Fumbled Hearts (A Tender Hearts Novel)

by Meagan Brandy

  “As long as she’ll allow.”

  Eyes pinched around the edges, he nods and scratches at his chin. “You using protection?”

  I think about lying, but I don’t keep secrets from my parents; that’s why I have the freedom I do. “Ninety-five percent of the time, yeah.”

  Both brows raise this time.

  I clear my throat, my hands finding my hips. “Sometimes we don’t really, uh…plan it?”

  Dad tries, but fails, to keep his laugh in. Clasping one of my shoulders, he gives me a small shake. “I guess that’s to be expected. Just be careful.” He stabs a finger into my chest. “Your mama said no grandbabies till after college.”

  I shrug him off, smoothing out my shirt. “Yeah, yeah. I know. I’m in no hurry.”

  Not that it would be a bad thing if she did accidentally get pregnant. I bet she’d be as gorgeous as ever.

  “Oh, hell.”

  My gaze flies to my dad’s, finding him running both hands down his face, his fingers pausing over his lips, “You just seen it, didn’t you?”

  Shrugging, I look to my left.

  “Seen what?” We both jolt when we hear my mother’s soft voice.

  “Nothing,” leaves both our mouths at the same time, making my mother laugh.

  “Uh-huh.” She makes her way down the stairs.

  My father turns toward her, and when her eyes shift to him, I see her chest fall with a deep sigh, and a light pink brightens up her fair skin.

  I slip onto the porch to give them a few moments of privacy.

  On the way to Kalani’s, I figure it’s as good a time as any to fill my parents in on a decision I made.

  “So.” I clear my throat and lean forward, placing my elbows on the back of both their seats. “I wanted to let you guys know I made a decision about college.”

  I watch dad’s hand tighten nervously around the steering wheel, but I gotta give the gold to my mother for her attempt at a very nonchalant, “Oh?”

  “Yeah.” I nod. “I’m going to take Coach Jeffery’s offer to play for UCLA.”

  Dad nods at the road, and mom pulls her pink cardigan closer to her chest. “California?”

  “Yeah.”

  “That’s great, honey. We’re very proud of you.” My mother smiles at me over her shoulder, her left hand coming to clamp over my mine. She gives it a small squeeze.

  “You make this decision for yourself, son?”

  When I look at my dad, I see the lines at the corners of his eyes are a bit deeper than normal. Patting him on the shoulder, I put his mind at ease.

  “Aside from my counselor, you two are the only ones who know, if that helps. I haven’t discussed this with, uh, anyone. I looked into the housing, the team’s rep, and history. Everything down to the weather and local surrounding area. Shops, fun, all of it. I already talked to Mase and Ari, and they’re both headed to Avix, so they’ll be around, too.” I nod, even though they can’t see me. “I want this.”

  No need to tell them Kalani played a huge part in my decision and is the entire reason I looked west in the first place. I don’t know exactly where she’s headed, but I have a feeling it’s back that way. I’ve paid attention to signs she gives or lets slip. I know the beach she and her parents frequented the most was in Capitola, which is near more Northern California, and her favorite French toast - other than her dad’s - was at a place called 101 Cafe. I looked it up. It’s a hole-in-the-wall diner, in a beachy town called Oceanside, in Southern California.

  UCLA is the safest bet. And if, for some reason in the end - God forbid - she doesn’t want me, want us, I’ll still be happy living there. Not that I plan on letting her slip by in the first place, but still.

  “Well, then I’m happy you found a place you’re excited about, son.”

  We pull up at Kalani’s and I’m about jump out the still rolling truck, when my mom grabs my hand, halting my movement. “We really are proud of you, Nathaniel.” My mother’s voice is soft and low. “You’ve grown so much in the last few months, and…” Her eyes glaze over and my dad places his hand on her knee. “We’re just really proud.”

  I smile and lean forward, kissing her cheek. “I know, Ma. And I feel better. More… me, I guess.” I laugh lightly, shaking off the seriousness of this conversation.

  I step out.

