Fumbled Hearts (A Tender Hearts Novel)

by Meagan Brandy

  I needed her help. And she came through for me, ready to help me fix it.

  I made her promise not to tell a soul. Even if he didn’t come to her, she couldn’t go to him. She didn’t understand; not many people would, I guess. But I needed Nate to be the one to seek answers. I needed him to need me, as senseless as it may seem. Reluctantly, she agreed.

  Deep down, I knew he’d make me proud.

  The last few months, I’ve survived on the faith I put in a man who thinks I’ve fucked him over in the worst way. Hoping and praying to the football gods that he’d come to me, that he’d find himself so desperate for the truth, that he’d find it. Find me.

  Will he hate me when he finds out I knew and didn’t come to him? Will he understand why I waited for him to come to me? Will he even believe that I was waiting for him? Does he know how much my body aches for him to be near?

  I can’t begin to imagine what Nate’s been thinking. What he’s been feeling.

  Am I as sick as Liv and Jarrod for knowing the truth and doing nothing about it?

  The shuffle in the sand may as well be silent. I know he’s standing in front of me. I felt him the moment he approached.

  After a deep inhale, I force my lids open, my blue eyes crashing into a pair of dark, roasted espresso ones.

  A broken cry escapes before I can stop it.

  The face I’ve dreamed about for months is standing right in front of me, looking just as nervous and as unsure as I feel.

  Nate takes a small step forward, but when I tense, he freezes, his face tightening around the edges.

  In a wrinkled shirt and shorts, with dark circles lining his eyes, he wears a worn-out expression.

  “You look like shit,” I whisper.

  He chuckles lightly, and like a California wave, the sound rolls through my body and I settle against the seat.

  “I haven’t been doing so hot,” he admits, tucking his hands into his pockets, shifting his gaze over my shoulder.

  “Oh.”

  His eyes lock on mine and I can’t breathe.

  “Kalani…” he whispers, and my eyes close. His voice is so low, so gentle and loving.

  I feel him moving closer, the warmth of his large body approaching mine. I’m torn between running away or handcuffing myself to him.

  His shaky hand closes over mine holding the chain. “Can you please open your eyes?” His breath fans across my face; he must be kneeling. “I need to see those blues, baby.”

  Baby.

  I don’t know if I’m supposed to correct him on that, but I don’t. I love the way it sounds on his lips, love the way it feels against my skin. Raspy and warm. I think I’m supposed to have anger coursing through me, be mad at him, something, but all my heart is transmitting to my brain is relief.

  My body makes the decision, and leans forward. I don’t wrap my arms around him, but I lay my head on his chest, needing to feel his heartbeat against my skin.

  He, however, wraps his strong arms around me instantly, enveloping me, squeezing me tight. He takes a staggering breath, dropping his head into my neck as much as the position allows.

  A deep gust of air leaves him and his body sags against mine.

  “I’m so fucking sorry, Kalani. I…”

  Pushing off his chest, I give myself some distance.

  His head is tilted, with no energy to hold it up, and his brows are pinched, unsure and scared.

  “I, uh, wasn’t expecting this. Today.” I look up to meet his sad eyes. “Like, at all.”

  “Neither was I, to be honest.” When my brows knit, he continues, “I thought for sure Parker would tell me to take a hike.” He laughs nervously, glancing back toward my house, then returning his somber eyes to me.

  “But you’re here.”

  He nods, his gaze roaming my face.

  “I know Parker.” His shoulders sag slightly and he drops his gaze to the concrete floor. “He’d never bring you here if it wasn’t the right thing to do.” He nods, as if trying to convince himself, his chin still against his chest.

  “He’d never hurt you.” His sad eyes lift to mine, but his head stays down. “Parker would never hurt you.”

  “I know.” I nod.

  I expect him to grimace, maybe look away, but he doesn’t. He gazes at me, his soft eyes searching my face, and then, shocking the hell out of me, he smirks. And it’s the all out, stop a married woman in her tracks, Nathaniel Monroe smirk.

