Reclaiming Love

by Vicki McElfresh

  Connor laughed. Hearing something so typical of Kevin reminded him why he loved the man. “He won't do it ever again, sweetheart."

  "Love you.” Kevin swallowed hard.

  He stroked Kevin's hair. “I love you, Kevin. Go to sleep now.” Kevin said nothing else, and Connor slipped quietly away, back to the group in the waiting room.

  "What did he say?” Nicki asked.

  Connor smiled. He was still scared, but the fear lifted a little. “He said the son of a bitch put him in the hospital again, and then he told me he loved me."

  The group responded by showering him with hugs. Kevin would be all right. He was sure of that.

  He spent the night at the hospital, despite the urging of Kevin's friends to go home and rest. He slept in a hard plastic chair, waking off and on throughout the night. He would hover at the window of Kevin's room, watching the machines beep. He was still alive.

  He finally lay down across two of the chairs and slept until a hand touched his arm and shook gently. “Let's get some coffee, Connor.” The voice startled him, and he was certain he was dreaming when he opened his eyes to find a man he didn't recognize kneeling beside him. Connor's first thought was that he could be Kevin Bacon's brother. He had an average build, sandy hair, and a rather non-descript face, only his eyes held any life. They were red now, as if he'd been crying, but the irises were brilliant blue. Connor blinked.

  "Let's get some coffee, and then you need to go home, take a shower and rest a little. Kevin's going to be fine, but he's going to sleep a lot."

  Connor couldn't understand why the man was talking to him, or how he knew who he was. A hospital ID badge hung from the pocket of his shirt, but it had turned backwards so that Connor couldn't read it. Connor sat up, stretching, cursing the ache in his neck. “Who are you?"

  The doctor, at least Connor assumed he was a doctor, held out his hand. “Devon Lancaster."

  Connor stared for a moment before he finally put his hand in Devon's. “Connor McCann. How did you—"

  Devon smiled a little and pointed to the nurse's station. “I went to see Kevin, and they told me you'd been here all night. I can forgive you for not calling me, since you don't know me at all, but I'm going to kill Nicki when I get hold of her.” He put a hand on Connor's shoulder. “Let's get some coffee."

  He followed Devon to the nurse's station and hesitated near the door to Kevin's room.

  "He's asleep. I was just in there, and he woke up for just a few minutes and drifted off again."

  Connor wanted to tell Devon to go away, but he followed him to the elevator. He was older than he'd expected, probably close to Connor's own age, but he was still in good shape with a lean build, though he was a little thick through the middle. He pressed the button for the first floor. “Did he say anything when he woke up?"

  "My name.” Devon watched the floors light up as the elevator traveled down. “Your name. Not much else."

  Devon didn't seem to be interested in conversation, though he did buy them each a cup of coffee and led Connor to a far table away from others in the cafeteria. Only when they were settled did Devon speak. “I'm encouraged by the fact that you're here, not at home or work. I'm encouraged that you spent the night sleeping in those awful chairs."

  Connor laughed.

  "Don't laugh. I know they're awful. I've sat and slept in enough of them to know what I'm talking about."

  "Encouraged?"

  Devon sipped his coffee. “You've stuck by him, even though you didn't really know him. You gave him a place to stay where he felt safe, and you didn't run off when things got ugly. It says a lot."

  Connor didn't take a drink, just stared at the dark liquid in his cup, scowling. “Are you going to give me another warning because—"

  "No, I'm not going to warn you. I'm sure Nicki and Mark and Dave did a fine job of that.” Their eyes met. “I will give you some encouragement and advice, but only if you plan to stick with him."

  Connor rubbed his neck, not sure what to make of the man. “He's told me next to nothing about you. He said you save his life twice and taught him naughty tricks."

  That made Devon laugh.

  "But other than when I talked to you on the phone, I know nothing about you. Nicki had more information..."

  Devon nodded. “You won't get information from Kevin. He's afraid of me. He may always be afraid of me, and that makes me very sad. All I can do is wait. If Josh is out of the picture—"

  "He's dead. He shot himself."

