Numbers

by Laurann Dohner

  Breeze’s phone rang and she whipped it out, accepting the call. “Hold on.” She pressed it to her ear. “What?” Silence. “Butt out of this. I have it handled. My female, my decision.” She hung up and smiled. “Everyone is worried.”

  “I would never do anything to hurt 927.” She paused. “Hero.”

  “He’s too busy hurting himself right now by being a butthead.” Breeze threw an annoyed look at the closed door, and then smiled at Candi. “Most males would have snatched you up and hugged you if they were given a female they thought they’d lost. I’d probably be trying to wipe out mental images of things I didn’t want to see right now because he’d have ripped off your clothes to reclaim you, oblivious of who was in the room.”

  She wished he had reacted that way.

  “I’ve never shared sex with him,” Breeze said, surprising her with that statement. “Just so you know. I thought about it when he and I met right after he was freed, but it just didn’t happen. I’m glad for that now. That would be awkward between us.”

  Candi wasn’t sure how to respond.

  Breeze’s features softened. “Sorry. I’ve been around too many humans. You look like one, but I forget looks can be deceiving. You’re more Species than not, aren’t you?”

  “I’m more like you than a human. Does that mean I’m Species?”

  “Yes. It does. Do you know what I’d tell another Species female?”

  “What?”

  “Fight for what you want. He’s your male, isn’t he? A stubborn, stupid one, but yours. You feel guilt for the feline at Mercile. We did what we had to, to survive. It’s a fact of life, and we’re still here because we’re strong. Stop feeling as if you owe him submission, and groveling. He should be kissing your ass and thanking you for saving his life. Don’t forget that and remind him.” She paused. “Males have their physical strength as an advantage, but we have the cunning skills to match them in other ways.”

  Candi appreciated the advice. “I can’t make him listen if he won’t be near me.”

  “He’s not going to Reservation.”

  “What is that?”

  “It doesn’t matter since he’s not going. I clipped his wings. No pilot will fly him there.” She grinned. “Hero isn’t leaving Homeland.”

  “He wants you to take me away.”

  “I’m not going to pick you up and carry you kicking and screaming to the women’s dorm. The males will get their asses kicked if they try it. Do you feel like leaving?”

  “No. I want to stay close to him.”

  Breeze grinned. “Give him hell.” She glanced down at Candi’s body. “You need to put on a lot of weight, but I can’t see him kicking you out of his bed. Do you understand?”

  “No.”

  Breeze winced. “You only shared sex once. I forgot about that. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but canine hearing is good. Okay, get naked. He’s a male with strong feelings for you. Nature will take care of the rest.”

  “He won’t even let me touch him.” She wasn’t opposed to the idea. She actually wished he would mount her.

  “Get naked and he’ll be the one doing the touching.”

  “He will probably leave again.”

  “Perhaps.”

  “He has a female.” It tore her up, saying those words.

  “No, he doesn’t.” Breeze leaned in and took her hand. “You were part of a breeding experiment once so you might know that Species females were taken from male to male in hopes we’d get pregnant. Sometimes they would drug the males first. It made them violent and unable to think. We worried if we’d survive being mounted when they were in that state, and some of us were badly injured.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  Breeze squeezed and released her hand. “It wasn’t their fault. It was the drugs they were forced to take. They don’t remember their actions when they were in that condition and that’s a good thing for all of us. Some of our females avoid the ones they were bred with while on drugs. A female won’t tell a male he once hurt her because they’d tear themselves up the way your Hero is doing because he harmed you with that chain, only they’d be much worse. They didn’t just strike us. We don’t want them to suffer. Some of our females will share sex with one of those males from her past to make good memories in hopes of canceling out the bad. We have had good and bad experiences with them, and that makes it difficult to find absolute trust with a Species male. We’re trying though. We do that by sharing sex with different males and not growing too close to one. So far though, we avoid mating with our males. I’d know if one of my females was serious about a Species male. It would be impossible to hide.”

  “He might have feelings for a female.”

  “There’s no one female he’s been steadily seeing. There isn’t a bond.” Breeze stood. “He just got out of the shower. I heard the water turn off. He might be able to hear us now.” She winked. “I’m leaving an officer in the hallway since a few Species are worried about your safety and his sanity. I told them he wouldn’t hurt you and you sure aren’t a spy.” She laughed. “But welcome to the NSO. We’re a nosy, well-meaning bunch.” She lowered her voice. “Give him hell and don’t give up. Hurry in there before he gets dressed. He just opened his closet.”

  Breeze left and Candi stood and hesitantly walked toward the closed door. Can it be that simple? She wished, but didn’t hold out much hope. It took courage to open the door but she did, stepping inside his bedroom.

  The sight of a mostly naked Hero left her mouth dry. He had a lot of muscles and had really filled out since their youth. His chest was broader, so were his shoulders, and he was much darker skinned. The sunshine had given him a golden hue that looked really good. The towel wrapped around his waist dipped low, revealing more muscles spread from his rib cage to the top of this towel.

  “What are you doing?” He spun, dropping a pair of jeans on the carpet.

