Hate Me or Love Me

by Ella Miles

  “Don’t worry, I’ll find a job soon, and you won’t have to worry about making sure you have breakfast for me.”

  “Work for me,” Cole says, his bright eyes suddenly serious.

  “Really? You would do that for me?”

  “Of course, you’re Knight’s girl. I would do anything for you.”

  I shake my head. “I’m not Knight’s anything.”

  “Fine, but regardless of what happened, he loves you.”

  I’m not sure he does. Not after I saw him with Abri. I think he might still love her.

  “How about being my assistant? I know you are qualified for the job.”

  I groan. “Really? Can’t I waitress or bartend or something?”

  He opens his mouth, and I can already tell what’s going to fall out of it. Knight would kill me if he found you waitressing in the skimpy outfits and getting ogled by men.

  “Fine, I’ll be your assistant.”

  Cole grins.

  “When should I start?”

  “I could use some help when I go into work in an hour or so.” He wiggles his eyebrows as he says it.

  It’s Sunday. I know he doesn’t work on Sundays. He’s just trying to distract me. But I’ll take it.

  “Give me two hours. I want to go for a run and then shower.”

  “Deal,” he says.

  I get up and head to Cole’s bedroom, which has now become mine. I tried to use one of his spare bedrooms, but he wouldn’t let me. He said his bed was the best and it had the only functioning shower.

  I walk to the bathroom to change into something I can run in and brush my teeth, but I forgot my toothpaste and can’t find any in his cabinets. I walk back out to the kitchen.

  “Cole, where is your toothpaste?” I freeze. Knight is standing in the kitchen next to Cole. Traitor, I mouth to Cole who shrugs and slinks away, leaving Knight and me alone.

  Knight’s eyes take all of me in greedily, unlike when Cole looked at me. He doesn’t hide his lust when he stares at my bare legs. He doesn’t pretend he isn’t looking. His eyes burn into my skin with a passion I can’t escape.

  Finally, Knight’s eyes trail back to the room I just left: Cole’s bedroom.

  He exhales deeply with a grimace as if his words are going to fight back and hurt him. “You fucked Cole.” His words aren’t a question. He doesn’t say them accusatorially. He says them sadly like his words are fact.

  I cross my arms across my chest. “I don’t think that’s really any of your business. We are broken up.”

  He nods, dropping his head. He doesn’t look like he slept much either. I figured he would be hungover, but I’m not sure he is. At least, he doesn’t smell like alcohol or vomit.

  He’s wearing another gray T-shirt, matching the one I’m wearing. Always matching.

  He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a check. He holds it out to me. I stare at it skimming it quickly. It’s made out to me for $250,000.

  I shake my head. “I don’t want your money, Knight.”

  “I’m the one who fucked up and caused you to want to end our contract. You should get paid for your time.”

  “No, we never signed an official contract. And like I said, I don’t want your money. I found a new job.”

  “Oh.” He slips the check back into his pocket before pulling out another piece of paper and holds it out to me.

  “You’re enrolled for next semester. The school also wrote you an apology for your suspension after realizing I was the one at fault.”

  I take the piece of paper confirming my enrollment for next semester. I’ll take it because I deserve to be able to finish school. It was his fault I’m not currently finishing my last couple of months.

  He grabs the nape of his neck as he stares at me with sad eyes. He looks completely broken and helpless.

  “Is that all?” I ask.

  “No, it’s nowhere near all. I know I fucked up in an unforgivable way. I broke your trust in me. But know I’ll wait forever for you. For you to come back to work or be my friend, or my girlfriend. I’ll take whatever I can get. Even if it means we can only be pen pals. I don’t care. I just need you in my life.”

  I close my eyes because his words sting. Nothing he does should be able to hurt me. He shouldn’t be able to pierce through my armor, but he does. It’s why I can’t be in his life.

  “I won’t replace Abri. It’s clear you aren’t over her. You comforted her. Held her like you were still together. You still have pictures of her scattered throughout your apartment. You had me do her job. I’m not Abri. And I never will be.”

  Knight’s mouth falls, and I think it might hit the floor and shatter, much like my own heart. He carefully chooses his next words.

  “I hugged Abri because I’m the only person in her life who understands what it’s like to lose a baby. The pain is indescribable. I keep the pictures to remind me of the pain I caused us both. And I had you be my assistant because it was the only way I could think to have you in my life. I don’t love Abri. Not anymore. I could never love Abri again. We’ve been through too much. Abri will confirm that for you. She hates me as much as I used to love her.”

  I nod, but it doesn’t change anything. He doesn’t love Abri, but I can’t love him.

  “I’m not ready to talk about losing Gideon yet. I wish I could. It might be the only thing that can bring you back to me.”

  Gideon. The baby had a name. And it breaks my heart. Even if I could forgive him, I’m not sure I want to be in his life. I will have to carry his heartbreak along with my own. I’m not strong enough to handle that burden.

  “I’m not sure anything you say will help me to forgive you.”

  He stills like I just slid a sword through his chest. A low groan pours through him like he can’t stand to continue breathing.

  And I can’t help but ease a tiny bit of his pain. “I didn’t fuck Cole.”

