A Chapter on Love

by Laney Webber

  The brick sidewalks of Portsmouth were still filled with people on this October night. Most of the shops had closed for the day, but there were a few still open, probably hoping to get a few more tourist dollars before the snowy winter. The side streets were narrow in this historic town, made for carts and horses and not parked cars. Jannika loved looking at the old sea captains’ houses and the smaller family capes and saltboxes that sat on the streets right outside the square. She told Lee about the beautiful flower gardens that private home owners opened to the public for three weeks during the summer.

  “Hey, look at that,” Lee said, pointing up at a large gargoyle perched on the turret of an old Victorian house. “Pretty cool. I wonder how long he’s been perched up there?”

  “How do you know it’s a he?” Jannika asked.

  “Well…” Lee raised her eyebrows. “I guess I don’t.”

  “It is actually pretty easy to tell the difference between male and female gargoyles. A male’s ears are always more pointed than a female’s. The females have more rounded ears.” Jannika explained while tracing her finger on the outer edge of her own ear.

  “Are you pulling my leg, Jannika?”

  “Why yes, Leslie, I do believe I am,” Jannika said.

  They laughed as they continued to stroll down the brick sidewalk away from Market Square. Lee reached for Jannika’s hand and gave it a little squeeze. Jannika squeezed back. Their footsteps slowed the closer they got to the parking lot.

  “Are you parked here?” Jannika asked pointing to the lot.

  “I’m the little green Toyota truck in the first row, right here.”

  They stopped on the sidewalk in front of Lee’s truck.

  “I had a wonderful night, Lee, great pizza, great conversation…” Jannika looked at the Maine plates on the green truck. “This might sound weird, but were you driving through Grangeton about a week ago?”

  “I’ve been to Grangeton a couple of times in the past week or so, why?”

  “I was on a not very great blind date and I saw a green pickup with Maine plates turn the corner onto Federal Street, and it reminded me of all the things I love about Maine and how I wished I was in Maine, or anywhere but on that date.” Jannika worried she’d said too much and Lee would think she was some serial dater.

  “That was you? If I had known, I would have pulled over and offered you a slice of pizza and—”

  “And?”

  Lee stepped in front of Jannika, reached for one of her hands, and smiled.

  “I would have watched you eat it,” Lee said as she moved closer to Jannika.

  Lee was inches away from her. After all these years, she was here. Right here in front of her. Waiting for her, Jannika thought. Her heart was in her throat and she moved toward Lee. Her lips met Lee’s. Desire ran through her body like a river. Her hands went under Lee’s jacket to the small of Lee’s back and pulled her closer. A soft low moan escaped from Jannika’s throat. The excitement she held onto flooded through her body and her breath quickened.

  Lee’s lips responded to Jannika and answered with a hunger all their own. Lee wrapped her arms around Jannika, and her hands traveled down Jannika’s spine. Lee kissed Jannika on her cheek, and then her lips moved down to her neck.

  “Jannika Peterson, that was some kiss,” Lee said, looking into Jannika’s eyes.

  “Whoa…” Jannika’s breathing was heavy. She disengaged herself from Lee’s embrace and took a wobbly step backward. Her left ankle twisted on the uneven bricks. “Yowcha!”

  Lee reached out to steady her. “Are you okay?”

  “Damn, damn, damnation. I twisted my ankle,” Jannika said. She was trying to balance on one foot, with only the toe of her other foot touching the bricks. Any desire she’d felt left her body and was replaced by a shooting pain running up her leg.

  “Let’s sit in my truck and talk. It’s getting pretty chilly out, and you should probably get off that ankle. Can you make it? Let me at least open the door for you,” Lee said, moving around Jannika and opening the truck door.

  “I can do it,” said Jannika. She struggled with the best way to get into the truck, then grabbed the oh-shit handle and hauled herself up and into the truck.

  “Funny, I don’t remember you having a stubborn streak,” Lee replied, smiling. “How’s your ankle? Do you want me to have a look? I’ve had some First Aid training.”

