Hate Me or Love Me

by Ella Miles

  I smile weakly. I know she’s not ready to throw her whole life away, which is what she would be doing if she fucked me. I’m not boyfriend material, and Olive is the kind of girl who needs a boyfriend. She’s not ready. Not yet. Not without some liquid courage at least, and even that I’m sure won’t be strong enough to convince her that she wants me to fuck her tonight.

  I know women like her. They want commitment, a relationship. They want to be wined and dined first before they fuck. It’s best I stay clear of women like Olive because I would destroy them.

  “Can I get you something to drink?” I ask as I start heading for the bar my kitchen.

  Olive doesn’t say anything. She just follows me as her eyes continue to look around my condo. When I get to the bar, I pull out a bottle of wine similar to the one that she drank at dinner. I uncork the bottle and then pour us each a glass since I doubt she’s going to tell me her drinking preference when she can barely speak at the moment. I slide the glass over to her where she’s leaning against the counter, still staring up at the ceiling that feels small to me compared to my place in Las Vegas, although it’s comparable to my place in New York.

  “What do you do to make all this money?” are the words she finally says when she opens her mouth. Not, How dare you kiss me, or something along those lines. She just continues her thoughts, as if the kiss never happened.

  I narrow my eyes as I take a sip of my wine, trying to understand this woman. I slowly set the glass back down. “You’re not ready to know what I do yet.”

  She pouts. “What’s that supposed to mean? How could I not be ready to find out what another person does for a living?” She pauses a second and then says, “Unless it’s because you do something illegal. Are you in the mob? Do you kill people for a living?” Olive says, taking a step back.

  “You’ll find out soon enough.”

  Her eyes widen, and her soft pink lips fall apart. “You expect me to fuck you without even knowing what you do for a living?”

  I sigh. “I don’t think you’re really going to let me fuck you.”

  “Then, why am I here?”

  I lean forward, inching closer to her, while trying to convince myself to stay back. That this isn’t actually happening and to not get too excited. “Because you’re scared. Scared because the only guy you ever loved cheated on you, broke your heart, and you’re trying to find some answers to make yourself feel better. You think sex with me is that answer, but you’ll never really go through with it—at least, not until you drink a bottle or two of wine first. But, if you do that, I’m not going to fuck you anyway. I don’t have sex with women who are that out of it.”

  “Well, I’m sorry, but you’re wrong because the only thing I’m certain about tonight is that you’re going to fuck me,” she says. She glances down at her wine. “And I’m sorry you’re wasting your expensive wine on me because I don’t want any of it. I want you to fuck me, make me forget about my ass of a boyfriend, whom I spent an entire year with.”

  I grin.

  “What?” she asks slowly as she looks at me.

  “I told you what would happen if you said sorry in front of me. I told you that you’d be punished. And I’m a man of my word.”

  8

  Olive

  Punish me.

  Those words keep running through my head as a look on Sean’s face gets more and more serious. I’ve been trying with everything in my power to remind myself not to say I’m sorry since the moment he told me that he would punish me if I did. But all it took was a little bit of distraction, and now, I’m right back into slipping into my old habits. And I’m terrified to find out what kind of punishment he has in mind. I always assumed that the punishment would be sexual in nature. From the look on his face now, I know that it is.

  “You’re not seriously going to punish me because I apologized for not drinking what I know is a very expensive wine, are you?” I ask.

  Please, God, let him be joking.

  I want him to fuck me. I want to feel what it’s like to be with a man with experience, who knows exactly what he’s doing with my body, but I’m not sure I’m ready for any sort of pain first. I’ve never done anything the least bit adventurous when it comes to sex, but I know I don’t like pain. I didn’t even like getting my ears pierced.

  “I’m going to punish you, Olive, because it’s the only way for you to learn your lesson. But you’re lucky this time because I think you’re going to enjoy it, too.”

