Lust & Trust

by Amanda Cain

  Much like him, his answer was perfect.

  I sat on Ryan’s lap. “I do love you, and I would love you if you were poor, Mr. Smith.”

  “Well, as you just guessed, my last name is Hayes. And if you haven’t heard of me, then you need to Google me.”

  “If I haven’t heard of you? That’s quite an ego, Mr. Smith,” I laughed. Other than Bob’s firm doing some work for your company, no, I haven’t heard of you. Should I have? And what am I going to learn from Googling you that is so bad?”

  “Well…” he took me off of his lap and set me down “…let me go get my laptop, and we can search the internet together. Please don’t believe everything you read.”

  Looking very nervous, he came back with his laptop and fired it up. A few seconds later, Google was waiting for us to request a search topic.

  He bent over and typed, “Ryan Hayes.” Pages jammed with headlines and pictures of Ryan rapidly filled the screen.

  “Oh. My. God!” I pulled the computer closer to me.

  There were stories about his parents’ tragic accident. Some pictures had captions of him donating to charities, ribbon ceremonies and that sort of thing. But the stories about his personal life were ruthless. The first three on Google’s list: “Playboy? Businesses Man? Philanthropist?” “World’s Most Eligible Married Bachelor?” and one headline even lead with “Mr. One-Night Stand?” There were countless pictures of him with beautiful women.

  “Ryan, what is all this?”

  “There’s some work I need to do, so I’m going to leave you here to read. We can talk about it in an hour when I come back.”

  He went into the kitchen and returned with a bottle of chilled chardonnay, poured me a glass, and left the bottle sitting next to me.

  “I’ll be in my office.” He turned and walked back into the house.

  I stared at the screen, half of me wanted to shut it down and the other half was compelled to read on. I took a sip of wine and clicked on the first headline.

  “Multi-Billionaire, Ryan Hayes,” the article began. Multi-Billionaire? My mouth went dry, holy shit! I imagine this is the secret that Char couldn’t tell me. I read through several articles and realized how little I knew about him. Did I know this man at all? After about an hour, he came back out to the porch.

  “Now do you see why I didn’t want you to Google me? Not to sound like a narcissist, but I was a little surprised and grateful that you didn’t know who I was. As you can see, I make the headlines a lot.”

  “Most of my computer time is spent on the backend. I don’t really spend much time with the search engines, except to test my code. Ryan, how much of this is true? Are you ‘Mr. One-Night Stand?’ These stories make you sound pretty cold and uncaring when it comes to women. And all these women that you’ve got your arm around, they’re fucking gorgeous.”

  “None of them are you.” He gave me a reassuring kiss.

  “You said you had an occasional one-night stand. I think our definition of occasional might be different. How many women have you been with?”

  “Does it matter?”

  “I don’t know, I guess not. Looks like you made up for not losing your virginity until your senior year. No wonder you’re so good in bed.”

  Ryan laughed. “You think I’m good in bed?” He puffed up like a proud rooster. “And I still want to know when you lost your virginity.” He smiled.

  “Like I said yesterday, Lindsey did not or does not want me to fall in love with anyone. And with as bad as Lindsey and my marriage turned out, I had no desire to commit to anyone. So yes, I’ve known my fair share of women.”

  “More like a few men’s fair share.” Insecurity crept over me.

  He took my hand in his. “But I’ve only ever cared about one, Em. I care about you. I am so much more alive when I’m with you. You bring out a part of me that I didn’t know existed. Without you, I would never have known how much more was possible. Without you, I wouldn’t have ever wanted more.” His hand traced my face as he ran his thumb over my lips. “Don’t forget, having the kind of money I do keeps me in the headlines. The press would snap a picture of me out with a woman, but never the same woman. Some columnist named me ‘Mr. One-Night Stand,’ and it stuck. It didn’t matter to me. The only thing I cared about was Melissa. In hindsight, if I had been a little more discerning, it would have given Lindsey less ammunition to use against me. And Melissa wouldn’t have to read about her father’s bullshit online.”