  What the…

  I smirk, determination burning through me.

  I fuckin’ knew it.

  I saw it on her face the moment I stepped in front of her; the nerves. She hadn’t even opened her eyes yet and I could feel it. She was scared shitless.

  There was pain coming from her, but not the kind a broken-hearted girl would radiate.

  I drop onto the sand, watching her wide eyes fly across my face as I lift her by her hips, bringing her down to straddle me.

  Her hands come out to rest on my chest, her blues narrowing.

  I sprawl one hand across her tailbone, the other gliding torturously slow up her spine, and she shudders against me, her eyes growing heavier.

  “Tell me something, Kalani…” I murmur against her skin. “What is it you’re afraid of?”

  “What did I tell you about playing games?” she whispers in a false bravado. “Ask me what you really wanna know.”

  Pulling back, I offer a soft smile, and I run my fingertips across her lips. “Baby, I don’t have to ask. I already know.” Her eyes roam my face and I dip my chin slightly. “I suspected it as soon as I allowed myself to hope. Once I stopped running from the pain, I realized what I knew meant what I thought wasn’t possible.”

  “And what did you know?” she whispers.

  I cup her cheeks and she gasps. “You love me. I knew it before you did, and felt it grow stronger every day. I knew you wanted my happiness as much as I wanted yours, and you’d never throw away what we had. I knew you craved me, like I you.” When her lips start to tremble, I lean my forehead against hers. “Once I realized all that, I knew you’d have fought for me. There was no way you wouldn’t figure out what really happened, once you allowed yourself to think about it. And I knew you’d think about it because you can’t shut me out. You’ve never been able to shut me out.” I wipe away the tears that run down her cheeks. “Do you know why that is, Kalani?” I whisper and she shakes her head no.

  “Because my heart beats in your chest, and yours in mine. We’re blended in each other in deeper ways than even we understand.” She’s full on sobbing now.

  I pull back more, needing her to hear me. “I need you to know I understand. I get it. I also need you to know how sorry I am for not coming sooner.” She tries to interrupt, but I don’t let her.

  “I never should have allowed my mind to get clouded. I should have marched straight to your room and demanded answers.”

  “I should have come to you when I found out. Should have fought for you.”

  My brows crinkle. “You did fight for me.” When her brows pull in, I explain, “Baby, you made my being here right now possible. You put it all together and found the answers I was too afraid to look for. I know you reached out to Ashley long before I did, or she never would have had what I needed ready at the waiting when I approached her the other night. You made this moment happen. You think Parker would have brought me to you had I not known the truth ahead of time?” I tease to help relieve some of the tension. It works, and she chuckles slightly, her body dropping further into mine.

  “I’m glad you didn’t come to me, Kalani. I needed to be the one to open my eyes and see. I failed you that night. Not the other way around.” I squeeze her cheeks tighter. “I will never fail you again.”

  A sob breaks through and she wraps her arms around my neck, holding me as tight as her little body allows, and I wrap my arms around her.

  We sit there, holding each other in the sand, for a long while, before she pulls back. “How long do we have before you ha
ve to leave?”

  “I’m not leaving.”

  She scowls at me, as she jumps to her feet and starts pacing in the sand.

  And now, I’m nervous.

  When I stand, she stops, turning to pin me with a glare.

  “Bullshit, you’re not!”

  “I don’t understand.” I frown.

  “You’re not staying here!”

  What? “The fuck I’m not!”

  She scoffs, crossing her arms over her chest. “I won’t let you.”

  I’m about to lose my shit…

  I rush her, stepping right in front of her so she has to tip her head all the way back to look at me. She’s not intimidated.

  “I’m not fucking leaving,” I growl through gritted teeth, my heart hammering against my chest.

  What the hell is she doing?

  Her hands fly up in the air, coming down to slap against her bare thighs. “Well you’re not staying!”

  “I-”

  “No! You have to go to college, Nate!”

  Oh. I get it now.

