Reclaiming Love

by Vicki McElfresh

  He walked her out to her car. “So do I,” he whispered as he climbed the stairs back to his apartment. He went to bed after cleaning up their mess, and fell asleep quickly, barely stirring when the door opened much later.

  He was at the bookstore early Saturday morning, much earlier than eleven, to talk to Mark and thank him for warning Connor.

  Mark leaned on the counter when he set his coffee down. “How'd it go? Are you meeting him again?"

  "This morning.” Kevin smiled and took a sip. “It was fun. I'm taking him sight-seeing today. I brought the car.” He thumbed through a magazine that had been left on the counter, though he only looked at the pictures.

  "So you like him?"

  He nodded, smiling. “He has a cat, and a sexy accent."

  "Just be careful."

  "I'm always careful."

  Mark looked like he wanted to refute that statement.

  "After Josh, I learned to be careful. Thanks for warning him."

  Mark took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. “How'd you know?"

  Kevin laughed. “He was horny as hell and all he did was kiss me, and he even asked before he did that."

  Mark laughed. “Well, that was nice. He might have some promise after all. Just be—"

  Kevin tried to meet Mark's gaze, but he couldn't quite manage it. “Nicki knows where we're going.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket so Mark could see it that it was on. “I charged it last night. I have it on. She promised to call this afternoon, and if I don't answer, she's to assume things are fine. If I get in trouble, I speed dial number 1 for the police. I'll be careful."

  Mark relaxed a little. “I don't want to sound like a nag, but you don't have the best luck with the boys."

  Kevin snorted. “I don't think I have any luck. Devon's been the best of them, and look how that turned out."

  Mark stared at him for a moment. “Does Devon know about your new man? When was the last time you talked to him?"

  Kevin closed the magazine and sighed. He took a long drink of his coffee. “Last night, and yes, he does. He was happy for me."

  Mark shook his head. “Don't be snippy with me, Stohler."

  Kevin flinched, even though he knew Mark was joking.

  Mark must have seen the flinch, because his voice gentled a little. “I'm sorry, but you were acting—"

  Kevin closed his eyes. “Devon keeps telling me the real me's just buried, Mark, and it comes out at the oddest times. Don't be sorry. He swears I'm getting better. I'm not sure though.” He took a deep breath and tried to work through one of the relaxation exercises Devon had taught him.

  "Look,” Mark said when the bell tinkled. “There's your man."

  "He's not—"

  Connor cut Kevin's comment short with a brilliant smile. “I must have made a good impression. You're early."

  Kevin chuckled a little, amused by the comment. Connor didn't know about his past, so he couldn't have understood. “I had to tell Mark that you were okay."

  Mark nodded politely, though he still didn't look friendly. Kevin shrugged, hoping the protective light would leave Mark's expression, but it didn't. He patted the pocket that held his phone, and Mark nodded. Kevin was proud that he managed to meet Connor's gaze.

  "He watches out for me.” He thought he remembered telling Connor that the other night. Connor's only reaction was a slight twitch of his brows. “Are you ready? I brought the car."

  "The car?"

  He had to look away from Connor's intense gaze. He swallowed hard and remembered what Devon had told him. He was supposed to relax and enjoy himself, but he had to wonder if Devon knew how hard that could be. “It's too far to walk, and the weather's dreadful. It's supposed to rain all day."

  "I'm ready."

  Kevin waved at Mark and led Connor out of the store. His car was just up the street, and once they were inside, he handed Connor a bag with three books inside.

  Connor accepted the bundle with a scowl. “What's this?"

  Kevin shrugged. He'd been awake earlier than normal, wondering about Connor. Maybe if they didn't work as a couple, they could be friends. That was why he'd picked out the books. “You said you wanted some book recommendations. Those are mine, and I'd like Gaywyck back. It's kind of hard to find. I like those.” He tapped the bag. “Historicals. I'd try to write one, but I'd get bored with all of the research.” He pulled into the traffic.

  "You didn't have to do this."

  "I know.” He shrugged. “But I needed something to do when I woke up at three this morning. I thought maybe...” He didn't finish the thought, not sure he wanted Connor to know what he'd been doing at three in the morning. Connor's rapt stare sent a shiver down his back. A change of subject was in order. “Do you like Italian?"

