A Chapter on Love

by Laney Webber

  “Have you talked to Billingsworth?”

  “Bosworth.”

  “Bosworth. You’ve been there long enough to know what his long-range plan is for the store. I hope he’s seen what you do and compensates you for that as well. I suppose you haven’t had that conversation, either? It’s always better to know than to wonder, my dear.”

  “I will. When I get back. I’ll send him an email.”

  “Call him.”

  Jannika scowled at Edgar. “Yes, sir. I’ll call him.”

  “Affirmation applauded. For now, your store is well tended, so enjoy this weekend. We’re away from our shops, and we can browse, buy, and talk books all weekend.” He clapped his hands and rubbed them back and forth. “You look well, my dear,” Edgar said, peering over his glasses. “Here’s to serendipitous searches.”

  ***

  Jannika met up with two booksellers she knew from Maine over the weekend and had dinner with them and an older couple from New Hampshire who ran a store in Portsmouth. She kept the young men who loaded boxes of purchased books into vehicles busy all Saturday, and it wasn’t until Sunday morning that she had a chance to talk with Edgar again.

  “I don’t know why I’m still buying—the van is nearly full.” Jannika scanned titles of books in boxes on a long table. “I always save this room for last. Good buys this year?” She turned to face Edgar who was also scanning titles.

  “I buy most of my books by word of mouth or from dealers online now. I have some lovelies I couldn’t say no to, but mostly I come now to talk shop and see how my kinfolk are faring in this treacherous business. Whenever I’m in this room, I remember the first year you accompanied me here. You had done your homework magnificently, but I had to corral your enthusiasm.” He placed one hand on a carton of books and tapped his fingers. “They are difficult to resist.”

  Jannika understood perfectly. “I feel all business in the other rooms. Everything is in cartons and stacked on that big metal shelving. All I have to do is look at my Simon’s map and the lists of titles at the end of each row and choose. But here I get to see the covers, touch them, read the blurbs or the first page. When I came here that first time with you I already knew where to go to read reviews, but you taught me the best book buying skills—how to listen to my customers and how to ask the right questions.” Jannika pulled a book out of a box. “Like this one. Small independent press—”

  “No publicity to speak of.” Edgar took another copy of the book from the box and turned it over. “An okay blurb, but nothing to crow about.”

  “But I heard a great review a while back on a podcast—”

  “Wait. A pod…?”

  “A podcast. It’s like a radio show. You can listen to it on your computer or smartphone. I know, I know, you don’t have a smartphone.” Jannika remembered when she’d introduced Edgar to the computer she convinced him to buy for his store. He had no interest until he saw Jannika search online for a rare book for a customer. His excitement about the books he could find, and the information he could find about the books, overtook him for a few weeks, and he stayed at the store well after closing. Jannika thought Helen might never forgive her. Despite his digital conversion, he saw no use in a cell phone.

  “Nor will I ever.”

  “Right. But there are a ton of them out there now. About everything. I think this is one modern development that you might actually like, Edgar. I’ll email you some links. You can listen on the computer. Anyhow, people are discovering smaller presses this way. Me included. I love being able to give some of these books a second chance. They might not have made a splash in the big bookstores, but I can hand-sell this one like crazy. Face-to-face with my customers.”

  Jannika loved her customers. She loved The Pageturner. The thought of Joe Bosworth selling the store made her throat ache. Here she was, buying books for the next six months like she was secure in her job. But if she lost her job, she would lose everything. Successful bookstores were becoming rare, and jobs in those bookstores, even more so. Edgar was right. She should have called Joe when she’d first started hearing the rumors.

  Chapter Nine

  Jannika stood in her bedroom next to a pile of shirts and pants on the queen-size bed. Nothing looked right. She didn’t want to look like she was coming on to Lee, and she didn’t want to look like she was dressed for a business meeting or a funeral either. Her in-between clothes seemed too casual. She tried on a skirt, but it seemed too short. Too much leg. Tonight was the first date since Joanne that she felt excited about. She liked Leslie—Lee. It was the intense, too intense physical attraction that scared her.

