The Guide to Great Sex

by Michael Karp

  Talk about what made them uncomfortable, see if you two can adjust something, and maybe try again later or another time. But trying to coerce someone into continuing against their will is immoral, borderline unlawful, and sometimes extremely unlawful.

  By going for their genitals, I mean purposefully touching, rubbing, and squeezing them. This immediately changes the pace of your foreplay.

  This is a good time to start taking your clothes off, or each other’s, if you haven’t already. You don’t need to say anything. Just start taking your shirt off or lifting theirs up, signaling that it’s nakey time.

  Once you’re naked, restrain yourself.

  The natural inclination is to get too excited and go for your partner’s genitals as fast as possible. Resist this temptation.

  Remember, you’re constantly building up tension and releasing it every once in a while.

  Instead of going for them as fast as possible, lightly caress your partner around their genitals like you were doing before. Focus on the area around their hips, lower belly, and inner thighs.

  You don’t have to caress their whole body, but make sure to tease them again. They will be dying for you to finally touch them and release them of this amazing desire.

  When you’re ready, go ahead and lightly touch, rub, and massage their genitals.

  How to Stimulate Your Partner’s Breasts

  If your partner has breasts, squeeze, pull, and massage them gently, but only to a certain extent. You’re not trying to tune into Tokyo.

  Breasts can be more or less sensitive depending on the individual, and you will be able to tell by how your partner reacts when you stimulate them.

  You can also stimulate your partner’s nipples, which can produce pleasure signals when touched, rubbed, pulled gently, or sucked on. Try nibbling on them like you would your partner’s lips or earlobe.

  The Mental Pleasure of Stimulating Your Partner’s Butt

  When stimulating your partner’s butt, there is less biological pleasure involved, but there can be a lot of mental pleasure.

  Squeezing it, digging your nails into it, and giving it a good slap gives your foreplay (and your sex) an animalistic dynamic. It’s hot. It’s raunchy. And it can momentarily wake someone out of a sexual trance and bring them back into the pleasure of the moment.

  How to Manually Stimulate the Penis

  If your partner has a penis, start working your hands up and down the shaft, touching the head every once in a while. The head is sensitive, and if there isn’t any lube or saliva to lessen the friction, it can be quite painful if it’s overly stimulated. So be gentle at first.

  Also, make your way down to the testicles, gently fondling them, and even further down to the area of skin between the testicles and anus, called the perineum.

  Massaging this area while working the shaft is a double whammy of pleasure, as the perineum is home to nerves that correlate directly with pleasure in the penis.

  Teasing Your Partner’s Vagina While Providing Pleasure

  If your partner has a vagina, resist the temptation to enter with your fingers or aggressively stimulate the clitoris straight away.

  Tease your partner first. Make light circles with your fingers around the whole expanse of their vulva.

  Move down the inner thigh every once in a while, then back up again. Make them crave your touch.

  Caress your fingers down the outer lips, barely tickling their skin. Progressively apply more pressure until the lips open up and you reach the vaginal entrance, but do not enter yet.

  A lot of nerve endings are located here. Take advantage of them.

  Rub up and down the expanse of the vaginal entrance. Make a straight line up to the clitoris (the little ball of pleasure located at the north end of the vulva) and then back down. Continue doing this as their vagina gets more lubricated.

  Continue rubbing from the vaginal entrance to the clitoris as their sexual arousal mounts.

  By now, you should both be aching to move things forward. Go ahead and do it.

  Direct Stimulation of Your Partner’s Genitals

  If your partner has a penis, start rhythmically stimulating the penis by wrapping it with your hand and moving your hand up and down, stimulating the entire shaft.

  Don’t go too fast. You are not trying to end the show in the second act.

  Just keep the motion going and feel if they are getting too close to climax. You will be able to tell whether they are getting too close by slight contractions in their shaft and perineum. Their body may also tense up (especially their legs).

  If this happens, slow down or completely stop before continuing. You can also continue stimulating the balls or massaging the perineum.

  If your partner has a vagina, go ahead and enter with one finger, whichever one is most comfortable for the angle of your hand. There are a number of things you can do from here to stimulate your partner:

  Angle your finger up towards the roof of the vagina to stimulate the G-Spot. The G-Spot is a cluster of nerve endings located on the roof of the vagina about 2 inches in. It’s famous for its pleasure potential. A misconception is that it stands apart from other areas of pleasure in the vagina. In fact, it is part of a vast clitoral network comprised of multiple parts (She Comes First, Ian Kerner). Angle your finger up, applying pressure to the G-Spot as you move your finger in and out.

  Take your finger out, trail up the vulva to the clitoris and back down again into the vagina. During foreplay, you want to stimulate the clitoris every once in a while, getting it accustomed to your touch and coaxing the little love button out from under the clitoral hood.

