Reclaiming Love

by Vicki McElfresh

  "It's only ten past five."

  Kevin laughed, suddenly feeling both playful and a bit naughty. He pulled Connor toward the bathroom. “I don't have to shower alone, do I? There's room for two, but you have to be good. It's only a shower.” He shivered when those words left his lips, and he remembered what Devon had said. It would happen when he was ready, not before. He wasn't quite sure he was ready, but he wanted to try again.

  Connor followed him, eyes wide and nostrils flared slightly. He licked his lips. “With you naked and wet and..."

  Kevin put his fingers over Connor's mouth. “Don't go there.” He grew serious for a moment. “You wanted me naked yesterday, and I'm offering today. I wasn't ready yesterday, and I still might balk today. But I'm willing to try...” He traced the sharp planes of Connor's chest, a wanton fire starting in the pit of his stomach. His lips curled up in a feral smile. “...if you are."

  Connor's breathing was just a little heavier than normal. His eyes were half closed, and his tongue snaked out to lick his lips, an action that made Kevin shiver.

  "I'll be good, and I'll let you lead."

  Kevin clasped both of Connor's hands and pulled him to the bathroom, moving backward so he could keep eye contact. The bathroom wasn't large, just big enough for two people to move about comfortably. His hands shook when he turned on the water, and he fought to control the tremors wracking his body. Nerves, he reminded himself. Only nerves. He wanted this. He wanted to be with Connor.

  Connor's eyes drank in every motion, and Kevin swallowed hard, self-consciousness gripping him. He no longer felt so playful, and he leaned against the shower door, trying to find his confidence again.

  "We don't have to do this.” Concern crept into Connor's voice. “You push yourself too hard."

  Connor's light accent sent a thrill of delight coursing through him. He could listen to Connor talk for hours and never grow tired of the sound. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I want to do this. I want you.” He opened his eyes and met Connor's gaze through the steam filling the room. “This is a part of my life I want to reclaim just as much as I want to be able to live without fear. It's a shower.” The last was said more to convince himself than for Connor's benefit. “Just don't expect much.” The smile that touched Connor's lips warmed his heart.

  Connor touched his cheek with a gentle finger and traced the curve of his jaw. “Sweetheart, I don't want to hurt you. You set the pace, and I'll follow."

  The playfulness returned in a rush. “I love when you say things like that. I love to listen to you talk. I like the accent.” He hooked his fingers in the waistband of his sweats and slid them down so he could step out of them. He closed his eyes and leaned against the doors, working to control the trembling. He wasn't really modest. He'd been naked in front of so many people that he'd lost all trace of modesty, but Josh's insults had taken a toll on his body image. He feared what Connor would think, feared he would hear those same slights from this man, and he fought the sudden urge to pick up his clothes and run from the room.

  "Do you think I'm going to find something offensive about your body?"

  "Do you?” He still hadn't opened his eyes—couldn't—just in case Connor didn't like what he saw.

  "Not at all.” Connor touched his shoulders and massaged lightly. “It's hard in all the right places.” The hands slid over his biceps. “Here.” Then across his chest to tweak his nipples. “And here.” He brushed his lips across Kevin's, and his hands slid lower to cup the globes of his ass. “And I'll bet if I spin you around, your little butt is tight enough to bounce coins off of."

  Kevin laughed at that as the fear slowly dissolved.

  "And if you don't get in the shower, we won't have any hot water."

  Kevin opened his eyes to discover that Connor had removed his sweats and was now gloriously nude. He drank in the sight of him with greedy eyes before he took Connor's hand and led him under the warm spray. As soon as they were inside, Kevin stepped into Connor's arms, pressing their naked bodies together. The spray hit his back and soaked his hair, but he barely noticed. He was only aware of the body pressed against him, and the strong arms around him. He'd crossed a hurdle, and he didn't intend to go back.

  "You're hardly going to get clean like this."

  "This is good. I like this."

  Connor pushed him away and smiled. “Good. Now turn around so I can continue my examination."