  I open my mouth to speak, trying to come up with something to say to keep him from punishing me. But, before I get a chance to say anything more, his lips claim mine. This kiss is different than the first. This time, he devours me without any hesitation. Last time was a test. This time, he doesn’t ask for permission to kiss me. He demands it. And, through his kiss, I forget about any promises of punishment because any level of pain would be worth this kind of pleasure.

  He suddenly breaks the kiss, and I gasp like I need him as much as I need air. He grabs hold of my hand and starts pulling me down the hallway on his left.

  “I want to show you the reason I’m leasing this place. I like the openness of the main room for guests and parties.” He pulls me further down a long hallway to a door at the end. He stops while he grabs hold of the door and looks at me with a mischievous grin. He turns the knob and pushes the door open. “But this is why I love this condo.”

  I gasp when I see the dark room. It looks like a dungeon and is so different than the bright openness of the rest of his condo.

  “What is that?” I ask even though I clearly know what it is. His bedroom and torture chamber.

  He chuckles. “My bedroom. What did you think it was?”

  I warily look at him, and he laughs again. He puts a finger under my chin, lifting my gaze to his, before he tenderly kisses me on the lips.

  “Relax, Olive. It’s just a man’s bedroom. I don’t have whips hanging on the walls. I don’t have handcuffs hiding in drawers. Just a dark, manly room where I can retreat to when I need a break from the world.”

  I exhale deeply, not realizing that I was holding my breath the whole time.

  “Oh, and I also like it because it’s soundproof.”

  And, just like that, he takes my breath away again.

  “Now, for that punishment. Since this might be the only time I get to punish you in any sort of sexual manner, I’m going to take full advantage.”

  “Just no whips or bondage,” I whisper loud enough for him to hear.

  He laughs. He walks over and softly kisses me on the lips again. “You weren’t listening. I already told you, I don’t have any whips or bondage in this bedroom. I’ve used it in the past, and I will again if that’s what you really want, but I prefer to use other means to punish and control.”

  I cock my head to the side as I look up at him, confused. “Control?”

  He nods. “That is going to be your punishment. For your lesson tonight, you’re gonna learn what it’s like to not have any control and therefore learn that you never want to give it up again.”

  It doesn’t sound like that bad of a punishment since it’s not like I would know what to do in the bedroom with a man like Sean anyway.

  “Why does everything have to be a lesson with you? Why can’t we just get back at Owen for breaking my heart, and that’s it?”

  “Because what fun would that be? And, besides, our time together is limited. I need to take advantage of every second we are together to teach you everything I know.”

  He doesn’t have to say that he thinks our time is numbered because, after tonight, I might give up and quit. He thinks I can’t handle working for a man who fucked me and then wanted nothing to do with me. But he doesn’t know me at all. He doesn’t know how loyal and determined I can be to do something when I’ve set my mind to it.

  “Do we have an arrangement then? Will you give up control and do whatever I say? Let me fuck you however I want?”

  I stare into Sean’s eyes as my h
eart races in my chest. I’ve had sex with a total of three men in my life. None of them were amazing in bed. All were pretty selfish, more worried about their own pleasure than mine. And I have a feeling that’s what Sean’s about, too. But I know he’ll have a different intensity than the rest, and that intensity will at least make me forget about Owen and what he did to me. I want to know what it’s like to be fucked by a real man. And, if I have to give up some control to get it, so be it. I can always back out in a moment anyway. All I have to do is say no, and he’ll stop. I know that much about Sean. This is him just trying to prepare me for whatever test he has up his sleeve now.

  “Yes.”

  As soon as I say the word yes, the door slams shut, making me jump. I’m trapped. Saying no isn’t going to get me out of this. I’m not even sure I would have the strength to say no anyway.

  “I think I’m going to enjoy this a little too much,” Sean says as he walks toward me.

  I don’t move. I can’t move. There’s too much excitement and fear running through my veins for me to be able to think clearly enough to do something as simple as move.

