Reclaiming Love

by Vicki McElfresh

  "I'm not Kevin,” he said, rolling the chair out so he could stare into the bedroom. Kevin lay curled up in the center of the bed with Thumper behind his knees. “He's asleep. I was curious. I'm sorry I got you up."

  "I was awake.” He sounded a little wary. “You're Connor?"

  "Yes. This was a foolish thing for me to do, but he was telling me about you. I wanted to hear your voice, that's all. Stupid. Good night."

  "That's all right. I wasn't asleep. I've been awake since he called me.” He laughed a little, but there was a hint of hysteria in his voice. “Funny, isn't it? I was just thinking about you. You're just bolder than I am."

  Connor couldn't resist a little chuckle. “That's funny. My grandmum calls that prescience."

  "I see.” Devon sighed. “Does the accent drive Kevin nuts?"

  "So he says. I don't notice the accent."

  "Of course not. How is he really? What can you tell me about Josh? Kevin was remarkably brief."

  "He's in jail for the moment, but he'll probably be out tomorrow or Saturday. Did he tell you what happened?"

  "No."

  "We went for breakfast, or brunch rather, and he saw Josh across the street, so he went out to confront him, to tell him to go away. Josh grabbed him and held him at knifepoint."

  "Oh, God. Don't tell me things like that."

  "That's what happened. He'd had me call Karen, the detective in charge of his case, before he walked out. She just happened to be close. Otherwise he would have ended up with more than a bruise on his cheek.” Connor shuddered. “The staff at the hospital knows him very well it seems."

  Devon groaned. “Another ER visit?"

  "He was in shock. They took him just to make sure he was all right. The doctor gave him medicine, but he didn't fill it."

  Devon laughed at that. “Valium? Or something of similar ilk?"

  "Yes."

  "He won't take it even if he fills it. He has a standing prescription for Xanax, but he won't take it unless he gets very panicky. I'm only telling you since he's there, and you'd be the one to see his panic attacks."

  "Panic attacks?"

  "If he hasn't had one after Josh broke into his apartment and put a knife to his throat, I'll be flabbergasted. He doesn't run, just shuts down. I would wager he's had several."

  He thought about the way Kevin had acted when he'd gotten to the apartment after Josh had broken in. He'd been almost despondent. “I didn't think that was a panic attack. He just wasn't responsive. I'm not sure he even knew—"

  "That was a panic attack. My conversation with him was awfully brief. Usually we have to go through a little ritual to calm him down. How long has he been there with you?"

  "A couple of days. He says he feels safe here."

  "I see. That tells me a lot, like why he calmed down so quick. Safe isn't something he's felt for a long time. You didn't tell me how he is."

  Connor thought about that, not sure how to answer. “He's...” He couldn't think of a word to describe Kevin's behavior. “Sometimes, he's very playful, and he tells me all sorts of interesting things. Other times he seems very sad and serious. He's scared, but at the same time, he seems angry."

  "He's moody in other words, which is better than where he has been. I've not seen playful for almost four years, and if it's not in a story, he doesn't want to talk about sex. Although he'll critique it if it's in a book he's reading. He is scared, and he's very angry, Connor."

  "How can you say that when you haven't seen him?"

  "Because I've known him for years, almost ten years in fact, and I know what normal is for him. He talks to me almost every day, until recently."

  "Really?"

  "Yes. Sometimes he'll do every other day, but usually it's every day. I'm used to getting called at odd hours."

  "He didn't tell me that."

  "Of course not. Would you tell someone that? My ex-lover stalks me, and I can't stay home alone without calling my shrink. Most people wouldn't say anything.” Silence stretched between them for a moment. “If you don't want him to know you talked to me, you should probably hang up."

  "Why?"

  "Because it's almost four, and he's usually up by five at the latest. On a rare day he'll sleep till six and say he slept in."

  Connor laughed a little.

  "Don't laugh. He's gotten up that early most of his life, and he seems to like it. He does, however, usually go to bed early."

  "He told me that, and he got up at a little after four yesterday. I really am sorry I called. I don't know what I was thinking. I don't normally do things like this."