  Instead of going in and out, keep your finger inside and move it up and down. Move your whole hand. Don’t just wiggle your finger. Focus on applying pressure to the G-Spot every time your hand moves up. The vagina is a strong organ. This is where babies come out of, so you can apply some force. But if it starts to hurt your partner, tone it down.

  Try different variations and pay attention to how your partner reacts. This is related to what I mentioned previously, called “sexual intuition,” which will be discussed in a later chapter. Basically, whatever sexual move pops into your head, don’t be afraid to try it. You may end up finding the perfect way to give your partner an intense amount of pleasure. The key is paying attention to how their body reacts to it. Does their breathing deepen? Do they moan louder? Does their body start shaking involuntarily? Do they tell you to keep going? If so, you’ve struck gold. If not, or if they seem indifferent to it, switch it up.

  You can enter with additional fingers at any time as long as their vaginal muscles have relaxed and gotten accustomed to penetration.

  As one of you starts going full force in stimulating the other, the other partner will probably follow suit. But if they don’t, and you would like them to, use our suggestion technique and nudge their hand towards your genitals.

  You can also tell them verbally, in a sexual way of course. Phrase your request with one of these lines or a similar version:

  I want you to _________. (ex. jack me off, finger me)

  Do ________ to me while I do _________ to you.

  I would love it if you did _________ to me right now.

  I love it when you do _________ to me.

  Phrasing it like this helps you avoid asking for it and seeming needy, and it also frames it in a way that will make your partner excited to do it for you.

  Try whispering your request in their ear as well. This works especially well if you’re the more dominant partner.

  (We’ll cover making requests and dirty talk in Chapter 9.)

  Closing Thoughts on Foreplay

  To recap, foreplay is about constantly giving and taking away pleasure. You are slowly building up the sexual tension and releasing it every once in a while.

  Tease your partner. Make them crave your touch. Make them crave your body. Try out new moves that pop into your head, and pay attention to how your partner reacts to them. This will tell y
ou whether to continue or to try something else.

  The goal with foreplay is to build a solid foundation of arousal.

  Think of it as putting in more work earlier on, in order to reap greater rewards later. You will have to exercise restraint. It’s easy to give in and go straight for it. But you and your partner won’t get as much out of it.

  It will be good sex. But it won’t be great sex.

  So resist the temptation to go straight to intercourse, and take some time to heat up the cauldron of desire for each other.

  There is another crucial aspect of great sex that must not be overlooked.

  It can be seen as a gift to your partner, through its one-sided nature.

  Can you guess what it is?

  Chapter 5

  ORAL SEX: FELLATIO

  AND CUNNILINGUS TECHNIQUES

  Oral sex!

  Or third base, going down, cunnilingus, fellatio, blowjob, head. There are lots of fun names for this one.

  Oral sex is commonly deemed a skill. People are either bad at it, good at it, or mediocre/average.

  What I try to preach is that yes, someone can actually be good or bad at giving oral sex, but more often than not, it’s the sexual compatibility of the two people that determines the quality of a given session of oral sex.

  As we said before, everyone feels pleasure differently. So if something worked for one partner and gave them astronomical amounts of pleasure, the exact same thing may not work for another partner.

  If you have tried everything and you just can’t seem to pleasure your partner the way you want to, it may be out of your control for the time being.

  What it presents is an opportunity to find out from your partner what works for them, and maybe learn a cool new way to pleasure someone.

  That being said, there is A LOT you can do to educate yourself on the intricacies of oral sex and improve the odds that you will be compatible with more people.

  Let’s get to it.

  How to Give Magnificent Fellatio

  Fellatio is the act of stimulating a penis with your mouth. Sounds simple right? Just put your mouth on there and you’re good to go.

  Not quite. There are some key “do not’s” that many aspiring head doctors (so good they could have their Ph. D.) neglect.

  Do not…

  Use your teeth. This should be a given. It hurts (unless your partner is into that, by all means go for it).

  Suck the testicles too hard when stimulating them.

  Overstimulate the head (we’ll get more into this in a minute).

  The reason behind most of these “do not’s” is that they are painful and may only be pleasurable in extenuating circumstances when your partner finds them enjoyable.

  So if you like doing any of the above to your partner, find out if they like it first, or you may be in for some abrupt and agonizing reactions.

  Throughout this process, don’t forget about teasing your partner and building up sexual tension. While you can go straight into fellatio, or any oral sex, great sex dictates taking an extra couple minutes to make your partner really crave it.

  Practicing Fantastic Fellatio Technique

  Before direct stimulation-

  Kiss your partner’s body repeatedly, slowly moving down to their crotch area.

  Get right over their penis, but do not touch it yet. Kiss around their inner thighs, the lower part of their belly, and their hips. Run your fingers in circles around their crotch area.

  Before putting your mouth straight on it, give it subtle kisses and licks, teasing your partner and making them practically beg for more.

  You will end up giving it to them, just not quite yet (remember – you are having sex with their mind just as much as their body).

  When you’re ready, and you feel like they can’t take it anymore, give in and release them of that sexual tension.