  Devon sighed. “Well, I can't say I'm disappointed. Since he's out of the picture, Kevin may decide he wants to pursue formal counseling. I hope so. I really do. He needs that, preferably with someone he's not afraid of. A woman would probably be best.” Connor nodded and started to say something, but Devon stopped him. “I'm not going to preach at you, especially not now. I really wish he'd gone to the police sooner, and he did try, but he didn't get anywhere."

  "You knew about the stalking?"

  Devon nodded. “I think Keith and I were the only ones who knew. He didn't tell Nicki or Dave, and every time he was alone, he'd call me. We had a ritual we went through on the phone to help him calm down. If he was really panicked, then he was supposed to take his medicine or have someone come stay with him. Josh has been following him for a long time. He always knew when Kevin was alone, where he'd been. He'd start calling as soon as Dave left, and it would go on all night unless Kevin unplugged the phone."

  Connor rubbed his gritty eyes. A shower did sound good. Maybe he would take Devon's advice. “You couldn't do anything?"

  Devon shook his head and sipped his coffee. “Not unless he was going to press charges, but I'd rather this have ended with Josh in jail, not with Kevin in the hospital again."

  "If Nicki didn't call you—"

  "When I didn't get another late-night call from Kevin, and I was expecting one, I tried calling your home and got no answer. I tried a couple of times, in fact. I came in, but I had a bad feeling, and Joyce called me as soon as I got here."

  "Joyce?"

  "Joyce Vitriani. She's one of the doctors in the ER."

  "Oh.” Connor remembered the doctor who'd seen Kevin a few days earlier. “I remember."

  Devon nodded. “She's treated him before. I came down to see him, and he woke up for a few minutes. I sat with him a little while. Has anyone told you how he really is?” Connor shook his head. “The bullet in his chest went straight through. It missed his heart and lung but did a lot of damage tissue wise. The one in his arm lodged next to the bone and thankfully missed his artery. The bruises look bad, but nothing was broken.” Connor let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding.

  "Will he still be able to dance?"

  Devon smiled. “Kevin hasn't danced seriously for five years. Why would you ask that?"

  Connor shrugged. “He does these exercises, and he looks—"

  Devon sighed. “Ah, you know his little secret. He says he's lost most of it. That's his official statement. That he's too old, fat and out of shape."

  "He's not fat."

  Devon held up a finger. “Remember that. I'll get to that. The real story is that he's kept his hand in the till enough that he's not out of shape, although he might have to work on certain aspects, like jumps. Keith says on the rare occasions Kevin works out with him, that he looks pretty good, and if he ever chose to train seriously again, he'd probably have several years left."

  "But the injuries? Won't that take a toll?"

  Devon laid a hand over his left shoulder. “He'll have a loss of strength on his left side. He might or might not get that back. It's probably going to be stiff, so he's going to lose some flexibility. You'll just have to wait and see. It'll depend on how determined he is to want it back."

  Connor closed his eyes and took a deep, shuddering breath.

  "He's going to live. It's not going to hurt to go home for a shower and something to eat besides the stuff in the vending machines and the slop over there.” He nodded to
the cafeteria and shrugged. “I can only be honest, and I eat here often enough to know the food isn't that good. It's so good, Keith has gotten on a health food kick. He seems to think I'm getting old and need to watch my diet and exercise. I much prefer to sneak a burger at lunch."

  Connor laughed.

  "Go home, Connor. He'll be fine, and you can come back in a couple of hours."

  "I would, but—"

  Devon sighed. “I promise—"

  "I don't have a car, and I have no idea where I am or how to get home."

  Devon laughed. “I see.” He glanced at his watch. “Where do you live?"

  "Not far from Kevin, really. On Washington. I just...” He rubbed his eyes again. “My parents are supposed to be here, and I don't know how to get them or how to get back."

  Devon sighed. “I can take you home, and I can get you in a few hours, if that works. If not—"

  "That's fine, but I want—"

  "He's going to sleep a lot, Connor, and for now he'll only wake up for very brief periods. He lost a lot of blood, and that's taking a toll on him."