  “What if you told Lindsey you are in love and want a divorce? What would she do? And besides, if the courts didn’t side with you, with your money couldn’t you buy her off or something?”

  “Lindsey has plenty of money. She had me sign an agreement after my felony that half of everything in our estate was hers. Which by law, since we’ve been married close to fifteen years now, half would be hers anyway. If Lindsey were to divorce me, she would still never have to worry about money. Give me a little time. Talking to the attorney didn’t help. As soon as I can figure out the best way to approach her, I’ll try and talk to Lindsey. If Lindsey is developing a life of her own, she might be more reasonable.”

  “Isn’t Lindsey concerned about what this is doing to Melissa?”

  “She is never going to win any awards for mother of the year. She is distant and cold. She’s gotten a little better now that Melissa is older, but not much.”

  “Em, I hate to bring this up, but for now we need to keep our relationship off the grid until we come up with a solution. If Lindsey finds out about you, I’m afraid of what she will do. She would make me choose between you and my daughter.”

  I understood, but it still didn’t stop the sting of his words. “I get it. What about Melissa? Can we tell her?”

  Ryan bit his lower lip. “I don’t think it is wise. She’s fourteen and to ask her to keep something this big a secret wouldn’t be fair. What if she slips up? I know I’m asking a lot, but please don’t give up on me. There’s a solution, we just have to find it.” He took my hand and held it. I studied his hand for a moment, his long fingers rubbing the top of my hand while his thumb caressed my palm.

  “I’m not, Ryan. I’m not giving up.” It was after midnight when we went to bed. “Would you mind if we just slept? I am exhausted.”

  “Deal.” He gathered me up in his arms and put me on the bed. I snuggled up against his back, my arm wrapped around his body, and drifted off. Too tired to even think.

  Chapter 28

  Ryan

  Leaving Evergreen was hard. Leaving Em to go back to Chicago was even harder. We had been through so much in our short time together. So many highs and lows. Finally being honest with her was awesome. I hadn’t felt this relaxed in weeks. What we had was real. Now all I needed to do was figure out how to go forward without losing my daughter.

  I picked Melissa up Monday afternoon. I cherished our time together, but I was already missing Emma.

  Melissa met me outside. “Hi, Daddy!” She chirped.

  “Hi, baby.” I had not seen Lindsey in a couple of weeks. “Why doesn’t your mom want me to come in?”

  “She doesn’t feel well, so she went back to bed,” Melissa said, twirling her hair around her finger.

  I didn’t think it was fair for me to press Melissa. I hated that she was always in the middle, the mediator between Lindsey and me.

  “Hungry?”

  “Yes, but can we eat out? Somewhere where they serve seafood? Not that I don’t love your cooking, Dad, but I tried some lobster with Mom last week, and I really liked it.”

  “Lobster, huh? Sure, kiddo.”

  I sat at our table, looking over the menu, and found myself reminiscing about the night Emma ate crab legs during our first and only friends-without-benefits dinner. Melissa looked across the table at me.

  “I knew it, it worked!” She smiled the kind of smile that lifted your heart in the way only your child could.

  “What worked?”

  “You and Emma. You’re back togeth
er!” she said joyfully, jumping in her seat. “And I assume that means you got Pooka back for me?”

  “Honey, are you saying you set that up? Did you leave Pooka behind intentionally?”

  “Don’t be mad, Daddy, but I wanted you and her to talk when you weren’t so upset with me for flying to Denver on my own. And you’re happy again, I can tell! Which means you and Emma are back together!” She grinned, still bouncing in her seat.

  “Melissa, sweetheart, what did I tell you about worrying about grown-up problems?” I admonished her, unable to hide my smile at the thought of her purposely leaving her beloved panda at Em’s.

  “Oh crap, Pooka! I’m sorry, but I left Pooka at Emma’s. I forgot to bring him back with me.”

  “Daddy!” Melissa pouted, looking adorable. “Well, I guess Emma will have to bring him here, and we can hang out. Could she? I would love to get to know her, and I promise I won’t say anything to Mom!”

