Lust & Trust

by Amanda Cain

  “Oh, I feel so privileged!”

  “As you should,” he said, grabbing me and putting me over his knee, tickling me while I pleaded for mercy.

  “Ryan, there are some things on my mind that I need to ask.”

  “Uh oh …” He hesitated. “Go ahead, ask.”

  “I’m thinking Smith is not your last name?”

  “You are correct. Smith is not my last name. Could you please hold off on asking me until tonight? If you ask me, I will tell you. I won’t lie, but I’m not ready. I have not told you everything, and if I tell you my last name, you’ll Google me and discover the few things I haven’t gone into detail about yet.”

  “So tell me now whatever it is you’re not telling me!”

  “I will tell you later, just not yet.

  “Soon?”

  “Yes, I promise. Tonight. Next question?”

  “This last trip away, when you thought we were over, did you … were you with anyone else?”

  He took a deep breath and exhaled. My heart began to sink, and a dull ache pulled at the pit of my stomach. Why did I ask? My hands started shaking, and I felt all the blood drain from my face.

  “Em …” He took a step closer.

  I backed away. “Tell me.”

  “There’s this woman, Jenna, the mom of one of Melissa’s friends.” I tasted the salt from my tears as they made their way down my cheeks and across my lips.

  “Please don’t cry. Not much happened, but I promised to be honest.”

  “Go on.”

  He went to hold my hand, and I pulled away. “For Christ’s sake, Emma, please!”

  “Tell me first. I need you to talk to me without touching me.”

  “When I called you, and your neighbor answered your phone, I thought you were seeing someone else. Jealously and anger consumed me, and yet I knew I had no right to be mad. At the time, I thought it was for the best, and I should leave you alone. I know there’s no excuse, but I was upset. You had moved on, and I had to let you. I didn’t feel like I had the right to fight for you. I had met Jenna a few days earlier when I picked up Stacy, Melissa’s friend, to take them to the zoo. Jenna had come on to me, but I ignored her. I had you and you were all I needed.”

  My mind was racing in different directions. A trip to the zoo? I would love to go the zoo with him and Melissa, to be a real part of his life! If this woman was the mom of one of Melissa’s friends, he will run into her again and often.

  Of course, she came on to him, who wouldn’t? Who was I kidding? No way could I hold on to this man. I started hyperventilating.

  “Emma, honey, stop!”

  “Finish the story!” My voice rose along with my frustration. Someone had invaded my bubble, slithered their way into this perfect, unrealistic illusion that I had created in my mind for Ryan and me. Now here was another woman entering my territory, waiting to pounce, to grab him and take him back to his world of meaningless carefree sex!

  “I went to her house and sat in my car. I wouldn’t have gone in if she hadn’t seen me and came running out. But, Emma, all I did was kiss her!”

  “Did you run your hands through her hair? Did you caress her body or touch her ass?” I asked, doubt and fear dominating my voice.

  “Yes, I did those things, but only for a second. Em, I did not fuck her! I couldn’t. You were in my head. I went to her house wanting to fuck you out of my mind, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want anyone else. I have not wanted anyone else from the moment I saw you.”

  “Have you seen her since?”

  “Yes, on occasion. She goes to my gym, so we run into each other. But not in that way. There is nothing sexual going on. I only see her at the gym or if I’m dropping off Melissa at Stacy’s.”

  I hated the visual of him touching anyone else. His hands, his large, beautiful hands, gliding over her body, his soft lips touching hers.

  Ryan moved in to try and hug me, but I backed away. He grabbed my arms and pulled me closer to him. I buried my head in his chest as my tears wet his shirt.

  “Em, I …”

  “You were going to walk away from us because you thought I was with someone else. I wasn’t with anyone else. You were. How could you switch gears so quickly?”

  “It wasn’t like that. I wasn’t with her. Em, I should never have gone to her house. I’m sorry. I’ve made a lot of mistakes. Don’t let this ruin us, please.” He had been caressing my hair and holding me close to his chest as he talked.

