Our Darkest Dare

by Sarah Bailey

“We really are a pair,” Raphi said, leaning his head against my shoulder.

  I snorted. Raphi had pushed Jonah away, and now those two were at odds. There wasn’t a day that went by where my brother didn’t regret how he’d handled things. Where he didn’t wish he’d not said all those things to Jonah. Again, the curse of fucking hindsight. When you had emotional clarity after the event and realised how fucked up you’d been.

  “Tell me about it.”

  “Maybe one day things will be okay.”

  “We can only hope.”

  There was no hope left in my heart after today, but I didn’t voice that out loud. Kira and I were done. Completely done. We’d severed the connection between us today. And the only thing left was a certificate keeping us legally bound. But would that fucking certificate come around to bite me in the arse at a later date? That was the one thing I couldn’t predict.

  I wish we’d never got to this point, Kira. I wish I had more courage like you do. I wish I was stronger. I wish I was enough. I wish I deserved you.

  Part IV

  treasure

  verb, treas·ured, treas·ur·ing.

  to regard or treat as precious; cherish.

  Chapter Thirty Nine

  Three years later

  I yawned and stretched as I trudged into the kitchen. Mum, Dad and Eric stood near the sink talking in low voices. Cole was sitting up at the kitchen island with a bowl of cereal in front of him. I took a seat next to him. He grunted in greeting whilst I nudged his arm. Neither of us were particularly morning people.

  “Want breakfast, Duke?” Eric asked me a minute later.

  “I can do it.”

  I had to see one of my lecturers today, so I couldn’t dawdle. Cole had very recently passed his assessments to become a qualified mechanic. His apprenticeship at the garage would be over soon. He was up early most days, no matter how much he hated it. I was glad university was almost over for me too. It’d been a hard slog. Soon, I’d be able to start working full time at the Syndicate and my time in education would finally be over. I wasn’t exactly looking forward to working with my sister every day. Since she’d moved out with Logan, I didn’t see her as often, but she had mellowed out a fraction. Logan did that to her. Made her less confrontational and argumentative. Well, except when it came to Quinn. Those two were at loggerheads way too often. I swear to god they were too similar for their own good. He still didn’t approve of her choice in partner, but Aurora had always been determined to make her own choices. Not sure why Quinn was surprised, given he’d brought all of us up to be responsible adults. Well, I wasn’t always very responsible, but that was beside the point.

  “It’s okay, I’ll make you something.”

  I gave Eric a nod. Five minutes later, I had a bacon sandwich and tea placed in front of me. I thanked him and dug in. Cole was sipping tea and reading something on his tablet. Quinn wandered into the room and dropped a large envelope down next to me.

  “Mail for you,” he said before going over to Mum.

  She turned and handed him a coffee. He gave her a kiss and walked out again.

  I eyed the envelope with trepidation. It looked rather official. Wiping my fingers on some kitchen roll, I turned it over and opened the flap before tugging out the contents. My eyes scanned over it before my stomach dropped out from underneath me.

  In my hands, I held Kira’s application for a divorce. The reason? Unreasonable behaviour. And below that, it stated we’d been separated for almost three years after I’d left her.

  “What the fuck?” I muttered.

  I felt movement next to me. Glancing over, I found Cole staring at the paper with his hazel eyes wide. Well, that was just fucking great. I’d managed to keep my marriage to Kira a secret from everyone apart from Raphi all this time. Now I was going to have to deal with Cole knowing.

  “Since when did you get ma—”

  “Shut up,” I hissed, slamming a hand over his mouth, “Don’t you dare say it out loud.”

  Cole looked between me and the paper in my other hand before nodding. I released his mouth and glared.

  “They don’t know,” I continued, indicating our parents with my head. “And if you dare breathe a word of this to anyone, I will crucify you.”

  He leant away, putting his hands up.

  “Okay, okay.”