  As I walk toward Kalani’s door, my palms start to sweat and my breathing gets a bit heavier.

  I glance back at my parents.

  My mom sits in her seat with her head resting against the back, smiling knowingly at me. Her eyes shining and soft, she tilts her chin toward the door.

  I knock.

  When the handle starts to turn, I inhale deeply.

  Every single ounce of air escapes me, leaving my lungs starving and desperate when Kalani pulls the door open and leans her tiny little body against it, looking up at me through dark lashes, her eyes bright and clear.

  She’s so beautiful.

  Subconsciously, my feet find their way directly in front of her.

  Her head tilts back, allowing her to look up at me, and her arm drops from the door.

  My right hand lifts to her face and I run my knuckles across her soft, flawless skin. I can’t tell if she’s wearing more makeup on her cheeks than normal, but they look a little pinker, her eyes a little bluer.

  My hand continues upward.

  Already anticipating it, I look to her lips, watching the slight twitch that always graces the left side of her mouth when my fingers skim above her ear and curve around, securing her hair behind it.

  My left hand comes up to cup her cheek, my thumb stroking her skin softly, watching as she closes her eyes on a tranquil, slow blink, her eyes opening even brighter. More vibrant.

  Her right hand covers mine, while her left sprawls across the center of my chest, giving her a base to support herself on as she lifts onto her toes to kiss me.

  As if I would let her fall.

  Her deep sigh fans across my mouth when her bright red lips press against mine.

  I step further into her, threading my hands deeper into her hair, kissing her back a little harder.

  A loud horn sounds instantly and we’re jolted back to reality.

  Kalani’s eyes turn wary as she lowers herself slowly.

  “Handsome?”

  I grin. “Hi, baby.”

  Her eyes narrow slightly, but she’s not upset. “Is that your dad’s truck behind you?”

  She tries to hide her small frame behind mine, but I move out of the way, giving her a complete view of both my parents leaning toward the window, arms waving at her.

  Now I know it’s a blush that creeps up her chest, neck, and cheeks.

  She lifts a hand to wave. “You are so dead,” she says through a big, fake smile.

  Laughing, I grab her hand, and place a quick kiss to her knuckles. “Sorry, but I knew you’d try and back out if I told you and, I promise you, tonight will be a good time.”

  She eyes me for a minute, then smiles at the ground, letting me lead her to the truck. “I know it will be.”

  This time, she squeezes my hand.

  Funny thing is, I don’t even think she realized it.

  She’s leaning against the metal slab of a concession booth, one hip cocked out. Her right hand holds a tube filled with red Slurpee that’s about as tall as she is, her left holding the neon green straw she keeps pulling to her lips. She throws her head back, laughing as my slightly inebriated mother tells her some story about who the hell knows what. It’s a simple fun, yet she’s never looked so gorgeous.

  It’s a cold night, but the body heat from the hundreds of others around, and the few shots of Patron we snuck into our drinks, has her skin flushed and alive.

  My eyes zone in on her lips again when her mouth closes around the piece of plastic for the dozenth time.

  A deep chuckle from my left has my attention snapping in that direction.

  My dad’s leaning up against the side of the building where we’re w
aiting for the girls to come back with drinks, a dickhead smile in place.

  “What?” I groan, crossing my own arms and he laughs harder, grabbing at his stomach in the process.

  With a shake of his head, he reaches around and scratches at the back of his neck, jerking his head toward our women. “You look ’bout ready to murder that there piece of plastic, son.” He grins even wider. “You jealous of a straw?”

  I try to scowl at him, but it doesn’t work and I start laughing with him.

  On an inhale, I nod, my eyes on my girl. “Yeah, Pops. I think I am.” I swing my head back toward him and he kicks off the wall, coming to stand next to me.

  “You told her yet?” He looks from me to her and my eyes follow his.

  The second my gaze lands on her, she looks up, having sensed it, locking her eyes with mine. The smile that takes over her face nearly knocks me on my ass, and I know.

  Finishing off my ‘Slurpee’, I hand it to my dad without looking at him. Nothing could make me take my eyes off hers right now. “Come stand with your wife,” I tell him as my feet start moving. “I’m taking my girl for a while.”

