The Foundling Bride

by Helen Dickson

  Lowena’s eyes were soft, warm and dazed, unfocused with the loveliness that came when a woman was deep in the pleasures of the flesh. Marcus’s kisses acted on her like a balm, blotting out the hostile world, annihilating her fear and loneliness, and his fragrance and his lips filled her mind and her soul.

  A detached thread of thought warned her that there would be no lasting future for her with Marcus, but she didn’t care. All she cared about was now, this moment. She wanted him to love her and she felt a wild surge of excitement and anticipation.

  Desire, primitive and potent, pounded through Marcus’s veins. Her sighs caressed him as he touched her, and little gasps escaped her throat when his fingers penetrated that most secret place. He gloried in her, and knew the soft yielding of her body was redolent of his passion.

  He took what she was offering, took it mindlessly, driven by a violent compulsion to have her. He took her with urgency and hunger and an ungovernable surge of dominant desire that stunned and aroused him, and he used all his sexual experience to knock down the defences of an inexperienced young woman who hadn’t any idea how to withstand it.

  When he entered her she wrapped her legs about him and they both experienced an explosive mass of emotion that was unlike anything before. His penetration was long and slow, carefully allowing her body to accept his manhood, and all the while he was watching her face, the way her breath quickened and her eyes widened with startled desire.

  Lowena was as ardent as Marcus. All rational thought had flown from her head. With an abandon that shocked her, she melted against him. Yielding to the exquisite pleasure of his touch, she soon realised that Marcus Carberry was a man of extraordinary skill and power. She could feel the strength of him, the force of his arms and his firm thighs, the soft hair on his chest brushing against her.

  In his eyes she saw the flame that had been lit—a bright, consuming flame of passion that spread and licked about their naked bodies. Her soft flesh began to glow and throb, and the throbbing spread throughout her, into her blood, her bones. It was a wonderful kind of torture that continued to grow until she could feel a warm fountain within, soon to run over, soon to drown her in a flood of pleasure, and then the sound of their joy was heard by no one but each other.

  Marcus collapsed upon her, barely remembering to protect her from his weight as he lay against her, sated and spent. Whatever the reasons that had brought him to Lowena’s bed, they were forgotten as he wrapped his arms around her back and pulled her with him on to his side. She was exquisitely soft. In the flickering light of the candle they lay together on her narrow bed, not speaking.

  Lowena smiled. There was no shame, no guilt, only peace—perfect peace and tranquillity. She sighed and nestled against him, closing her eyes.

  Later—when Marcus’s breathing had eased, when he could think again—he realised how still Lowena had become. Looking down at her flushed face, he was amazed to find she had fallen to sleep.

  He held her close, feeling strangely protective of her. He had made love to many women, but not one of them had given him what Lowena had. Her responses had been real and uncontrolled. The pleasure he had experienced was a wonder to him. He had not, until now, held a woman in his arms who was innocent, untouched and pure. A woman who had never known the hands of a man on her.

  Beauty was moulded into every flawless sculpted feature of her face, but her allure went much deeper than that. It was in her voice and her graceful movements. There was something inside her that made her sparkle and glow, and she needed only the proper background and situation and elegant clothes to complement her alluring figure and exquisite features.

  But, he thought on a more sober note, with an abrupt descent into reality, this was where it must end.

  He couldn’t continue living in the same house with her if he was to have any peace. She was too much of a threat to his sanity. Everywhere he turned she would be there, ready to ensnare him, and when she was absent his need to see her would make him seek her out.

  He had not realised that his sexual desire for her would become a complication. It was a situation he could not ignore and he could not let it go on. Better that she was away from him altogether, before she disrupted his whole life. There was no middle ground. There never would be a time when he would be safe from what he felt when he was with her.

  His decision would hurt her—he knew that. Would hurt the one person whose feelings he didn’t want to hurt. But he could not let this beautiful, intelligent, idealistic girl waste one more moment of her precious life believing she was in love with him, and while ever she remained at Tregarrick, then her infatuation—for he believed it was just that—would deepen.

  Now was the time for her to expand her horizons and put what Izzy had taught her to some use—but not immediately... Not until he was certain she was not carrying his child.

  * * *

  Lowena awoke and stretched with a pleasant feeling of well-being and contentment. Marcus was gone. Only the familiar scent of his body lingered on the sheets, drugging her senses.

  Blinking the lingering slumber from her eyes, she felt a host of conflicting emotions roil within her. There was a lingering sultriness in her eyes, a deep flush of colour across her cheeks, a full pulsating softness on her lips, and the blood was still hot in her veins as she relived the moments she had spent in Marcus’s arms.

  She flushed hotly, remembering precisely what had occurred in her bed. But she was unable to summon an appropriate sense of shock when she realised that she was still naked beneath the covers.

  It seemed impossible to her now that not only had she allowed Marcus to make love to her but had practically encouraged him to do so. She had thrown away her virtue without a thought. Stretching out her young body, she ran her hands over her smooth white flesh, feeling her nipples spring to life as she recalled the unbelievable responses of her virgin body—responses Edward Carberry could never arouse.