  I stared down at the pages again. Kira wanted a divorce. Almost three years of no contact, and now this? She didn’t even have the fucking balls to come to see me and tell me herself. I mean, yes, she said she never wanted to see me again, but it wasn’t practical when we were married. I wanted to drop my head in my hands, but I had to get to university.

  Getting up, I stuffed the pages back in the envelope and cleared up my breakfast stuff. I gave Mum a kiss on the cheek before disappearing from the kitchen. Cole followed me into my bedroom. I set the envelope on my bed to deal with later.

  “You and Kira are married? Since when?”

  I sighed, pulling on a jumper and sitting down to lace up my trainers.

  “Since we went to New York.”

  “What the actual fuck, Duke? You got married to Kira and kept it a secret from everyone?”

  “It’s complicated. Raphi knows, but only after the fact. I told him the day things went to shit between me and Kira.”

  My family didn’t know the real reason our friendship had broken down. I’d made up some bullshit story about us falling out, which I’m sure none of them believed. They hadn’t pushed the subject with me though. Something I was thankful for. I suppose they were used to us kids fucking up by now. None of us had a good track record when it came to relationships. Well, Aurora had Logan, but that wasn’t without drama. Not to mention Cole and Meredith. I was glad my brother had sorted his shit out with her. The two of them were good for each other.

  I stood up and grabbed my bag, stuffing the envelope in it. Maybe I could read it whilst I was at university. I had to go to the library to prepare for some of my assessments. It’s why I was seeing one of my lecturers. There was stuff I had to go over with her.

  “Why did you get married in the first place?”

  There was no way I was getting out of telling him the whole story. I checked my phone for the time.

  “I’ll drop you at the garage and I can tell you on the way.”

  It was only a slight detour and wouldn’t make me late. Cole nodded. Usually, he’d take his Ducati, but fuck it, I could pick him up when he was done. He followed me from my room, stuffing his feet into his shoes and shrugging on a light jacket when we got to the front door. We got in my car after we bundled out the door.

  I explained the whole sorry story between Kira and me on the way over to the garage. Cole interrupted me several times to ask questions, but I didn’t mind so much. We were almost at his place of work when I finished.

  “Here I thought me and Meredith were bad.”

  I almost shoved his arm.

  “Fuck off, I never said any of it was a good idea.”

  “So, Kira wants a divorce? You going to let it happen?”

  I kept my gaze on the traffic as I indicated to turn into the garage carpark.

  “No. If she wants me to agree, she’s going to have to tell me to my face she doesn’t feel anything for me any longer.”

  I don’t know when I’d made my mind up. Perhaps it was on the drive between the house and the garage. All I knew was I couldn’t let this go. It was my opportunity to see her again. I’d respected her wishes and not contacted her this whole time. I didn’t want to upset Kira any more than I already had. This was entirely different. Did she really think I wouldn’t contest it? Maybe she thought I didn’t care. She was fucking deluded if she did. I might have walked away when she gave me an ultimatum, but my feelings for Kira remained. A permanent fucking fixture in my heart.

  “What you going to do then?”

  Cole had his hand on the door, waiting for me to respond before he got ou
t of the car.

  “I’m going to see her and sort this shit out.”

  “Good luck with that.”

  He gave me a wink before slipping out of my car and slamming the door. My hands tightened on the steering wheel as I set off again. It’s not like I could do it now. I had to get to university. Besides, there was no guarantee she’d be at home.

  The crazy thing was, we’d lived two streets apart all this time and never once saw each other. She hadn’t moved out of the house she grew up in. Her address on the divorce application was the same as it’d always been. I didn’t think she’d appreciate me turning up there unannounced, but she’d applied for a divorce without telling me.

  It’s fair game, Kira. If you’re going to play it this way, then you have no one to blame but yourself.

  She’d cast the first stone. There was no way in hell I was allowing her to do this quietly.