  His eyes widen as a tiny part of him comes back to life.

  “You think I would put your shirt back on if I fucked Cole?”

  Hope. I just gave Knight a tiny drop of hope. And now I regret it because there is no hope.

  I turn and walk back to Cole’s bedroom leaving Knight alone in the kitchen.

  I want to know Knight’s story, despite how it could hurt me. It’s clear he blames himself for the death of Gideon. And knowing the truth could hurt me more than knowing he hid it from me.

  But can I blame him for the death of his baby when I’m the reason my parents are dead?

  20

  Knight

  I try to open the door, but it won’t budge. I’m trapped in this cage of metal, rubber, and glass. I kick the door, but nothing happens.

  I look over at Cole who is coughing profusely, trying to rid his lungs of the smoke burning its way through his body. We don’t have much time left. Cole tries to push his door open, but his attempts are weak.

  It’s up to me.

  I kick harder and harder, but it’s not helping. I have to focus on the glass; it’s the only way. I start kicking the glass and then use my elbow to try and penetrate it.

  The smoke is filling the car now. I can’t escape it. I can’t breathe. We are going to die.

  I need something sharp. My foot is doing nothing to the window. I feel around but don’t remember anything sharp I keep in the car.

  My head falls back against the headrest. I’m exhausted. I need a break. But there is no time for breaks.

  The headrest falls down from the weight of my head. The headrest!

  I turn around and yank as hard as I can against the headrest. It breaks free, and I see the two sharp metal prongs that usually hold the headrest into the back of the seat. I start slamming the ends of the headrest into the window.

  Crack.

  The glass begins to break.

  Fucking yes!

  I hit the glass over and over with the headrest. Each time I hit the glass, more cracks form. Until it shatters.

  “Cole!” I shout,
prepared to pull him through the window.

  He doesn’t stir.

  Shit.

  He needs out, now.

  I hook my arms under his armpits and pull with everything I have, coughing every second as I suck in smoke along with a tiny bit of oxygen.

  I climb through the window, pulling Cole with me. His body thuds against the asphalt as I yank him out of the car. I wince, watching the blood spill from his head where it hit the street. But he’s safe now. He’s free. I hear the ambulances. We are going to live.

  “You can’t save everyone. You saved Cole. You saved yourself. But you can’t save Mila. She’s mine.”

  * * *

  Abri’s words wake me up. Fuck, it was just a nightmare, but it felt so real. Probably because the first part was true. The car accident, the smoke. But I’ve never heard Abri threaten Mila’s life, but now that I’ve dreamt it, I know she will. It’s her next move to hurt me.

  If I do nothing, then Mila is as good as dead. Abri half attempted to hurt her before while they were rock climbing. She will try worse. She will ruin Mila or kill her. She knows how much Mila means to me. She will do anything to hurt me.

  It’s four in the morning. I should wait a few more hours and make sure this is how I’ll feel in a few hours. But saving Mila can’t wait.

  I pick up my phone and dial Abri’s number. She answers on the second ring. “Yes, Ace?”

  “I’m ready to sign the divorce papers.”

  I can feel her smiling on the other end of the line. “And what makes you think I’m ready to sign?”

  “Because I’m giving you everything you want.”

  It takes a week to get the paperwork figured out and a time where everyone can meet. I thought waiting a week would be hard, but I know Mila is as safe as she can be with Cole. And I took the week to begin to adjust to my new found freedom. I don’t know why I didn’t do this in the first place. Making sure Abri paid for her crimes isn’t worth it.

  So I did everything I love. I hiked, I rock climbed, I rode my motorcycle too fast. I drank, I smoked, I ate fried food. I slept in late and went to bed even later. I should have felt more alive than I have in years. But I didn’t.

  Instead, I feel a calmness because I’m a hundred percent sure I’m doing the right thing.

  My lawyer told me to wear a suit and tie to the meeting, but in about thirty minutes, I won’t own any suits anymore, so it felt wrong to wear one now. Instead, I’m wearing a black T-shirt with dark jeans. I’m in mourning. Not at the loss of anything other than Mila.

  I walk into the building and my lawyer, Doug Lundy, sits on a bench waiting for me. He’s dressed in a blue suit. He eyes my clothes but doesn’t comment. Good, you fucking work for me. You don’t get to dictate what I wear or what I do.

  “You sure about this? We can get you a much better deal. That’s why you hired my firm,” Lundy says.

  “I’m sure. I was an idiot for not doing this months ago.”

  Lundy sighs.

  “Don’t worry, Lundy. I made sure the agreement calls for you getting paid well for your work.”

  “I’m not worried about getting paid. I’ve been a divorce lawyer for a long time. I’ve won several cases and lost others. But I’ve never felt more like justice isn’t prevailing than in this case. You deserve better, Knight.”

  I shrug. “It doesn’t matter what I deserve.” I’m protecting someone who deserves the world, and all I gave her were a bunch of half-truths.

  Lundy opens the door, and we step inside the mediation room. Abri and her team of three lawyers are already sitting on one side of the long table. She’s wearing a suit. She’s all business.

  Lundy and I take a seat opposite them.

