Fumbled Hearts (A Tender Hearts Novel)

by Meagan Brandy

  I smile. “Hi, Jenny.”

  When I reach for her, she blushes, slips her hand in mine and steps through the window. The moment her feet meet my floor, she wraps herself around me, pressing her cheek into my chest, and my arms envelope her.

  “Tonight was perfect,” she mumbles into my shirt.

  “Almost,” I whisper into her hair, and pull back to toss my shirt to the floor, kicking my shoes off in the process.

  Her arms lift, allowing me to slide off her sweater, then her feet for me to pull off her shoes, leaving her in sweatpants and a t-shirt.

  I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling when she takes the initiative to pull the covers back and slides in first. She faces the wall so I tuck in behind her, pulling her as close as our bodies will allow. She lifts her head, allowing my arm to slide under the pillow, then drops back down.

  Small sighs keep leaving her and my chest tightens, along with my arm that’s wrapped around her. Every time her chest inflates, mine pinches.

  “Now it’s perfect.” Kissing the back of her head, I dig my face into her hair to breathe her in.

  My grip loosens when she props onto her elbow, shifting to look at me over her shoulder. Her eyes roam my face for a few moments, like she’s trying to memorize everything about me, and this glossy look I’ve never seen, but instantly love, takes over.

  With a small tug, I pull the hairband from her hair, watching as it falls over her shoulders. When my hand comes up to tuck her thick locks behind her ear, she leans into my palm, closing her eyes. She turns until her lips graze across my skin, then brings her pretty blues back to me.

  “Happy Valentine’s Day, Nathaniel,” she whispers, unblinking.

  Gently guiding her mouth to mine, I kiss her lips soft and slow.

  “Happy Valentine’s Day, Kalani.”

  She tucks her body back into me, and we fall asleep, together.

  Blankets in hand, Mia and I make our way to the gate. The Knights were invited to play in a spring, end of the year, farewell game against the Crenshaw Tigers from the next town over. According to Coach, it’s the seniors’ last hoorah before real life begins.

  For some of these boys, tonight will be their last night suiting up and stepping under the lights. For others, like Nate, it’s a goodbye tribute to the coach that allotted them the opportunity to look forward to the future that’s impending; the chance to play in a bigger stadium under bigger lights. Emotions are going to run high tonight.

  After paying the five-dollar student fee, we walk inside and make our way to the first row, front and center, and right on the fifty-yard line. Perfect view of the boys. Of my man. Unfortunately, that also means the cheerleaders are in sight. And by cheerleaders, I mean Liv.

  Yay.

  “Mr. and Mrs. Monroe coming?” Mia asks, as she wraps her black and red blanket around her shoulders.

  “Yeah. Sara texted me a little bit ago. She said they’d be here.”

  Mia bumps my shoulder, so I turn to look at her.

  “Sara, huh?” she teases.

  To hide my smile, I breathe into my hands, rubbing them back and forth for warmth. It’s cold as shit here for early spring. “She says she’s young and doesn’t like being called Missus, that’s all.”

  Mia nods, a grin on her lips. “Yeah, that’s a bunch of shit.”

  My mouth drops open and now it’s me bumping her.

  “What?” she laughs, pulling her blanket up higher. “It’s true! I’ve been hearing Liv call her Mrs. Monroe at all the barbecues for years. Never once has she said, ‘Please, call me Sara’.” She smiles widely at me.

  “Yeah, well.” I bite the inside of my cheek. “She kinda likes me, I guess.”

  Thankfully, a scoff is all I get and she buries her face in her phone.

  The boys jog onto the field and start their pregame warm ups, so I stand and lean against the railing, watching Nate as he commands his team with simple stretch calls.

  It’s all routine and they know it by heart, but they wait for his order before manipulating their bodies as needed.

  His head shifts toward me, and while I can’t see his eyes from here, I know they’re on me. I can feel them, burning straight through my chest.

  Since Valentine’s Day last month, Nate has spent at least four nights out of the week at my house, and to be honest, I kinda wish he’d stay more. I like him being there, like waking up to him. I hadn’t realized how much I missed having someone around.

