Who We Could Be

by Chelsea M. Cameron

  “Are you okay?” Monty asked, looking down at me.

  “I think...I think I’m a lesbian too?” The minute the words were out of my mouth, I knew they were true.

  “Wait, are you serious?”

  “Monty. We’ve literally been fucking and I’ve never come so hard in my life. Kissing you is a revelation. Oh my god, what the hell?” I had to sit up for a minute.

  “Does it feel like you’re kind of dying when you realize you’re a lesbian?” I said, putting my hand on my chest. My heart rate was starting to concern me.

  “Hey, it’s okay. You don’t need to figure out everything at once.” She kissed my shoulder and I closed my eyes.

  “I didn’t want to marry Gus because I’m a lesbian. Monty, I’m a fucking lesbian.”

  In one bright moment, my entire life made complete sense. Everything. All the little oddities and weirdnesses and confusing feelings. My entire relationship with Gus. Our years of being together when I never wanted him. When what I felt for him was only a fraction of what I felt for Monty. I wanted her.

  I looked into her eyes and I saw everything. As if I’d kicked off a movie montage in my head, I saw what we could have. Waking up next to her. Making breakfast together. Sneaking kisses during work breaks. Date night every week. Getting another kitten together.

  A wedding. We could have a wedding. I could stand at the end of the aisle and watch her walk toward me in a beautiful white dress. I could wear a suit if I wanted and I’d get to hold her hands and tell everyone how I felt before we promised ourselves to each other.

  Every single time I’d tried to picture my wedding with Gus, it had been impossible. I couldn’t imagine it. I could see every single detail with Monty.

  “Cin?” she asked. I’d been off on my mental journey and I came back to her.

  “Ford, I have something to tell you.”

  “Is it that you’re a lesbian?”

  I shook my head. “Not that. I love you.”

  “I know, I love you too.”

  She didn’t get it. I reached out and held her face in my hands.

  “I love you, Ford. I love you, love you. I love you in all the ways.” I kissed her so she’d really get the idea. I felt her confusion until she broke the kiss and stared at me.

  “You love me, love me?”

  “Yes, you dork. I love you. In the kind of way that I want to go to bed with you every night and wake up with you every morning. I love you the way that I won’t get too annoyed when I find your hair everywhere. I love you in the way that I see a future. I see our future.”

  She didn’t get out of bed and tell me to go fuck myself, so I saw that as a good sign.

  “Ford?” I still held her face. My precious Montgomery.

  “I love you. Love you, love you.” She started to laugh, and it was the most joyous sound in the world, and I started to laugh and then I realized she was crying at the same time.

  “Hey, it’s okay.” I wiped her tears away with my hands and she smiled at me with such radiance that I could barely look at her.

  “It’s you, Cin. It’s always been you.”

  “I feel the exact same way!”

  We stared at each other in wonderment. How had this happened? There would be time to think about that later, but for right now, I had one task: to kiss the woman I loved.

  PERSEPHONE INTERRUPTED us a while later, demanding attention and more food in her bowl. Monty put on a silky robe and went to tend to her and I lay in her bed and looked up at the ceiling. The sheets were still damp from sex, and I definitely needed a shower.

  Monty stuck her head through the doorway. “Hey, are you hungry?”

  As soon as she said it, I realized I was famished.

  “Oh my god, yes.”

  That made her laugh. “Okay, I’ll make something up.”

  “Do you need any help?”

  “No, I’m good. Just relax.”

  She came in a few minutes later with a tray, complete with teapot and cups, and a beautiful plate of treats.

  “Hey, let’s change the sheets,” I said, before she set the tray down.

  “That makes sense.” We stripped the bed and I got new linens out of the closet. Feeling a little weird still being naked, I snagged another one of Monty’s robes and we made the bed up again together.

  We sat in bed with the tray and she made me use a bunch of paper towels so I didn’t get crumbs all over the bed.

  “So,” she said. “What are we supposed to do now?”