  I thought about how much I would like that too. I hated the idea of being away from her for an entire week. Could it work? But then I brought myself back to reality. How many times had Melissa kept some secret from Lindsey for me … such as her trip to Denver? No, the things Lindsey and I expected from our young daughter were not fair. Would she ever experience a normal life?

  The waiter brought the food we’d ordered.

  “That lobster looks pretty good. You let me know if you need any help with it.”

  “No chance, Dad, I got this.” She smiled.

  “Do you keep secrets for your mom that you don’t tell me?”

  She pointed her chin down toward her plate and played with her food, avoiding answering me.

  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked you.” Lately, I had the feeling Lindsey was hiding something.

  “So, a few more weeks until summer vacation ends. Are you getting excited about going back to school?”

  “Dad…” she shook her head “…is any kid ever happy when summer vacation ends?”

  “No, I guess not. It has been a while since your dad’s been in school.”

  *

  Later that evening after Melissa went to bed, I Skyped Emma. I told her about Melissa and Pooka. Apparently, Em already knew. We both admitted we were grateful for my daughter’s little stunt.

  “Before I hang up, take your clothes off for me.”

  “You are such a pervert.”

  “Do it.”

  She looked somewhat nervous. Her eyes always got a little bigger when she was nervous.

  “Unbutton your shirt and take your bra off.”

  Dancing enticingly, she undid one tantalizing button at a time. Unhooking her bra, she let it slide off her shoulders to the floor, exposing her C-cup breasts. Her nipples were impeccable. I loved her tits, beautiful pink vanilla wafer-sized nipples. I couldn’t contain myself. My plan backfired on me. Now I wanted her more and the thought of having to wait a week was agonizing.

  “If you use our battery-operated friend that hangs out in your nightstand, be sure to be thinking of me.”

  “Every time,” she said, biting her bottom lip, both of us knowing she would be paying our vibrating friend a visit. She closed her laptop, effectively ending our conversation and her striptease.

  She hadn’t taken all of her clothes off, but the show I got was enough. I wasn’t sure pleasing myself was going to cut it, but I made a quick trip to the bathroom to finish what my phone call had started.

  On Thursday, Lindsey called. “I will need you to keep Melissa this weekend, and she has a piano lesson on Saturday so you will need to take her,” she barked.

  “Lindsey, I can’t. I need to be at a meeting in Denver.” My disappointment came through in the harshness of my voice.

  She got quiet. When it came to Melissa, I never said no.

  I didn’t want to arouse her suspicion, so I took a step back. “Just an issue with one of the companies, nothing I can’t rearrange. I would love to stay here with her. Are you going out of town?”

  “Yes, there is an auction in Iowa that I had forgotten about until now.”

  Lindsey had planned on opening a small antique shop, an idea I supported. Maybe it would give her something constructive to do.

  “Sure, no problem. When did you want me to bring her home?”

  “Tuesday morning,” she said, hanging up without so much as a thank you.

  “Shit, shit, shit!” I slammed the phone on the coffee table, forgetting Melissa was close by in the kitchen. She came running into the room.

  “What is it, Daddy, what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing, sweetheart. Your mom wants me to stay here until Tuesday while she goes to an auction. I love our time together, sweetie. I was just upset that your mom didn’t give me any notice and I’ll need to rearrange some things. No biggie, though.” I hugged Melissa and kissed her cheek.

  “Were you aware of your mom’s plans to go to Iowa?”

  “No, I mean, yes. She may have said something about it, but I forgot.”

  It was obvious Melissa was covering for her mom. I had this nagging feeling something was going on with Lindsey. Maybe I should give hiring a private detective some serious thought.

  “Dad, you don’t need to change any plans! Emma can come here! Mom will be out of town, and I would love to get to know her! Please, please,” she urged.

  “Melissa, I can’t very well invite her to stay here with us.”

  My daughter shook her head. “Dad, you’re not a monk. I know how to use Google. Besides, she makes you happy. She’s right for you, and I’m glad that you are together, and she can bring Pooka!”