  As a child, someone was usually there, but as a teenager, other than those last couple months when my gramps finally moved in, everyone was sporadic. I never stopped to consider what it would feel like to have someone like this. Just to eat and watch movies with. It’s nice and it’s bringing back simple memories I’d lost. He’s bringing them back.

  Nate’s unknowingly healing pieces of me I didn’t know needed mending, helping memories and feelings I forced my brain to forget to resurface. I hadn’t realized, when I shut down my psyche, I’d also lost all the good moments in my life. But when you don’t allow your mind to straggle, when you force it into the here and now only, I guess it’s inevitable. It’s also tiring. And I’m tired of being tired.

  “Hey!”

  Peeking over my shoulder, I smile, giving a little wave to Nate’s parents as they shimmy down the aisle toward us.

  The second she sets her bag down, Sara wraps me in a quick one-armed hug, then mimics my position. She smiles, letting her eyes roam the football field, then looks down over the railing at the cheerleaders who are four or five feet below, warming up on the track.

  “Oh!” She claps her hands, whirling back to her bag. “I brought you something!”

  Releasing one hand from the bar, I turn slowly, and lean my back against it. Sliding my eyes to Mr. Monroe - Ian - I quirk a brow.

  He shrugs like he has no clue, but the tip on his lips tells me he does. He always knows when it comes to his wife. It’s as if they’re two people sharing one soul. What they have, it’s something to strive for.

  My eyes shoot wide when she turns back to me with Nate’s away jersey in her arms. It’s red with the number twenty-one embroidered on the chest in big, black letters - opposite of his home jersey. She turns it in her hands, showing me the Monroe nameplate across the back.

  “What do you want me to do with that?” I smash my lips to the side.

  With a huff, she shakes her head and thrusts the jersey to my chest. “Wipe that scowl off your beautiful little face and put the damn thing on, Kalani Embers.”

  When Ian and Mia laugh from behind her, I narrow my eyes at both of them.

  Traitors.

  “Yeah, Lolli,” Mia sing-songs. “Wear it.”

  “I don’t need to prove anything to anyone.” I cross my arms and stand up straight. “He knows and I know. That’s all that matters.”

  When I lock eyes with Ian, he tips his head slightly, his eyes soft, reminding me of his son, but Sara looks about ready to cry.

  Shit, wrong thing to say?

  She steps up to me, gripping my shoulders, and my brows pull together.

  “We know that, sweetheart,” she whispers lightly, the gentleness of her voice making me hold my breath. “I didn’t bring you this so you could show it off to the world. I know that’s not you. Though,” she laughs slightly, “I have to say, I wouldn’t mind if you did, because you’re you. But, I brought this for you because I know what it would mean to him." Her eyes shine with unshed tears, and my ribs start to ache. “You sitting here, under the lights on his last night as a high school football player, with his name and number proudly displayed on your cute little body.” She squeezes my shoulders again, and out of the corner of my eye, I see Ian’s hand come to rest on her lower back. “He’ll never forget it,” she whispers.

  Heat spreads up and across my neck and cheeks, but more importantly, warmth takes over my body in a way I’ve never experienced and can’t explain.

  After a glance between the two, I nod, then
reach for the jersey.

  She smiles brightly and sits down on the bench, digging in her bag like she didn’t just tell me Nate would carry a piece of me with him, no matter where life took him. Like she didn’t just say she knows and understands the person I am, and she wouldn’t have me any other way.

  My chest starts to tighten, my eyes pinching at the sides, and I feel the sudden need to run.

  My body turns on its own accord, and my eyes find their harbor immediately.

  He senses me.

  Nate’s head turns in my direction, the ball he’s been tossing around to warm up his muscles freezing in his hands. He angles his body toward mine, silently asking if he needs to come to me.

  He’s got me.

  Air makes its way into my lungs and the pounding in my head lessens.

  His helmet tips slightly and a smile breaks across my lips.

  I can picture the scowl on his handsome face right now, the drop in his brows, the challenge in his dark eyes.

  Fuck it.