  The two types of fellatio-

  Fellatio can be broken up into two parts:

  Dedicated Fellatio — Fellatio as the sexual activity in and of itself

  Pre-Sex Fellatio — Fellatio as a precursor to more sexual activity (such as foreplay).

  1) Dedicated Fellatio — As the sexual activity in and of itself

  If it’s the sexual activity in and of itself, pleasure is the name of the game. Penises respond to rhythmic stimulation:

  Once you’ve found the sweet spot – keep going.

  Although it’s really hot if you can get your mouth as far onto your partner’s penis as possible, this isn’t always the most pleasurable. By all means, don’t shy away from doing it, because it can provide immense cognitive pleasure (it’s super hot for your partner).

  But when you’re trying to bring your partner to climax, the optimal distance is maybe a quarter of an inch from the back of your throat. Of course, this will differ according to their size and individual response to pleasure, but when you start rhythmically stimulating the penis, going in about this distance should be optimal.

  Another key is to make sure their penis is well lubricated. In general, the more saliva you can get onto it, the better. This will reduce friction and make your fellatio feel even more amazing.

  Try spitting on their penis as well. This can provide cognitive pleasure and physical pleasure once you begin stimulating it again.

  Remember, the head is very sensitive, but it is also a crucial part of giving your partner an orgasm. When you first start going down on your partner, stimulate the head periodically. Focus on the shaft and fondle their balls with your hand, then come up and focus on the head, then back down again.

  As the head gets more lubricated and accustomed to stimulation, you can progressively stimulate it more and more. Once your partner is ready to have an orgasm, stimulating their head gives them the final jolt to get over the sexual precipice to orgasm.

  You can also try using your hand in combination with your mouth as your partner nears orgasm. Wrap your hand around their shaft with your thumb and index finger touching your lips. As your head goes down, move your hand with it. As your head comes up, follow it with your hand. This will stimulate the entire penis with that rhythmic motion you’re looking for.

  2) Pre-Sex Fellatio — As a precursor to sex

  I’m classifying the second type of fellatio as “Pre-Sex Fellatio” (or as a part of foreplay).

  There is reason why I define this type as separate from the previous one.

  Generally, when you’re planning to continue sexual activity, it’s in yours and your partner’s best interests for them to hold off on having an orgasm. If your partner has an orgasm now, you will have to wait for the refractory period to end before you two can continue again.

  Again, everyone has a different refractory period (the time between the most recent orgasm and when an individual is physically capable of having another one or continuing stimulation). If this period happens to be very short, by all means, do what works best for your particular situation. But for the general population, my advice is to provide pleasure and stimulation, but hold off on giving them an orgasm.

  With this type of fellatio, and with any type of oral sex, enthusiasm is what gives your partner satisfaction and makes oral sex so awesome. The opposite, AKA acting like it’s a chore or that it’s something that has to be done, makes your partner feel like it’s not worth it.

  So be enthusiastic. This means going as deep as you can, gagging yourself, spitting on it, licking it up and down. Basically, showing that you love what you’re doing (even if you actually don’t).

  Work the balls, massage the perineum (the area of skin below the balls), and if your partner is comfortable with it, massage or lick the anus (be mindful of hygiene concerns, which will be discussed in the chapter on anal sex). The anus contains pleasurable nerve endings just like those in our genitalia.

  Be enthusiastic in your approach to fellatio. Give oral sex to their mind just as much as their body. Dig your nails into their legs. Interlock your hands with theirs. Tell them how much you l
ove the way they taste. Tell them what you want them to do you later and what you want to do to them later. Don’t be afraid to speak up.

  Despite your enthusiasm, keep the ultimate goal of continuing the interaction in the back of your mind. If you feel that your partner is about to have an orgasm, slow down or stop completely. I know it sounds counterintuitive, but if you want to keep the show going, there is no shame in taking five.

  The key points to great fellatio:

  No teeth (unless you are both into it).

  Don’t suck the testicles too hard or overstimulate the head.

  Resist going for it immediately. Rather, take a couple minutes to build up the sexual tension, until they almost can’t take it anymore. Then give it to them.

  Penises respond to rhythmic stimulation.

  If it’s the sexual activity in and of itself (Dedicated Fellatio), pleasure is the name of the game.

  Make sure their penis is well lubricated with your saliva.

  Enthusiasm is the crucial element that makes oral sex so awesome.

  On to the next one! Who wants to become a cunnilinguist?

  The Subtle Art of Cunnilingus

  Cunnilingus is the act of stimulating a vagina/vulva with one’s tongue and/or mouth.

  The framework for this section comes from Ian Kerner’s glorious book, She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman. The book is directed at heterosexual men, but he could have easily made it gender and sexual orientation neutral.

  He also describes different perspectives on sex that I hadn’t been introduced to before. A lot of what he wrote opened my eyes to a more passion-filled side of sexuality.