  I took a step away from him and searched his eyes. He did what he did, but he told me the truth. “Are you going to run into someone else’s arms every time we fight or have a misunderstanding?”

  I saw the hurt flicker in his eyes. “Fuck, Em, is that what you think? Do you really believe that’s who I am?”

  “No, I don’t.” I dug my face back into his chest. “I’m just hurt. She is the mom of one of Melissa’s friends, so I understand that you will see her again. Never, ever be in a room with her without your daughter! And switch gyms! I don’t want you to be in the same room with her unless it is to pick up Melissa’s friend, and Melissa is in the room with you.”

  “Deal. Em, you have my word. It will never happen again.” He tipped my chin up and kissed me. “Are we still going to Evergreen?”

  “Yes, but I need to give Char a quick call. I’m sure she’s wondering what’s going on.” I stepped out the back door and dialed her number.

  “Emma, where the hell have you been? I was waiting for you to call. Talk to me. Tell me what he’s said. Is he still at your house?”

  “Slow down, Char. He mentioned his wife and how she won’t give him a divorce, but they don’t live together. He has a house in Evergreen. We are going there today.”

  “Is that it? He didn’t tell you anything else?”

  “No. What else is there? What aren’t you telling me? You’re holding back. You have never been capable of keeping a secret! And why do you sound so excited?”

  “I don’t know what you mean. Bob is standing here. I have to go.” I heard the phone click off.

  I gathered she didn’t want to talk in front of Bob and decided to try her back later.

  Ryan stood by the front door, waiting. “Ready to head out?”

  “Sure.” I had packed my small overnight bag and started to grab Sierra’s food dishes when he stopped me.

  “You won’t need those. She has her own food and bowls at my house. She’s been there already. She came with me a few times when you were at work,” he said casually.

  “Traitor!” I admonished Sierra, who stood on her hind legs and gave me hug. “You big baby, you’re forgiven.” I laughed.

  We rode in silence as I ran the events of the past day through my head. Eventually, I peeked over at Ryan, who was smiling to himself. “Well, you look pleased with yourself, Mr. Smith,” I said.

  “You’re kind of a smartass.” He reached over and squeezed my hand. “And I’ve never been more pleased … well except for maybe last night when you were on top of me.”

  “Now who’s the smart ass?” I leaned over and kissed his cheek.

  He slowed down as we turned on a narrow road. The land on both sides was maintained and fenced. It had to be a lot of work to keep up that property.

  After a few minutes, a house came into view, though still some distance away. The surrounding land had to belong to the owner of the house, and we were trespassing. “Babe, I think we’re on someone’s private property. I don’t believe this is a public road.”

  Ryan, who had been trying to hide his excitement, had lost the battle. A smile so real burst across his face and laughter erupted from deep within, like water rushing through a leak in a dam. I could almost see the little boy inside of him jumping up and down with glee.

  “This … this is yours?”

  “We’re home!” he said as we pulled into a long winding driveway. There was a relaxed playfulness in his mannerism that I had not seen before.

  Stunned, I remembered Ryan had sti
ll not told me what kind of work he did, and I had to ask.

  “I want to show you my house and experience the day with you. Tonight, we can relax and talk about everything including my employment.” He locked his piercing green eyes with mine and turned on his most charming boyish smile. “Deal?”

  Looking into Ryan’s eyes, all I knew was I was never letting him go. I guess it didn’t matter how he made his living as long as it was legal.

  “Deal,” I relented, feeling my own happiness and excitement rising to match his.

  The house, while not a mansion, was large next to my 1200 square foot home. The décor was masculine yet tasteful. His style conveyed a warmth that was inviting, and I wondered if he used a decorator or had chosen the furnishings himself. The kitchen was large with a major island, much like the house we stayed in in Boulder.

  The lightbulb went off in my head. “Do you own the house we stayed at in Boulder?”

  “No…” he smiled “…but the architect who built that house also helped design this one.”