  “No, thanks. It’s not that bad. And to be honest, Lee, if you touch me I don’t know what might happen.” Jannika tried to smile.

  “I’ll go around to my side of the truck then.” She hopped into the driver’s seat but kept herself close to the door. “Jannika, you look so beautiful,” Lee said. “Your eyes are reflecting your shirt or your shirt is reflecting your eyes—I can’t tell, but it’s incredible.” She ran her hand through her hair and blew out a breath.

  “I promised myself I wouldn’t let myself get carried away by physical attraction, and here I am doing it again. And we both know I’m attracted to you.” Jannika’s words came out rushed. Maybe the sheer number of words would make a barrier between them.

  Lee didn’t move, but she looked at Jannika with such open wanting that Jannika felt lightheaded. “And I’m—”

  Jannika interrupted Lee. “I’m confused between what was the past—you know, my silly crush on you—and what is happening now.” She tried to look everywhere but Lee’s face. “I don’t want to make a fool of myself. Doesn’t it feel strange to you?”

  “Jannika, that was eighteen years ago. You were seventeen and I was twenty-four, right out of college. We were babies. I was flattered then that you had a crush on me…”

  “I must have seemed so foolish.” Jannika looked at Lee.

  “You were adorable then, and you are even more adorable now. I took my responsibility to all the girls very seriously. I’m pretty sure you remember how seriously. But I’m forty-three now and you must be…”

  “Thirty-five. I’m thirty-five,” Jannika said. “Leslie…Lee.” Jannika looked into Lee’s eyes. “You’re the first woman since my breakup with my ex a year ago that I’ve had any sort of attraction to or even desire to get to know better. When I was seventeen and felt like the world was against me, and my mother hated me, you listened. You listened to me for hours that summer. And I took your advice, you know. I never got the chance to tell you. You told me to start a journal and to write about all the things that were bothering me, but you also told me to write about all the things that were good. Even the tiny things, like the apple tree out back was all in blossoms today. I wrote about anything that made me feel good, even a little bit.” Jannika looked out the windshield. “Thank you. If nothing else comes of our meeting again, I have the chance to say thank you to someone who helped me get through the last two years of living with my mother. I kept your words in my head. They gave me the courage to make a plan and leave my mother’s house. Thank you, Lee.” She reached over and touched Lee’s hand.

  Lee turned her hand over and their fingers wound together naturally. Jannika knew her hand was probably clammy and sticky, but she didn’t pull it away. Lee’s hand was warm and soft and dry. She looked back at Lee.

  “How did that work out?” Lee asked.

  “I worked while I was in community college and saved enough to leave.”

  Lee gave Jannika’s hand a gentle squeeze. “And your relationship with your ex…? That sounds like it didn’t end well.”

  “We met at a concert about five years ago. Instant attraction, fireworks, the whole thing. We flirted and left before the concert ended. Fast-forward a few weeks, and we decided to live together.”

  “In Portland? Or were you back in Stillmeadow?” Lee asked.

  “No, I was living and working in Westbrook then, so it wasn’t much of a commute to work. Joanne didn’t want to give up her apartment in Portland. I thought we’d build a future together. I thought we were in love. I’m a romantic—too many books or something.” She looked down at her hand, then slow
ly untangled it from Lee’s.

  “How long were you together?” Lee asked.

  “Almost three years. She could be a bit jealous, but that was because her ex cheated on her several times. She had a hard time trusting people. And I could understand that, because I have my own stuff around trusting people with my father abandoning me and my mother when I was little.” Jannika turned and leaned against the inside of the truck door, so she could look at Lee.

  As she started to tell this story to Lee, she realized that blaming her breakup with Joanne for the way she protected her heart wasn’t the truth. When she said the words my father abandoning me out loud in the small space of this truck cab, her words echoed back to her heart, and she knew it took many years to build all those layers of protection. All those years without her father, knowing he didn’t care enough to stay around and didn’t care enough to ever try to get in touch with her.

  “What happened?” Lee asked gently.

  She looked into Lee’s welcoming eyes. The safety of her gaze enabled Jannika to continue.