  I shrugged one shoulder. “I don’t know, live happily ever after?”

  “Cin.”

  I popped a grape into my mouth. “I’m serious. We can do whatever the fuck we want, including each other.” I wiggled my eyebrows at her and she rolled her eyes.

  “You’ve gotten about three hundred percent cruder in the past few hours.”

  “Well, I’ve had sex with you now. You opened my inner box of crude.”

  She made a face. “That’s disgusting.”

  “Yeah, but you love me, so you love someone who’s disgusting.”

  She threw a cracker at me.

  “Really, Tessa. What the hell do we do now?”

  I would rather bask in the afterglow of a lot of amazing fucking, but I guess we had to come down to reality sometime.

  “Well, we can bang some more, and then I probably have to go home at some point. If we want to do this for real, together, we’re going to have to tell people. I don’t think we could hide this from anyone, and I don’t see a reason to. I know we just did the whole engagements ending thing, but I don’t want to wait to tell anyone about us. You know they’re going to be thrilled.”

  “Not everyone,” Monty said, pulling up her knees and putting her chin on them.

  “My parents will be. My aunts will be. My brothers will be. Gus will be. Lindsey and Ron and Bill will be. Those are the people who matter. And we can deal with your parents or not. You don’t owe them anything.”

  “I know,” she said, trying to wipe away a few tears. “I can’t stop wanting their approval.”

  I moved the tray aside so it wasn’t between us anymore.

  “It’s going to be okay. You have me by your side. I won’t let anyone hurt you. Not even your parents.” I kissed the top of her head and held her close.

  She sniffed and I pulled back.

  “Can you believe it took us this long to find each other?”

  “I’ve always loved you, even if I didn’t know it. You’re the one, Ford.” She smiled and I kissed her again. And again. And again.

  Twenty

  Monty

  There was more sex, and more talking. We’d stayed up all night, so we inevitably crashed on Sunday, still naked and wrapped around each other. Best nap of my life.

  The bubble had to burst, though, and we had to figure out what our next steps were.

  “How about we bring everyone together so we can do it all at once? I mean, my aunts aren’t here, but we can get them on video.” That was Tessa’s suggestion, and although it made me want to throw up, it did make sense. Do it like a bandage: all at once.

  The rest of the day was spent alternately napping, inviting everyone to dinner at Tessa’s house, and more sex. I was actually considering quitting my job and devoting myself to fulltime sex with Tessa. I couldn’t think of a better way to spend my life.

  “Okay, we really need to get our shit together,” Tessa said, and we headed for the shower. It was a bit of a scramble to figure out how to shower together and get clean and not get distracted by each other, but somehow we managed.

  It seemed appropriate that if we were inviting everyone to a dinner that we would actually provide said dinner. Since we were exhausted from the sex, we grabbed a couple jars of alfredo sauce, a couple rotisserie chickens, some bags of salad, and a few boxes of pasta.

  “Should we get cake?” Tessa asked when we were in the bakery section of the grocery store.

  “Probably. I wish I had time to make so
mething, but I literally can’t right now.” I was resting on the handle of the grocery cart so I didn’t fall asleep in the aisle right there.

  “Cheesecake medley it is,” Tessa said, putting a huge box of different flavors of cheesecake bites in the cart. We added some drinks and called it good.

  “How are we going to do this? Because this also means coming out, for you,” I said.

  “I told you, it’s okay. I’m fine with it. You know I’m a leaper and not a looker.” That was Tessa. Once she was in, she was completely in without looking back.

  “Okay. If you’re sure.”

  We arrived at her parent’s house and I had to take a few deep breaths before walking in the house with a few bags of groceries weighing down my arms.

  “So, what is this all about?” Tessa’s mom asked as I set the bags down on the floor.

  “Mom, stop being weird. You’ll find out when everyone else does. Now let us cook.” Tessa moved around her mom and started getting out pots and pans.

