Wartime Blues for the Harpers Girls

by Rosie Clarke

  ‘What do you know?’ he asked coldly, his eyes cold.

  Maggie blinked. He hadn’t been rude to her for weeks. Charlotte’s visit had truly upset him and that made her feel unsure. She’d thought they could be happy together, but if Colin still loved the girl who had hurt him, perhaps she was wrong…

  Colin apologised when they were in their own apartment and she’d rung for tea. ‘I’m sorry, Maggie,’ he said suddenly. ‘That was out of order. You’re right. She is a first-class bitch – I shan’t let her get to me again.’

  ‘I know you must have loved her – she is very beautiful…’

  ‘I adored her and broke my heart for her,’ he said, his mouth a grim line. ‘But I was a fool. She never wanted me – just the money.’

  Maggie didn’t say anything. She knew she must let him work this out for himself. As for Charlotte, she had definitely been jealous of her. Perhaps she’d reconsidered and regretted what she’d given up, but because she still loved Colin or his father’s money?

  Maggie didn’t know and didn’t much want to know. Colin would decide for himself what he truly wanted in his life and she would accept his decision.

  ‘You’ll still marry me,’ he said, looking anxiously at her face. ‘You won’t change your mind because of her?’

  ‘She doesn’t bother me one way or the other,’ Maggie said. ‘Yes, I’ll be your wife, Colin. She doesn’t matter…’

  ‘No, she doesn’t,’ he agreed and smiled at her. ‘Can I have the last crumpet?’

  ‘Of course,’ she agreed. ‘I’ve had all I want.’

  She watched as he ate the last crumpet and then a slice of fruit cake, seemingly unconcerned. Was he truly over Charlotte or was he just pretending?

  29

  Sally and Beth had decided to take Pearl and Beth’s oldest son as well as Jenny to Maggie’s wedding. Pearl would look after the two children while they attended the church. They were all going in a hired car to make the journey easier and had their gifts in the boot of the car. They would stay one night at a hotel on the return to London and Fred’s friend, Vera was looking after Beth’s baby. It gave them a chance to have a nice long talk on the way. Beth had her son on her lap and Jenny sat between them, Pearl was in the front with the driver.

  ‘When I couldn’t feed Timmy myself, I thought it was tragic,’ Beth confided. ‘But now I realise that it was a blessing in disguise. I should have had to bring him with us, which would have made for a tiring day.’

  ‘Yes, poor little love. He will miss you,’ Sally said and placed her hands on the gentle swell of her belly. Her second child was doing well now and she’d come so close to losing this baby that she felt protective. ‘Specially with that upset tummy he’s had. I remember Jenny when she had upset tummies for a while…’

  Beth looked at her then. ‘Are you pleased you’re having another?’

  ‘Yes, yes, of course I am – at first it was awful, being so ill and then having to stay in bed, but I’m fine now and the doctor assures me Baby is doing well.’

  ‘I wasn’t sure you would want to go all the way down to Maggie’s wedding.’ Beth frowned. ‘I’ve never been to Sussex before – have you?’

  ‘Never,’ Sally said and sighed. ‘I was brought up in the orphanage on the edge of Harlow and I only really know London. I’ve been for a few holidays to the sea since then, but never as far as this place. It is not far from Hastings, or so Maggie says. I wanted to see where she is and I’m perfectly fit now.’ They looked at each other, both excited to see where Maggie would be living.

  ‘I’ll bet Jenni kicked up a fuss when you told her?’

  ‘Not really. She is moving in with Andrew next week and I don’t think she has time to think about anything else for the moment.’

  ‘You will miss her at Harpers?’

  ‘Yes and no,’ Sally said. ‘I love Jenni and she has helped me a lot in the past, but…’ she hesitated and Beth laughed.

  ‘You like a free hand and she has interfered too much while you were ill?’

  ‘Oh Beth, did it show that much?’ Sally asked ruefully. ‘I tried not to let it irritate me and I love Jenni dearly, but I must admit it, sometimes I disliked having her take over. I know she is entitled; she is part owner of the business and she could always have had her say far more than she did, but I’d got used to having things as I liked them.’ She gave a wry laugh. ‘That’s awful of me, isn’t it?’