  Humor filled Connor's voice, and Kevin laughed. The fear was still there, but it was fading. Connor hadn't been offended, hadn't insulted him. Instead, he'd done the opposite, pointing out all the good things. “I'm not a horse.” But he did turn around.

  Connor reached around him for the soap. “Can I touch you? Wash your back?"

  "Yes.” The fact that Connor had asked, rather than assumed, was endearing and arousing, but he still tensed when the soap skated across his back. A moment later, the same touch moved a little lower, then a little lower, until his back had been soaped and rinsed at least three times. He relaxed under the gentle ministrations. He'd missed this, missed being able to share himself, missed the mutual delight that could be found in intimacy. A finger slid down one of the scars on his back, and he shivered.

  "What made these?"

  Kevin licked his lips. “Point them out, and I'll tell you."

  Connor's finger touched the same scar, one that was just below his right shoulder blade.

  "Single tail whip. Josh was lousy with a single tail.” The next touch was a little lower, on the opposite side. “Knife. He cut me.” He turned so that Connor could see another cut on the inside of his thigh. “This one, too. They both had to be stitched.” Connor grimaced and massaged his shoulders. He touched another scar, just below the first one. “Single tail."

  "Do you like the single tail?"

  The naughtiness rushed back. “In the right hands.” He grinned at Connor over his shoulder. “It's all about the sound and the anticipation more than the strike. Devon used to snap it close to the skin, but not hit me with it."

  "And you liked that?” There was no disgust, only curiosity. He ached now. Connor's gentle concern was far more arousing than he'd thought, and his cock rose, hard and full. If Connor had noticed, he said nothing.

  "I liked it.” Kevin shivered a little. “The sound scares me now, because of the way Josh used it. That toy has a psychology that goes with it, and it's one of the things I'd have to work to reclaim. I have a lot of those.” He expected some sort of comment, but Connor merely kissed the back of his neck and embraced him from behind. Silent support. Kevin closed his eyes, wondering how to explain to Connor how much that meant to him. Connor touched another scar, this one just above the crack of his behind. “Cane, I don't like that. Those are all from the cane."

  "Did you ever like it?” Another soft kiss, behind his ear this time.

  "No."

  "Turn around so I can wash your front.” Kevin turned obediently and stared up into those green eyes. A moment later, Connor's lips were on his, and the soap fell to the shower floor. He pulled away laughing and scrambled for it, ending up on his knees. Connor had moved as far back as he could, but he was still close.

  Kevin had avoided looking down, avoided looking at Connor's cock, but he did now. He picked up the soap and washed each of Connor's legs. Connor's cock rose from a nest of golden curls, and at the moment it was flushed deep red with arousal.

  "You don't have to—” Connor's words were drowned in a gasp when Kevin traced the underside with a finger. He craved this intimacy, this ability to touch and be touched, to give and receive pleasure without fear. He followed the path of his finger with his tongue, licking up and down the length. The skin was satin smooth, the flesh hard. He took his time, tasting the salty skin, learning which spots were especially sensitive. He swirled his tongue around the head, dipping into the slit to taste the bitter salt tang of pre-cum. In some distant place, he heard Connor moan, but he was absorbed in learning to do this all over again.
>
  He'd learned to relax his throat long ago so he could deep throat a man, and he tried that now. Josh had liked to hold him in place until he couldn't breathe, but Kevin forgot those experiences as he took Connor into his mouth until he could rest his nose against Connor's pubic bone. He pulled away a little so that he could suck back to the head, his cheeks drawing in with the motion. He repeated the motion several times, sometimes scraping his teeth lightly on the skin, and when he felt Connor's impending orgasm, he pulled away to finish what he'd started with his hand. He was still on his knees when Connor came, and he watched the thick ropes of semen spurt from his lover's cock to be washed away.

  He stared up at Connor, still on his knees, looking for approval. Connor was leaning against the wall, eyes closed, panting. Kevin swallowed hard and slowly stood, soap in hand. He was a little afraid. Josh would have berated him for not swallowing. At the same time, he was giddy, as if he'd just performed his first blowjob. He touched Connor's chest, soaping and rinsing the pale hair. He gasped when Connor kissed him and took the soap from his hands.

  "This was my job, and you didn't have to do that."