  The closer I get to her, the taller she stands, and the more her eyes wrinkle in excitement. Not caring who’s around or watching, I cup the back of her neck and smash her lips into mine. It’s not open and heated, but it’s strong and meaningful.

  When my lips are simply pressed against hers, and that uncontrollable heat builds deep inside me, spreading across my body, that has to mean something. This girl was made for me. She’s everything.

  Perfect.

  A raspy giggle leaves her and she pulls back slightly, but she doesn’t take her hands off me. “Guess I’m not the only one whose internal monologue is kinda broken.” She smiles, earning one from me.

  I stare at her, slide my hands down her arms until I reach her fingers, then thread mine through hers.

  And, as if I planned this exact moment for the perfect time, the band steps back onto the stage, the lead single asking us to give a round of applause to the guest performer, then announces their next song.

  With a quick kiss to her lips, I tug on her hands, and together we run into the mob of people, stopping when we’ve reached a nice, crowded, lively spot.

  She throws her arms around my neck, kissing my lips, right as the opening cord and soft melody I’ve been waiting for –was hoping to hear- streams through the arena speakers.

  Nickelback begins to perform their throwback of the night, “Never Gonna Be Alone.”

  I wrap my arms around her and hers come down to wrap underneath, so her palms rest on my shoulder blades, then slide across my back.

  I pull her in, my fingers trailing across the exposed skin at her waistline, wanting her to feel the promise of the song.

  The year’s coming to an end, with only a few months of school left, and I still don’t know for sure where her mind is. I do know she’s never been the happy Kalani she is now. At least, not in a long time.

  This Kalani, while still true and honest, is open and unsure. She’s beauty and pain, light and dark. She’s brave. She knows better than anyone that today might be it, but instead of assuming it will be and cruising through, she’s smiling and laughing and living. And not just on the surface anymore.

  At first it was just around me, but I see her opening up with others now, and I couldn’t be more proud of her.

  She’s alive. I can feel it in the way she touches me, see it in the way she looks at me, and I need her to know…

  “Never gonna be alone…” I sing my promise in time with Chad Kroeger and her body tenses, sending my heart into overdrive, fueled by pure fear. But it’s only for the briefest of moment before she pulls me tighter against her. Secures my place next to her.

  I’ll take it.

  Kalani passed out on the forty-five-minute ride home and is laying her tiny body across mine. I brush her hair out of her face, preparing to wake her when my mom clears her throat, soft and quiet, careful not to wake my sleeping beauty.

  When I look up at her, her eyes appear a little moist as she smiles at me. “Do you have to wake her?” She tilts her head slightly. “She could stay, if you’d like.”

  I grin, wishing this was an option, but knowing Kalani wouldn’t go for that. “Thanks, Ma, but I’m gonna take her home.”

  Mom smashes her lips together in a smile, nodding at me.

  When I lift Kalani and step out of the truck, she stirs slightly and wraps her hands around my neck, her face tucking into my chest.

  Each step I take, her lips brush across my collarbone, and my grip on her tightens.

  She feels it, the heat coming off my body and her eyelashes flit across my skin, sending an electric shock straight to my groin.

  Her tongue peeks out, tasting the salty sweat of my skin, while her fingers skim up the line of my hair.

  “Handsome.” Her voice is raspy with sleep and desperate with need.

  “I know, baby.” I pull the door open and set her on the seat, but she catches my face before I can move and pulls my lips to hers.

  Her kiss is soft, lazy, her silk tongue slipping past my lips. “I want you,” she whispers.

  “I know.” I run my palms up her jean-covered thighs.

  “I need you.”

  My blood flows faster as I slowly pull back to look at her.

  Her hand comes up, and she runs her fingertips across my jaw. “Take me home, Handsome.” It’s barely audible, barely a breath that escapes her lips, but it roars through my body like a stadium speaker announcement. Loud, and clear, and booming. Or maybe that’s my heart hitting my ribs.