  She had been very physically attracted to Joanne—that’s how their relationship began. They made love the night they met. Sex was their fail-safe method of communicating and Joanne’s way of softening her up. If they had a disagreement, they made love. If they had to make a decision, they made love first. They were great in the bedroom, but in the living room, not so much. In a weird way, she already had more with Lee than she’d ever had with Joanne. But would sex ruin it all?

  Jannika turned in front of the mirror and shook her head. She was going to enjoy this date. Her favorite black jeans were perfect. They looked great and were comfortable. Her turquoise blouse highlighted her blue-green eyes and brightened her hair.

  “Done. Now put yourself in the car and get there,” she said.

  ***

  The Portsmouth Brewery was popular with locals and tourists, not too cozy and not too formal. Lee arrived early and sipped a beer in a high-backed wooden booth. She chose the bench facing the windows and door so she could watch for Jannika. She leaned back against the booth to counteract the tiny butterflies in her belly.

  She got up as Jannika approached. She hadn’t thought Jannika could look more beautiful than the first time she saw her again at the bookstore. She tried to ignore her jitters but found it hard to believe she was on a date with Jannika, after all these years. Something lightened in her heart every time she looked at her. She held out her hands.

  “You look gorgeous. May I?” Lee’s heart beat faster as she asked the question. She hoped Jannika wouldn’t be put off by her enthusiasm.

  Jannika turned around and let Lee help her out of her jacket. Lee hung the jacket next to hers on the black wrought iron hooks attached to the side of the booth.

  “You’re here early. I thought I’d get here before you.”

  “Confession. I got here early so I could watch your entrance.” Lee smiled and sat down. Was she dorky to admit that? Probably.

  Jannika laughed, covered her mouth with her hand, and slid into the booth opposite her.

  “Am I missing something?” Yeah, she was dorky.

  “No, just nerves. You are…stunning.” Jannika’s words came out a little too loud and a blush crept up her neck and jawline.

  “Thanks.” Lee could watch Jannika all day, and she really didn’t care if the table next to theirs was probably enjoying their date too. “The waitress already brought menus. I’m hungry. You?” Food was always a safe topic.

  “I’m starving. I could probably eat a whole pizza all by myself, but that wouldn’t be too attractive on a first date, would it?” Jannika asked.

  “No, you’d have to wait until at least the third date before you spring the whole-pizza thing on me.” She picked up her menu and looked over it at Jannika. To be honest, she was having a hard time looking at the menu and not at Jannika’s eyes, which appeared to match the color of her shirt exactly.

  “Oh, so you’re betting on a third date, are you?” Jannika smiled.

  Jannika seemed to relax every time she smiled. She wanted to see more of that smile. “Hoping, more like…So what’s that saying? Penny for your thoughts.” She liked this playful side of Jannika. She watched her twirl the top button of her blouse.

  “I was thinking—” Jannika said.

  “Hi. What looks good to you, ladies?”

  All conversation stopped when the server interrupted wi
th his very energetic and cheery welcome. Jannika ordered number four, a small barbecue chicken pizza.

  “And I’ll have the Hawaiian ten inch,” Lee said.

  “Do you really like pizza with pineapple on it?” asked Jannika.

  “Yes, I do. I love the sweet and tangy pineapple with the salty ham and tomato sauce. You know, I’ve found that those who mock the Hawaiian pizza have never actually tasted one,” she said.

  “You’re right, I haven’t ever tasted one. But just the thought,” Jannika said with an exaggerated shudder. She scrunched up her nose and shook her head.

  “Maybe I can convince you to try it tonight? I remember you as very adventurous.” Lee chuckled as she looked over the top of Jannika’s head at a little girl who was standing in the next booth making faces at her.

  Jannika patted the top of her blond head. “Is there something wrong with my hair? Is it all sticking up from the wind or something?”