  “Are you sure you can’t give me a little hint?” she asked, hovering around. Tessa’s dad was out puttering around the yard with a leaf blower.

  When we’d invited everyone to this dinner, we’d made it sound like Tessa was the one with the announcement. If we’d said that both of us had one, they would have figured it out in two seconds flat.

  “Mom, seriously. Chill.”

  She stopped asking questions, but she didn’t stop sort of surveilling us and watching our conversations really closely from the living room as she pretended to read a book on her phone. Tessa was far more annoyed by it than I was.

  The volume in the house went up dramatically as soon as her brothers started to arrive with their wives. Donny and Steph (they’d gotten a babysitter for Cadence), Mike and Bekah, Ben and Annabelle. Gus was there too, and it was good to see him.

  Everyone crammed around the dining table as Tessa and I brought out the food.

  “No garlic bread?” Donny asked, looking at the spread as we passed around a bowl of salad.

  “Really?” Tessa said. “Can you just be grateful for a free meal, eat your food, and shut your face?”

  “I mean, I could do that, but I don’t want to.”

  Light bickering between the siblings peppered the meal and I tried to eat while also trying not to have a panic attack. When we’d come up with this plan, it had seemed like a good idea, but now that everyone was here, and I looked around at all of their faces, the reality of it was terrifying.

  Even though I knew they loved me. Even though I knew they loved and would accept Tessa. Even though they were effectively my family, there was still a tiny seed of doubt planted in the back of my mind.

  “You okay?” Gus said, nudging me with his arm. He was on my right with Tessa on my left.

  “Yeah, fine. Just tired,” I said. So, so tired. I wanted to sleep for an entire day.

  Everything wound down and finally, Mike spoke up.

  “Okay, can we get to the reason why we’re here now? Not that this hasn’t been great, but Bekah and I want to have an early night.” He rubbed Bekah’s growing belly and she yawned. Tessa’s mom held up her phone, where both her aunts waved from their hotel room in Colorado.

  Tessa met my eyes and I squeezed her hand under the table. It was time.

  She pushed her chair back and got to her feet.

  “I have an announcement to make. We have an announcement to make.”

  I took her outstretched hand and stood up. The plan was to have her tell everyone that we were together. But Tessa had never been one for those kinds of plans.

  Instead, she pulled me toward her and kissed me. Right in front of her entire family. At first I was shocked, and then I melted into it and kissed her back. I forgot that we were putting on a show. I forgot that anyone else was even in the room.

  She pulled back first and I swayed a little dizzily.

  What greeted me when I looked away from Tessa’s face were a whole lot of open mouths. Tessa’s mom was actually crying, and Mike had the biggest smile on his face.

  Everything happened at once.

  “I knew it! Pay up!” Mike said, jumping to his feet. “I win, you lose.” He pointed at Ben and Donny, who were shaking their heads. Gus enveloped me in a hug, Tessa’s mom wouldn’t stop crying, and the aunts were cheering on the phone.

  I looked at Tessa, but she was staring at Mike. “What do you mean, ‘pay up’? Did you place fucking bets?”

  “Language,” Tessa’s mom said, blowing her nose into a napkin.

  “Of course we placed bets. The only people who knew you weren’t in love with each other were the two of you. We placed a bet on when you would figure it out and I said it would be tonight, so I win!” Mike pumped his fist in the air and Tessa’s face darkened.

  “You are dead, Michael O’Connell. Dead.” Tessa dove at him and there was a short chase as he bolted from the dining room and headed toward the garage, maybe to escape in his car.

  Tessa’s dad chose that moment to wipe his face with a napkin, get up, and come to give me a hug.

  “I’m so happy for you both. You’ve always been our second daughter. Now it’s official.”

  I hugged him back and tried to swallow my tears, failing completely.

  Mike and Tessa came back with a box. She was yelling at him.

  “I can’t believe you!” She held up a dusty shirt from the dusty box. It said I love my lesbian sisters! in the colors of the lesbian flag, which I had only recently looked up.