  “The short story is, Joanne’s ex came back to visit some relatives. She’d moved out west someplace right after she and Joanne broke up. About a week later, I came home from work early on a Friday. I was going to surprise Joanne with her favorite supper. I pulled into the driveway, and there was a car I didn’t recognize behind Joanne’s truck.”

  “Oh no.”

  “Oh yes.” Jannika looked down at her hands. “I didn’t suspect anything. I figured one of her friends from work was over or something. When I got into the house I heard the shower running, which I thought was weird. I didn’t see anyone else in the house. I knocked on the bathroom door and called to her, and two voices started swearing in response. I opened the door.” She laughed nervously. “And the funny thing is that I still didn’t suspect anything. In that instant, I thought that maybe they had gone for a hike and someone got hurt. I don’t know what I was thinking, but it wasn’t that my girlfriend was screwing around on me. But she was. With her ex. I backed the car out of the driveway and took off. When I came back, I expected Joanne to apologize or explain. Instead she screamed at me to get out and accused me of spying on her. She gave me until the end of the weekend to move out. After that she wouldn’t answer my texts or emails or calls. Part of me wanted to stay there and see what would happen, but I was devastated. I just left. Like a dog with its tail between its legs.”

  “That’s awful.”

  “For the next month or so, I tried to call her, text her, I wrote her letters. She wouldn’t respond. It was like I never existed in her life.” Jannika looked out at the parking lot. This was maybe the worst date conversation, worse than a med list. But it felt so good to tell someone.

  “Did you two ever get a chance to talk about what happened that night?” Lee asked, reaching her hand toward Jannika. Jannika shifted away from Lee, and Lee mirrored her action and sat back against the seat.

  “No, I haven’t talked to her or seen her since the day she screamed at me.” Jannika wiped the corner of her eye.

  “I’ve got tissues, right here in the glove box,” Lee said reaching over to unlatch it.

  “No, I’m okay. Thanks,” Jannika said. “I haven’t talked to anyone about this except my friend Marcy.”

  Lee looked up at Jannika and brushed her fingertips down Jannika’s cheek. Jannika had a powerful urge to lay her head on Lee’s shoulder and let this gentle woman hold her. She couldn’t remember the last time she was held and comforted.

  “I’m so sorry, Jannika,” Lee said.

  Jannika reached up and took Lee’s hand from her face, holding it for a moment before letting go. Lee shifted back to her side of the cab and put her hands in her lap. Jannika took a deep breath and let it out.

  “Most of our friends started out as Joanne’s friends, and you know how that goes, so I was thrilled when my Aunt Gunnie called me to tell me about the job at The Pageturner. I came down, applied, got the job, made some great friends, and am determined to build a new life down here.”

  “That sounds like a perfect plan.” Lee thought for a few moments before speaking more. She didn’t want to scare Jannika away by telling her how powerful her attraction was. She’d watched at lunch and at dinner how Jannika would move toward her and flirt and joke for a few minutes, and then catch herself and withdraw. But she could be patient. She didn’t mind working for what she wanted, and she wasn’t afraid of obstacles. There was something about Jannika that made her feel like she would slay dragons, climb mountains, swim oceans, just to be near her. She turned to face Jannika and put her arm on the back of the seat.

  “Thanks for telling me about your ex. It didn’t look easy for you to tell me. I want you to know how much I appreciate your honesty. I meant it when I said that I wanted to get to know you, and I do. Can we take it day by day?”

  Jannika ran her fingers through her thick short blond hair.

  “For the record, you are adorable when you do that,” Lee said, smiling. The urge to kiss Jannika was so strong. Lee swore her lips were still tingling from their earlier kiss.

  “And you have the most incredible smile. Thanks for listening.”

  “I want to stay true to my word about taking things day by day,” Lee said, “but if I don’t get you back to your car right now, I’m afraid I may have to kiss you, like you kissed me a little while ago.” Lee moved her hand from the back of the seat to the side of Jannika’s face and traced a line from Jannika’s temple to her jawline and over to her chin. She looked into Jannika’s eyes. “Unless you want me to kiss you.” Lee’s voice was soft. She felt warmth move through her body.