  He giggled. “I got lost in the moment."

  "Do I get to reciprocate?"

  Kevin shook his head, while Connor soaped his chest and washed the soap away. Kevin was aware of his own need and the dull ache in his groin, but the thought of Connor touching him like that still frightened him. He wasn't quite ready for that. The soapy hand descended a little lower.

  "Can I touch you?"

  "No.” The fear rose up again, like a dark serpent that wouldn't let him go. He shivered in Connor's embrace. “I want you to, but...” His voice trailed away, and Connor claimed his lips for a soft kiss.

  His smile was sweet, understanding and patient. “We'll get there. Turn around.” A little confused, Kevin did as he'd been asked, but his confusion vanished a moment later when Connor embraced him from behind. “How about this? I'll hold you like this and you make yourself come. It's only fair that you get some pleasure, too."

  "You didn't enjoy..."

  "Oh, no, love. Quite the opposite. That might have been the best damn blowjob I ever had, but it's your turn now. I'll hold you, and you touch yourself, and I can touch other places. Here, perhaps.” His lips brushed over the curve of Kevin's shoulder, and he nuzzled at the nape of his neck. When the large hands came up to tease his nipples, he backed further into Connor and closed his hand around his own cock.

  Connor's hands slid over the planes of his belly, skated over the curve of his hip, even moved around to cup his bottom. His lips glided across Kevin's shoulders. One hand came back up to squeeze a nipple, while the other closed around his fist, moving with him, encouraging him to continue.

  "You're close, aren't you?"

  Kevin's breath came a little faster, and he leaned his head back, arching so he could see Connor's eyes. Dark with desire and passion, Connor's eyes held no cruelty and promised only pleasure. Kevin reached up with his free hand to draw Connor's head down for a kiss. The hand over his started a slightly faster rhythm.

  "Come for me,” Connor whispered.

  Kevin whimpered, and Connor's lips closed over his again. Fingers tweaked his nipples, and the hand over his ratcheted the motion up a little more, a little more pressure, a little faster. Kevin felt the tension building.

  "Come for me, Kevin."

  He gasped, sagging in Connor's embrace while the orgasm took him. He closed his eyes, barely breathing, unable to speak or move. He felt so good, so relaxed. Nothing had hurt. Connor's hands smoothed the damp hair from his face, and he kissed him gently. “You look so beautiful when you come."

  Kevin swallowed hard, not quite recovered yet. “Thank you,” he whispered, though his praise was lost in the roar of the water. The rest of the shower was just a shower, though Connor insisted on washing Kevin's hair, but Kevin liked that, liked the care that his partner took in making certain he was comfortable and happy. When they finally turned the water off and stepped into the much cooler air outside the shower, Kevin was smiling, that giddiness returned. Connor wrapped him in a fluffy towel and kissed his forehead.

  "How do you feel?"

  "Like I could fly."

  "I think you already did that."

  Kevin laughed softly. “Someday, I'll show you what that really means.” He kissed Connor's lips, loving the adoration in those bright eyes. “Do you have something I can shave with? I didn't bring anything."

  "Of course.” He got out an electric razor. “Here. I'll even open the door so the mirror will defog."

  Kevin hummed while he got ready for work. His shower had taken longer than normal, and he ended up running late. He was still eating a makeshift breakfast of yogurt and tea when someone knocked on the door. He stiffened a little and didn't relax until Connor opened the door and confirmed it was Dave.

  "Hola, chico.” Dave's smile reached from ear to ear, and Kevin assumed he found his current living arrangement satisfactory. “I'm ten minutes early, even. You aren't ready yet?” He pointed to the cup of yogurt. “How can you eat that? You need a real breakfast, something substantial."

  Kevin grimaced. “I'm hungry, and as soon as I finish this, I'll be ready. Are you okay with Lilly?"

  "Of course, I am.” Dave grinned. “She's the reason I'm early. She kicked my ass out of bed on time.” Connor was leaning against the desk with his arms crossed over his chest. Dave glanced at him then asked, “Didn't you get up at your usual unholy hour?” Dave looked suspicious now, glancing from Kevin to Connor and back. “Or did someone keep you up all night?"