  "I want to see him."

  "All right, but not for long. I have a patient in a half hour.” They didn't speak until they were back in the elevator.

  "Patient?"

  "Kevin didn't tell you? I would have thought he would have at least told you that much."

  Connor tried to remember, and he did faintly remember someone telling him Devon was a shrink. “You're a shrink."

  Devon rolled his eyes. “Psychiatrist. I really hate being called a shrink."

  Connor laughed. He liked Devon's straight forward manner and sense of humor. They said nothing as they walked back to Kevin's room. Devon stopped at the nurse's station and let Connor go on alone. Kevin seemed to be asleep, but when Connor grasped his hand, he got a weak squeeze in response.

  Connor touched his forehead and pushed the lank hair back. Kevin's eyes fluttered open. “Connor?” he whispered.

  "I'm here.” He sniffed, fighting back tears. “I'm going to go home for a little bit, take a shower and maybe eat something."

  "Okay.” He closed his eyes, and his breathing deepened. Connor thought he'd fallen asleep, but he opened his eyes a few seconds later. “Devon was here."

  "He's outside. Do you want him?"

  "I told him I loved you.” Kevin squeezed his hand again. “I told him I was ready now.” Kevin closed his eyes. “I hope he likes you."

  "He's giving me a ride home.” Kevin didn't answer, and Connor let go of his hand. He kissed Kevin's forehead. “I love you, sweetheart.” He wasn't sure Kevin heard him, but he slipped away, mopping his eyes on the corner of his sleeve as he went.

  Devon fell into step beside him. “Did he wake up again?"

  Connor nodded. “What does he mean when he says he's ready now?"

  Devon gave him a very calculating stare, but he said nothing until they were in his car. “Without betraying confidences, that means he's ready to move forward now, not stay in the same pattern he's been in.” Devon pulled out of the hospital and into traffic. “You'll have to give me directions. I know the area, but not the residential areas."

  "It's over a deli. It's not hard to find."

  Devon nodded. “All right then.” He navigated through the streets. “Kevin has a lot of things he has to work through, and he needs time to do that.” The area grew a little more familiar, and Connor provided directions.

  "He said he hoped you liked me."

  Devon laughed a little. “I need more than an hour to make that decision. I'm good, but not that good, although I did dislike Josh instantly. I told Kevin he was dangerous, and he stayed anyway.” Devon parked on the street and glanced at his watch. “Am I intrusive if I want to see your place?"

  Connor sighed. “I'm starting to feel like a teenager with his first real relationship again, all this checking out.” That got a laugh out of Devon. “I don't care, but there isn't much to see. The place is a mess."

  Devon followed him upstairs and inside. Thumper was there to greet him, enthusiastically winding around Connor's legs.

  "I guess you're hungry. Miss one meal and the world is ending. You'll just have to wait.” Thumper glared when he detangled himself and dropped his coat on the back of his office chair.

  "I love it,” Devon said with a laugh. “No furniture, boxes, milk crates. If you had a duck or a fish, it would look like my first place."

  Connor groaned, but Devon laughed a little more.

  "Don't groan, it's not bad, really. You need some assistance though."

  "Why?"

  "You aren't thinking ahead. Where is Kevin going when he gets out of the hospital? I don't think going back to the apartment where he was shot is a good idea."

  "Oh.” Connor thought about that and stared around the apartment. “He might not want to come here."

  Devon walked around the living room and peeked into the bedroom. The bed was still a disaster of tangled covers, and Connor blushed when he saw that the box of condoms and lube were still on the little table where Kevin had left him.

  Devon obviously noticed. “Conquered some fears, has he?"

  Connor looked away when their eyes met.

  "He's in love with you. He already told me, and even as weak as he is, he said it with some confidence. Don't hide your face. He thought, wrongly, that'd he'd never be able to share himself again. I kept telling him he just needed to find the right person, and if he has, that's good."