  Speak, she ordered, but no words formed. He was beautiful. It did funny things to her body and she understood. She wanted to touch him all over, explore him. She ached from the need.

  “Candi?” His voice came out gruff and harsh. “Get out.”

  She stepped farther into the room and closed the door, sealing them inside. He might run. She wouldn’t allow it. He’d have to throw her out of his way to leave his bedroom. That would mean having to touch her. That was something he didn’t want to do. She leaned against the cool wood.

  Her gaze lifted to his face. He was furious. She accepted that. Breeze had made some really valid points and her own anger surfaced. Rage was one emotion she had learned worked to her advantage at times. She’d survived hell, just for the chance of going after the ones responsible for 927’s death. He was alive and they were in the same room. He should want to hold her as much as she wanted to be in his arms.

  “My pup isn’t a pup anymore.”

  He growled. “Don’t call me that.”

  “That’s right. You’re Hero, an adult male.” She stared at his chest, at his arms. “So strong and tough.” She met his glare. “At least you look that way, but you’re a coward.”

  His mouth dropped open but he recovered, snarling. “What are you doing, Candi? Do you want me to attack you?”

  “No. I want you to stop running as if this is a game of chase. We played that as children. It’s not fun right now.”

  “I’m not playing games. You need to go to the women’s dorm.”

  “I don’t belong there. I belong with you.”

  “You don’t know me anymore. I’m not the same.”

  “Let me get to know you again.”

  “The past is behind us.”

  “You lie now? That’s a trait of a human.”

  “It’s not a lie.” He seemed insulted.

  “We are our past. It shaped who we’ve become.” She tapped her chest. “I lived to be with you, and then I survived after that horrible day so I could make the ones responsible pay for your death. You were in every one of my thoughts. Did you forget abou
t me? What we were? All the years we spent sharing our space? Deny it, and I call liar.”

  He growled in the back of his throat.

  “Tell me that you never think about the future we could have had if that day hadn’t happened. Try to picture how it would feel to kiss and claim me. I think about it often.” She openly studied every inch of his body that she could see. “I hurt to touch you.”

  “Fuck.” He spun away, giving her his back.

  “That’s a crude way to put it, but that too.”

  He snarled, spinning to face her again. “I can’t do this. It was too hard to lose you the first time. It took me years to put my life together and find peace over what happened after you died.”

  “I’m not dead.”

  Some of his anger faded. “I’m grateful.”

  “I’m more than grateful that you’re here with me. It’s a miracle and a gift. You’re trying to throw it away. How can you do that? All we ever dreamed about was being allowed to be together without anyone stopping us.” She glanced around, and then pointedly regarded him. “No one is here. It’s just us. This is our chance.”

  “I’m not the same. Too many things have happened. You’re not the same.”

  She grew silent, catching the pain in his last words. “If I hadn’t allowed that feline to mount me, would you still be across the room, or would you be holding me? Be truthful.”

  He looked away. “I don’t know.”

  It injured her heart, hearing the broken tone of his voice when he rasped the words. She’d hurt him so deeply that it might be impossible to forgive. Grief wrenched at her so strongly that she was grateful to be leaning against the door.

  “Talk to me. Please? Tell me what you’re thinking and feeling.” She’d already told him why it had happened and how she’d suffered. Now he needed to tell her.

  He paced the small space between the bed and the closet, staying away from her. He finally stopped and snapped his head up. “You were mine. You knew it would kill me inside so why didn’t you just let me die?”

  She understood. “It would have torn me to pieces if they’d brought a female to you and if you’d mounted her, but after I thought about it for a while, do you know what I finally realized?”

  “What?”

  “You’d help me heal that pain once they let us be together. We’d have each other to console. I knew I was the one you wanted, not someone else. I thought you knew the same about me.” She fought tears. “I knew you’d hold me and make me forget everything but you. It’s what we always did for each other. Our love was too strong for them to break, no matter how hard they tried.”

  Tears shone in his eyes, but he quickly blinked them away. “We were young.”

  “In years maybe, but we grew up fast there. They didn’t treat us as children.”

  He took a deep, shaky breath. “I don’t know how to get past this.”

  A memory flashed of when they’d been kids. He’d endured a beating when they’d taken her away for a medical checkup. He’d thought they were going to hurt her and had fought to protect her from the techs. She’d returned to their space, and it was the first time he’d been chained to the wall. He wouldn’t even look at her, had just snarled.

  He’d snapped at her with his fangs when she’d tried to hug him, snarling for her to go across the kill-zone line on the floor where humans belonged. Even after they’d let him go, he’d refused to go near her. He’d slept on the floor instead of sharing their mat. He wouldn’t speak to her. She’d cried and pleaded, but nothing had worked. Then in desperation, she’d come up with a plan. A plan that might work as well today as it had then.

  Hero just needed space. He couldn’t think with Candi invading his home. She had refused to leave so he needed to. The only problem was that she blocked the door. He refused to touch her. It would be too much, and he couldn’t handle it. Not right at that moment.

