The Guide to Great Sex

by Michael Karp

  DISCLAIMER (DO NOT SKIP THIS)

  I am not a doctor, sex therapist, or trained professional in sexual health. I am a former sex columnist who took it upon himself to read and learn as much as he could about sex and sexuality and who seeks fulfillment in his sex life by practicing this knowledge.

  The advice given in this book is a mixture of research I have done, my personal experience, and my unique view on this aspect of life. It is a guide, meaning that it is up to you to decide whether some or all of this information should be applied to your own sex life. I truly believe that this book can help anyone achieve better sex, no matter how much experience they have. But I am not a professional, and will not be held accountable for any adverse outcomes of practicing what I have written here.

  In the end, you are the final decision maker, and you hold total responsibility in your sex life.

  Legal Notice

  This guide assumes that all readers are, or will be, participating in legal and consensual sexual activity, and the examples are presented under the same assumption. The Purchaser or Reader of this publication assumes responsibility for the use of these materials and information. Adherence to all applicable laws and regulations, federal, state, and local, or any other jurisdiction is the sole responsibility of the Purchaser or Reader. The Author and Publisher assume no responsibility or liability whatsoever on the behalf of any Purchaser or Reader of these materials.

  Copyright © Michael Karp, 2015. All Rights Reserved.

  No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical or electronic, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

  With that out of the way, enjoy the rest of the book.

  TABLE OF CONTENTS

  Glossary

  Preface

  My Story

  What is Great Sex?

  Understanding the Intricacies of Pleasure and Orgasms

  Foreplay: How to Tease Your Partner and Heighten Sexual Arousal

  Oral Sex: Fellatio and Cunnilingus Techniques

  Anal Sex

  16 Powerful Positions for the Hottest Sex and Deepest Intimacy

  How Sex Toys Can Improve Your Sex Life

  Getting Vocal in the Bedroom - A Simple Act That Can Take Your Sex Life to the Next Level

  The Art of the Transition

  Developing Sexual Intuition

  Mastering Multitasking

  The Balance of Dominance

  Communication Practices

  Unlocking Sexual Fantasies and Fetishes

  Overcoming Sexual Anxiety and Insecurity

  What Are Your Sexual Values?

  Sexual Compatibility

  A Note About Porn

  The Sexual Conquest

  References and Further Reading

  Where you can find me

  GLOSSARY

  *Refer to these definitions whenever certain terms become confusing or unclear*

  Partner – For the purposes of this book: Sexual or romantic partners relating to casual sexual relationships, one-night stands, committed relationships, or any sexual partnership between two human beings.

  Stimulation – Any deliberate action done with the purpose of providing pleasure.

  Fellatio – Oral stimulation of the penis (Merriam-Webster).

  Cunnilingus – Oral stimulation of the vulva or clitoris (Merriam-Webster).

  Vagina – The passage leading from the uterus to the vulva (Dictionary.com).

  Vulva – The external genitals of those with a vagina, including the outer/inner lips, vaginal entrance, and clitoris.

  Clitoris – A small erectile organ at the anterior or ventral part of the vulva homologous to the penis (Merriam-Webster). A ball of tissue located at the north end of the vulva where the lips come together. Typically said to be the epicenter of all pleasure for people who have vaginas.

  Clitoral Shaft – “Attached to the head, and running just beneath the surface of the skin, the clitoral shaft can be easily felt, especially when aroused and filled with blood. A soft little pipe, the shaft is composed of spongy erectile tissue that is extremely receptive to sensation” (She Comes First, Ian Kerner, Ph. D.) Area above the head of the clitoris.

  Inner/Outer Lips – The labia minora and labia majora of the vulva. Become engorged with blood during arousal and are sensitive to stimulation.

  Vaginal Entrance – Entrance to the vagina from the vulva, filled with pleasurable nerve endings.

  G-Spot – A cluster of nerve endings located on the roof about 2 inches into the vagina. Often said to be a part of the clitoral network (related to the clitoris in providing pleasure.)

  Clitoral Crura – Two “legs” of the clitoral network which extend down both sides of the inner part of the vagina. Said to be related to clitoral, vaginal, and anal stimulation.

  Perineum – Area of skin between the genitals and anus. Responds pleasurably to massage as it contains nerves that correlate directly to both the penis and the vagina/vulva.

  Penis – Reproductive organ consisting of a shaft, head, and testicles.

  Head of the penis – Sensitive mass of tissue that forms the tip of the penis.

  Shaft – The main body of the penis.

  Testicles – Two organs located in a sack below the penis.

  Prostate – A gland responsible for the production of fluid which adds to semen. Contains nerve endings which make it pleasurable when stimulated. It is analogous to the nerve ending cluster of the G-Spot.

  The Art of the Transition – Deliberate transition from one move to another in relation to one’s sexual flow.