  “When did you make those?” I asked. They looked like they had seen better days.

  “Uhhhh, years ago. I put in an order for the other ones for Pride and got a good deal. I knew I’d use them eventually.” He held up the shirt with a huge grin and then started throwing them at people as Tessa steamed.

  I went over to her and put my arm around her.

  “Hey, don’t be mad. They’re being supportive. In their way.”

  She made a growling noise deep in her throat.

  It wasn’t lost on me that the word “sisters” was plural. I was part of their family. Of this family. My family.

  Once the t-shirt fight was over, it was hugs all around, and then I sat down with Tessa’s aunts for a quick chat.

  “I can’t wait to see you again. Thank you so much for everything you’ve done for us,” I said as Tessa and I squished next to each other on the couch so we were both in frame.

  “We love you so much, and we wish we were there! We’ll give you huge hugs when we get back.”

  They also had their own big news, since they were going tomorrow with their surrogate for implantation of the embryos at the doctor’s office. If all went well, they would hopefully have at least one baby on the way in a few months.

  Everyone congregated in the living room with dessert, and now that the stress was off, it was a lot easier to relax. Tessa and I sat together, her arm around me, or on my leg.

  I couldn’t stop touching her. I couldn’t stop looking at her. I couldn’t stop smiling because she was mine.

  “Hey,” she said in my ear.

  “Hey,” I said back.

  “Can I stay with you tonight?”

  “You’d better,” I said. “I have plans.”

  “Ohhh, what kind of plans? Are they sexy plans?”

  I looked around in horror, hoping no one was eavesdropping on us, but everyone else seemed to be having their own conversations and not paying attention to us. Gus was chatting with my dad about something, and Mom was poking at Bekah’s belly. All the brothers had their heads together about something, and the other wives were swapping recipes.

  “Shhh, don’t say that too loud. But yes,” I said.

  “Lucky me.”

  She kissed my cheek and I blushed.

  “You’re so beautiful, and I can’t believe it took me this long to figure everything out,” she said, putting her empty plate on the coffee table.

  “I know. We could have been together this whole time.�
�

  She shook her head. “We can’t regret the past. Maybe it’s what we needed to get us here. Maybe we needed that time.”

  She was right. And who knows what might have happened if we’d figured everything out sooner. There was no way to know. All I knew was that now, here, with her, everything was right.

  “I think we should have a toast,” Tessa’s mom said, handing out small glasses of champagne that had appeared from nowhere. The pregnant ones had orange juice in their glasses.

  “To Tessa and Monty. We all love you and support you, and we’re so happy for you.” She choked on a sob and leaned against her husband. He put his arm around her and took up where she left off.

  “To Tessa and Monty!”

  Glasses were raised and clinked and we all drank.

  People filtered out, giving hugs and words of support and soon it was just me, Monty, and her parents.

  “Now, I know this is all new,” her mom said, “but I’m wondering if a wedding might be in the distant future?” Her eyes gleamed with possibilities.

  “Oh my god, Mom, it’s been one day, can you calm down?”

  “I’m just saying! It would be so beautiful.”

  Tessa grabbed my hand and started dragging me from the room. “I’m staying at Monty’s tonight bye!”

  Epilogue

  Tessa

  “No, absolutely not.” I got up from the chair and pouted at Monty.

  “Why not? It’s so cute. Just sit in it.”

  We were buying furniture for our new apartment together. After basically living together for a month, it was time. We’d managed to get a lease in the new building at the edge of town, and I was over the moon to decorate our place, but we were having some disagreements. Right now it was about a chair.

  “It doesn’t go with anything. We already agreed on a color palate,” Monty said, pointing to her notebook. During our “planning meetings” as she called them, we’d gone over paint colors, furniture styles, lamps, and so many other things my head had spun. Honestly, I didn’t really give a fuck, as long as she was happy. But I really wanted this chair.