  “Oh, Lee.” Jannika leaned forward, her breath quick.

  Lee could see the conflict on Jannika’s face. She didn’t want to come on too fast and too strong, but the effect of Jannika sitting just inches away was overriding her good intentions. Her body was reacting in a way it hadn’t since before she lost her wife. All she could think about was that kiss. She leaned back into the driver’s seat and tapped the dash with her right hand.

  “Okay. Where is your car parked?” she asked.

  “It’s up two streets on your right, there’s a little parking lot up there. And…thanks.” The truck cab was silent for the short ride.

  Lee pulled the truck next to Jannika’s car and immediately got out. She didn’t know if she could resist Jannika and that beautiful face, that gorgeous mouth, again tonight. She opened Jannika’s door.

  “How’s the ankle?” Lee asked.

  “Not as bad as I thought it would be.” Jannika waved Lee’s outstretched hand away. “I’m okay. Thanks for…in the truck…taking things day to day sounds good.” She limped to her car. “I had a great time tonight, except for the ankle bit.”

  “I had a wonderful night too. Except for, you know.” Lee smiled and pointed to Jannika’s ankle. She was happy that her decision to pull back from kissing Jannika again was the right one. “Can you drive okay?”

  “Yup, thanks, have a good night,” Jannika said.

  “Bye then.” She waved as Jannika’s car pulled out. Lee got back into her truck and sighed.

  “Quite a night, Lee, quite a night.” She leaned back against the seat, closing her eyes. She smiled. Jannika Peterson was a complicated woman. And Lee was ready for a challenge. She thought about Jannika’s profile in the nighttime shadows of the truck cab. Jannika had a sexy haircut, short in the back and longer in the front. It accentuated her smooth jawline and the elegant curve of her neck. Lee thought about putting her lips on that neck and feeling her hot breath come back at her as her lips traveled down that curve. A low groan escaped her throat, and she shifted in her seat and gripped the steering wheel.

  “Oh my.” She turned the key in the ignition. She needed to get home.

  Chapter Eleven

  Jannika hit the snooze on her alarm again and rolled over onto her back, gingerly opening her tired and puffy eyes. She’d tossed and turned all night, thinking about
the date with Lee. Her face grew warm as she thought about the dream that woke her in the middle of the night. She stretched her body and ran her hand down her stomach and onto her thigh. But she didn’t have to dream about Lee—they’d kissed the night before. Oh, that kiss. Her lips seemed to have a direct line to other areas of her body. She didn’t know a kiss could feel like that. She replayed last night’s sidewalk scene in her mind several times.

  She glanced over at the clock. “Holy crap, it’s late.” She threw on some clothes, ran a brush through her hair and another over her teeth, grabbed her jacket, keys, and tote bag, and was out the door and at the bookstore in twenty minutes. Her ankle was still sore, but she could walk on it.

  “Delivery for Miss Jannika.” Andy from the Polish bakery came into the store, holding a bakery box tied with string.

  “Oh, Andy, thank you,” Jannika said, taking the box and placing it on her desk.

  “I’m supposed to tell you there’s a card inside. See ya, Jannika.” Andy turned and left the store.

  Jannika untied the box and peeked inside. A half dozen oatmeal raisin cookies, still warm from the oven, lay waiting for her. She picked up the card. Jannika, thank you for a wonderful evening. I hope your ankle is feeling better. Lee. Jannika smiled. She felt cared for and special. She pulled a cookie out from the box. She didn’t want to miss the still-warmness, the perfection of the first bite, when the cookie would bend, then fall into her mouth. She was happy there weren’t any customers yet. She didn’t want anything to interfere with that first bite of warm cookie. The phone rang. She let it ring a few times so she could take another bite.

  “The Pageturner, this is Jannika,” she said and hoped the caller couldn’t hear her chewing.

  “Hi, Jannika, it’s Lee. Sorry to call you at work. We didn’t exchange phone numbers last night. I think we both may have been distracted. I wanted to tell you…I had a wonderful time last night.”