The Foundling Bride

by Helen Dickson

  It was not the truth. She would go on wanting him until the day she died.

  ‘Are you saying you regret having feelings for me—or for revealing them?’

  ‘Both. I should prefer to forget the whole episode. I hope you will too.’

  ‘I doubt I can forget, Lowena, but we will put it behind us.’

  ‘Thank you. You need not trouble yourself that I will take advantage of what happened between us. I am a servant in your house. Nothing more. Nothing less.’

  ‘Good. I should hate there to be any misunderstanding between us. You are young, inexperienced and naïve, Lowena. You don’t know the difference between infatuation and love.’

  Stung by a sense of injustice, Lowena glared at him. Her pride and her love were both suffering very badly. She now realised with cold clarity that she must count for very little in Marcus Carberry’s eyes. But perhaps his concept of love was different from that of a nineteen-year-old girl.

  She looked at him with fresh eyes, allowing her gaze to dwell upon his handsome face, on the mouth whose kisses she had long dreamed about. A pain in the region of her heart told her that her anger and disappointment were not enough to kill the feelings she carried in her heart for him. But now she saw it as some kind of deep-rooted growth, unwholesome and ugly, which she was determined to rip out by the roots, even if her heart was rendered in the process.

  ‘I am not a child. Please don’t treat me like one.’

  ‘I’m sorry. I don’t mean to. Please don’t make this harder for yourself than it is.’

  Lowena wondered how it could possibly be harder, but she bit back that futile protest. She felt devastated, but her wounded pride brought her chin up. ‘Why? Because I’ll make an even bigger fool of myself?’

  ‘The only foolish thing you are guilty of is caring too much for me,’ he said with unexpected gentleness.

  Feeling bewildered, ill-used and deeply angry, still fighting back tears, she turned her head away. ‘I thought you were different—different from your brother. I was wrong. All things considered, you are cold-hearted and cruel just like him. You make a noble pair. Now. please excuse me. There is nothing else to be said or done and I have work to do.’

  Lowena’s face was a pale, emotionless mask as she turned from him and crossed to the door. Her heart and mind felt empty, and she was chilled to the bone. Even now, when she was desperate with the thought of leaving him, her head was held high as she left the room.

  Marcus watched her go, hating himself for hurting her, for abandoning her as if she were nothing at all. He could not escape the fact that she was a woman as alluring and desirable as any he had ever known. When he had kissed her on the night of the party he had known it might be the prelude to all the delicious imaginings in his mind—imaginings that would compromise his honour and her innocence. Even now, when the consequences of what he had done were so grave, he wanted her again. She had become a passion to him, a lovely, vibrant young woman, and he had wounded her very badly.

  He was a soldier and a gentleman—something that had never been hard for him to remember. Over all the years of fulfilling the obligations and duties of his military position, of obeying the strictures of an upbringing of discipline, no matter what his rank, he had known that true gentlemen did not corrupt an innocent young woman—especially not one in his brother’s employ. He should have stepped back.

  For the first time in years he felt the pain of uncertainty. It was unfortunate that honour had not dictated his actions when he had taken her to bed.

  * * *

  Driven by a need to feel less wretched and alone, Lowena hurried away, her face empty of all expression. A huge desolation spread over her. The very thought of leaving Tregarrick and Marcus devastated her. But no matter how much it hurt she would go, even though in all probability she would never see him again.

  She had never thought she could feel such pain.

  Somehow she found her way to the door and let herself out. She walked away from the house, uncaring of the direction in which her feet took her, her only thought to put as much distance between her and Marcus Carberry as possible. She was shaken momentarily mindless that he could do this to her. It was not just anger and resentment she felt, she realised, but humiliation, shame, hurt pride—and an awareness of her own foolish naivety.

  In a cold and cynical manner he had calmly discussed with his mother how to get her off his hands. Her jaw tightened and her resilient spirits stretched themselves as they had done once before, when Izzy had died and she had come to work at Tregarrick.