  I was a little shocked at the words my daughter had thrown at me, but she was right. I tried not to think about it, but I had little doubt she had read some less than flattering things written about me online.

  “Maybe. Let me see what Em thinks.” I reluctantly gave in, partially for my daughter but more because I wanted to see Em.

  When I Skyped Emma she was as excited as my daughter about the idea.

  “Really? I can come to Chicago and hang out with you and Melissa? That would be great!”

  “I’ll make reservations and send the ticket to your email. There is a flight that departs at 5:00 PM. Do you think you would be able to leave work a little early on Friday? We can go straight to dinner from the airport.”

  “Yes, yes! Now let me hang up so I can start packing!”

  “Em?”

  “Yes, Mr. Smith?”

  “I love you.”

  Em cleared her throat and motioned for me to turn around. Melissa was standing behind me, grinning. I turned back around to look at Em. “I love you too, Mr. Smith.” She closed her computer, disconnecting us.

  “Why does Emma call you Mr. Smith?” Melissa asked.

  “That is a long story and one for when you are older. Now off to bed with you.”

  On Friday, as Melissa and I were getting ready to head to the airport, she had a small overnight bag with her.

  “Honey, what is that for?”

  “Oh, didn’t I tell you? Stacy called me this morning and asked if I could stay the night. Can you come and get us for piano lessons in the morning? Then maybe Stacy could come over for a little while, and we could all hang out and go swimming?”

  “Young lady, I understand you are trying to give Em and me time to ourselves but …”

  My daughter leaned over and kissed my cheek. “You’re welcome, Dad.” She was grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

  We arrived at O’Hare a few minutes before Em’s flight was due to land. I waited anxiously as I watched the people departing her plane come up the ramp. Finally, I saw Em heading our way. Melissa saw her first and went running to hug her. Watching the two of them together was amazing. A few months ago, I would never have believed I could feel so fulfilled and happy.

  We ate dinner at a steakhouse. Em and Melissa bonded like they had known each other for years. They chatted about boys and clothes and how much they both liked hiking. As we left
, Melissa took Em’s hand as they walked to the car. Seeing them together, hand in hand, I knew there was no turning back for me.

  Chapter 29

  Emma

  “I’m afraid my daughter conspired with Stacy, her best friend, to stay at her house tonight. We need to swing by Stacy’s and drop Melissa off before going to my apartment.” Moistening his lips, Ryan’s eyes gave away his own intentions for the night.

  Melissa piped up from the back seat of the car. “I thought maybe you and Dad should spend some time without me.”

  I turned around and winked at her.

  “Well, thank you, but you know I want to spend as much time with you as I can too.”

  “It’s okay, Em. We’ll still have lots of time together.”

  It suddenly dawned on me Jenna was Stacy’s mom. We were on our way to Jenna’s house to drop off Melissa. I was silent and played with my necklace the rest of the drive.

  When we arrived at Stacy’s house, Ryan looked at me. “Yes, she is who you think she is, but don’t worry. I’ll be in and out in a jiff … unless you would like to come?”

  The woman in me needed to see her. I guess to stake my territory or compare myself to her. I wasn’t sure which.

  “Sure, I’ll come in.” Getting out of the car, I shut the door harder than intended.

  Melissa grabbed my hand and ran me toward the house.

  “I can’t wait for you to meet Stacy!” She was so excited. Meeting Stacy was one thing; I wasn’t quite so excited about meeting Stacy’s mom.

  I looked back at Ryan, who smiled and shrugged his shoulders. Jenna greeted us at the door.

  “Come in, come in. Ryan, happy to see you again.” She locked eyes with me, her smile unwavering.

  I started feeling insecure and thought about retreating back to wait in the car. She was a little older than me but very attractive.

  “Hi, Ms. Jenna,” Melissa said. “This is my dad’s girlfriend, Emma,” she declared proudly. Ryan twitched, and I realized that my meeting Jenna was not the best idea. What if it got back to Lindsey?