  Sexual Intuition – When you instinctively know what you want to do next in the bedroom and how to do it. An understanding of what is happening between the sheets as it happens in real time.

  Multitasking – Adding in subtle pleasurable acts that lead to huge differences in the bedroom. Combining these acts with another sexual activity, usually involving the stimulation of the genitals.

  The Balance of Dominance/Submission – Balance between the dominant and submissive characteristics of both partners. Relates to each other’s sexual tendencies.

  Sexual Values – What one values in the bedroom in relation to the standards they hold themselves to and what they value in sexual partners. Examples are communication, safety, trust, comfort, etc.

  Sexual Compatibility – How well two people match together on a sexual level. How well your sexual desires, biology, and values fit together with your partner. Can be something you intuitively feel, but it can also be raised and nurtured.

  PREFACE

  If you’re like me, you grew up hearing things like, “Wait until you are married to have sex” or “Sex only happens between two people who love each other” or “Here are all the terrible consequences of having sex: STI’s, unwanted pregnancy, rape, etc.”

  I don’t know about you, but growing up learning about sex this way gave me a pretty jaded view of the entire act. It made me ashamed to express my sexual desire and to see myself as a sexual person. In a society that markets sex everywhere, and with peers talking about it constantly, it became a frustrating area of my life.

  Luckily, I went to a university with an open sexual environment. I made supportive friends who helped me see the bright side of sex I had never been introduced to before. Eventually, in my final semester, I became the the University newspaper’s sex columnist.

  I studied sex as much as, if not more than, my major for the entire semester. I began understanding how to make it a more positive aspect of my life, instead of an area that caused me stress and anxiety.

  I created this guide to help other peop
le achieve the same thing. I believe that sex is a fundamental need of human beings, and that this need lies on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level.

  It’s important stuff.

  I’m assuming that if you are reading this guide, it’s important to you too.

  This guide is a combination of what I have read, what I have learned, and what I have experienced as I navigated and continue to navigate the sexual unknown.

  What will we be discussing here? I am going to explain everything I know about living a healthy sex life and how to achieve it yourself:

  We’ll be talking about foreplay, oral sex, understanding how pleasure works, orgasms, positions that provide the most exhilarating sensations, sex toys, understanding the flow of sexual intercourse, multitasking, domination, and much, much more to give you the knowledge you need to have the best sex you possibly can.

  This book is entirely gender and sexual orientation neutral. I have put a vast amount of effort into orienting the book this way. I believe this information is applicable to everyone no matter who they are, and I also believe that everyone deserves to have great sex.

  As a result of this, you may read sentences that are phrased awkwardly, such as, “…those with a [insert body part here]” instead of a gender being stated. You will also see me use the word “partner” a fair amount.

  Let’s define it quickly. For the purposes of this book, “partner” refers to…

  “Sexual or romantic partners relating to casual sexual relationships, one-night stands, committed relationships, or any sexual partnership between two human beings.”

  I may phrase ideas and examples in a way that seems like I’m only discussing a certain type of relationship. Unless I explicitly state it, assume I am using the definition above.

  Sounds good? Sweet deal.

  Excited? Me too.

  So, without further ado, let’s get started.

  Chapter 1

  MY STORY

  First, a little bit about me and my sexual history. I want you to get a feel for where I’m coming from and how I ended up writing this book.

  I lost my virginity when I was 18. It was about halfway through my freshman year of college. Before this, I had a whopping TWO sexual experiences under my belt. I know. Playa playa.

  There is a part of me that wishes I had lost it sooner, because it was a huge relief getting it out of the way and having its weight lifted off my shoulders. I know your first time is “supposed” to be awesome, but how many people do you know that actually had a good first time?

  There is a reason why I don’t regret it. It was around 1:30 AM after I lost my virginity, so naturally I texted my best bud and told him about it (who happened to be a virgin at the time). The exchange went something like this:

  “Dude guess what!? I just lost my virginity!”

  “No way! Now I’m the last one of the three of us!” (the three best friends from childhood).

  About 2 hours later he texted me saying he had lost his virginity as well.

  How many people can say they lost their virginity on the same night as their best friend? Not many, I’m guessing. That’s too cool to regret. Now we have an excuse to party for the rest of our lives. The annual virginniversary!

  Over the next 7 months or so, I had some random, few yet far between, and not-so-fulfilling sexual experiences. We can list whiskey dick (too drunk to get it up) among the highlights of those experiences.

  It wasn’t until I got my first sex buddy (non-committed sexual partner) my sophomore year that I gained any sort of confidence or useful experience in the bedroom.

  When you first start having sex, there is a part of you that needs to validate how you’ve been imagining yourself in bed all this time. Can you actually do what you’ve seen in porn and/or movies? Is that what it is really like? Can I even pleasure this person?

  That’s a lot of uncertainty for an act that’s supposed to be this fiery, passionate connection and an explosion of pleasure and emotion.