  He walks forward until his lips are hovering over mine. He looks me in the eyes one more time, challenging me to stop this, giving me one last chance before I completely relinquish all my control to him. It’s just a second, but it feels like forever while I wait for him to kiss me.

  He doesn’t wait for words this time. He just kisses me. I can’t breathe, and I’m not sure I want to ever again because all I want to feel is his tongue on mine, pushing further into my mouth, claiming every inch of my mouth as his.

  I never thought a kiss could tell me so much, but his kisses tell me everything he’s feeling. How his lips press firmly against mine and how his tongue pushes inside me—it shows me how much he wants to fuck me. His hands holding firm on my neck and my ass show me how much control he has over me.

  He lets go of me, breaking the kiss, and then says, “Breathe, Olive.”

  I do, but I don’t take a deep enough breath before his lips cover mine again, making me forget all about the fact that I’m not getting enough oxygen. He pushes the kiss right to my limit, knowing full well that I won’t breathe again until his lips leave mine—not because I can’t, but because I’m completely under his spell.

  His lips leave mine, and then again, he says, “Breathe.”

  I do but only because he said so. It’s no longer an automatic response for me. I’m too consumed by his kisses to even do something as simple as breathing.

  He laughs. “This is going to be far too enjoyable for me, Olive.”

  He takes a step back and then another, leaving me feeling empty and alone even though he’s only a few feet from me. He takes a seat in a chair in the corner. I walk forward, assuming he wants me in his lap, kissing him further.

  “Stop.”

  I do—not because I want to, but because I can’t help but give in to him when he says words in his sexy voice. I can’t think straight enough to come up with a coherent argument for me to keep moving.

  “Undress for me.”

  That seems to break the spell. Because, as much as I want to have sex with him, the thought of having to undress in front of him while he inspects every inch of my body terrifies me. He’s built like a Greek god. I can see that without him ever removing an ounce of clothing. While I’m skinny, I’m an assistant who spends far more time at work than I do in a gym. I like cooking and baking and eating far too much to slowly undress in front of him.

  “Why don’t you remove my clothes? It will be far more enjoyable for you to rip them off my body,” I say. I’m hoping that, if he has his hands on me, he won’t be able to get a good look at my body and imperfections.

  Sean frowns. “You gave up control, remember? Now, strip slowly for me, or you won’t get what you want. And, trust me, you want what I’m going to give you, Olive. Because I guarantee you, no man has made you come like I’m going to. But, first, you have to pay the price.”

  I don’t know how he does it, but his voice makes me change my mind. It makes me want what he promises. So, I move my hands to the buttons on my shirt, and I pop open the first one and then another and another until the shirt hangs open on my body. When I’m finished, I look up at Sean, who is waiting patiently for me to take off my shirt.

  “Take off your shirt.”

  I meet his gaze as I slowly slip off my shirt. I let the shirt fall to the floor and show the first level of imperfections that grace my body—the large birthmark on half of my stomach and the large scar on the other half where my gallbladder was removed. He sees the weight that I’m still carrying from Christmas when I ate a few too many chocolates and drank a little too much wine to deal with my family.

  It’s just the first layer. Soon, when I remove my bra, he will see that I wear a push-up bra to make my boobs look bigger. When I remove the skirt, he’ll see the cellulite and stretch marks that cover my ass, something that I know a man like him has never seen on the models I’m sure he usually dates.

  When I look at his eyes going over what little of my body is exposed, I don’t see him finding my imperfections. His eyes tell me how much he doesn’t care about them and how much he still wants to fuck me. I wait for some smirk or comment. For him to tell me that he’s changed his mind.

  Instead, he says, “I want more.”

  I grab my skirt and slowly shimmy it down my body until it falls around my ankles while I continue to stare into his eyes.

  “Step closer. I want to get a closer look at you.”