  “Why don’t you go in the bathroom and get dressed?” Her gaze lowered down his body. “It’s too mean to stand there in front of me when I can’t touch you.”

  He noticed the way she looked at him and fought his natural responses. Just thinking of sex reminded him that she’d given herself to another male. It was ingrained in his mind, burned there from the years of pain he’d endured from it. He would have taken a thousand beatings rather than have her step inside their cell with the stench of another male all over her. To know someone else had kissed her and stripped her bare killed his sex drive. He growled, his rage rising fast. He could handle anger better than the pain.

  He bent and snatched up his jeans. He even had the sense to remember to yank a shirt out of the closet. He stormed into the bathroom and locked the door, needing that barricade against her. He’d forgotten underwear but it didn’t matter. He dressed, his actions stiff and jerky. He stood there when he was done, not willing to face her just yet. He stalled for a while by washing his face and brushing his teeth. He even picked up a brush to comb out all the tangles from his wet hair.

  He unlocked the door, took a deep breath. He had to make her understand that he needed time to think. She had allowed the male to mount her, thinking she was saving his life. He just had to work that information into his mind longer so the pain could dull a little. It was just too fresh. He stepped out and glanced at the door where he figured she’d be. She was there all right, and utter shock slammed into him.

  Her borrowed clothing from Medical was in a pile at her feet. Her legs were bare all the way up to mid thigh where one of his discarded tank tops now covered her body. Her arms were above her head, stretched high. He barely noticed that since his shirt gaped open on her sides, the large armholes revealing a lot of skin from her hips upward. He noticed then why her arms were up. She’d used two of his belts to secure her wrists and the ends of them were closed in the top of the door.

  “What—” He couldn’t even comprehend why she’d do that.

  “You didn’t have chains, but I’m restrained here all the same. They are thick enough that I really had to push to get the door to close. They are really stuck.” She bent her knees a little, hanging there when her feet left the floor. “I’m not going anywhere unless you free me.”

  “Why would you do this?” It agitated him. She’d effectively restrained herself.

  “It worked before.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I chained myself to the wall. Remember? I thought about tying myself to your bed this time but figured you’d leave me there. You can’t get out of this room unless you touch me.”

  “Oh hell.” He growled, took a few steps forward, but then stopped.

  She grinned. “You had that same amazed, yet dismayed look on your face when you woke up on the floor and found that I’d chained myself up the way you’d been.”

  “I had to call the techs in to unlock the restraints.” He remembered. “I should have left you there. Nobody wants to be chained to a wall.”

  “You stopped being angry with me.”

  A jolt of amusement shot through him, ruining his foul mood. He’d forgotten that she had a way of getting into predicaments that left him laughing. “What if I left you there?”

  “We’re on the third floor. It’s not like you can just climb out a window. The door is the only way out.”

  “I could jump down to another balcony until I reach the ground,” he teased.

  She straightened her knees and flatted her bare feet on his carpet. “You could, but you won’t.”

  “What makes you so sure of that?”

  Her smile faded as she licked her lips. “You won’t. It would bother you, thinking about how eventually my arms are going to start to hurt.”

  He closed his eyes. “Candi…”

  “Look at me,” she whispered. “They took your pride away that day and embarrassed you in front of me. You thought I’d see you as the animal they claimed. I showed you that we’re the same, and there was no reason for you to feel that way. You didn’t think any less of me,
seeing me chained to a wall.”

  He opened his eyes and the dark mood returned. He just wasn’t sure what to say. She spoke before he could.

  “I took something from you by the choice I made. I really did it to save your life. I know I hurt you. I’d do anything to take it back if I could.” She paused. “I’m at your mercy. Leave me here or touch me. You have a choice now.”

  “Your mind doesn’t work correctly.”

  “That’s the politest way anyone has ever accused me of being nuts. I’m okay with that. I spent a long time in an asylum when I was sane. I’m due some bad choices now.”

  She could drive a male insane. He advanced. She needed to be set free. He kept back, avoiding touching her directly as he gripped one of the belts. He tugged, but the leather band was really wedged in between the door and the jamb. He frowned, pulling harder.

  “That’s not going to work.”

  He glanced down. She was too close. He could smell the shampoo she’d used in her hair, knew she’d brushed her teeth with something minty, and underneath that, her feminine scent called to him. It always had.

  “Why not?”

  Mischief made those beautiful eyes of hers sparkle. “I might have chosen the two belts with the thickest, strongest buckles that stops them from sliding through the door. You’re actually going to have to move me and then open the door to slide them off the top. Why do you have so many belts? Isn’t one enough?”

  “I only left you alone for five minutes.”

  “I have a quick mind.”

  He remembered that about her too. She was always the mastermind when they played pranks. He’d been the one with the strength and height to put them into motion. There had been the time she’d used loose threads from her clothes to braid a thin string. She’d tied a piece of meat on it and then had him lift her up to hang it above the door from an old nail. Dr. C had come in on his daily check, and she’d casually mentioned that a spider was over his head. The doctor had looked up and cried out like a female. He’d realized what it was and glared at both of them. It had been funny. She knew Dr. C feared the eight-legged creatures.