  Kevin ignored the last question as he finished the yogurt and the tea. He disappeared into the kitchen to put the mug in the sink. “Of course, I did.” He picked up his coat, feeling for his keys and wallet, but the wallet wasn't in his pocket. He scowled, trying to remember if he'd left his wallet in the coat or not. “Can we stop at home?"

  "Why?"

  "To find my wallet. I forgot it."

  Dave shrugged. “We have plenty of time."

  He pecked Connor on the lips. “I've got this number.” He tapped his head. “I'll call you when I have a phone again and give it to you."

  Connor touched his cheek. “Be careful."

  "I will be."

  Kevin ignored Dave's knowing smile when they closed the door behind them. “Aren't the two of you cute together?"

  He rolled his eyes. “We are not cute."

  "Of course, you are.” A playful shove made him stagger a few steps, and he laughed a little. “You have that special glow of a man in love."

  Kevin sighed. “I am not in love."

  "Well, lust then. What exactly were you doing this morning that you weren't ready when I got here?” They got in the car, and Dave pulled away from the curb. Kevin could only smile and stare out the window. “Got a little, did you?"

  "I don't ask for details about you and Lilly."

  "But I tell you all the same.” Dave's laugh made Kevin smile a little more “Did you?"

  "Did I what?"

  "Get some. You look like a well-fed cat. You've even got a dopey grin on your face."

  "We had a shower. That's all."

  "That's all? I don't quite believe you."

  "A long shower."

  "Just tell me if it was good."

  He shook his head. “You know, most straight guys don't want to hear about their gay friends exploits in bed."

  "I'm not most straight guys."

  "True.” Kevin laughed, remembering. “There was that guy in college. What was his name?"

  "Julian."

  "Yes, him."

  "He doesn't count. Are you going to tell me or not?"

  Kevin couldn't pretend to be offended any longer. “Very good."

  "Is he good to you, chico?” The teasing had faded into concern.

  "So far.” He flashed Dave a smile. “I have a good feeling about him."

  "Funny, that's what Nicki says."

  Kevin n
oticed his car as soon as they pulled into the parking lot. All four tires had been slashed, and several parallel lines marred the paint surface on both sides. “Son of a bitch.” He fumbled in his pocket and came up with Karen Babcock's business card. “Can I borrow your phone?” Dave handed it to him, and he flipped it open, dialing the number as he circled around the car. The windshield was smashed. The word bitch had been carved into the hood.

  "Babcock.” The voice on the phone was neutral, and Kevin didn't answer for a moment. He was still staring at his car, mentally adding up how much the repairs would cost. “Hello?"

  "This is Kevin Stohler."

  "What's wrong, Kevin?"

  "I'm staring at my car. It needs four tires, a windshield, and a new paintjob. I thought you'd want to see it."

  "Why are you at your apartment building?"

  "I didn't have my wallet. I came to get it."

  "I'm on my way. Can you stay there for a few minutes?"

  "I'm going to go up to my apartment. I can get in there, can't I?"

  "Yes."

  "I'll wait.” He hung up the phone and handed it Dave. “Go on."

  "I'm not leaving you here alone."

  "I'm fine."

  Dave shook his head. “Sorry, chico. I left you alone the other night and that asshole broke in. He could have hurt you, or worse.” He flipped open the phone.

  Even though Kevin had said he was fine, he was glad Dave wasn't going to leave him alone.

  "I'll just let Cheryl know that we're going to be late.” The conversation was short. After Dave hung up, he pointed to the door. “Let's go up.” Kevin stopped to pick up their mail. On top was a familiar envelope and sitting on the shelf was a box with his name on it, the same label as the packages sent to Connor. “You aren't opening those."

  Kevin swallowed hard. “Yes, I am, but I'll wait till Karen gets here. Let's go find my wallet."

  The apartment door had not been repainted yet, but the lock had been fixed. Kevin shivered at the sight of the threat scrawled on the door. “When does this get fixed, do you think?” He pointed to the message painted there.

  Dave shuddered and shook his head. “Soon, I hope."