  “No, sorry.” Lee pointed at the little girl, who ducked back down in the booth. “There’s a little girl next door who’s been making faces at me.” Lee had always liked kids, and the girl reminded her of how much she missed her nieces and nephews in Maine.

  “And you’ve been making faces right back. You were so great with the little kids at camp. Do you get to interact with kids at work now?”

  “Not very much. Other park staff do most of the programming, but I get to do some once in a while. But I get plenty of kid time in the winter with my sisters and brothers and their kids.”

  “Lucky kids, having the number-one camp counselor in Maine as their aunt. Do you have any kids?”

  Lee would never get used to talking about Shannon and her death. “I was in a relationship for eight years with a truly wonderful woman named Shannon, and we were about to take that step in our relationship when she died in an accident.” She straightened her spine for strength.

  “Oh, Lee. I’m so sorry.” Jannika’s voice dropped.

  “She died just over five years ago. I had a couple of girlfriends in my early twenties, and then I met Shannon and fell hard. We had a great relationship. Steady. Solid, you know? Since she died, I’ve dated some and had a short relationship that ended very amicably. We both came to the realization that we weren’t right for each other.” Sometimes Lee wasn’t sure if anyone would feel right again.

  “I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine that kind of loss,” Jannika said.

  “There’s part of me that will always miss Shannon.” Lee sighed. “It’s always tricky talking about your past during a date, isn’t it?” She didn’t tell Jannika how Shannon died, or that Lee thought it should have been her that the speeding driver hit that day. She could still hear Shannon’s voice that day, asking Lee to go to the store for bread and toilet paper. She’d yelled at Shannon, complaining that she always went to the store and couldn’t Shannon just get off her backside for once and go. Shannon had slammed the door on her way out. Bread and toilet paper and her pissy attitude cost her Shannon.

  Lee had done a lot of grief work over the past five years. She was still working on her need to accommodate people, as if that could make up for the time she didn’t accommodate Shannon.

  “It all depends what part of your past you’re talking about. I once heard about someone’s entire psychiatric history and medication list on the first date. That was not first date material,” Jannika said gently. She had never survived a loss as deep as Lee’s, and she wasn’t sure what she should say. Lee was looking at her like she hadn’t registered what Jannika said, like she was still wrapped in her memories. Jannika unrolled her fork and knife from the paper napkin and adjusted the flatware in front of her on the paper placemat. She felt deep admiration for this woman sitting across from her who’d endured such a deep heartbreak. She thought she could probably learn a lot about healing from her.

  “Thanks for telling me,” Jannika said. Her voice caught a bit in her throat as she thought about the enormity of Lee’s loss. She picked up her water glass and had a sip.

  Lee leaned forward and looked deep into Jannika’s eyes.

  “You’re welcome.” She leaned back. “I hope that pizza is coming soon. I’m hungrier than I thought,” Lee said.

  “Me too. They don’t give you bread sticks or anything here.” Jannika went along with the change in conversation.

  “Apparently they don’t give you drinks either,” Lee joked. “Did that guy go on break maybe?” Lee said. She leaned out of the booth a little to scan the restaurant. Their server must have noticed because thirty seconds later he materialized at their table.

  “Yes, ladies. What can I do for you?”

  “Could we get something to drink while we’re waiting for our pizza?” Lee asked.

  “Something on tap? It’s totally busy here tonight, and I’m not used to it being so busy during the week. I’m so sorry.”

  “No worries. I’m going to have another Wicked Wheat. What about you, Jannika?” Lee asked.

  “I’ll have the Portsmouth Pale Ale,” Jannika said. Jannika felt much more comfortable tonight than she had at their lunch. She loved the way Lee had looked at her when she walked to the booth earlier. She swore she could hear her heart beating when she got to the booth and Lee offered to take her jacket.

  A young woman came over with their beers, and after a few minutes, the server followed with their pizzas.

  “All set?” he asked.

  “I’m fine, what about you, Lee?” Jannika asked.