  Connor sighed and sagged into the chair. Kevin's laptop still sat on the coffee table, and he stared at it, remembering the way he'd looked sitting in the chair with the sun lighting his hair. “He has a hard time following through with what he starts. For a little while he would touch me, but he wouldn't let me reciprocate. He's—"

  "Scared.” Devon pulled the office chair close. “He's scared, that's all. He'll do better if you let him lead for a while."

  "I already came to that conclusion. The first time we tried, I scared him, and he panicked, so I made him pick a word—"

  "Good. He may or may not use it, even if he's overwhelmed. He'll recover faster now that he's decided he wants to. He'll push himself, too hard sometimes. He'll try to go faster than he's ready for."

  "You aren't going to say anything—"

  Devon smiled and shook his head. “Not when he called to ask me how to get over his fear because he wanted and couldn't seem to get there. One step at a time, Connor. Just try not to push.” He glanced at his watch again. “I have to go back. I don't like to be late for my appointments. I'll get you about eleven, how's that? Eat something, get some rest, take a shower."

  "Thanks."

  Devon showed himself to the door, and Connor was very glad. He wasn't sure he had the strength to get there himself.

  Devon opened the door and paused. “If it makes you feel better, I do like you, at least enough to give you a chance. I'm afraid Kevin and I have been through enough together that I'm rather protective of him.” He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Now I have a tough decision to make."

  "What's that?"

  "Do I wait until after Keith's classes are over to call him, or call him before then? He doesn't like for me to call at work, and his cell will be off. Ideas?"

  "What're the consequences of not telling him?"

  "Probably no hot food tonight and an empty bed."

  Connor laughed.

  Devon sighed. “I suppose I should call, even if I do make his boss uncomfortable. I violate the morality clause in his contract."

  "Morality clause?"

  Devon nodded. “He's a teacher at a private high school."

  "Oh. If it would cause a problem..."

  Devon shook his head. “I think I would rather him have an uncomfortable conversation with his boss than no food and an empty bed.” He shrugged. “I'll see you in a little bit.” He pointed a finger. “Rest."

  "I'll try."

  "No. Rest, dammit. You seem to be the best thing that's happened to
Kevin in a long time. I don't want you to make yourself sick.” He shut the door and left Connor alone in an apartment that suddenly felt empty and cold.

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  Chapter Nineteen

  He was no stranger to pain. It had been his friend for so long, he welcomed it. When he was young, pain had come in the form of cramped and sore muscles and blistered feet, and then later with aches and pains and a cramped stomach from starving himself. Josh had introduced him to a whole new world of pain, and the pain had been his sole companion, along with fear and loneliness, for a long time. Until he met Connor.

  He'd known pain, lived with it and loved it, but now he felt as though a truck had slammed into him. He hadn't felt quite this bad when Josh put him in the hospital the last time.

  His eyes were closed, and he drifted, not quite asleep, but not quite awake. He found it a comfortable place to rest. The pain was still there, but distant, and he was still aware enough to hear his door open and the chair scrape across the floor.

  "I like him.” He didn't open his eyes at the sound of Devon's voice. “I just went and picked him up to bring him back here, and his parents called to say their flight had been delayed and they should be in this evening.” Devon touched his hair, smoothing it away from his face. “I made him go home and rest earlier. He was sleeping out in the waiting room. I don't know that he slept, but he did eat and took a shower. If you want to go home with him when you get out of here, I understand."

  Kevin finally opened his eyes. “I'm glad.” He took a deep breath and turned his head toward Devon's voice, though he didn't look directly at him. “He's good to me.” He closed his eyes, unable to hold them open.

  "Should I dash Nicki's hopes that you're going to stay with her? You don't want to go back to your place, do you?"

  He shook his head.

  "Do you want to stay with Connor, sweetheart? I know it's not been that long, but—"

  "I love him. I feel safe with him. I want to stay with him, please?” He couldn't see Devon's smile, but he knew it was there. A part of him cringed at Devon's presence, and yet he wanted it. He wanted Devon's gentle touch, even though the hand in his hair made a knot of panic settle in his stomach.