  “I didn’t think you would show,” Abri says.

  “I’d rather get divorced than be rich.”

  She smiles. “Good.”

  Lundy pulls the papers out of his briefcase and lays them on the table. “I know everyone involved has had time to review the settlement, but let’s review all the terms and ensure everyone still understands and agrees. If there are any objections, we can discuss them and decide if we can reach an agreement today.”

  I already know we will easily reach an agreement today.

  “First item, Abri will—”

  “Please call me Mrs. Knight, as that is my name,” Abri says.

  Lundy looks to me, and I nod. Abri probably won’t even change her last name after we get divorced. She will keep my name just to piss me off for all of eternity. But I won’t let her know that now. She’s won enough. I won’t give her any more than what is already stated in the document.

  “Mrs. Knight will get the apartment and all of its contents,” Lundy says.

  Everyone nods.

  “Mrs. Knight will retain all of the vehicles acquired during the marriage with the exception of Mr. Knight’s motorcycle, which was acquired after the two separated.”

  More nods.

  “Mrs. Knight will receive all of the money the couple acquired throughout the almost five-year marriage.”

  My eyes burn into Abri. I am giving her my money. She may have earned half of it, but half isn’t enough for her. She’s greedy, and I couldn’t care less about the money.

  Lundy sucks in a breath before he states the last line of the agreement. He looks at me one last time to ensure I haven’t changed my mind. I haven’t. I could give her everything but this one thing and Abri would still be pissed. She would still try to hurt Mila. I won’t let that happen.

  I nod my head for him to continue.

  “Mr. Knight will turn over complete and full ownership of his company Perfect Match. He will give her all of his stock and board membership roles, including any rights to make any decision about the company’s future endeavors.”

  Abri’s smile turns into a devilish grin. She thinks I will back out. She thinks I will object to her getting my company. The one thing I cared about almost as much as I did Abri when we were married.

  I love Perfect Match. I loved starting something and building it to an incredible place. But I don’t love having it used as a bargaining chip. I don’t love that no matter how much I love the company, it will always be tainted with thoughts of Abri.

  “Do all parties agree to the terms written out?” Lundy asks.

  Abri’s lawyers lean in to whisper in her ear.

  “We agree to the terms if Ace does,” Abri says.

  Lundy leans over and whispers. “It’s not too late to change your mind. You don’t have to give her the company.”

  “I do.”

  “Since you are giving up everything, which isn’t required under the law, I also advise you to add a clause where she can’t take you to court or file criminal complaints from the time during your marriage. It’s clear she wants to make you pay for the separation, and I could see her taking additional steps to ensure you pay. And at that time, you won’t have any money left to fight her with,” Lundy whispers.

  I stare into Abri’s bright eyes. “Thank you for your advice, but I’m ready to sign the divorce papers as is.”

  Lundy reluctantly hands me a pen as he slides the papers to me. I sign my name, more sure about this decision than I was on the day I married Abri. That day I was so certain. Today, I know what certainty feels like.

  I slide the papers to Abri who signs them as fast as I did.

  “Congratulations, we will file the papers today, and you will be legally divorced.”

  I stand and walk out before I have time for anyone else to say anything else.

  Cole is standing in the hallway when I exit. I should have known he would find out about the divorce today.

  “You divorced yet?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good, I never liked that bitch.”

  I raise an eyebrow. “I thought you cared about her? I thought you thought I was treating her unfairly? I thought you thought she was my perfect match?”

  Cole shakes his head. “I was trying to be a good friend
. She always gave me a bad vibe. So what did she get?”

  “Everything.”

  Cole gasps. “You fucking idiot. She shouldn’t have gotten anything.”

  “You’re right. I guess she didn’t get everything. I’m able to walk away with my heart and body still intact.”

  “She did something to the car, didn’t she?”

  “I think so. I think she did something to the breaks, which is why I couldn’t stop the car.”

  “And you let her get away with it! You let her take everything!”

  “Yes, to protect Mila.”

  Cole stops screaming. “You’re still an idiot, but I would have done the same thing.”

  I’m glad Mila has him. He’s been a good friend to me over the years. But it kills me she will talk to him and not me right now.

  “Are you afraid she will do anything now? To hurt Mila or you?”

  “No, I’m not afraid if she does because I didn’t do anything wrong. At least not to her. The truth would come out. But she won’t. She thinks I have proof she tried to kill us.”

  “Do you?”

  I shrug. “I’m not sure.” Mila was the only one who could have evidence Abri tried to hurt me. But Mila hates me. She wouldn’t do anything to help me, and I wouldn’t want her to. Because helping me involves remembering a past that is darker than I realized. And above everything, I don’t want to hurt Mila.

  21

  Mila

  My stomach growls as I step into Cole’s downtown apartment. It’s not as nice as Knight’s, but it’s still larger than anything I will ever be able to afford. I’m tired, but not because working as Cole’s assistant is exhausting. Being his assistant is the easiest job in the world. His club runs almost flawlessly. Everyone knows their job and does it without question.

  Cole gives me a few tasks he needs help with each day. I answer a small number of emails and then follow Cole around and help him. Which mostly means I get to listen to Cole talk about Knight.