  Devon said nothing for a moment then finally sighed. “I'll ask you the same question I asked Kevin."

  "What's that?"

  "Are you in love with him? I always hoped that he would find someone who would be good to him. That's what he needs more than anything. I can spend hours and hours talking to him, but I can't do the work for him. He has to want to, and right now, he doesn't, but if—"

  "Yes.” The simple answer cut Devon short. Connor took a deep, shuddering breath. “I didn't know it could happen in such a short time, but—"

  "It can, and you're with him under odd circumstances. Most couples see one another once a week or so for a few weeks. You have a major stress situation that's bringing you close, and—"

  "I don't know about him though. I have a hard time reading his emotions."

  "I know, and I won't tell you. Let him. He'll be able to eventually. It just takes him a little longer. He's scared of his emotions, and he has a hard time expressing them."

  "Will that get better?"

  "Eventually. A lot of things will get better. You just have to be patient."

  Connor groaned softly.

  "I'd love to ask all sorts of questions, but I won't. Just be patient. I promise he'll get there. It just takes a little longer. Expect him to start things and not be able to finish them. Expect balks. Expect him to be angry with himself and push too hard. And no matter how angry you are at him, try not to yell at him."

  "I'm not sure I can do that last one."

  Devon chuckled softly. “He said you'd never yelled at him, and given the situation, I find that promising."

  "I wanted to."

  "Wanting to and actually doing it are very different. I know it's hard, but you'll have to learn new ways of dealing with your emotions, because Kevin can't handle other people's emotions well."

  Connor stared at the floating stars on his screen saver. “You make it sound hard."

  "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I promise he'll get there, I just don't know when that might be."

  "Thank you for talking to me."

  Devon laughed again. “I have a feeling we'll be talking a lot."

  "I'm going to do some work now."

  "Good bye, Connor."

  "Good bye.” He hung up and put the phone back in the chair, not sure he wanted Kevin to know he'd talked to Devon. He worked until Kevin's arms slid around his neck, and he got a hug and kiss before Kevin settled in the chair with his laptop. The sun had just started to rise, and a little ray peeked from behind the shade to highlight Kevin's hair with streaks of deep auburn. He looked like a young god, sitting in the sun, with a wicked grin etched on his lips.

  "No exercise this morning?"

  Kevin shook his head, but that grin never left him. “I have to do something first.” He paid attention to the screen for a moment before he looked up, suddenly serious. “Can I have the phone?"

  "It's just a little after six."

  Kevin nodded, and the grin returned. “I can see that. It says that right here in the corner of my screen."

  "You overslept."

  "I do sleep in sometimes, and I did get up at two. I haven't had my coffee yet, either."

  Connor pointed to the chair. “I think you're sitting on it.” Kevin dug the phone out the chair, and Connor turned back to his work. Kevin was so engrossed in whatever he was doing that he didn't even flinch when someone knocked softl
y on the door.

  Dave stepped inside and shook his head when Connor opened the door. Kevin looked up and smiled.

  "Do you know how to sleep late, chico?"

  Kevin laughed a little and stared at the screen. “I just got up, so I did sleep late."

  "This is not late.” Dave held out a box. “I thought I'd drop this by this morning instead of later.” It was a cell phone. “It's in my name for now. I only signed for a month of service, but there should be no problem to transfer it to you."

  "Thanks."

  "It's activated and ready to go. I already have the number."

  Kevin's smile got a little wider when Dave tugged at the edge of the robe.

  "I didn't know you had a passing acquaintance with one of these."

  "It's mine,” Connor said. “I think he ran out of clothes."

  Dave chuckled. “Lucky for you. Are you writing naughty stories again, chico?"

  "I wouldn't do such a thing,” Kevin said in such a serious voice that Connor almost believed him, and might have if he hadn't already read Kevin's writing.

  "Knowing that you have absolutely no shame and no qualms, I have to say I don't believe you."

  Kevin chuckled and blushed a little.

  Dave walked back to the door, patting Connor's arm as he passed. “I almost feel sorry for you."

  "What? Why?"