  I suck in a breath and then take a step forward. I quickly feel myself losing my balance because my skirt is still around my ankles. I fall flat on my face on the floor. I wait for the laughter or teasing, but instead, I feel his arms around me as he lifts me up and then softly places me on the bed.

  I open my eyes and see Sean looking at me with such lust and need that I forget that I just looked like an idiot in front of him. I forget that I’m half-naked and exposed in front of him.

  “Fuck waiting and punishing you. I need you now.”

  A second later, he has my bra off and one of my nipples in his mouth. I moan loudly as his tongue swirls around my nipple.

  He sucks hard. “You like that, baby?”

  “Yes,” I say, half-breathing, half-moaning.

  His lips move to my other breast, giving it the same attention he just gave the other. “Fuck, your tits are perfect, Olive.”

  “Don’t stop!” I scream.

  He continues to torture my breasts, bringing me ever-so close to coming from just what he is doing to my boobs.

  He grins against my breast and then says, “But, if I don’t stop, then how am I going to do this?” He grabs my panties and sharply pulls them down. He grabs my legs and opens them wide before burying his face in my pussy.

  I’ve never had a man go down on me before. Sure, I’ve had boyfriends who have tried to get me excited with their hands, but it was nothing like what Sean is doing now. His face is buried between my legs, his tongue expertly moving in and out of my folds, inside my pussy, and then up over my clit. It’s a feeling I’ve never felt before, and I wasn’t expecting it.

  I’m seconds away from coming as his tongue licks over my clit, and suddenly, his fingers bury deep inside my pussy. I scream, and he knows I’m close to coming. Just as I’m about to come, he stops. He sits up and pulls his shirt off over his body.

  Yummy.

  His body is beautiful. It’s all abs and muscles and tan, not like my fair skin that never gets to see the light of day here in Chicago.

  He walks over to the nightstand and pulls out a condom before slipping out of his jeans and underwear. As he walks back toward the bed, I turn my head away, too embarrassed to even look at him.

  He laughs. “You can look, Olive.”

  I do even though I know my cheeks are now bright red with embarrassment. I eat him up with my eyes.

  But the way he carries his body and walks toward me before cli
mbing up on top of the bed makes me realize how much I want to be like him. It’s a crazy thought that I want to be like a man I hate. But I can learn a lot from Sean. I’d love to be able to walk into a room and carry my head high, no matter what stupid things I end up doing.

  “Like what you see?” he asks with a smirk.

  “Yes. You like what you see?” I say bravely, shocked at myself for being so bold.

  His eyes travel down my body and then back up to my eyes. “I already have your body forever etched into my memory. I love it so much.”

  I bite my lip, and then he shocks me by tossing me the condom and rolling over onto his back.

  “Fuck me, Olive.”

  I can’t tell if he is giving me the control or if he’s keeping the control by demanding that I fuck him instead of him fucking me. Now, I’m suddenly nervous again. He clearly has much more experience than I do.

  I swallow hard as I rip the condom wrapper open and take the condom out. And then I look at Sean’s eyes as he dares me to prove to him that I’m not some naive, scared woman. It’s just another test. It’s just, this time, the test is sex.

  I grab his dick harder than I should but enough to show him that I’m taking back control. And then I roll the condom down on top of it before I throw my leg over him, straddling him as my hands claw at his chest. I lower my lips to his and kiss him hard, like he did to me, before I fuck him.

  I wince a little as his dick slides inside me. I’m not used to someone his size—or used to sex much anyway. I haven’t had sex in over a month. Owen simply didn’t have the time. Now, I know why. Owen was seeing another woman on the side. He was fucking. Just her and not me.

  “Use it,” Sean says with a grin.

  He knows what I’m thinking, that I’m thinking about Owen. He knew I would the second I started having sex with another man who wasn’t Owen. So, I do. I thrust up and down on top of Sean’s dick, using my hatred for Owen, taking it out on sex with Sean. And, as good as it feels, I need Sean to help me get there again. I can’t move like he does.