  In one quick motion, I yank his jersey over my head, then grab the railing with both hands.

  When the ball falls from his grip, I can’t help the laugh that escapes me. He takes two steps toward me, then prepares to jog, but Mr. P. is quick with his interception and a deflated Nate turns back to his partner, snatching the ball off the ground in a pissy motion I find sexy as hell.

  “Told ya.”

  I turn back, finding both of Nate’s parents smirking, Sara nestled between her husband’s legs as he sits one bleacher up, his arms wrapped tightly around his wife.

  Laughing, I take my seat between Mia and Sara. “Let’s watch some football.”

  The buzzer sounds and we all get sucked into the lights, whistles, and exhilaration a Friday night game brings.

  The boys play their hearts out as the realization of the night sets it for both teams. It’s all sweat, blood, and dedication on the field, making for one hell of a game.

  On the last play, the crowd stands.

  Nate calls his play, pointing in both directions, adjusting his guys as needed and gets set. Holding the ball, he searches for an opening, but finds no one free. His only option is to make a run for it.

  With the ball tucked tight, he books it, stiff-arming the safety as he makes a dive for him, and from there, it’s open field.

  We jump up and down, screaming together as Nate crosses into the end zone, scoring the winning touchdown with only seconds left on the clock. Sara and Mia hug me, then hug each other, a trend that flows through the crowd.

  I lean over the railing, yelling out to the boys, watching as Nate jogs back, his teammates hitting his shoulder pads, and slapping his helmet along the way, but he doesn’t stop when he reaches the sidelines. He tosses his helmet and keeps running. Headed right for me.

  He picks up speed right before he reaches me, leaping up to latch himself onto the railing, smashing his lips into mine in the same motion.

  With a smile, I pull back, allowing him enough room to throw his legs over the side.

  His smile is wide and elated. He pulls my body against his, his brown eyes dropping to his jersey I’m wearing, then swinging to his parents.

  “Ma?”

  I turn to see her watery eyes as she nods.

  He looks back to me, dropping his sweaty forehead against mine. “Thank you for wearing it.”

  “I almost didn’t.” I reach up, brushing his sweat-soaked hair back.

  He catches my hand on its descent, and brings my wrist to his lips, placing a soft kiss there. “I know.”

  When my eyes pinch, he cups my cheeks, his dark eyes reaching deep inside me, pulling strings I didn’t know existed.

  His grip tightens in warning, so I raise my hands to cover his and hold my breath. I can feel the accelerated rhythm of his heart beating through his palms.

  Those chocolate eyes implore mine. “I love you.”

  I’m shaking my head before he even finishes.

  “Yeah, Kalani.” He nods, sureness carrying his voice. “I do. I’m in love with you.”

  “No. You’re not,” I shoot back, my body turning to cement.

  He smiles and I don’t miss the chuckles around us. “Yes, I am. And you’re in love with me, too.”

  “No, I’m not.”

  He steps into me. “Yes. You are. I know you are.”

  “You don’t know shit,” I whisper, unable to catch my breath, my eyes darting across his face, searching for a sign of... something.

  He brushes my hair out of the way. “How do you feel when I touch you?”

  “Warm.”

  “And when I hold you?” His arms wrap around me, his pads making him even larger.

  My hands drop to his chest, the fight in me slowly dissolving. “Safe,” I mutter.

  He brings his mouth to my ear, whispering, “And when I fuck you?” He pulls back, locking our gazes once more, dipping his chin slightly.

  I don’t answer right away, but after a few moments, “Everything… loved,” squeezes its way past my lips.

  He nods and that perfect smile lights up his entire face.

  “Oh, my God…” I think I say out loud. “When did this happen?”

  His forehead drops to mine again. “It doesn’t matter, baby.”

  I bring my hands to his waist, pulling back again. “I’m in love with you?”

  He laughs, nodding his head.

  My chest tightens and expands at the same time. Closing my eyes, a sense of belonging, of need and want, settle inside me and suddenly, while nothing makes sense, everything feels right. Him here. With me. Opening my eyes, I zone in on his.

  “I’m in love with you.”