  ‘You were left to run it single-handedly for ages, so it is natural,’ Beth said. ‘But she’ll still be around – visiting regularly, won’t she?’

  ‘Yes, of course, and some of her ideas are good,’ Sally agreed. ‘I suppose it’s like two women in the same kitchen.’

  ‘Yes, I know what you mean,’ Beth replied and looked thoughtful. ‘Vera comes round sometimes when I’m not there and rearranges my kitchen pots and pans or cleans the pantry out. It is kind of her, but it also makes me cross when I can’t find something.’

  An altercation between Beth’s son and Sally’s daughter started then and it took Pearl a few minutes to calm them. Sally took her daughter on her lap and talked to her for a moment, while Pearl sorted out Jackie, who had been a little sick. Pearl took him on her lap in the front seat and he settled, grizzling for a minute or two before falling asleep.

  ‘Some children can’t travel in the back of a car,’ she said to Beth reassuringly. It might be a good idea to stop and have something to eat soon.’

  They were travelling down by easy stages, stopping for meals and a night in the hotel before the wedding the next day. It meant three days away in all from London and Beth was still anxious about leaving her baby behind.

  ‘I hope Timmy will be all right with Vera,’ Beth voiced her concerns for the umpteenth time and Sally smiled at her.

  ‘I’m sure he will,’ she reassured her. ‘You’re lucky to have a friend like that to help out. Two children in the car at one time is enough.’

  It was more than enough by the time they’d stopped a dozen times for toilet breaks, drinks and some fresh air as both children were sick and had to be taken out on to a grass verge and be cleaned up.

  ‘Remind me never to travel with Jenny again,’ Sally said ruefully. ‘I should have left her at home with Pearl.’

  ‘You know you hate leaving her,’ Beth said with a laugh. ‘You’re as bad as I am, Sally.’

  Sally admitted she was and smiled. ‘They wear you out on a journey, but she will look lovely when she’s all dressed up at the wedding and Maggie deserves to have as many of her friends as possible.’

  They were the only ones from Harpers: Marion, Becky and Rachel were working, none of them asking for time off to attend the wedding, though all had sent cards and gifts with Sally.

  ‘I’d have liked to see Maggie married,’ Rachel had said wistfully. ‘But it is too far to go. I don’t have the time to spare – and someone has to look after Harpers.’

  Becky hadn’t given a reason why she preferred to work, but it was clear from her attitude that she had no intention of going down for the wedding. Sally had asked if something was upsetting the young girl and Rachel had frowned.

  ‘She has been a little reserved and not always cooperative,’ Rachel had agreed when Sally raised the question of Becky Stockbridge. ‘Minnie thinks she has suffered a disappointment in love and even though she has been transferred to the office now, it doesn’t seem to have pleased her…’ Becky’s attitude seemed to be one of reserve now and she had not visited her old department since her move. Either she was very angry about something or heartbroken as Minnie believed.

  ‘Yes, I believe there was a young man – I shall speak to her myself and see if I can help her if she is unhappy.’

  Maggie looked beautiful in her simple white ankle-length dress with a posy of fresh roses the estate gardener had somehow found for her in her hand, and a small coronet of artificial flowers on her head. She had chosen not to wear a veil and looked fresh and charming in her dress. She seemed serene
and content as she stood by her husband’s chair and took her vows. Sally remembered the young girl she’d first met when they’d both applied for work at Harpers. So much had happened since then and the innocent girl had become a woman. Maggie had suffered more than any young woman should and Sally wished that she had been closer to her these past years.

  Watching her take her wedding vows, Sally’s throat tightened. She did so hope that Maggie would be happy in this marriage – and yet how could she be? It would hardly be a normal marriage; Maggie was as much his nurse as his wife and Sally felt close to tears. She had chafed at Ben being away so long these past years, but suddenly she realised how lucky she’d been to have so much. A wonderful husband who loved her deeply, a child and another on the way – and Harpers and her friends there. Perhaps now, even her mother, if she could be reached.