  "Excuse me?"

  "Food. Italian food."

  "I love it."

  Kevin smiled, and sudden warmth spread through his body, heating him up much better than the pitiful heater in his car. “I know a good place. It might be a little packed, but they have the best Italian subs, and there's a bakery around the corner where you can buy fresh bread.” He stopped at a light and glanced at Connor. He was smiling, evidently enjoying Kevin's rambling. Kevin blushed. “You can tell me to shut up, you know."

  "I wouldn't do that.” Connor's voice was soft and gentle, and Kevin shivered, though this time not from cold. “And I thought you didn't know any good places to get a bite or a drink."

  "I lied.” Honesty, that's what Devon had told him he needed. And if Connor couldn't handle that, then Kevin didn't need him. Connor didn't seem offended when Kevin glanced at him. He shrugged. “Like Nicki said, I've lived around here almost all my life. My mom lives in Dogtown still.” He scowled, wishing he hadn't said anything about his family. “Of course, I haven't spoken to her in years, but I faithfully send her a card for Mother's Day, Christmas, and her birthday with an update about my life, sometimes a picture. I keep hoping, but so far, she hasn't responded."

  "How old are you, Kevin?"

  "Thirty.” He stopped at another light and gave Connor his full attention. “You?"

  "Thirty-eight.” Connor stared out the window. “Is that a problem?” Trepidation filled his voice as if he expected their date to end with that announcement. He wondered about that. Connor seemed so confident and sure of himself, and the sudden change was odd.

  "No, not for me.” He laughed a little, and Connor stared at him, apparently shocked. He liked Connor. Really liked him. “My friend Keith, his partner is twelve years older, and Nicki swears older men know how to treat you. That's why I set her up with one."

  Connor laughed, at ease again. “Set her up?"

  Kevin nodded. “Awful, isn't it? I have this talent for pairing all of my friends up with just the right people, and I get ... well, I haven't been so lucky in love.” He fell silent, his good mood soured for a moment by memories of Josh's sadistic cruelty. Connor didn't press, even though he had to be curious.

  They went to the Arch, riding one of the trams up to the top to stare out the little windows. “On a clear day,” Kevin said, pointing out over the river. “You can see for miles and miles. I wish today had been sunny.” Connor was directly behind him, and Kevin shivered when he felt a gentle touch on his back.

  "The view is wonderful today.” His voice was soft and husky, and when Kevin glanced behind him, Connor's attention was on him, not the view of the river or the city. The man beside them gave them a disgusted stare, and Kevin cleared his throat, moving away from the window, back to the tram. He couldn't think of a reply to Connor's comment, and he stayed silent, noticing that Connor looked a bit disappointed.

  They went through the little museum underneath and poked through the gift shop before they left. Kevin drove the short distance to the Hill, or Little Italy as it was sometimes called. They ate subs in a packed Amighetti's.

  "This is delicious,” Connor said, and Kevin beamed, enjoying the pleasure on Connor's face. His phone buzzed in his pocket,
but he ignored it. Nicki's checkup call. He was glad the place was noisy so Connor couldn't hear. He'd probably be put off with a date who needed a checkup call.

  Kevin stared down at his own plate, wishing he could finish off the sandwich. He'd eaten less than half of it. “There's lots of good places here,” he said softly. “If you know how to find them."

  They bought loaves of fresh bread in the bakery next door, and Kevin drove around the neighborhood, pointing out interesting shops and telling Connor what little history he knew of the area. They stopped in a few of the shops and just browsed. When the afternoon faded into the evening, he drove back to the Landing, and they went to one of the newer clubs there to listen to a local acoustic group.

  "This has been fun,” Connor said after the last act had played and they were walking back to the car, holding hands. Kevin didn't mind Connor's gentle touches, and he appreciated that most of the day had been spent just learning about each other. Connor hadn't pressed for more, hadn't even asked for a kiss. He'd just slid his hand into Kevin's at the club. “It's a lovely city, isn't it?"