  “I am ready for my Hawaiian pizza.” Lee waved her hands like she was doing a hula dance, while making some uh-huh, uh-huh hip-hop sounds. “Ready for a bite?”

  “Oh, I don’t know, Lee. It even looks a little weird,” Jannika said. Lee’s excitement was adorable but the pizza still didn’t appeal.

  “You know, I think in Hawaii they may put Spam on pizza instead of ham. I think I read that someplace,” Lee said.

  “You are a font of pizza trivia,” Jannika said, lifting a piece of her pizza to her mouth. She curled the edges before she took a bite.

  “You can tell a lot about a woman from the way she eats pizza,” Lee said.

  Jannika chewed and swallowed. “Oh, you can?” She wasn’t at all self-conscious now, no, not at all.

  “Yes, for instance, some women get right in there and take the flat bite, some—believe it or not—bite from the sides of the piece, and some women, like you, curl the edges of the piece of pizza before they put it in their mouth.” Lee took a bite of her pizza.

  “And you get right in there,” Jannika said with a smile.

  “I do indeed. And you, Jannika, like things tidy and neat.”

  “I think I can get right in there,” Jannika said challenging Lee. She liked the way Lee was teasing her.

  “Show me,” Lee said. She picked up a piece of Hawaiian pizza and held the point of the triangle toward Jannika. She moved it closer to her mouth.

  Jannika set her mouth in a line. She took a deep breath. She looked at the pizza. Pizza with pineapple on it. Unnatural. She took another deep breath. Lee withdrew the slice a few inches.

  “You don’t have to,” Lee said. “Sorry if I’m being a jerk about this.”

  Jannika reached over, grabbed the piece of Hawaiian pizza, and took a full flat frontal get-right-in-there bite, then reached for her napkin to wipe her mouth.

  “Aha. So you can get in there, but you still like to tidy up afterward,” Lee said with a great big smile on her face.

  Jannika was smiling and chewing, and chewing. “It’s good. No, it is. I tried not to think about what was on top of it and just taste it, and it’s good. And,” she said with fanfare and a mock bow, “I can get in there with the best of them.” She finished with her chin raised and what she hoped was a haughty look.

  “Now that’s something to look forward to,” Lee said.

  The look that Lee gave her made her ears sting. She watched Lee’s glance shift down slightly, then back up to her face. Part of her wanted Lee to know ho
w much she wanted her, and part of her was a little embarrassed that she couldn’t control her body’s response. Even when she was joking around, Lee looked at her with more than desire. Jannika was afraid that this was all too good to be true, that it was nothing more than the initial excitement of being with Lee and sitting across the table from her after all these years.

  They finished their beers, a half pitcher of water, and both pizzas. Jannika was surprised that talking with Lee was so easy. Was it silly to be fascinated to learn what Lee’s favorite foods were? She didn’t feel silly. Her cheeks hurt from smiling so much at dinner. She wanted to know more. She wanted to know everything about Lee.

  Chapter Ten

  The server arrived with the check, and Jannika claimed it. “This one’s mine, remember? And I think I might need to walk some of this pizza off before I go home.” Jannika didn’t want the date to end at the restaurant. She was so used to dates going downhill fast, but with Lee the time flew and she wanted to ask Lee so many questions. Part of her wanted to jump up and down like the kid in the booth behind her, and she kept reminding herself that this was only their second meal together.

  “A walk sounds like a great idea. And thanks for dinner.” Jannika was glad Lee didn’t argue about the check. “Want to go down by the water?”

  “How about around town, Market Square, maybe?” Jannika replied.

  Lee stood, took Jannika’s leather jacket off the hook, and held it out for her. “Allow me,” she said.

  “Sure. Thanks,” Jannika said. She put her arms into the jacket and her stomach fluttered as Lee’s fingers brushed the back of her neck. Lee’s attention made her feel cared for and special. She usually shrugged off any offer of chivalrous behavior, finding it stifling, but she softened at the gesture when Lee did it.