  Luckily, I was with a partner who was more experienced than me and supported me as I figured things out.

  I’m sure many people go through something like this in the beginning, whether it is in a committed relationship, a casual sexual relationship, or numerous casual relationships. There is an initial growth period.

  After this growth period, I sort of hit a plateau. I went through periods where I was having a lot of sex and periods where I was in a sexual funk.

  In all honesty, as many people that age do, I placed too much of my identity and self-worth on how much sex I was having and who I was having it with.

  It’s an unhealthy place to be and a poor mindset for achieving happiness in any area of your life. Of course, I didn’t know this then, so rollercoasters of anxiety and bliss followed.

  I came into my own around the end of junior year. I stopped caring about whether I was having sex, who I was having it with, and what other people thought of me. I focused all of my efforts on simply having as much fun as possible.

  Ironically, but not coincidentally, this is when I started having some of the best sex of my life with partners I actually cared about and enjoyed being around. Little did I know, this was a BIG step towards having great sex.

  The culminating point came about a quarter of the way into my senior year. I got a girlfriend — my first serious relationship in 4 years. I was a virgin back then, but I was not a virgin now.

  I discovered that I enjoy sober sex WAY more than drunk sex. I had experienced sober sex before this, but it was usually after a night of partying and with alcohol still affecting me.

  Sober sex is raw. It’s real. There’s nothing clouding your thoughts or putting you on autopilot. The emotions are felt to their fullest, the pleasure is felt to its fullest, and everything is laid barren before you.

  That is real sex.

  I’ve always loved talking about sex. Communication has never been an issue for me. But communicating with someone you’ve given your full self to, emotionally and sexually, manifests itself in your sex life in ways you could have never imagined.

  The spark that lit the flame:

  “Hey. Why don’t we just get really good at sex?”

  I said that to my girlfriend somewhere near the beginning of our relationship, and it began a journey into kama sutra, positions, toys, dominance, public sex, and eventually, a writing gig.

  Huh? Whatchu talking ‘bout, Willis?

  As my buddy and I were walking back from class one day and he picked up a copy of the school newspaper. On the back, it listed openings for the next semester. He noticed that the sex columnist position was opening up, and decided to joke around by telling me I should apply.

  I decided I had nothing to lose, so I applied, sent in a writing sample, got an interview, and to my surprise, they called me the next day and told me I got the position.

  I ended up producing over 28 articles that semester. It was a great experience in growth, humility, vulnerability, and sexual knowledge that I will never forget.

  The guide you’re reading right now is rooted in the knowledge I gained during that semester — reading books, studies, doing interviews (okay, just one interview. I’m not a journalist), and pushing my physical and mental limits in the bedroom.

  Reading that last sentence, it sounds like I was obsessed with this stuff. You could call it an obsession, but it was an obsession in growth and seeing just how far I could delve into this topic that had eluded me for so many years.

  Yes, I overcompensated. But now I am writing about it to help other people improve their own sex lives. I think that is beyond worth it.

  I have since branched off from sex into other absurdly healthy obsessions, such as writing and building an online business. But I still love having sex, I still love trying new things, and I still love writing about it.

  At its core, sex is about receiving pleasure, giving pleasure, building connections, expressing feelings, having fun, and enjoying the thrill of sexual exploratio
n.

  However, everyone experiences sex differently. We each have a unique viewpoint on what determines the quality of our sexual experiences.

  This book is meant as a guide to help you find that unique viewpoint. Although I fully believe in the words written here, I don’t believe that you should take everything as a matter of fact.

  I want you to take this information and use it to find your own way through the sexual world, to find the truth behind your sexuality and what it means in your own life, and to utilize it in maximizing the experiences you have with each sexual partner, as each partner is a unique journey and exploration in their own right.

  I’ve mentioned great sex a couple times. This is called The Guide to Great Sex, after all.

  It’s time to answer the question:

  What the hell is it?

  Chapter 2

  WHAT IS GREAT SEX?

  Truly great sex is an entirely selfless act. You are not having sex just to get laid or to get yourself off. Both people take an interest in each other’s pleasure.

  But how do you know what pleases each other?

  The name of the game is knowledge and communication.

  I know. Sexy stuff.

  Don’t worry, we’ll get to the tips and tricks, but for now, it’s important to lay this framework.

  Great sex happens between two people (and sometimes more) who are great in bed together, not just individually. They openly talk about sex with each other:

  If they like something, they say it. If they don’t like something, they say that as well. They don’t waste valuable time they could be spending pleasing each other.

  They also work through each other’s sexual anxieties and insecurities.

  Everyone has some form of sexual anxiety and insecurity, and it is different for every person. Whether you are having sex with someone for one night or for a lifetime, they will come up. It’s crucial to be supportive and understanding and to work through it together.