  "It's not New York,” he pointed out as they walked along the river toward the car. The night was cool, but not freezing. Kevin liked the play of the lights on the dark water. He squeezed Connor's hand and shivered when he got a squeeze back.

  Connor shook his head and sighed. “New York is overrated. It's crowded and smelly and..."

  Kevin laughed.

  "No, this is nice. A big city, but it still feels like a small town."

  Kevin looked around him at the lights, especially those twinkling along the river. “I know. I like this city.” More importantly, he had been with Connor all day and most of the night, and not once had he felt uncomfortable or uneasy. There had been some awkward moments, but he hadn't felt panicked. He hadn't felt pressured. He'd been able to relax, and he'd enjoyed himself. He thought Connor had as well.

  When Kevin pulled up to Connor's building, he kissed him, and this time gave into his desires, parting Connor's lips with his tongue, so that tongues and teeth scraped and danced against each other. He pulled away when he heard a soft moan, and the darkness hid his blush when he realized he'd been the one moaning. “Good night,” he said softly.

  Connor brought Kevin's hand to his lips. The warmth against his chilled fingers sent a shiver all through his body. “Good night, Kevin. Tomorrow?” His voice had that husky tone again, and Kevin trembled a little, from excitement, not cold. A tiny part of him wanted Connor to ask him upstairs again, but he was glad when Connor only smiled and cradled his face in gentle hands.

  "Tomorrow. I'll pick you up here."

  Connor kissed him again, but this time, it was little more than a peck on the lips.

  Kevin drove home and went straight to bed, praying that he wouldn't wake up to find the entire evening had been a dream. He had no nightmares or thoughts to disturb his rest. He dreamed of nothing but those sweet lips, and the strong yet gentle hands that offered more than companionship. He didn't even stir when his cell phone vibrated on the nightstand.

  [Back to Table of Contents]

  Chapter Six

  Connor awoke early Sunday and lay in bed, scratching Thumper's ears, thinking about last night. Apart from a few awkward moments, it had been so relaxed and easy, so comfortable, as if he and Kevin had known one another for months instead of days. And that kiss ... He smiled at the memory. That kiss had left him hard and yearning to ask Kevin upstairs. Passion burned inside Kevin, and he suspected he would see it if he could just be patient. Patience was not one of his stronger virtues, but for Kevin, he'd master it. He thought the shy, quiet man was worth waiting for.

  He finally showered and dressed. He wasn't meeting Kevin until much later, for a movie this time, and he needed to go to the market and run a few other errands. He hated walking on cold, rainy days, and once again, he considered the necessity of a car as he walked to the small grocery store nearby.

  "So you do have a cat, after all."

  He paused in the act of choosing a box of cereal and turned to see Nicki watching him, a basket hooked over her arm. She pointed to the cans of cat food in his basket. Today, she looked almost normal, dressed in faded blue jeans and an equally faded blue sweatshirt, although she still had on those chunky black boots. Other than her hair, she could have faded into any crowd, but her hair was still dyed bright pink, though today, it was loose.

  "Thumper,” he said and added the box of corn flakes to his basket. Hers was empty, he noticed. “Are you spying on me?” Kevin had told him a little about his surrogate family, but not much.

  He'd told Connor just enough that he'd guessed something had happened to Kevin, something much more than a nasty breakup like he'd first thought. He'd noticed little things. Kevin flinched at unexpected touches, and when they'd gotten separated at the club last night, Connor had called for him, only to have him return to the table acting as if he'd expected a beating.

  Her laughter was rich and warm, and he couldn't resist smiling. “Believe it or not, I needed some things, and I just happened to see you studying the cereal so intently. How was yesterday?"

  Connor shifted the basket to a more comfortable position. “You haven't asked Kevin already?” Kevin had told him Nicki was the sister he'd always wanted, and that he told her almost everything.

  She shrugged. “He didn't answer his phone last night. Can you believe it?” She pointed to his basket and set her own on the stack at the end of the aisle. “Are you done? I can get what I need later. We could get some coffee."

  He studied his basket. The essentials were there. The rest could wait. “I think so.” She waited patiently while he paid for his things. Her eyes drank in every item as it was passed over the scanner from the Fancy Feast to his deodorant, and her gaze grew even more intense when he used a bank card to pay. “Are you checking me out, Nicki?"