  Straightening her back, with a new determined gleam in her eyes, she lengthened her stride as she tried to put her thoughts into some kind of order. In no way did she resemble the innocent young girl who had plunged headlong with such blind infatuation into the fantasy of calf love. Yes, she felt hurt, and disappointed, and terribly let down, but her overriding feeling was one of intense anger. Marcus had betrayed her—disposed of her in the coldest manner.

  Without conscious thought of where she was going, she found herself close to the dairy. Nessa, taking a break from her duties, was sitting outside. The rain had at last stopped falling, and although it was still cold the sun shone and she was happily gossiping with some of the other women she worked with.

  On seeing Lowena she got up and came towards her, frowning with concern at her pallor and the troubled look in her eyes.

  ‘What is it, Lowena? Is something amiss?’ She scowled as an unpleasant thought occurred to her. ‘His lordship hasn’t been bothering you again, has he?’

  ‘No, Nessa.’ Lowena sighed, looking beyond her to the women gathered outside the dairy, watching them, straining their ears to hear what was said. ‘Can I talk to you, Nessa? Do you have time?’

  ‘’Course, love. I’ve nearly finished for today, so let’s walk a little way down the lane away from the house. I was going to come and see you before I leave for Saltash anyway. There’s something I want to talk to you about.’

  Walking beside Nessa, Lowena sighed deeply, unable to still the confusion of the thoughts in her head or calm the emotions that had torn her apart when she had overheard Marcus telling his mother he wanted her to leave. And, to make matters worse, Nessa had only a few days left to work at Tregarrick before she left for Saltash to take care of her aunt.

  ‘I wish you weren’t leaving, Nessa. First Izzy and the girls and now you. Everyone I care about is disappearing. I’m going to miss you terribly. It won’t be the same without you.’

  ‘I know, love, but now you’re working for Lady Alice at the cottage, and to train as her maid—well, things will be different. There’s talk of her going to London. She’s bound to take you with her.’

  ‘London? I’ve never been further than St Austell.’

  ‘Look on it as an adventure.’

  Lowena sighed. ‘I don’t think that’s going to be possible.’

  ‘No? Why? Has something happened?’ Nessa turned and looked at the young woman walking beside her, her head bowed with dejection. ‘What is it, Lowena? Something’s happened, hasn’t it? I am not blind. If it isn’t his lordship then what is it?’

  ‘They want me to leave here, Nessa. Captain Carberry and Lady Alice want me to leave Tregarrick for good.’

  Nessa was aghast. ‘Leave? What are you talking about?’

  Lowena quickly told her of the conversation she had overheard between Lady Alice and Marcus. Nessa listened, unable to believe Lady Alice would send Lowena away if she didn’t wish to leave.

  ‘What am I to do? Izzy always hoped I would find employment as a governess, but I’m beginning to doubt my own capabilities. I suppose some would blame Izzy for putting such grand ideas in my head. The only employment I am good for is to be a servant. The world is divided into masters and servants, Nessa. And I am tired of being a servant. How I wish I could make my
own way.’

  Nessa looked at her, wrestling with her thoughts and the knowledge she had kept to herself for such a long time—and her new-found knowledge that Lowena’s father was alive. All these years she had held the key to Lowena’s future. She could withhold it no longer. It was time to tell the truth that she had put off telling for so long—she had made up her mind to do so before leaving Tregarrick.

  A look of pain appeared on her face—not physical pain but emotional pain. Taking Lowena’s hand, she drew her towards a fallen log at the side of the lane. Seating herself, she patted the wood beside her. ‘Come, sit down beside me, Lowena.’

  The sat close together. Deep in thought, Nessa bowed her head, wondering how to tell Lowena what she had withheld for so long.

  ‘Nessa, what is it?’ Lowena noticed her face was moist. She pulled out a handkerchief and gave it to her. ‘Are you unwell?’