  She needs me.

  I need her.

  I’ve never driven so fast...

  We’ve been lying in her bed for a few minutes, her wrapped in my arms, me wishing she’d allow herself to stay there. But as much as I hate this part, hate leaving her, the last thing I want to do is push when I know tonight was heavy. So, I kiss her forehead and shift out from under her, making my way into the bathroom to toss the condom.

  I pull my boxers on and am reaching for my jeans when her hesitant hand catches mine.

  When my pinched gaze finds hers, she averts her eyes to the floor.

  “Kalani...” I whisper and she drops my hand.

  With a shake of her head, she lets out a small laugh and walks past me to throw on a shirt.

  At her door, I tell her good night, placing a soft kiss to her lips, her cheek, her forehead, then step out into the cold night air, making my way to my truck.

  “Nate!” Her voice is urgent and heavy.

  With my brows pulled in, I turn to her.

  Something in her eyes tells me not to move, so I keep my feet planted the few steps they’ve carried me from her door.

  Her gaze is, again, on the floor, and her right foot is bouncing against the cold tile floor.

  Finally, she laughs and looks up.

  She takes a single step, extending her arm out for me, and my chest tightens.

  Afraid to miss read this, I place my palm in hers blindly.

  Her eyes flit back and forth between mine, and that’s when I hear the words flowing through the speakers in the house.

  Could be the song, could be something else, but whatever it is, I stop breathing when she whispers, “Stay.”

  Needing to know if I heard her right, or if my desire to do so fucked with my head, I dip down so we’re eye level, gripping her flushed cheeks tight in my palms. “What’d you say, baby?”

  Her hands fly to mine and she pulls, trying to remove them. An attempt to duck and run, I’m sure.

  I won’t allow that.

  “Nuh-uh.” I shake my head, scraping her bottom lip with my teeth. “Say it again.” My voice is rough and demanding, but that’s what she needs right now.

  Proving me right, her chest pushes out and fire sparks behind her blue eyes, while her hands drop to my chest. “Fine. I said stay, Handsome,” she snaps, her brows pulling in, daring me to deny h
er.

  I could never.

  A grin splits across my lips and hers follows. She rolls her eyes and tucks herself into my embrace to try and make light of the mood, but there’s nothing light about it. This is big. Especially for her. While I’ve been wanting to stay since I dragged her out of her date with Jarrod, Kalani has been doing her best to keep things simple.

  So, yeah, this is big.

  I’m gonna make it better.

  With a ridiculous smile on my face, I pull back, grasping her shoulders. “Get some sweats on, and some shoes. I have an idea.”

  With a light laugh, she agrees and runs back into the house, emerging not a minute later, ready for me to lead her wherever I wish.

  I kill the lights and turn down the dirt road.

  “Uh... Handsome?”

  I grin, ignoring her as I pull my truck next to my dad’s. Turning off the engine, I shift toward her in my seat, my forearms resting on the steering wheel and back of the seat. “Watch for a light, then get out. ’Kay?”

  Her brows lower, but she’s grinning.

  I take that as a yes and dash toward my house, sneaking inside as quietly as a six-foot-two, one hundred and eighty-pound guy is capable of, and head into my room, locking the door behind me.

  Grabbing the flashlight from the top of my dresser, I head to my window and throw it open, shining the light onto the hood of my Hummer.

  Slowly, she emerges, shutting the door gently behind her, her eyes squinting at me. It’s not pitch black out, and the stars are shining brightly, so she can see me fairly good.

  Her eyes take in everything around and return to me.

  I grin and lean against my window sill. Cupping my mouth with my hands, I shout in a whisper, “Come to me, Jenny.”

  Her face pinches slightly, then her fingers lift to her mouth. Finally, she squeals and stomps her feet before running to the side of the house on the tips of her toes.

  I watch, my eyes glued on her, as she makes her way up and over the balcony… makes her way to me.

  Her breath is a bit heavy from the climb, mixed with excitement, but her smile is wide and real, and her eyes... Her eyes are bright and loving.

  “Hi, Forrest.”