  "Yep.” She smiled a little. He picked up his bag and started for the door. She fell into step beside him, pacing him easily, even though her head barely came up to his chest. “I've got to watch out for Kev."

  "I see.” He started to carry his groceries with him, but Nicki rolled her eyes and led him to her car.

  "You're going to have to get a car. Not everything is within walking distance, and on days like today...” She took the bag and stowed it inside. The motion startled him a little. He hadn't expected her to be cordial. He expected another warning. “We're driving. I'm not walking in the rain. I'll give you a ride back to your place. There's no point in you walking in the rain either."

  He stared out the window once he was inside the car. “You just want to see where I live."

  She drove to the coffee shop, the same one he and Kevin went to for their first date, and parallel parked on the street.

  "That I do,” she said when they walked into the shop. They each ordered a cup of coffee and sat in a booth near the windows, watching the rain on the street. “You didn't answer me."

  "About what?"

  "How was yesterday?"

  "Oh.” Connor smiled, remembering. “Lovely. We had a good time.” She looked smug for a moment and fingered the velvet strap that served as a necklace. Connor stared at it, noticing that it buckled on the side and was decorated with a small padlock. He said nothing, but maybe he would ask Kevin later. “So, are you going to be warning me? I've already had one. I got the picture. Don't expect much and be patient.” He sighed and savored a sip of his coffee. “I'm not totally daft, you know. I can tell that someone hurt him."

  She pursed her lips, and her eyes narrowed, but she smiled, the action making her rather plain face radiant. “Well, no. Actually, I'm dying of curiosity, and if I have to wait for Kevin to call me today, I'll go insane.” She'd ignored his comment about Kevin being hurt, he noticed. “When I saw the golden god in the market, I couldn't resist.” She wrinkled her nose, reminding him of a little pixie with her infectious enthusiasm and expressions. “I'm nosy."

  His brows rose. “Golden god?” He d
ecided to say nothing about her avoidance of the subject. He had a feeling she would tell him more than he wanted to know.

  "My nickname for you.” She shrugged. “I like nicknames."

  He nodded. “Why wouldn't Kevin call you today?"

  "You don't know?” He shook his head, a little confused. “He goes to church on Sundays. An MCC church. Very gay friendly. The pastor's gay, even. He's been going ever since he got out of the hospital three years ago.” She put her hand over her mouth, and her pixyish expression turned to one of shame. Evidently, the comment had slipped out, and he knew he probably looked like he'd just gotten whacked with a board.

  She sipped her coffee and stared out the window, avoiding his gaze. “I'm sorry.” She took a deep breath and stared at her hands. “It's not what you think. I didn't mean to say anything, and I shouldn't say anything, but if you wait for Kevin to tell you, it'll take months. We might as well get it in the open, and then you can understand a little better.” She met his eyes and licked her lips. “Has he told you anything about Josh?"

  Connor's stomach turned somersaults. He knew she was going to tell him something awful, and his overactive imagination conjured all sorts of reasons Kevin might have been in the hospital, each reason more horrifying than the one before. He remembered Mark's comment about Kevin's last partner, and a cold, sick feeling settled in his stomach. “Why was he in the hospital? If he's positive..."

  Her glare dried the words up in his mouth. “Nothing like that.” She stared out the window, her expression turning sad. “Josh abused him, beat him, did sick things to him."

  Connor tensed, and he thought of the things Mark had said, the way Kevin sometimes just shut down or started to say something and stopped, the guarded looks he gave Connor when he thought Connor wouldn't notice. The way he avoided eye contact and flinched at an accidental touch. Connor covered his unease with a sip of coffee. It made sense.

  Nicki closed her eyes, and Connor knew he wasn't imagining the sad, haunted expression on her face. “Ruptured spleen, broken ribs, concussion, lacerations. I could go on and on. He was in the hospital for several days.” She continued to finger the collar and avoided his gaze. “That wasn't the first time, but it was the last. I told one of his nurses off because she had the nerve to tell him that fags deserved what he'd gotten. Mark and I went to the house he and Josh shared to get some of his things."