  With that, he pulls me into his arms and kisses me, not caring about the hundreds of fans around. Not caring that his parents and my cousin just witnessed this moment, he kisses me with everything he has, making sure I know exactly how much he loves me.

  And I do the same.

  Later that night, Nate and I are sitting on the lawn in Parker’s backyard, me nestled between his legs, my back to his front, taking a break from the chaos that is an Alrick High senior bash.

  This party reminds me of that first one I was dragged to back in November. People are crazy drunk and high on adrenaline and – let’s be real - some other shit, too. Even though it’s cold out, there is less clothing here than a strip club, and I’m pretty sure I saw a few getting down and dirty on the makeshift dance floor.

  Spring break is in two days. I guess they’re prepping for the massive hangovers they’re bound to be in.

  Nate’s arms tighten around me, his face burrowing deeper into my hair, and I turn into him, bringing my cheek against his, enjoying the feeling of simply being near him. Feeling him.

  It’s crazy that just a few hours ago, I realized I loved him, because right now, sitting here with him, it feels like it has always been this way. Like there hasn’t been a time where I didn’t love him. He pulled some kind of quarterback sneak on me and found his opening, capitalizing on it.

  Dirty jokes aside, I knew he had gotten inside me. I knew he burned himself deep into my being. There was no way a guy like him could make my body feel alive the way he does, bringing me back from the edge of a panic attack and give me the courage to make the first move with my aunt, without having left a mark on me.

  He’s become my everything in this short time and while it scares the shit out of me, it offers me a calmness I’ve never known and can’t explain.

  “Nate?” I whisper into the night, gazing up at all the stars.

  “Hmm?” He takes a deep breath, inhaling me, his thighs tightening against mine. When my body trembles, I feel his mouth morph into a smile against my skin, and my heart beats out of my chest.

  “There are things you still don’t know about me.” My voice is low and hesitant, not because I don’t want him to know, but because I’m nervous. I don’t want him to look at me and see an opportunity, not that he needs one. He’s a badass on his own, a
nd will have no problem in college ball or after, but still. I guess maybe I’m afraid of being needed versus him needing me.

  “I know everything I need to know, baby.” He kisses my temple. “And everything else, I’ll learn along the way.”

  I nod, my brows pinched. “Yeah, but my family-”

  “There you guys are!” Mia slurs from the sliding door, gaining both our attention. “Austin is in need of your assistance, Mr. Monroe.” She hobbles out the door, two unopened beers in hand, and plops down on the ground next to me.

  Laughing, I grab onto her arm to stabilize her.

  “I’ll keep your girl company.” She shoos him away. “Go on now.”

  Nate shakes his head with a smile, drops a quick kiss to my lips, and makes his way into the house.

  Mia twists off the top to a beer and hands it to me before opening her own. “Cheers.” She thrusts her bottle out and instead of clinking ours together, the bitch hits the top of my bottle with the bottom of hers, making mine overflow, forcing me to down about half of it in one drink.

  Her body tips to the side when she laughs, but she sticks an arm out, righting herself.

  “Bitch.” I nudge her, throwing her off balance again.

  “You love me.” She lays her head on my shoulder.

  “I do.”

  “Aaand you love Nate?”

  I nod, looking off to the side.

  She’s quiet for a few seconds, then whispers, “That’s really good, Lollipop.”

  While I know she’s happy for me, her tone as an underlying sadness to it. It’s more of a plea than a whisper. I have to ask her what’s going on with her. She’s been acting weird the last few weeks, and I can’t figure it out. “Mia-”

  "Okay, so,” she cuts me off and I bit my inner cheek to keep quiet.

  Clearly, she doesn’t want to talk about it, and if anyone gets not wanting others to pry, it’s me.

  “I think we’ve got everything we need for the trip. All I need is a couple new swimsuits. How ’bout you?” Mia slurs, lifting her head to peek at me.

  I wink and watch her shoulders relax. “I think I’m good, other than travel shower shit.”

  “That’s easy enough.” She nods, slamming back the rest of her beer. She’s about to speak when something catches her attention over her shoulder.