  “You’re going to do amazing things.” She reaches up, placing her tiny hands on my face and I tilt my head, leaning into her touch. “I would love for you to stay, but being here will ruin everything you’ve worked toward.” Her voice drops to a whisper, nearly inaudible. “And I won’t allow that. I’ll be here, waiting for you, but you can’t just stay.”

  “This is where I belong, baby. Right here, with you.”

  “No.”

  “Yes.”

  “Nate, please,” she pleads.

  “I signed with UCLA.” My heart stops beating while I wait for her response.

  She pulls her hands away from my face, slowly lowering them to her sides. “What?”

  “In February.”

  “February.” She frowns at my chest.

  I nod.

  “You didn’t tell me.”

  “I didn’t want you to try and talk me out of it. I had to wait until it was too late to back out before I said anything.”

  “February.” She looks up at me

  “Uh-huh.” I dare her to argue.

  “Why California?”

  “You really asking me that?”

  She goes to speak, but nothing comes out. Her lips purse, her brows furrowing. I see it all over her face; she’s doing her best to tell herself I’d never choose my path based on hers.

  She’s so fucking wrong.

  “Yeah, baby.” I lift my hand and her breath hitches. Then I do what I’ve been thinking about for months.

  My calloused fingers graze her jaw, sliding up and over her ear, where I tuck her hair behind it. I let my hand sink further into her dark locks, and bring my forehead down to hers.

  “You’re staying?” she asks quietly.

  “You couldn’t force me to leave if you tried.”

  A small chuckle escapes and Kalani shakes her head. She pulls back and turns to look at the swing. “Do you feel like I lied to you, about…me?”

  I shuffle my feet. “I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt to hear you kept those things from me. Then, to find out you told Parker; that was a whole other kind of feeling.”

  “I didn’t tell you because I thought we were just fooling around. I didn’t think it was going to become more. You were…you, Nate Monroe, the proud manwhore, and I was having fun. Then things shifted and I convinced myself it didn’t matter. As far as telling Parker; I didn’t tell him until way later, when I offered him a job. Not that that makes it any better, but still.”

  “I know, and I don’t care anymore. None of that matters.” I reach for her hand and she looks up at me.

  Her gaze is tender. “We fumbled pretty good, didn’t we?”

  I laugh lightly. “Yeah, I guess we did.”

  I pull her to me and together we drop onto the swing. I help sway us, since her feet still don’t touch the ground, and we watch the waves grow stronger as the sun begins to disappear.

  “Why did you bring the swing here?” she asks, not lifting her head from my shoulder.

  “For you, so when I’m in class or on the field, you can sit here and feel close to me.”

  Her body tenses slightly, so I glide my palm up and down her thighs. “Don’t. This is it. Us. You and me?” I nod. “We’re gonna make it.”

  She pulls back to look at me. We shift our bodies so we’re facing each other.

  “I’m going to be busy, Kalani. Real busy, but so are you. There will be times when we don’t see each other as much as we want, but hear me when I say I will be here, with you, every chance I have. And when I’m not, when I can’t be…you have our swing.”

  “Our swing?” Her eyes glaze over.

  I cup her cheek, gently tilting her head, forcing her to look directly into my eyes. “Never gonna be alone, remember?”

  She nods, her eyes locked on mine.

  “So, what do you say?” I whisper, my fingers brushing her neck, creating goosebumps all across her flesh.

  “You do know the Tomahawks work closely with their local athletes, right? And that Embers Elite Exposures covers all home games for the University?”

  A slow grin spreads across my face and she smiles back.

  She shifts, leaning in, and my breathing grows labored when her lips are but a breath away from mine. “Chances are, I’ll be there all the time.”

  My hand slowly sinks into her hair, the other coming to rest on her hip. When her eyes close, I don’t wait patiently, but crush my lips into her full, soft ones, and we each let out a sigh-filled groan on contact.

  As I scoot back, she slides one leg over, straddling me.