  Dave leaned close and said softly. “If he kills you, you'll die one happy man. I promise you that.” He patted Connor's back and left, and Connor could only stare at Kevin who wore a sinful grin. Desire surged through Connor and pooled in his cock, which rose to attention as he thought of the marvelous blowjob Kevin had given him the day before.

  "Go back to work and stop staring at me."

  Connor sighed and turned around, but the logo design wasn't quite as inspiring as the figure behind him. He did manage to work a little, until he heard a soft click behind him.

  "I've changed my mind,” Kevin said.

  "About what?” Connor asked, swiveling so that he could look at Kevin. He wished he hadn't. Kevin looked more than a bit wolfish, and a shiver raced down Connor's back when his pointed tongue snaked out to lick his ruby lips.

  "I don't want coffee anymore."

  "Oh?” Connor swallowed hard. “What do you want?"

  "You.” There was no hesitation, no balking, and Kevin's eyes reflected his desire. They were a deep, smoky gray when Kevin left the chair and stalked toward him. Kevin pulled him to his feet, pausing long enough to brush his lips across Connor's before leading him to the bed. Connor sat on the edge, scooting back when Kevin straddled his thighs and sat in his lap. His kisses were hard and unyielding, and then soft and gentle. Connor moaned into his mouth.

  "I want you to do something."

  "What?” Conner asked, a bit breathless.

  "Take off your clothes."

  Connor didn't hesitate removing the sweatshirt and tossing it in the floor. Kevin moved so he could do the same with the sleep pants he wore. His lover's eyes were still dark and stormy, and his breath was just a little heavy.

  "Happy?"

  "Mmm.” Kevin offered him an intoxicating kiss. “Move to the middle of the bed and lie back.” More kisses rained on Connor's lips.

  Connor laughed. “I'm starting to think you're terribly pushy.” He did as he was told, lying back against the pillows. His erection lay against his belly, dark and aching. Kevin's sudden change of demeanor turned him on just as much as his seduction. He didn't quite understand how Kevin could be so reticent one moment and so open the next.

  Kevin crawled across the bed, his gaze on Connor's cock for a moment before moving back to his eyes. “Show me what my story made you do."

  Connor shivered and spread his legs. A part of him thought he should be nervous, but instead, he found himself eagerly awaiting Kevin's next command. “What are you going to do?"

  "Watch.” He licked his lips. “Show me.” Those words came out in a purr. Connor remembered the images his mind had conjured then, but he had a feeling this setup would have a very different ending. Connor was used to being the one issuing orders. He was used to being the aggressive one, the one who took charge in the bedroom. He was used to being the top. Kevin's reversal of roles frightened him, but at the same time he'd never been more excited. His cock twitched, and he barely considered how he must look, naked and exposed, aroused and aching, while Kevin watched with those hungry, smoky gray eyes.

  He slid his hands over his chest and tweaked his nipples before he slid one hand down to cup his balls, squeezing a little. He moved his other hand over his thigh before moving it to his cock. He traced the head of his cock with his thumb, drawing out a bit of liquid to coat his shaft before starting a slow rhythm. His eyes closed.

  "Open your eyes.” Kevin's voice was soft, but it held an edge of command, and Connor obeyed. “Keep them open."

  Connor's hands stilled when Kevin moved off the bed.

  "Keep doing what you were doing, but watch.” Kevin untied the robe and let it fall open, but he took his time removing it, turning his back and shaking his hips in the most suggestive way. Connor groaned. The hand on his shaft increased its rhythm, and he lifted his other to his lips, sucking in two fingers. The robe fell to the floor, and Kevin turned around, still smiling. Connor pulled the fingers out of his mouth and sucked them back inside.

  Kevin stalked back to the bed, and Connor fought the urge to pin him to the bed and fuck him senseless. He wanted that. He wanted Kevin at his mercy, but that would have to wait. Kevin had to make that decision, not him. He moaned at the sight of the dark, naked passion in Kevin's eyes as he approached, crawling just like a cat about to ambush its prey.