  He gave me a tour of the house. When we came to Melissa’s room, I walked in and leisurely looked around. No signs of a typical young girl were present. No pink curtains or posters of heartthrobs on the walls. A laptop sat on a writing desk, a pair of skis leaned against the wall, and a thin light green comforter covered the bed.

  I thought about the beautiful girl who traveled by herself to try to keep her Dad and me together, to ask me if I loved her Dad. I wished I could call her and tell her, “Yes, I do. I love him so much!”

  What would it be like to be a family?

  Ryan walked up behind me, putting his arms around me and kissing the side of my neck. “We will make this work. I’m not sure how, but we will.”

  Chapter 27

  Emma

  Dressed in my hiking clothes, I sat in the kitchen as Ryan packed us lunch.

  “I still want to show you the downstairs. Let’s go out through the basement,” he said, motioning for me to follow him.

  “Are you kidding me?” My jaw dropped at the sight of the Olympic-size heated lap pool, not to mention the sauna and full-size gym. “I see how you keep that body so well maintained,” I said, eyeing him seductively.

  “Insatiable,” he said, pinning me against the wall, adeptly parting my lips with his tongue. “But it’s time for our hike. I’m excited about showing you the land.”

  The acreage had several manmade trails. I might as well have been in a state park.

  “This is unbelievable … and this is all your property? Are you sure what you do is legal?” I couldn’t keep myself from asking.

  “Yes, it is legal, and I thought we had a deal that we would discuss all that tonight? I would love to take a short break from everything and just enjoy ourselves and our surroundings.” I could tell he was annoyed and hoped his good mood would bounce back.

  “Sorry, you’re right. Deal.” I reached for his hand.

  We came to an opening in the path, and I stopped to listen, hearing the rumble and splashing of rushing water. I stared in awe at the whitewater cascading over the rocks below, creating a lively commotion as it flowed into the surrounding lake. It was exhilarating. Breathing in the fresh, crisp air, I turned to Ryan, astonished. “You own your own waterfall?”

  “Only a small one.” His smile was genuine and boyish. He was relaxed and content. I could tell how much he loved this place. Who wouldn’t?

  “Time for lunch,” he announced as his eyes crinkled. I could see his appreciation of my obvious amazement.

  “Beautiful, isn’t it?” He removed his backpack, and we sat down on a massive rock.

  I was drawn in, mesmerized by the sound of the gushing water thrashing against the rocks. Ryan unpacked our lunch. He poured me a glass of lemonade and handed me a chicken sandwich.

  “Thanks, this is incredible. So beautiful.”

  “Like you,” he said, gazing at me. “Incredible and beautiful.”

  We finished eating lunch. Ryan leaned over, pinning my arms to the ground, his face so close I could feel his warm breath caressing my cheeks.

  “Do you use that line on all the girls you bring here?”

  “Except for my daughter, you are the only other person that has been here. And they’re not lines if they’re true,” he said, dusting his lips over my neck. “But I think I am going to make you pay for that comment later.”

  “And how do you propose to do that?”

  “Let’s see, I may put your naked body over my knee and spank you then tie you up and tickle you mercilessly with my tongue.”

  I squirmed out from underneath him and packed our empty lunch dishes back in his backpack.

  “I think we had better finish the trail before I find more reasons to make you want to punish me.” The vision of him torturing me with his tongue was already tormenting me. Judging from the bulge in his pants, it had the same effect on him.

  Back at the house, I took a shower. His master bathroom was large and the walk-in shower had four heads. I turned them all on, letting the water massage and relax me as it pulsated and beat against my skin, soothing my tired muscles.

  When I returned to the kitchen, Ryan was working away, chopping vegetables. Smart, sexy, gorgeous, fantastic in bed, rich, and liked to cook! Crap, did I hit the jackpot! I smiled, watching him slice the tomatoes for a salad.

  “You hungry? I threw a couple of steaks and some shrimp on the grill. Should be another fifteen minutes till dinner.”

  “Starving.” I popped an olive into my mouth. “I was disappointed you didn’t join me in the shower.”