  Shaking her head dejectedly, Nessa wiped her eyes. ‘It’s the weight of distant memories that bring tears to my eyes—of long-held secrets. There have been many times when I’ve considered unburdening myself.’

  ‘Secrets? Unburdening yourself? What do you mean?’

  ‘I have something to say to you—something that should have been said a long time ago. I only hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me when you know what I have done.’

  Bewildered, Lowena stared at her, slowly sitting down beside her, facing her. ‘Nessa? What is it? Is it so terrible?’

  At length, Nessa nodded. ‘Yes—yes, it is. But you deserve to know the truth. I have lived with it so long it has almost destroyed me, and I am weary of the conflict that I have never ceased to battle with. It was me who left you in the woods that day—hoping Mr Marcus would stop and take you in.’

  Lowena stared at her, incredulous. ‘You? But—Nessa, I don’t understand.’ Her heart beat rapidly as a thought suddenly occurred to her. ‘Are—are you saying that you are my mother?’

  ‘Good Lord, no, Lowena! Not that. But I do know who your mother was—and your father.’

  Chapter Six

  Lowena continued to stare at Nessa in amazement. ‘You do?’

  ‘Yes. Your grandfather was Sir Frederick Beresford. He died before you were born, leaving his wife Lady Margaret and his daughter Meredith—who was your mother.’

  Lowena was silent as she digested what Nessa had told her. Meredith! Her mother’s name was Meredith. ‘Where is she? What happened to her?’

  ‘Sadly she died, Lowena, shortly after you were born.’

  ‘I see,’ Lowena uttered, feeling sadness tug at her heart. ‘Where did she live?’

  ‘Devon.’

  ‘And my father? Do you know his name?’

  ‘Sir Robert Wesley. I have only recently discovered that he is still alive—I did not know that at the time you were born. His family have been involved in the mining of silver and lead in Devon for many years. I believe your father had gone to Mexico—where silver is mined—to learn different techniques. While he was there something happened and he became wounded—fatally, I was told.

  ‘My parents weren’t married?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘So—I am illegitimate,’ Lowena uttered softly. ‘And my mother’s family—my grandmother?’

  ‘Your grandmother was a hard, unforgiving woman. As a girl she had fallen in love with Sir Robert’s father. He rejected her for another and she never forgave him. When your mother fell in love with his son she did everything in her power to keep them apart. Not even when he got her with child would she relent.’

  ‘But—that is terrible. They must have loved each other very much.’

  ‘Where your mother was concerned, nothing else mattered. She seemed to lose all sense of right and wrong where he was concerned. Lady Margaret, feeding off her own bitterness, never ceased telling her that what she was doing was wrong. But no force on earth could have stopped them. Unfortunately your father knew nothing of what Meredith was going through, having left for Mexico. After you were born your mother lived just three days before she died.’

  At this point Nessa paused as the pain of that time became real again.

  ‘What happened, Nessa? Tell me?’ Lowena asked, her voice holding a restless urgency to know everything. ‘What did my grandmother do?’

  ‘She—she turned me out—you too. I could have refused, I know that, but I would not have left a dog to be looked after by that unfeeling woman. She even talked of sending you to the orphanage.’ On seeing the shock this caused Lowena, Nessa nodded. ‘Yes, she would have done that—even though you were her own flesh and blood. That woman had no humanity in her soul.’

  ‘How dreadful it must have been for you, Nessa.’

  She nodded. ‘Yes, I cannot lie. It was. At the time I was too upset to think about what I was going to do. I took you to Castle Creek—your father’s home, hoping he would be there—only to be told he had died of his wounds in Mexico.’ She shrugged wearily. ‘What could I do? I was out of work, with two elderly parents in Cornwall to look after. Without my money they would be turned out of their cottage.’

  ‘So you had a hard decision to make?’