  What did Maggie have? Oh yes, the house and grounds were wonderful and she would clearly be the wife of a man destined to inherit wealth – but how much would that mean to a girl like Maggie Gibbs?

  Sally blinked away her tears as the ceremony ended and then went outside with Beth and the other guests to throw confetti and wish the happy couple well. Sally gave her a lucky horseshoe tied up with blue ribbons and kissed her cheek.

  ‘I want to thank you and Mr Harper for your lovely gift of bone china. It is beautiful – and all the other gifts you and Beth brought, from Rachel and the staff at Harpers. They are all lovely, as are your delightful children; they were so good in church.’

  ‘Amazingly so,’ Sally said. ‘They were awful on the journey but good as gold today, after their sleep last night.’

  ‘You are both very lucky to have them, Sally.’

  ‘I wish you and Colin great happiness in the future,’ Sally said emotionally, because it was unlikely that Maggie would ever have children of her own. ‘You really deserve it, Maggie.’

  Maggie laughed and Sally was surprised as she said, ‘But I am very happy, Sally. Believe me, I have all I want. Please, you mustn’t worry for me – tell Rachel and the others I’m fine, too.’

  Sally nodded, looking into her eyes and seeing the truth. ‘You are, aren’t you?’

  Maggie inclined her head and smiled. ‘Yes, Sally. I know what I want…’ She hesitated, then, ‘If you see Mick, tell him I’m sorry – but he was too late…’

  Sally took her hand. ‘Yes, I shall if the time is right,’ she agreed. ‘Take care of yourself, love, and keep in touch. We’d all hoped you would come back to Harpers after the war.’

  ‘I thought I would,’ Maggie said honestly, ‘but I think that period of my life has closed a door. I’ll never forget any of you – especially you and Beth – but my home and my heart is here now, Sally.’

  ‘Your heart?’ Sally questioned and Maggie smiled.

  ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I must go to Colin – he is being cornered by someone he doesn’t much like and we ought to cut the cake soon. Considering there is a war on, they’ve done us proud, don’t you think?’

  Sally looked at the tables laden with cold roast poultry and game from the estate with fresh bread, preserves, little pastries and tarts and a large wedding cake and wondered at the abundance. They couldn’t have put on a spread like this in town for Maggie. There were obvious advantages to living in such a house in the country.

  Maggie walked away, shoulders straight and head up. Sally watched her and wondered. Was she truly happy or had that all been for pride’s sake? Sally might never know, but she did know that Maggie had made her choice freely and nothing would change her mind now. Sad as she would be to leave her here, she doubted she would see Maggie often in the future.

  The wedding reception was over and all the guests had gone. It had been a tiring day for Maggie, keeping her bright smile in place, conscious that everyone was watching her, talking about her – about her motives for marrying a man who might never be a proper husband to her. All they saw was the man tied to a wheelchair, Maggie realised. Most of his relatives and friends would think she’d married for comfort and security and they would continue to watch for signs that she was betraying him in some way or taking advantage.

  Well, let them! A smile touched Maggie’s lips as she silently vowed to confound them all. She would make Colin happy – make him laugh and enjoy his life. It wouldn’t be easy, she knew that, because he suffered with bouts of anger and depression, his moods changing with the wind or an expression of pity in a former friend’s eyes.

  Maggie knew that her friends felt that she’d thrown her life away. Both Beth and Sally had looked at her sadly, as if they’d come to her funeral rather than her wedding. She’d done her best to convince Sally that she was happy, but she wasn’t sure her friend had believed her. It was almost true. Maggie was content with her life, content that she was doing something worthwhile.

  If there was a longing for something more, deep down inside her, she would not let it destroy her. She did truly care for her husband, that was no lie. If Colin had been able to be a normal husband, she thought their marriage could have been happy – as happy as most were. Her parents had never truly been happy. Especially after her father’s accident. Yet she knew that both Beth and Sally were very happy, still very much in love.

  Why had her parents not been happy? Was it her father’s accident that had ruined their marriage or had it happened long before that? Maggie had always been conscious of his unhappiness beneath the surface. Was that why Maggie had given Colin her promise? Was she trying to make up for not being there when her father died?

