for months now, she’d been holding onto the farm by luck and a prayer. Soon she would be forced to make some difficult decisions. If they were going to keep the place, she’d have to find a job that paid more, which meant commuting to Farmington or Durango where she could put to use the master’s degree Sam encouraged her to complete.

  She’d hoped the decision could wait until Sammy started kindergarten.

  “Ready?” Jack held open the door for them and she nodded.

  Sammy and Rachel waited while Jack unlocked the Rover and he helped her son into the back seat. She took her place next to hi
m.

  They drove to Austin’s downtown restaurant district in silence, the awkward silence between them becoming almost palpable. Even Sammy seemed aware of it. He was unusually quiet in the backseat, watching the buildings as they passed by.

  “Relax,” Jack whispered so that only she could hear. “I promise I won’t hurt you again.”

  She turned to look at him, searching for hidden meanings behind those words but there were none.

  Jack stopped the SUV and she turned to look out her window. The same brightly lit Mexican restaurant had haunted her nightmares for years. Rachel let go of a shaky breath while Sammy’s full attention was riveted to the sight in front of him.

  It took everything inside her to get out of the SUV and follow Jack inside. She ignored the dark emotions brewing in his eyes and stayed focused on her son.

  “Momma, look, a fish!”

  She stepped next to Sammy and pretended to look. “Pretty, honey.”

  The outdoor pond was filled with fish of every type. It was all that Rachel could do to keep Sammy from jumping in after them.

  “Do you ever go fishing in Colorado?” Jack smiled and gently steered the boy away from the fish and toward the hostess’ station.

  “No, it’s usually too cold ‘cept in the summer. Right, Momma?” Rachel nodded because she couldn’t even think about speaking with all of Jack’s focused attention reading her thoughts. Why had he brought her here of all places?

  His hand circled her waist, bringing her close when a group in the foyer waiting to be seated pressed in. Jack reached for Sammy’s hand before he could take off to explore the place. “Stay close to us, buddy.”

  “Right this way, Mr. Bryant.” The hostess smiled politely, then led them through the crowded restaurant.

  As hard as she tried, Rachel couldn’t collect her scattered thoughts as the hostess seated them in a quiet corner table away from the crowd. It was all she could do not to cry as she remembered that night long ago. Jack’s distant behavior. The tears she’d cried when he told her their marriage was over.