  When she had returned from the cove she’d had no idea that the night would hold such unexpected pleasures. Marcus had known full well what he was doing to her, and that he was capable of annihilating her will, her mind and her soul, and that she would hunger for that same devastating ecstasy. He had made her feel sensual and beautiful and full of life.

  But she would not allow herself to become caught up in a romantic dream. Even at the height of their lovemaking he had told her he had nothing to offer her. She already knew that. Marriage between them would be unacceptable.

  So what to do?

  * * *

  Lowena was going about her duties with a lightness to her step. Marcus had clearly risen early again and gone to Wheal Rozen, which had taken up most of his time for the past week—a week during which Lowena had not seen him again.

  She was passing the drawing room, where Lady Alice was writing letters at her desk. She paused on hearing a masculine voice. It was Marcus, having just returned from the mine. As she listened to his voice the mere sound of it made her heart sing. She was about to move on, for she was not one to listen into other people’s conversations, but on hearing her name mentioned she paused, her curiosity aroused.

  The tragic thing that had caught her attention was Marcus, saying the time had come for Lowena to leave them. She stood there, frozen, trying to take in what she was hearing.

  * * *

  ‘But why?’ asked Lady Alice, sounding not at all pleased with what her son had decided. ‘Why must she leave? What explanation can you possibly give?’

  Lowena could have no idea how tormented Marcus had been since he had left her bed. He wondered how someone as innocent, as pure and devoid of guile as she, could drive him half-mad with desire. His passion for her was torn asunder by guilt—for taking her to bed when he should have exercised restraint. What had she done to him? What might she do to him if he let her?

  In the past, hard logic and cold re
ason had always conquered his lust—with Lowena it was different. He would have to purge her from his mind before he was completely beaten—and if she continued living in the same house he would lose the battle. He was in danger of losing his heart to her, and he would not permit that. The stakes were too high. He had no choice but to send her away.

  ‘I think she is wasted here,’ he replied in response to his mother’s question, concealing his inner struggle. ‘It is time she left. It would be for her own good.’ His voice was determined.

  ‘I don’t see that,’ Lady Alice protested. ‘Lowena is happy helping Dorothy, and I am very fond of her.’

  ‘I know you are, Mother,’ he said on a softer note, hating himself for what he was doing—for hurting not only his mother but ultimately Lowena. ‘But she is intelligent. She deserves better than to be a lady’s maid.

  ‘I absolutely agree with you, but what kind of employment are you thinking of?’

  ‘A governess. She is well taught.’

  ‘She is extremely intelligent, I grant you—which is all down to Izzy’s teaching. Although I don’t know how she will react to finding herself in unfamiliar surroundings. That does concern me. It’s no easy thing for a woman to acquire the necessary training to lift her station in life.’

  ‘Perhaps you could raise the matter with her and help her to overcome any issues she might have on being employed in an establishment where she can realise her potential.’

  As Lowena listened to Marcus’s voice, quiet and persuasive, she knew Lady Alice would be swayed by his suggestion and agree.

  ‘I will talk to her,’ Lady Alice said, confirming Lowena’s thoughts, ‘although she may not want to leave. Have you not considered that? She trusts you implicitly.’

  ‘I realise that, and in return I am about to abuse that trust by sending her away.’

  There was something in his mother’s face—a speculative, thoughtful expression Marcus did not attempt to interpret. Feeling satisfied that all the important considerations had been resolved, he began to relax and to divert his thoughts away from Lowena.

  But why did what he was doing leave him feeling so wretched?

  * * *

  It was such a dreadful thing for Lowena to hear him say that her heart was in shreds. Her head spun and for a moment she thought she was going to faint. She stepped back in an instinctive search for support, groping behind her until her hand met the warm, comforting wood of the hall table.

  Marcus wanted her to go. He wanted rid of her. Tears of hurt and humiliation burned the backs of her eyes. She felt as if she was dying by inches.

  The memory of how she had offered herself to him, only for him to take that offering and use it to his satisfaction, and then reject her, and compound that rejection by telling her she must leave, made her want to crawl away and hide somewhere dark until she had ceased to be—so she could no longer feel the hurt, the agony and the shame of having been so stupid, so unlovable—so childish.

  But could she blame him? After all, she had already known that he wouldn’t marry her.

  Nevertheless, life at that moment seemed impossibly cruel.

  Suddenly the door to the drawing room opened and Marcus emerged, closing it behind him. At once his gaze settled on her pale and graceful figure. Her beauty caught him like an unexpected blow to the chest. He knew immediately that she must have overheard his discussion with his mother. There was a stricken look on her face, and her eyes were wide, hurt and staring accusingly.

  Her world was tilting crazily—there was no room in Lowena’s sights for anything except Marcus. She beheld the faint widening of his eyes as he looked at her, but otherwise his expression was as inscrutable as a marble mask. She found it difficult to endure his gaze, but she did, the conversation she had overheard sounding inside her head like a death knell.

  ‘You heard?’ he said, the words simply stated.

  It was plain to Lowena that he was unprepared to refute it, which was no consolation. Why did he adopt this remote attitude towards her? Was it possible he was ashamed of the way he had behaved towards her? Or was his desire for her so great that he could not bear to be close to her? She hoped it was the latter, but the way he was looking at her made her discount it.