  ‘Yes. But I knew I would not part with you if I could help it. I wanted to remain close to you, and I had the idea to find a family who, in exchange for my help in the house, might allow me to keep you with me. Before crossing the Tamar into Cornwall I tried to get employment in several parishes, but no family would set me on with a baby to care for. Tregarrick is close to where I was brought up. When I saw Marcus Carberry riding towards the woods in a moment of desperation I set you down, where he couldn’t fail to find you. When he stopped and picked you up I saw it as a blessing from God.

  ‘I waited until he rode away before going to my parents’ home. I was extremely fond of your mother, and felt duty-bound to look after her child, so when my parents died I sought work at Tregarrick. I was fortunate to be taken on in the laundry. You were settled with Izzy.’

  ‘But—didn’t anyone try to find out where I had come from?’

  ‘Yes, but all enquiries proved fruitless.’

  ‘What if they had sent me to the orphanage?’

  ‘In that case I would have divulged your true identity or claimed you as my own. I was determined you would not be taken there. As it was, I found you were being well looked after, and as you grew it was evident to me that you were secure and happy and well loved. Izzy and her girls had formed an attachment to you and could not bear the thought that they might lose you.’

  ‘And my father? How do you know that he is alive?’

  ‘My aunt—who knew of the unpleasant circumstances that forced me to leave Beresford Hall—told me in her last letter that Sir Robert Wesley had been seen in Saltash recently. When he came back from Mexico some years ago I doubt your grandmother would have told him of your existence—not that she would have known where to find you. She would want the past to remain buried. I didn’t know what to do, but when Izzy died and you came to work at Tregarrick, and his lordship began showing an interest in you, I started to doubt the sense of keeping the secret. Then, when I discovered your father is not dead after all, I knew I must tell you everything.’

  ‘I wish you’d told me sooner, Nessa.’

  ‘Yes—I know. You had a right to know. But at the time when your grandmother turned us out things were hard for me. I was just a year older than you are now, and was helpless in a situation that was beyond my experience and ability to deal with. I did my best at the time.’

  ‘And I thank you with all my heart. I thought it strange, but never questioned why you always seemed to be there while I was growing up. You helped me—yes, you helped me a lot.’

  ‘Can you forgive me, Lowena, for keeping the truth from you all these years?’

  ‘Yes, I can—even though I wish you had told m
e, I can understand why you didn’t. So—my father is a gentleman?’

  ‘He—is, and your mother was a lady. Now you know, what will you do?’

  ‘I will go to Devon to find my father. What do you know of my grandmother? Is she still alive?’

  ‘I have often wondered, but in truth I don’t know.’

  ‘Who am I like, Nessa? Do I resemble my father or my mother?’

  Nessa smiled. ‘You have inherited your mother’s features—and her sweetness. She was a lovely young woman, with a gentle and caring nature, but as I remember you have your father’s colouring—his eyes and his hair. But before you go to Devon you will have to tell Lady Alice and Captain Carberry what I have told you.’

  Lowena’s eyes hardened. ‘I will speak to Lady Alice, but no matter what she says I’m leaving, Nessa. My mind is made up. Marcus Carberry doesn’t want me here. He—he told me so just now. He wants to find me employment as a governess, or something of that nature, but I prefer to make my own way. I have some money put by, so I should manage until I reach Devon.’

  Nessa could see the hurt in Lowena’s eyes when she mentioned Captain Carberry. She had always suspected that Lowena carried a torch for him—and who could blame her, handsome as he was? She wondered what he could have said to her to hurt her so.

  ‘So you decision is to go to Devon?’

  ‘Yes. I must. I must see my father—speak to him—even though he will be shocked at having his illegitimate daughter turn up on his doorstep and might reject me.’

  ‘Lowena, I ask you to think very carefully about this. Don’t go rushing off. As much as I want you to see your father, I want you to think twice about doing so. Consider what you have now—you live with Lady Alice, who is a good person and is fond of you. Perhaps that is what you should hold on to. If you were to tell her you do not wish to leave, then I am sure she would let you stay. This has been your life for nineteen years. The things you know are sometimes better than the things you don’t know.’