  Ryan stopped slicing the avocado he had moved on to after the tomatoes and looked at me guiltily. “I confess, I showered in the guest bath. Don’t be upset, but I figured if I joined you, we wouldn’t eat till midnight.”

  “Avoiding sex with me already, Mr. Smith?” I said, pretending to pout. “Perhaps I should make you pay later?”

  He shook his head. “We will see who makes who pay later.” I could tell by the confidence in his voice, I would be the one happily giving in to him.

  The food was excellent. We sat on the deck watching the sunset and ate. Taking a sip of the cabernet Ryan had chosen to go with our steaks, I wondered if he was ready to share his remaining secrets.

  “Dinner was perfect. Thank you for cooking.”

  “I love cooking for you. Which is a good thing because I’ve tasted your cooking.” He grinned. “Let me clear the dishes and then, as promised, we can talk.” He kissed my forehead and brought our dishes into the kitchen.

  Back on the deck and looking relaxed, Ryan stretched his long legs out in front of him and began the rest of his story.

  “My parents did well for themselves. We lived a very comfortable life. Dad was a cardiac surgeon and Mom was a nurse practitioner. Their estate was worth two million dollars when they died. The accident that killed them was caused by the driver of a semi for a large company. He had been driving far past the allowed amount of hours when he dozed off and crossed the yellow line, hitting my parents head-on and killing them instantly. The settlement was considerable. Dad’s attorney did an excellent job. Half went to me and half was put in a trust fund for my sister until she turned nineteen. Money wasn’t going to be an issue.”

  As he talked, I could hear the resignation and sadness in his voice. My heart broke for him. I couldn’t imagine the pain of losing your parents so young. My parents may be divorced, but at least I was able to pick up the phone and call them. A twinge of guilt hit me when I remembered how long it had been since I spoke to either one of them.

  “I didn’t care about the money, so for fun I invested as a day trader and got very lucky. I tripled my share of the settlement. It was all kind of surreal.” He twisted in his chair a little uncomfortable. “Then I bought a few construction companies since I was always interested in building. They are turning out to be very profitable. I still dabble in the stock market and have been incredibly lucky in my choices. I am on the boar
d of a few charities, most of them for animals and children. I’m fortunate at least finances are not a problem.

  “Oh, and while I’m confessing everything, I should tell you that I know Bob, Char’s fiancé. We both went to CU in Boulder and have partied together a few times. His firm also does some work for my companies.”

  “Construction companies. Are you Hayes Construction?” I asked.

  “That’s my company, yes. Have you heard of it?”

  “Not really, but the night Bob met Char, he was celebrating a new client, which I’m now guessing was you.”

  “See, it was destiny that we meet.” He winked at me. “I hated asking Bob not to say anything, but I had no idea where we were going, and I promised him I would tell you everything if we kept seeing each other.” He ran his fingers through his thick dark brown hair.

  “Bob told Charlotte yesterday that he knew you, but he wouldn’t tell her how or anything else. All he said was for her to tell me I should trust you.”

  “And do you? Trust me? Despite all my lies?”

  “Strangely, yes. Even without Bob’s reassurance. I did have my doubts when Char saw you and your daughter while we were here in Evergreen.”

  Ryan took my hand in his. “Good, it’s important to me that you trust me. Bob and his firm do a lot of work for my companies. He is my attorney for business-related contracts. Don’t misunderstand, I think the reason he agreed not to tell Charlotte sooner is that he saw something in us when we were together, and he believed we could be an ‘us.’ We can, can’t we, Em? We can be an ‘us,’ right?”

  For the first time, Ryan seemed vulnerable. Like he thought I might leave, and more importantly, he didn’t want me to.

  “Ryan, were you afraid that your money would influence me. Is that why you didn’t tell me sooner?”

  “No, I believe you love me. I didn’t want to tell you about my money until we got here because after all the bad stuff I shared with you yesterday, I needed to be able to show you something good. To share with you at least one thing that isn’t screwed-up. Well, still messed-up since both my parents died, but that was a long time ago. They would have loved you,” he said, smiling as he caressed my cheek. “Just like I do.”