  My hands slide down her back, cupping her ass with a gentle squeeze.

  It’s too damn easy to get lost in her so I pull back quickly.

  My arms wrap around her, pulling her close, holding her tight against my chest.

  “I’m not going anywhere. Ever. I’m gonna stay with you, love you, forever.”

  She smiles and slides her hands up my neck. “I know.” She tilts her head and raises a brow. “Ready to show me what forever feels like?”

  I nod.

  She nods.

  We’re on the same page.

  “I like her.” Mason jerks his head toward Kalani, who is whippin’ his buddy Brady’s ass at sports trivia.

  I chuckle, taking a drink from my cup. “That’s ’cause she’s perfect.”

  “Ah, fuck man, don’t rub that lovey shit off on me.” He makes it a point to shudder and I laugh.

  As soon as I took the time to process where Kalani’s new house was, I realized it was on the same beach where my aunt and uncle, and their friends, owned property. Turns out, they just gave one of their vacation homes to their kids to share, so they’re here spending their last free weeks of summer.

  “Hey, think she can get us season tickets?”

  “Really, Mase?” his friend, Chase, laughs, walking off to grab another drink from the ice chest. “She’s already letting your sorry ass stay at her condo in Hawaii in a few weeks.”

  “Hey, I didn’t ask to parade around on an island in a monkey suit while your sister says I do to a jackass.”

  I punch him in the shoulder.

  “I’m fucking with you, man.” He laughs, shoving me. “Kenra’s dude is a jackass, though.”

  “Trust me, dickhead, I know. But, in case you want to know, Kalani already gave us passes.”

  “What?” His eyes shoot as wide as saucers.

  “And she’s arranged it so we can check out Aloha Stadium while we’re there.”

  “Shit, maybe I should marry her.”

  When I glare at him, he winks, and takes a drink from his cup. He looks to his side in time to see Brady step away from Kalani and rush up to his twin, Ari, and her best friend Cam, tossing both girls over his massive shoulders.

  Mason groans.

  “Put her down, asshole!” he tells him, his tone flat, and Brady turns to him.

  “Which one, Johnson?” H
e teases, a shit-eating grin on his face.

  “Both of ’em, dickhead.”

  I can’t help but laugh.

  Mason has a thing for Cam, but won’t admit it. He’s a fool like that.

  We watch as Brady walks the girls over to the others, introducing them both to Kalani and Parker.

  “What’s the dude’s story?” He nods toward Parker.

  “What is it you’re really wanting to know?” I ask without looking away from my girl, winking at her when she catches my eyes on her. She lifts her Polaroid camera and snaps a quick picture of me, sticking her tongue out before turning back to her conversation.

  “Am I gonna need to tell him to stay away from my sister and Cameron?”

  I sigh. “Nah, man. He’s not interested in anything right now. He’s up to his neck in school shit; summer and early courses even. Focused as a motherfucker.”

  “And you don’t think a chick could break through that shit in an instant?”

  “Nope. Not right now anyway.”

  He lets out a low whistle. “Damn, man. I gotta say, I don’t know how you can handle your girl having an alright lookin’ fucker as a housemate.”

  I get it, what he’s saying. Parker isn’t ugly and Kalani is fine as fuck. Their living together isn’t ideal and, admittedly, it makes me crazy sometimes to know that he’ll get to come home to her most nights when I can’t, but it’s not like that.

  I’ve thought a lot about their relationship over the last few months, and sometimes, yeah, the insecurities come out, but I’ve decided Parker’s got some shit going on he doesn’t talk about. Something inside him needed the friendship she gave him. That ‘no pressure, no questions’ friendship, full of trust and honesty; loyalty that only she can give someone. And I get that. Respect it even.

  I smile at my girl and our friend. “I trust him. And it’s good she’ll have someone there with her when I can’t be.”

  “Way to look for the positives.” He chuckles and I roll my eyes. “But good to know.” Downing the contents of his cup, he walks up to the girls and smacks Cam on her ass.