  I’d had a lot of time to think since I’d walked away from her. A lot of time to deal with my feelings and emotions regarding Andie’s death and the way I’d treated Kira during that time. How I’d used her as my emotional crutch. A lot of things I’d done were unfair and completely unreasonable. Kira had taken it because she loved me. And I’d been her emotional crutch in return when Stan died. We’d both taken advantage of each other. We were both to blame, but I was the one who’d walked away. I’d left her all alone. By all accounts, it should be unforgivable, but she’d pushed me into making a decision I didn’t want to.

  You don’t give someone an ultimatum and expect them to be happy about it. I didn’t believe in giving ultimatums. All they did was tear people apart. They made it impossible to do the right thing. Neither of us had got what we wanted.

  I shoved away thoughts of her when I got to university and spent the rest of the day trying to concentrate. It was fucking hard when the divorce application was burning a hole in my bag. I managed to get time to read it over when I took a lunch break. The whole thing made me ill. I had twenty-eight days to respond to it, but I also had to acknowledge I’d received it within seven. There was no fucking way I’d let another day go by without seeing her.

  Cole texted me to let me know he didn’t need picking up as he was going out with Meredith. I could go straight from university to see Kira. I could only hope she’d be home. Not like I wanted to risk warning her. She might not permit me to see her. We needed a conversation. I would make sure we had one.

  I didn’t care what anyone said. Kira was my wife. I wouldn’t let her go this time without a fight. Things were different now. I’d changed. Living without her all this time had made me realise a fuck ton of things about myself and our friendship.

  I thought about what I would say the whole way home. I didn’t bother going inside when I got there. Instead, I got out of the car and walked two streets over to Kira’s house. My eyes roamed over the front door. It didn’t look like much had changed in the past few years, but who knew what Kira had done to the place. There was the same blue door with the same numbers on it. Sixteen. Memories of being in and out of this house as a kid flooded my senses. It reminded me of how much I missed Kira. Her laugh. The way she smelt of peaches. Our stupid dares. Everything about the girl I’d known my whole life.

  Kira Renata Willis. Baroness Suffield. I’m here and I’m not leaving you again. Never a-fucking-gain.

  I made that vow silently in my head. It was time I got my wife back, even if we’d been nothing but friends to begin with.

  I walked up to the front door and rang the bell, fidgeting as I waited. A full minute went by before I heard noises from behind the door. When it was pulled open to reveal a woman, my breath caught in my throat.

  Kira stood there with her light brown hair up in two bunches on top of her head. She was dressed in plain jeans and a white t-shirt with her favourite gaming company’s logo on it. Her copper eyes went wide and her mouth dropped open when she spied me.

  Still as stunning as ever. Fuck. She’s everything.

  “Duke?”

  Chapter Forty

  Four more weeks of university and I was officially done. Two more assessments and the past three years would finally be over. I was pretty lucky to have a job lined up. Games development wasn’t an easy career path. In two months, I’d start in an entry-level job at a studio. I was pretty excited about taking this step. I’d worked hard during my degree and was predicted a First. It wouldn’t matter to me either way, as long as I had my qualifications.

  The prospect of finishing university had prompted me to think about the future. There were a lot of things I needed to accomplish and loose ends to tie up. First and foremost, there was one thing hanging over my head I couldn’t ignore any longer. In all honesty, I’d been putting it off because I didn’t want to deal with it.

  The day I sent off the application for a divorce from Duke, I’d cried myself to sleep. The longer I waited, the worse the feelings of self-loathing and hatred over the whole thing got. There was no other way. Duke had left me almost three years ago when I’d given him an ultimatum. I couldn’t keep pining over him like a lovesick fool. Applying for a divorce was the first step towards accepting our friendship was truly over.

  I’d consulted with a solicitor who advised me of the appropriate actions to take. It’s not like I wanted to choose ‘unreasonable behaviour’ as the reason for our divorce, but my solicitor felt it was my best shot. She said it was hard to prove desertion, which is what Duke had done. He’d abandoned our relationship when I’d asked for what I truly wanted.