  She met his eyes proudly. ‘Either I am mad, sir, or you are, if you think you can dispose of my life at will. How dare you discuss my future in that way—as if you were discussing a common business arrangement—without any feeling or emotion?’

  ‘Because that’s the way I am, and that’s the way it is. I’m sorry, Lowena. I would rather you hadn’t overheard. I wanted to tell you myself.’

  ‘Why? What difference would it make? You’re sending me away, aren’t you?’

  Marcus’s jaw tightened and, turning from her slightly, he nodded his head. ‘Yes.’

  Lowena heard the absolute finality in the word, telling her that it would be futile to argue. Looking at him now, she was struck by his stern profile, outlined against the golden glow of the sun slanting through the windows. She saw a kind of beauty in that face, but as quickly dismissed the thought. It was out of keeping with what was taking place.

  Displaying a calm she did not feel, she took a step towards him, managing with a painful effort to dominate her disappointment and accept the slap fate had dealt her. She must blot from her mind the events of that night they had been together...the pleasure, the exquisite sweetness of what they had done.

  Jerking her mind from such weakening thoughts, she fixed him with a hard gaze. ‘If the chivalrous feelings you say you possess towards me are genuine—the feelings that made you act as you did when you found me that day in the woods—then this is a poor way of showing it. What if I do not wish to leave?’

  He shook his head slowly, and even though his voice was soft it was steady and resolute. He had to be strong if he was to send her away from him, no matter how hard it was for him to do so.

  ‘I think you should, Lowena.’

  ‘Why? Because I embarrass you and you want rid of me?’

  ‘No—never that. I admit that by taking you to bed I behaved in a manner for which I am ashamed and regretful. It is difficult to explain. For many reasons it would have been better if our tryst had never happened, because you are forcing me to recognise and reflect on things I have kept locked away in my mind for a long time—things I would prefer not to analyse just now. I want nothing more than to know you are safe.’

  Suddenly he looked at her with unexpected softness.

  ‘You have to go, Lowena. You must. I want you to go. There are some things you cannot understand. You told me you want to better yourself—’

  ‘Yes, I do. But I do not belong to your privileged class—I will never be a fine lady who can sit all day embroidering samples, waiting for her lord and master to come home.’

  ‘Maybe not, but you said you want to make something of your life and to put into practice everything that Izzy taught you. Well, this is your chance. I desire only your peace and happiness. Do not forget that. We have no intention of simply turning you out this instant. There is no immediate hurry. We will help you find employment—the right employment.’

  ‘If it’s because I told you that I l—?’

  Moving quickly towards her, he covered her lips with his fingertips, silencing the words she was about to utter. ‘Don’t,’ he said fiercely. ‘Don’t say it. And please don’t tell me you expect me to marry you because of what happened. If that is what you think then you have misled yourself. Tell me you aren’t that naïve.’

  Flinching from the sting of his words, Lowena looked at his hard, handsome face, at the cynicism she hadn’t recognised in his eyes before.

  ‘Or that stupid,’ she retorted sharply.

  The injustice of his words increased her anger. But it was the way he retained his arrogant superiority that was hardest
for her to take.

  ‘I certainly did not expect an offer of marriage from you, but do you mind telling me why you are dismissing me as though I were an untouchable?’

  ‘Now you are being ridiculous,’ he said.

  ‘Am I?’ She stepped back.

  Her cheeks burned with disillusionment, with the after-burn of confrontation. She had perceived a closeness where none existed. May God forgive her, but in the dark corners of her mind she had begun to imagine he might want to spend more time with her. How foolish she had been to have taken what they had done for greater feeling.

  ‘What I gave to you, I gave from my heart. Can you not remember how it was between us?’

  ‘Of course I remember. And I would be grateful not to be reminded of how I allowed my desire for you to carry me away. I’ve since had cause to reproach myself.’

  Lowena threw back her head, her eyes meeting his proudly; a raw flame of anger springing to life in their depths. ‘Why?’ she taunted, smiling contemptuously. ‘Was it so awful?’

  ‘Damn you, Lowena. You know it wasn’t. But it was a mistake—my mistake,’ he said, his voice strained. ‘The moment was one of weakness, for I did not seem to have the strength or the inclination to resist you. Seducing a gently reared virgin—one who happens to be in my family’s employ—violates even my code of honour where women are concerned.’

  ‘I see. But you are mistaken if you think I expected more of you. I work in your house, but you are not my lord and master. We spent the night together—a pleasurable night. It meant nothing more to me than that. I would like you to understand that not for a moment have I thought of claiming anything more than an acquaintance with you.’

  Drawing herself up proudly, she showed him that she too could be hard and cold. He would never know how much he had hurt her.

  ‘I agree with you when you say it was a mistake—that it shouldn’t have happened—but I did not offer any resistance. You might say that I encouraged you. I’m afraid that I was unseemingly forward—wanton, even. I should have known better than to reveal my feelings as I did—which, on reflection, I too have reason to regret,’ she told him.