  No, she decided after some thought. It wasn’t that… then was this feeling she had for him the first small seed of love? Maggie couldn’t be certain. She’d loved before and the pain of loss had killed something inside her – at least that was what she’d believed in France, when she’d worked herself nearly to death to forget.

  Yet she’d been aware of something more recently – since Charlotte had paid them a visit. The other woman had aroused anger, distrust, and was it jealousy? Maggie couldn’t have said, but she knew whenever that woman came near Colin she wanted to rush and protect him from her – to push her away and say, ‘Don’t trust her! Whatever she says or does, Colin, please don’t believe her. She doesn’t love you – she just wants what she could have had as your wife.’

  Maggie was startled out of her reverie as the door to Colin’s room opened and he wheeled himself in, looking about him. ‘I like this room,’ he announced. Can I sleep here with you, Maggie? I don’t want to be in my room. I’d rather be with you so we can talk… about books and stuff or anything you like.’

  Maggie was surprised, but then she smiled. ‘Of course, you can,’ she told him. ‘Where I come from, we don’t have separate rooms when we’re married. You’re my husband, you can sleep in my bed if you choose.’

  ‘Thank you.’ His eyes took on a wicked glint. ‘I might be in a wheelchair, but I’m still a man, Maggie. Can I watch you get undressed? You have a lovely body. I want to see you… without your clothes…’

  Maggie looked at him, nodding in silence as she began to disrobe. They might not be able to have intercourse or children, but perhaps Colin wanted more from her than he’d said at the start. She was pleased that he could still take an interest, that he was interested in her.

  She took all her clothes off, slowly, her eyes looking into his, allowing him to savour the moment, she stood naked before him. What would he think – did she compare with Charlotte?

  ‘You’re are beautiful,’ he said. ‘Will you sleep naked beside me so that I can feel you skin next to mine – can I touch you?’

  ‘Yes, you can,’ she said and walked to him, kneeling by his side. Maggie had always thought she might feel self-conscious when undressing before her husband, but all such inhibitions had gone in the face of his need. ‘Do you want me to help you undress and get into bed?’

  ‘I can do most of it myself,’ he told her. ‘I just need help putting my legs over – but you know. You’ve been told by the nurses…
you’ve seen me, helped me into bed.’ He couldn’t quite keep the bitterness from his voice. ‘You’ve seen other men who have lost the use of their legs.’

  ‘Yes, I have – and I’ve seen men make remarkable recoveries, too. Your upper body is strong, so there’s no reason to think you can’t do many things you wish,’ Maggie replied gently. ‘But we’ll talk about that tomorrow. Come to bed, Colin, and let’s lie side by side and touch and kiss – it is our wedding night after all.’

  She pulled back the bedcovers, helping him to swing himself over from his chair once he’d discarded his clothes, revealing a body that was still fit and strong, apart from his damaged and too thin legs. Then she lay beside him and put her arms around him. The passion with which he responded and his kisses surprised her and she felt pleased that she could stir him.

  At first, he was content to just kiss and touch her, telling her how beautiful her body was, but then she sensed a frustration in him and saw that he was aroused sexually but unable to move his lower half. It was then Maggie made a decision, that would have shocked the girl who had worked in Harpers, but was nothing to the woman who had nursed fatally wounded men and washed every part of them. Maggie had often given them a kiss on the lips when Sister wasn’t looking and she thought it would help those who would not live to be kissed by their sweethearts – and so, she made love to Colin, shyly at first and uncertainly, but, with his encouragement and obvious pleasure, managing to give him the joy and release his body craved.

  Afterwards, he wept in her arms, his body shaking with his emotion. ‘I never believed I would ever feel that again,’ he told her huskily when the storm of emotion had passed. ‘I wasn’t even sure I could – though I knew I felt aroused when you touched me.’

  Maggie stroked his hair, her cheeks wet with her own tears as much as his. ‘There was no real reason why you shouldn’t,’ she said. ‘I was told that you hadn’t been affected there – but you couldn’t make love to me because you can’t move the lower half of your body…’