  I knew I had some responsibility for what happened. Giving him an ultimatum hadn’t been my smartest idea, but I was tired of waiting. Tired of feeling like I wasn’t enough for him. Tired of wanting him when I couldn’t have him. It had been self-preservation that pushed me towards telling him we were done if he wasn’t going to have a real marriage with me. I was done with excuses. No matter how much my heart hurt over the whole thing, it was time I let go.

  The house was quiet this afternoon. I’d been here all day finishing up my final project before I revised for my last two assessments. When the doorbell went, I’d huffed as I got up and made my way into the hall. I hadn’t been expecting anyone. I opened the door and froze in place when I saw who was standing on my front step.

  Duke. Fucking Duke Scott. My husband. The man I’d asked for a divorce from. And holy shit, did he look good. He’d filled out more in bulk, looking more like his father than ever. Those blue eyes were piercing. Just as they’d always been. He had one hand dug in the pocket of his black jeans, a navy jumper on underneath his coat with his other hand curled around the strap of his bag. His auburn hair flopped over one side of his head and was shaved on the other. My fingers twitched, itching to run over his skin. I scolded myself internally for the involuntary urge.

  “Duke?”

  “Hello, Kira.”

  My stomach knotted itself with the sound of his deep voice rumbling through me.

  “What are you doing here?”

  His mouth narrowed to a thin line.

  “I think it’s obvious why I’m here.”

  If I’d been thinking straight, it would be, but my mind was all running riot with too many emotions. Duke was here. Right here in the flesh. It’d been so long. Too fucking long.

  “Is it?”

  His expression turned incredulous.

  “Did you conveniently forget you’re trying to divorce me?”

  I swallowed. They’d served him with the application. I’d tried not to think about it after I’d submitted the paperwork. It didn’t entirely feel real. Now, seeing him in front of me, there was no mistaking what I’d done. The anger and frustration in his eyes couldn’t be denied. Duke was unhappy with me.

  “Oh… that.”

  “Mmm, yes, that.”

  I nodded slowly.

  “You going to let me in so we can talk about this?”

  My brain really needed to re-engage itself. Seeing Duke had me co
mpletely flustered. He was right. I owed him a conversation at the very least. We could be civil and discuss this like adults. It had been cowardly of me not to contact him before applying for a divorce.

  You know why you did that. You weren’t sure you would go through with it otherwise.

  I stepped back, allowing him inside. He shut the front door behind him. I walked into the living room with him on my heels and took a seat on the sofa where I’d been working before he arrived on my doorstep. Duke didn’t sit down. He set his bag on an armchair and stood there with his arms crossed over his chest. His stance intimidated me. It made me feel like he was about to scold me.

  “Why now?”

  It took me a few seconds to understand what he was asking me.

  “Why not now?”

  “I’m being serious, Kira. What possessed you to ask me for a divorce after all this time? Because let me tell you, unless you have a good reason, I’m going to fight you on it.”

  I swallowed and fidgeted under his intense gaze. What did he mean he was going to fight me on it? Why the hell wouldn’t he want to divorce me? We weren’t together. We never truly had been. This whole marriage was a fucking sham.

  “I had to wait a year before I could start proceedings.”

  “It’s been almost three.”

  I hadn’t been ready before. To be honest, I wasn’t ready now. Not when seeing him had brought back all my feelings. All my emotions. How could I ever have thought I could tear Duke Scott out of my heart and move on?

  “Well, there was uni and stuff. I’ve been busy. Guess it wasn’t a priority until now.”

  He took a step towards me.

  “What makes it a priority now?”

  The way he was staring set me on edge. I didn’t know what the fuck to say. All my words got tangled in my brain. Why did he have this effect on me? All my rationally thought out reasons for us divorcing had gone out the window. And the fact he’d thrown me for a loop by admitting he was planning on contesting the divorce had me scrambling for a suitable reason.