  "This little display makes me wonder what you think those fingers are.” Kevin touched his thighs and slid his hands up to the join of his legs. Connor gasped, and the hand on his cock stopped moving. He trembled with anticipation. Kevin pulled his fingers out of his mouth. “Just where were you going to put these?"

  Connor swallowed hard and drew his legs back, moving his damp fingers down to his hole.

  Kevin batted his hand aside. “Tell me."

  "In my ass.” He didn't hesitate, and he was proud the words came out confidently, even though he didn't feel quite as confident.

  Kevin laid his hands on Connor's knees, pushing them toward his chest and exposing that intimate place. He leaned down and kissed Connor gently, drawing another moan from him. “Do you like to be fucked?"

  "Yes.” The word came out in a hiss. Kevin had moved a knee up to tease the spot behind Connor's balls. The truth was he hadn't been fucked in years. His last partner hadn't liked to be on top, and Connor had contented himself with that other role. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had a real cock inside him.

  Kevin's lips were soft against his, and the stubble on his cheeks rasped against Connor's lips. “Would you like me to fuck you?” The whispered question was accentuated by another slow kiss. Kevin's tongue slid between his lips, and he sucked it inside, batting it with his own tongue. The ache was so bad now he could feel a scream building in his throat.

  "God, yes!” The response seemed loud, but he didn't care.

  The teasing tone left Kevin's voice when he asked, “Condoms and lube? Can't do this without that."

  "Top drawer."

  Kevin backed away. “Stay just like that. Show me how bad you want it."

  Connor responded by hooking his hands behind his knees and exposing himself further. He had never felt quite so wanton, and Kevin's eyes glowed with delight.

  "That is deliciously slutty looking.” He turned around and opened the top drawer, pulling out a large blue dildo. He laughed a little, waving the thing. “If it's size you want, I'm afraid I'm the wrong man for you."

  Connor couldn't resist laughing, mostly to relieve his own nervousness. “Baby, it doesn't matter how big you are. It's whether or not you know how to use what you've got, and I have a feeling you know what to do."

  Kevi
n was still digging in the drawer. “Toys.” He pulled out a butt plug and continued rummaging. Then he crept back to the bed, reminding Connor of the way Thumper looked when he was about to pounce on his toy mouse. “We'll have to play with your toys.” He dropped the lube on Connor's belly. “Show me where those fingers were going to go."

  Connor's breath was a little ragged as he uncapped the lube, poured a little out, and reached down to slide his slick fingers inside his tight hole. He hissed as the burn started, and moaned softly when the burn eased into pleasure.

  Kevin drank in the sight like a parched man who'd just found an oasis. Kevin opened a foil packet and rolled the condom over his cock, and Connor moaned, not quite believing what was about to happen. The little corner of his mind that could still think wondered if Devon had imagined this scenario.

  Kevin wasn't large. He was average, perhaps a little thicker than normal, but still average. His body was lean and muscled, well defined, but not ripped. The only flaw was a slight pudge on his stomach, and Connor could see the hard muscle under the bit of flab, if it could really be called flab. In street clothes, he was hardly imposing, but right now, with his dark eyes and predatory grace, Connor couldn't help shivering.

  "You're shivering.” Kevin picked up the lube and let it ooze onto his own fingers. He replaced Connor's fingers with his own. “You have to do this properly, sweetheart.” The fingers slid deep inside and curled up to touch his prostate.

  Connor cried out.

  Kevin worked those two fingers in and out, and then added a third, rotating the position. “Are you ready?"

  "Yes!"

  Kevin's fingers withdrew, and the aching emptiness drew a whimper from Connor while Kevin slicked the length of his cock. Kevin captured a kiss and pushed Connor's knees further back. The head of his cock pressed against the tight ring of flesh. “Relax, baby,” Kevin said and pushed forward. “If I hurt you, tell me."

  The care Kevin took as he pushed inside was as much of a turn on as his dirty talk. Connor's muscles clenched tight, and Kevin paused, leaning down to kiss Connor with fierce passion. “You're very tight,” he whispered, pausing to wait until the muscles relaxed. “You haven't done this for a while, have you?"